RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc: 3/2/04

Singles Competition Match single choice

Aussie Scumbag Danny (56%, 24 Votes)

Captain Sammitch (44%, 19 Votes)

Total Votes: 43 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-11-15 1:03 AM

Hardcore Porn Title Match single choice

Ultimate Jaburg53 (63%, 27 Votes)

Zod (Title Holder) (37%, 16 Votes)

Total Votes: 43 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-11-15 1:03 AM

Asylum Rules Match single choice

Joe Mama (42%, 18 Votes)

Grimm, Doc. Mid-Nite, & NotWedge (58%, 25 Votes)

Total Votes: 43 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-11-15 1:03 AM

TLC Grudge Match single choice

King Snarf (42%, 18 Votes)

Captain Howdy (58%, 25 Votes)

Total Votes: 43 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-11-15 1:03 AM

Heavyweight Title Match single choice

Kristogar Velo (56%, 24 Votes)

Drzsmith (Title Holder) (44%, 19 Votes)

Total Votes: 43 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-11-15 1:03 AM

*The lighting changes in no way and no music plays as Notwedge walks down to the ring. He chooses to use the stairs this time and only gets his foot tripped up in the rope this time. He comes very close to not falling down. He goes about trying to get as mic.*

Monroe: Oh no, not this guy again. What's he going to do this time? Steal Joe Mama's lunch?

Notwedge: I'm sure you noticed that something was missing when I made my entrance. You see, when an athlete of my calibur and with a record like mine comes to the ring, he SHOULD do so with an entrance theme song. Somehow, they've neglected to get one for me.

So, I decided to go down to the production room to try to get this fixed. After some persuasion, the finally said "fine, fine. Go get a CD and we'll play it when you come to the ring. Just stop coming in here, you weirdo."

So, I went down to Best Buy to try to pick out the perfect song. The one that properly captures my essence. But what should happen, I see a copy of the same CD Joey Mumu used to come to the ring to, before I smashed it into a million pieces! Well, OK, not into a million pieces. Mostly scratched it up really badly and put a small crack in it. But I've heard it and it skips really badly now.

Well, that got me thinking. Maybe I went too far last week. Maybe I took one step over that line that sane people stay well away from. So, I didn't buy my CD. I didn't get my own entrance theme. What I got was this...

*Notwedge pulls out a Best Buy gift card.*

This Best Buy gift card has just enough money to buy one of two CDs. Either the one with my new theme song, or Joey Mumu's old one. I've talked to my good friend, the Doctor and he's agreed to sanction a "Best Buy Gift Card on a Pole" match. This card will be stuck on a pole in one of the corners of this ring. Probably with double sided tape or something like that so it doesn't fall off accidentally.

I want to keep the rules simple for Mr. Mumu, so the only rule will be whoever gets the card, wins the match and will then be able to buy the CD of their choice. Other than that, anything goes. Now, you may be wondering why I'd do this. Why I'd worry if I've gone too far. You see, I don't like uncertainty. I don't want there to be any question. In this match, I will go too far. The only question will be, how too far will I go.

*Nw looks around for a moment.*

Wow, they let me finish that time. That's weird...

*Nw leaves.*

People might think it's silly to have put my career on the line in a match where I'm clearly outclassed. But hey, in the words of the immortal Rupert Pupkin: "Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime!"

You call what you have a career?
Doesnt seem you have much on the line at all!

Primus' "Antipop" plays as a bald man in an expensive tailored suit struts out to the announce booth and sits next to Mike Monroe.

Monroe: Who are you?

I'm The Madman! Your new color commentator! And you sure needed one to save this show from your boring ass commentary.

Monroe: My what?


Madman: Hey, you know what, man?

Monroe: . . .what. . .

Madman: I look good!

*War Pigs sounds as pyro explodes. The Doctor walks to the ring, mic in hand.*

"Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you for coming out to the Cheesedome tonight for one hell of an evening of professional wrestling. "

Madman Marcum: It is a hell of an evening.

