An example of Mad Hatter's pretentious, intolerant, blasphemy-filled urination on the Judao-Christian position (in its full indignant glory, preserved here in case he chooses to soften the evidence in a cowardly fashion later, as he's already done on the Daniel... topic).

The opening post of
Bullshit: Cocks and The People Who Fear Them..."
http://208.56.183.233/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=001764&p=


Quote:

Mad Hatter
Contributor
Member # 4
posted February 16, 2004 12:21 PM

I've heard rumors that one of those "election" things is forthcoming. Seems like we just had one, but I guess we're due again. One can tell when election time is coming up by the amount of time and energy spent on ignoring the daily issues that face us all in favor of demanding to know the truth about forty year-old military records.

There's a certain logic to this, I suppose. If you want to prove that the current president is a horrifying liar, you'd have to go back that far. Years may pass before we can conclusively prove that his entire administration is cemented in bullshit. I mean, the odds are against it, but we could conceivably find a cluster of nuclear weapons buried in the Iraqi sand tomorrow.
One of the issues currently being thrown around actually does affect people in their daily lives. The gays want to marry. Each other. People who share similar genitalia want to legally be man and husband, or woman and wife. As we all know, allowing this will anger fictional old men who live in the sky, and the chances are good that said old men will choose to end the universe with a snap of their fingers to punish us for daring to not care about what pokes whose colon and why. In defense of all those who have expressed a preference for an intact universe, American politicians have taken their stand against gay marriage.

The reasons for this are many and varied. Upon first glance. Upon looking deeper, one finds that there is no legal basis for such a decision, and that it is mostly a method of imposing religious "morals" upon the rest of us, and is basically a thin covering for severe homophobia. Still, let's be sporting and treat each of these arguments for a whole universe to the coverage that they deserve.

The purpose of marriage is to procreate. Gays can't do that, so fuck you.

I must have missed that day in Bible study. I was under the impression that God preferred us not to procreate unless we had done the marriage thing first. Which is fair, as I'm pretty sure that he had even forbidden practice procreating without the marriage having been performed first. I don't recall Adam and Eve (along with Dick Clark, Earth's first inhabitants) having had the benefit of clergy, but I suppose it was understood what with them being the only two people around. This, of course, makes the life of all religious people easier. If you're a Godly fellow who finds himself alone in a room with a lady, immediately lock the door and demand that she fuck you. It's God's law.

Should this be true, then we've been fucking this marriage thing up all along. A ton of heterosexual people cannot procreate. Some crazy bastards even choose not to. Personally, I swore it in front of a thousand people in a ritual blood oath, but that was more of a general consensus than a following of God's law. Logically, we should be denying marriage rights to all those who either cannot or will not pollute the earth with their seed. I'd like to see us get started on that.

Letting the fags marry will make my straight dysfunctional marriage meaningless, so fuck you.

Man, you religious people are strict. I can distinctly remembering you churchies vociferously lobbying against divorce laws and Who Wants To Marry A Millionare. I remember the public pain and misery you people aired to the world upon learning that 70% of all marriages end in divorce, which can be obtained in some states of the Union in under an hour and for thirty bucks and a drink token. I remember the public denouncing of all those who have contributed to the 85% of all marriages that suffer from some sort of adultery. Oh, I know your pain well.

Upon reflection, I don't remember that at all. In fact, I can't recall any of these facts being decried with the passion that gay marriage has been. One might even think that you people are using this as a flimsy excuse to prevent the legal acceptance of shit that your uptight Bible Belt ass ain't comfortable with. A braver man than I might call this theory of yours complete bullshit. A smarter man than I might point out that only two people in the world can render a marriage void and meaningless. An angrier man than I might call you all a bunch of hypocritical, bigoted cunts without the intelligece present in most forms of simple bacteria.

We haven't allowed gays to marry in the past. It's tradition, and you don't screw with tradition, so fuck you.

How very true. Of course, in the past, we didn't let anyone of a differing race marry. Some races couldn't even marry people of their own mochalicious skin tone. We changed that, eventually. In fact, the definition of marriage has consistently changed over the years, depending upon how far we've chosen to remove our head from our rectum. If there's any valid tradition here, it's the one that states that we must all stay in a state of violent ignorance until the people we're trampling on make a huge enough fuss.

