RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 4/12/05

Monroe: Welcome to Tuesday Night Havoc! Boy have we got a show for you tonight!

*Monroe is handed a note, and his face turns white.*

Moroe: Folks, we just recieved the following, very disturbing video:

*The Cheese-o-tron comes to life with a video from earlier today. Louie Bastardo is talking on his cell phone in the parking structure when a black SUV pulls up. Two masked people grab him from behind, put a hood over his head, and load him into the SUV. They get in, and the SUV speeds away.*

Marcum: Someone kidnapped the patriarch of the Bastardo Family, and there is going to be hell to pay!

Tornado 6 Man Tag Match single choice

Dark Lords / Nowhereman (74%, 29 Votes)

Liberal Conspiracy (26%, 10 Votes)

Total Votes: 39 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:36 PM

"You fucked up my car!" Match #3 - Tag Team Trunk Match single choice

James Fantastic / Captain Sammitch (34%, 13 Votes)

Rex / PJP (66%, 25 Votes)

Total Votes: 38 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:36 PM

Tag Team Donkey Lovin' Division single choice

Hogs of War (74%, 28 Votes)

GOP (26%, 10 Votes)

Total Votes: 38 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:36 PM

Lucha Libre Exhibition Match single choice

El Superbeasto (78%, 29 Votes)

Hombre Lagarto (22%, 8 Votes)

Total Votes: 37 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:36 PM

Hotties Swimsuit competition single choice

Sneaky Bunny (61%, 23 Votes)

Nuriko (26%, 10 Votes)

Stareena (5%, 2 Votes)

Butterrican (8%, 3 Votes)

Total Votes: 38 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:36 PM

DCMB Championship single choice

MisterJLA (63%, 24 Votes)

The Hulk (37%, 14 Votes)

Total Votes: 38 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:36 PM

Judge, Jury, and Execution! single choice

Bastardo Family (73%, 27 Votes)

Number One Suspect(s) (27%, 10 Votes)

Total Votes: 37 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:36 PM

"The Ecstacy Of Gold" plays as King Snarf, Joe Mama, and The Legbreakers walk to the ring. King Snarf and Joe Mama have mics. All four look VERY unhappy.

KS: The first thing I want to say to all my Snarf-A-Holics is "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" That said, we're out here because, less than an hour ago, someone, or a group of someones, kidnapped the greatest wrestling mind in the RDCW! You all saw the clip - Louie Bastardo is missing!

The crowd cheers. The Legbreakers are stoic, but Joe Mama's anger clearly deepens.

KS: Now, some people...some LESSER wrestlers...would panic if their manager was kidnapped. They'd run around, searching desperately for the culprits. But the Bastardo Family is made up of cooler heads. We won't panic. We won't run to The Doctor or Rob, demanding a full investigation. We've always been a more professional operation that the rest of the roster. So we're going to give the guilty party or parties the chance to realize the grievious error they've made and return our manager to the Family. Should the culprits comply, we will graciously give them a well-deserved beat down and that will be the end of it. But if Louie is not reunited with the Family within the next...two minutes...we'll have no choice but to seek out the guilty parties and gain are more severe measure of satisfaction. Let the countdown begin.

The Cheese-O-Tron comes alive with a two minute countdown. As the Bastardos wait, the crowd chants "Louie sucks!" King Snarf pulls out a comic book and calmly skims it. The Legbreakers pull out a cell phone - presumably with the two-way function - and wait for word from the back. Joe Mama, visibly livid, starts pacing the ring like a tiger in a cage.

The two minutes wind down. King Snarf glances at the Legbreakers, who only shake their heads at him. King Snarf nods to Joe Mama.

JM: Whoever kidnapped Louie Bastardo has made the worst mistake of their miserable, soon to be cut-short, lives! We WILL find you slimy shits! And we WILL make you regret what you've done! You cowards! You gutless, irrelevant nobodies! You wanted to get the Family's attention? You've got the Family's attention! We will personally tear this arena apart to find you! And we WILL find you! Your careers are about to be brought to an abrupt end!

