RKMBs Forums .::Robegories::. Media NORM MacDONALD JOKES

"In Washington State, elementary school teacher Mary Kay LeTourneau
pleaded guilty to having sex with a sixth-grade student....LeTourneau
has been branded a sex offender, or as the kids refer to her, 'the
greatest teacher of all time.'"

"David Kaczynski, the brother who turned in unabomber defendant Ted
Kaczynski, said he plans to share the $1 million reward with the
bombing survivors. He said roughly $400,000 will go to the bombing
victims, and the $600,000, he will blow on whores and cocaine."

"In Milwaukee, Wisconsin, a man allowed his eight-year-old daughter to
take the wheel of his car, and an accident ensued that damaged seven
other cars and injured six people. Which once again proves my theory--
women can't drive."

"This week, after months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen
DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage,
today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really,
really, really gay."

"Reports say that Michael Jackson's wife is now pregnant with the pop
star's second child. Asked why he decided to become a father again so
soon, Jackson explained that his 7-month-old son is starting to lose
his looks."

"Carni Wilson, formerly of Wilson Phillips says that her talk show
will be different than other talk shows, in that she will treat her
guests with respect and dignity. And then she will eat them."

"Kenny G released his Christmas album this week. Happy birthday,
Jesus...hope you like crap!"

"The state of Michigan's legislature has just passed a law allowing
the blind to hunt deer. The biggest supporters of the new law? THE
DEER."

"The Artist Formerly Known as Prince is now going by just 'The
Artist.' Despite this, I will still refer to him as, 'The Fruit.' "


"Earlier this week Attorney General Janet Reno charged software giant
Microsoft with trying to monopolize access to the Internet, and she
has asked a federal court to fine the company a million dollars per
day. Analysts say that at this rate, Microsoft CEO Bill Gates will be
broke just 10 years after the Earth crashes into the sun."


"Thurman Thomas has just broken a few of OJ's records recently. He now
leads the Bills in touchdowns, and yards. Next up.... killing three
people at once."

"Who are safer drivers? Men, or women? Well, according to a new
survey, 55% of adults feel that women are most responsible for minor
fender-benders, while 78% blame men for most fatal crashes. Please
note that the percentages in these pie graphs do not add up to 100%
because the math was done by a woman. [Crowd groans.] For those of you
hissing at that joke, it should be noted that that joke was written by
a woman. So, now you don't know what the hell to do, do you?
[Laughter] Nah, I'm just kidding, we don't hire women."

"O.J. Simpson did not spend Mothers Day with his children. When asked
about it he replied, 'Duh! Because I killed their mother!' "

"Playing in a music store in New York this week, Kenny G set a world
record by holding a saxophone note for 45 minutes. While he did warn
spectators that it would be quite boring, it should be noted that it
is every bit as boring to hear Kenny G play different saxophone notes
for 45 minutes."

"The Beatles first new song in over 25 years, 'Free as a Bird,' just
came out and it's just been discovered that there's a secret message
by John Lennon when you play the song backwards. The message is 'This
song sucks!'"

"In Virginia, police are looking for a stripper who stabbed a man for
telling her she was too fat to strip. Police warn that the woman is
armed and extremely fat."

"The FDA has approved a drug used for anti-depression to help people
quit smoking. Though it should be noted, the drug is crack."

"A dog recently saved his owner's life, because he had been trained to
dial 911. Unfortunately, operators had trouble finding the address
'woof, woof.' "

"Christopher Reeve recently said that while he was recovering from his
accident in the hospital, the comedy of Robin Williams convinced him
to go on living. Meanwhile, the comedy of Pauly Shore made him long
for the sweet release death would bring."

"Rap star Hammer is suing the LAPD after he and his entourage were
mistakenly handcuffed by police. The most shocking part of this story:
Hammer has an entourage!"

"Magic Johnson has received a $900 000 retainer to write a book on how
not to get AIDS. Chapter 1: Don't have sex with me."

LOL

What ever happened to the ass cave?!?!?!

That was an enjoyable 10 minutes of laughter.

From The Norm Show

Quote:

---

Mr. Denby: The men's bathroom is disgusting. Tell her, Norm.
Norm: There's a bathroom in this building? I've been using the donut shop across the street.
Laurie: You go all the way across the street just to use the bathroom in the donut shop?
Norm: There's a bathroom in the donut shop?

---

"The state of Michigan's legislature has just passed a law allowing the blind to hunt deer. The biggest supporters of the new law? THE DEER."

I would have passed such in California but there is to much of the this and that and so on and and so forth that no one would know because it is stupid!

LOL TOTALLY AWESOME BSAMS....I SO love Norm McDonald and all his "note to selfs" in SNL.....it was awesome!

OH AND

Where'd you find all his old jokes anyways bsams??

Please don't misspell basams name.

a black guy gave me the jokes.

Sure, bsams, suuuuurrrre.....

dont be such a bastard.

What would you have me be instead...A smackhead?

we'll need a letter for confirmation.....