Monroe: Shut up!


"First off, Scumbag Danny will have to find out the hard way what it's like in singles competiton. And after this match he'll have to explain to all his friends and fans how he got his ass kicked by a man named Sammitch."

Madman Marcum: That would be pretty embarrassing.

Monroe: Would you be quiet!

"Zod will have to kneel down and hand over the Hardcore Porn belt to Ultimate Jaburg. Velo will finally be put to rest. We'll never again have to worry about him whining about not getting his push or the promotion not standing behind him. Here's news for you, Velo: We only support good wrestlers.

Madman Marcum: I still can't believe I missed last week's beauty contest.

Nowhereman will get just what he deserves. I don't care what name he hides behind. Captain Howdy, Arnold J. Rimmer. They're all getting their asses kicked tonight. As a matter of fact, it'd be a miracle if he even survives until Robblemania. So there is no need for him to even make any plans for that event. At best, he'll be laid up in a hospital bed slurping his jell-o through a straw.

Maybe Joe Mama can keep you company after the Triple Threat gets through with him after the Asylum match. Face it, Nowhereclown, the two of you are only going to leave this arena in an ambulance. And the Nowhere World Order..... well, that's exactly where they're going. NOWHERE. While the Triple Set and everyone else in the Power Trip is going straight to the top.

Madman Marcum: He's right, you know.

Monroe: I'm about tired of your mouth.

Madman Marcum: Whaaaaaaaaat?

If you could even spell Elvis Presley correctly I might be worried!

Mike Monroe: Ladies and gentlemen, let's take you to our ring announcer, such as he is, James White.

James White: At this time, I would like to introduce to you, all the way from Stamford, Connecticut, the WWE Heavyweight Champion of the Smackdown brand, Latino Heat, Eddie Guerrero!!!!!!!

Mike Monroe: We are so gonna get sued by Vince. . .

*Eddie Guerrero's old Latino Heat music plays as a caucasian man wearing a plastic Eddie Guerrero mask, a Cheat 2 Win tshirt, and a toy wrestling belt makes his way down to the ring.

Mike Monroe: That's not Eddie Guerrero! What kind of a scam is the Doctor trying to pull now?!

Madman Marcum: Scam? What scam? The only scam going on around here is whoever scammed you into buying those clothes!

Mike Monroe: What?!

Madman Marcum: . . .and that hat. . .

Mike Monroe: What's wrong with my hat?

Latino Heat: Thank you, James White, for that stirring introduction! I just want the fans of Rob's Damn Championship Wrestling! to know that I am here for one purpose! And that purpose is to win the Heavyweight Cheese title! I am issuing an open challenge at this time, to whoever wins the title tonight, to meet me in a title unification match!

That's right, baby! I'm putting my gold *points to plastic toy belt around his waist* on the line as well!

*The lights go out. When they come back on there is a figure wearing a black cloak standing in the ring, towering over "Latino Heat." We can't see his face, but "Latino Heat" can. The dark figure grabs him by the throat and lifts him up to ey level.*

Darth: (sniffing him) You don't smell like Latino Heat. (he examines the "title belt") And that's not a real belt. (long pause as he looks "Latino Heat" over) No. You're not that fraud from Smackdown. But, I suppose you want to be treated like him.

*Darth lifts "Latino Heat" the full length of his arms and gives him a monster choke slam, falling on top of him with his full weight. His hood falls off as he does this, and we get a glimpse of his face. As they hit the mat, the lights go back out. When they come back on, Darth is gone, without even introducing himself.*

Oh my gawd! It has indeed been an amazing Havoc. Not one but TWO titles have changed hands here tonight.

Aussie Scumbag Danny found himself going toe to toe with Captian Sammitch. The two fought furiously, but in the end it was Danny's Koala Klaw that brought Sammitch to his back and finally submit.