Joe Mama turns to his teammates.

JM: Gentlemen, let's find these scumbags! I want to put these people in the hospital!!!

They leave the ring as "The Ecstasy Of Gold" plays again. As they walk up the ring, they scan the crowd. Someone shouts something to Joe Mama, who has to be held back by the Legbreakers to keep from attacking the fan.

Monroe: Someone made a very bold power-play, Marcum!

Madman: No...someone just signed their own death warrant! I've never seen Joe Mama this angry! I'd hate to be the kidnappers right now...

Nowhereman seems to have just appeared in the ring outta nowhere

NM:"So someone has kidnapped Louie Bastardo huh........wish I'd thought of it first!"

Marcum:"Hey,thats just not right!"

NM:"Actually,no I dont cause quite frankly I wouldnt wanna get any nearer to that disgusting slug than I have to."

crowd cheers

NM:"Now,I cant really see what can be gained by kidnapping him,so I can only assume the worst for poor old Louie,or maybe its just someone who likes collecting shit!"

crowd cheers louder

Marcum:"I bet Nowhereman is the culprit,he's just so damn smug about it all,just look at his stupid face!"

NM:"Now I know there is gonna be some finger pointing from Queen Snarf & his bitch squad,but dont be pointing those shit stained fingers at me girls,if I wanna deal with you guys it will be totally up front,just like good ole Slick Willies boys last week!"

Monroe:"Well he certainly showed them!"

Marcum:"He shoulda been fired for that!"

NM:"Your time is gonna come Bastardos,and believe me,its gonna be brutal!"

*As Nowhereman finishes his sentence, darkness envelopes the CheeseDome. The fans go wild as "Return of the Living Dead" begins to sound over the loudspeakers. Midway through the opening strains of the song, it gives way to the Imperial March, as the Dark Lords rise up from below.

Monroe: "Oh my!"

Fat Retard: "Business is about to pick up!"

Marcum & Monroe:

FR: "Err, uh. . . I mean DROPTOEHOLD! BUHGAWD!"

*Grimm and Darth enter the ring and Grimm holds out his hand for the mic. Grimm prepares to speak but is cut off by. . .

*"La Grange," blasting over the speakers as Slick Willie Williams walks onto the stage with Charlie and the bruised, battered, and bandaged Howlerama. The divas escorting Howler and Highwayman are wearing nurses outfits.*

Slick: Gentlemen, Ah am out heah to tell you that Ah cannot in good conscience allow Howlerama to wrestle tonight. Ah mean, look at them. They won't admit that they cannot compete tonight, but Ah will. And if they cannot wrestle you, than Charlie cannot, either. This match is for the Company, not Charlie and some othah guys. But don't worry. Ah spoke with the Doctor, and Ah arranged two things with him. First, you'll get your rematch with the Company aftah Rehash. Charlie will be entering the Lightweight Faggot Title Battle Royal next week, so he will need to focus on that division. And Ah don't know how long it will take mah boys to recover from the injuries they received last week. Besides, you don't want to face them when they're hurt. Theah's no honah in that.

Monroe: Good conscience? Honor? I can't believe I'm hearing those words coming out of Slick Willie's mouth!

Slick: Second, Ah paid good money to make suah you did not come out to the ring for nothing! With the Doctor's approval, your opponents tonight will be...THE LIBERAL CONSPIRACY!

*Grimm rips the mic from Slick Willie's hand, as Slick Willie and Howlerama back off. The fans are in a frenzy.

Grimm (pausing): ". . .Fair enough."

Monroe: "Fair enough? What does he mean?"

Marcum: "Let him finish!"

Grimm: "We'll grant your boys an extension on their asskicking tonite. But the next time. . .there will be. . .no mercy."

*Grimm shoves the mic into Slick Willie's chest, knocking him into the injured Howlers as they're attempting to leave the ring. Grimm's music plays the Company men collect themselves on the outside, swearing vengeance. The Dark Lords and Nowhereman pose in-ring to the CheeseDome fans delight.