This country was founded on Judeo-Christian principles, and that forbids gay marriage, so fuck you.

Not exactly, no. We have a lot of laws, and some of them are consistent with the Judeo-Christian principles bearing the greatest reek of common sense. Thou shalt not kill, thou shall not steal, thou shalt not spread peanut butter onto thine vagina for the purposes of soliciting oral sex from thine housepet, and so on. We took more than a few of our clues from the Bible, yes, but this does not mean that we run the country based strictly upon God's law. There are all manner of people living in the States, and not all of them are the same. There isn't a gay person alive who's trying to tell you that all churches should be forced, by law, to marry every fag that steps up to the altar. See, they know that this would be wrong. They're not actually trying to force their beliefs on you. What they're saying is that the government, the legal body that we elect to run the country for us poorly, has no right to decide that any one group of citizens isn't worthy of the rights that all tax-paying Americans enjoy. Those poor queer bastards are all caught up in that "all men are created equal, no matter how much they love the cock" thing.

No one's forcing a lifestyle on you. And if they are, they're not forcing anything on you that isn't being done on a daily basis by the thousands of non-Christian Americans who get married every damn day. I know what you religious people are saying. "All gays are against the law of God, and I cannot be touched by their gayness without condemning myself to hell". I also know what you're thinking. "Gay people make me uncomfortable, and I'm going to fight it by using the time-honored tradition of using the Bible to justify my hatred of those different from I".

Great. Best of luck with that. Now let me set this straight for you. America is supposed to stand for something. Equality under the law, freedom of thought and belief for everyone, and poor-quality electronics. No matter how fucking holy your reasoning may be, it's pretty damn un-American to tell a group of people that they are second-class citizens, and that although we expect them to contribute to American society in all the ways that we do, we won't be allowing them to share the same privileges. That is, in technical terminology, fucked and wrong. Your life will not change one bit if gays get to marry. Worried that your Christian-owned business will have to provide benefits for gay spouses? Suck it up, Flanders. That's America. I personally have had to deal with all manner of people who offend me with their very presence. I've found that the same rules which allow them to offend me give me the option of offending them right back. The price of freedom is high, my friends. In order to ensure that people tolerate your bigoted backwards ass, people are going to expect you to do the same to them. If you're not willing to do that, then I suggest you start looking up the rent costs in Vatican City.

Worried that the acceptance of homosexuality will lead to the downfall of American society? Fucking hell, people, it was falling down long before this issue came up, and there are a million reasons why that don't involve dick in any way. If it makes you feel any better, the Roman Empire was full of gay hijinks, and lasted five fucking centuries. On a more ironic note, Christianity and politicians did far more to end the empire than the fags did. Heed and take note.

The bottom line is, the gays have it right. They're asking for nothing special. Just simple equality. Your asinine beliefs are forcing people to bypass the law and marry them anyway (look up any news article about what's currently going on in San Francisco. This is either insane bravery or pure political toadying. I haven't decided yet). If God is so against this, then he can send another one of those cleansing floods down here. I'll be happy to volunteer my services as one of the straight people who stay on the Ark to make sure the species survives. When all is said and done, there is no legal reason for this. The very ideals that America was founded upon forbid this. You people have no reason to be against gay marriage save for the religious. It won't affect your taxes. It won't endanger your soul, and it won't send America spiralling down the crapper any faster than it already is. Fact of the matter is, you people do more damage to the mighty US of A than a million married fags could ever do. So fuck you.

Fondling the cock of justice without a license,
The Mad Hatter



Before you bemoan the intolerance of Christians and conservatives, you might try exerting a bit yourself.

I respect that you have a different view than those of us on the other side of the issue. Your hyperbole, condescension, and utter contempt for beliefs you don't share, and absolute refusal to see the argument that civil union offers the same freedoms without stomping on another man's religion, makes me a lot more hostile to your comments than I would otherwise be.

Freedom of speech, yes. But try not to slander and urinate on what you choose not to understand.