*Marcum: What kind of finisher can a guy named Sammitch have anyway? The Here Comes the Mayo?*

Then, Ultimate Jaburg53 took on Hardcore Porn Champion Zod to steal away the title. The two men battled for what seemed like hours as they left the ring and headed into the backstage area here at the Cheesedome. Garbage cans, tables, mops, hot cups of coffee, nothing was overlooked as a weapon in this match. In the end, it was Jaburg's clever use of melted butter that gave him the advantage to gain the three count for the title.

*Marcum: A totally illegal move. Jaburg should have just done like the other contenders and kneeled before Zod. I hear he can be very forgiving afterwards. Plus, I hear that he likes to cuddle.*

Then came the carnage as the Triple Set, with an unknown named NotWedge, took on their Asylum beatdown Match against young hopeful, Joe Mama. Joe started off with energy and lightning. With baseball bat in hand, he took the fight to the Triple Set, knocking Notwedge off of the turnbuckle and out cold for the rest of the match. His luck didn't hold up, though. It only took one tiny instance for Grimm and Doc. Mid-Nite to get the upper hand and tear Joe Mama apart, limb from limb. In a match that I say went on way longer than necessary, Grimm and Doc. Mid-Nite walked away with a victory while Joe Mama, yet again, had to be carried out on a stretcher.

*Marcum: That kid will have a helluva career as a crash test dummy. You see, Monroe, this is the kind of thing Joe Mama should expect to happen when he goes up against a team as powerful as the Triple Set. You either back off, or you pay the price. I have no sympathy for that kid.*

You also have no class.

*Marcum: Are you kidding? This is Italian.*

The power struggle continued as King Snarf had his grudge match with Nowhereman's alter ego, Captian Howdy, in their TLC Match. Hard punches and stiff kicks littered this bitter battle. More than one dent was put into a chair by each man's cranium. Chairshot galore as the anger and rage boiled to the top. Snarf found himself getting several close pins, but was unable to sustain any of them until the three count. It was Howdy's elbow from the top of the ladder that proved to be Snarf's undoing. With his ribs possibly broken, he endured shot after shot until a Howdysault through a table ended the match.

The most exciting match of the night had to be the main event. Kristogar Velo squared off against the undefeated Heavyweight Champion, Drzsmith, in a match that could cost the champ his belt, and Velo his career. Drzsmith, being the ring veteran, started off with a series of rights and lefts that drove the contender into the corner. Trapped, Velo took a beating like none I've ever seen. Going for a quick pin, Drzsmith almost won the match in the first minute; but Velo broke out of the pin and came back ready to fight. Both men struggled to command the pace of the match as they hammered away at each other. But it was the out of nowhere DDT from Velo that allowed the young man a chance to pin his opponent. With a 1-2-3, Kristogar Velo became the Rob's Damn Championship Wrestling Heavyweight Champion. He is now the Big Cheese of the promotion. A Cinderella story if I ever heard of one. With his career on the line, Velo takes the gold and the honor in an extraordinary match.

After his match Captain Howdy walks backstage with a huge devilish grin plastered across his blood splattered face!

As he walks along the coridor back to his office he spots Joe Mama sitting up rubbing his head.

Cap:"Hey Joe.....where you gonna go with that gun in your hand?"

Joe:"Whu?..........What did you just say?"

Cap:"Me? I didnt say a thing......you musta taken one too many hits to the head!"
Cap grins to himself "Heh!"

Cap:"Look Joe,dont feel bad,the odds were against ya & ya put up a good fight. If it makes ya feel any better,Queenie is in worse condition than you!"

Joe:"Heh,serves the whining crybaby right! He got what he deserved!"

Cap:"Anyway Joe,how would you like to team up with Nowhereman next week on Havoc?"

Joe:"You kidding me,that'd be fucking great! Who we gonna fight?"

Cap:"I'll fill ya in later,go sort those wounds out & we'll speak in a few days!"

Pig Iron: " Daysss....Heh. Days will seem like weeks when I Fill your lungs with blood and bile. A horrible fate awaits you if you side with fleeting heroes and bygone myths. tread carefully fool....your future is filled with pain and violence. Much pain"

Cut out.................