Mike Monroe: "Well, Madman, before the break, we see saw Ian Bond conversing with this Hombre Lagarto fellow. What do you make of that?"

Madman Marcum: "Obviously, Ian Bond has hired this guy to try and take out El Superbeasto after the Giant Luchadore squashed Los Azules at RobbleMania!"

Monroe: "That's a very pessimistic view, Madman!"

Marcum: "Whuuut? It's a realistic view!"

*CheeseDome cameras cut to El Superbeasto backstage, walking to the ring in preparation for his match.

Monroe: "Whatever Ian Bond's reasoning, I'd hate to be anyone getting in the ring with a Family member tonight!"

Marcum: "They'll be out for blood after the kidnapping of Louie Bastardo!"

<James Fantastic is walking down a corridor, heading to his and Sammitch's locker room, when King Sbarf Rules! runs up.>

KSR: James Fantastic, how do you feel about the tragic kidnapping of genius manager Louie Bastardo?

JF: You really are a Bastardo kiss-ass, aren't you? Let me sum up my feelings: WHOO!

KSR: But you used to be a Bastardo!

JF: That's the point, dumbass! 'Used to' as in 'am no longer'! Louie fired me, remember? As far as I'm concerned, anything that puts the wind off traitors like Joe and Sneaky Bunny is entirely to the good.

<KSR is more than a little shocked by such barefaced hostility.>

KSR: Right...On a slightly different note, tonight you face off against PJP and Rex in a tag match tonight. Why is that?

JF: Well, after I lost to Rex last week, I challenged him and PJP to a match. They accepted, and then Sammitch offred to tag with me, as a thanks for me helping him out last week against The Hogs.

KSR: What about Penwing and the other former members of SD-6?

<Fantastic grins, and there are shades of Bastardo-era James Fantastic in there.>

JF: Let's just say that if Penwing or ther others get involved they're in for a surprise.

<Someone is clapping down the hall. James Fantastic and KSR turn around to see PenWing walking towards them.>

PW: Bravo, James! Lovely speech! Now let me show you a little something about surprises.

<PenWing pulls out a digital camera from his pocket. He shows a picture from last week of James Fantastic being T-Rexed.>

PW: See that? That's you being caught by surprise.

<KSR takes the camera from PenWing for a closer look.>

KSR: Wow! That's a fantastic shot there, PenWing!

PW: Not really.

<PenWing quickly delivers Sudden Death to James Fantastic. He then takes the camera from KSR snaps a picture, and hands the camera back to him.>

PW: Now that's a fantastic shot.

Backstage, we see that the old RDJL locker room has been converted into a hospital room, with Spandex Monkey Man lying on a hospital bed swathed in bandages. Naturally, they're orange and yellow. With him is Johnny Evil, who is quite clearly interviewing him about Louie's kidnap

JE: So, you didn't see anything suspicious?

Spamm: Not suspicious, no. Sickening, yes. Mind-judderingly scary, yes. Making you want you to laugh and cry at the same time, yes. But not suspicious.

JE: Well, what is it you actually saw?

There is a horrified pause

Spamm: Our chicago rules match from Robblemania.

JE: Yeah. Man, was that fucked up. I still can't believe you bodyslammed that guy in the hot-dog suit.

Spamm: Anything to stop you from winning, Evil. And I'm not the one who who suspended the red sox fan over a pit of hot coals.

JE: Hey! Evil, remember?!

Spamm: Fine, fine. But hey, the look of Joe's face when you stuffed him in his own locker was priceless!

JE: Oh yeah.

The pair struggle not to laugh at this memory

JE: And who'd have thought that Richard Simmons could've taken so many powerbombs?

Spamm: I know. Weird, wasn't it?

JE: I seriously thought I'd have to put the guy trhough that table to knock him unconscious!

Pause

Spamm: You could just have stopped the photographer.

JE: Yeah, but it was Richard Simmons.

Spamm: True, true.

Suddenly, Ariel enters, and the pair snap back to hostility

JE: Right, you foolish do-gooder...person. I'll be deafeting you later!

Spamm: In your dream, you fiendish fiend!

Arial: What;ve you guys been talking about?

JE and Spamm: Nothing, honest!

The much anticipated DCMB Championship.

Undefeated Champion: MisterJLA

Challenger: The Hulk!


The Hulk enters the ring first, to no music. He easily climbs over the top rope, and stands in the middle of the ring. He stares at the entrance ramp, and doesn't move a muscle.

What seems like ages later, MisterJLA's music is heard! He walks down to the ring in a old school black boxing robe complete with a hood, with a couple of hot bitches on each arm. The unified DCMB Title is draped over his shoulder.

As he walks to the ring, JLA makes sure to taunt a few of the fans who are shouting at him. He asks the girls to hold his belt and step aside, and winds up and almost hits one fan in the mouth. He feigns the punch though, as he never really intended on hitting the poor slob. The fan thought for sure he was going to get hit, and ducks and cowers behind the guardrail. Poor JQ.

JLA laughs and approaches the ring. The Hulk has been staring at him this entire time, and looks extremely focused. JLA looks more than slightly creeped out.

One of the hot bitches hands JLA his belt, and her and her cohort head back to the locker room. JLA makes sure he slaps each on in the ass before they leave, for good luck.

JLA finally enters the ring, and hoists his DCMB Title high above his head. The crowd boos and boos, mainly because of the unkind words JLA had for the RDCW.

He hands the Title to the ref, and lets the ref know what will happen if the belt gets scratched. His exact words can't be heard, but JLA can clearly be seen making an imaginary kicking motion. The ref winces at the thought of getting kicked in the nuts.


JLA now has a mic in his hand, and begins to speak.

"Well kiddies" his voice booms. "The Main Event has arrived! King Snarf will defend his bogus title later on, but as we all know my belt is the true championship that all aspire to own!'

"Now I have a warning for the ladies watching at home. Back away from your TV screens. I'm about to disrobe. If you slobber all over your televisions, you may be electrocuted."

JLA disrobes, revealing his manly physique. It's really no wonder why he has so many stalkers.

He then turns to approach The Hulk, who looks unimpressed.




"Hulk, I really don't want to fight you tonight. No, I'm here to be your friend.."

JLA slowly winds up his leg, preparing for The Final Justice

The Hulk isn't buying JLA's ploy:


Hulk swipes at his opponent, knocking him clear across the ring. JLA is stunned.

The ref then calls for the bell. The match has officially begun, with the champ at a disadvantage!

The Hulk moves in for the kill, and flings JLA out of the ring, onto the concrete floor below.




The green monster then follows suit, by jumping and landing on his enemy.



The champ is reeling. He mutters to himself “This plan is not working too good.” He then laughs to himself.

The Hulk is now screaming “HULK WANTS YOU TO QUIT! HULK MAKE YOU QUIT LIKE LITTLE PANSY!”

JLA is now thrown back into the ring, his body landing in a crumpled mess.

Blood is now freely flowing from the champ’s mouth and nose. A few more hits, and he’ll be finished.

Hulk climbs back into the ring, stands over the champ, and lets loose with a fury of punches.



“HULK WANT JLA TO QUIT! HULK NO GO FOR PIN! HULK WANT JLA TO QUIT!”
JLA is a mess. The crowd is cheering The Hulk on, which adds to his frenzy. JLA decides to put a stop to all of this.

While getting punched, he manages to motion to the ref.

“I qui…” the champ barely gets the words out.

The ref rushes over, and separates the two contestants. Normally The Hulk would smash anyone who would do such a thing, but he wants JLA to quit that badly.

“What did you say?” the ref says. Now he is shielding JLA from his enemy.

“I need to hear what he’s saying Hulk! Please step away.” Again, the Hulk obliges. This is not true to his savage, uncontrollable nature, but he is waiting for JLA to mouth the words “I quit.” Hulk will stop at nothing to get this.

“I qui…” JLA says again, but now he seems to be regaining his senses.

The ref again asks for clarification. “What are you trying to say, damnit? I’m going to stop the match right…”

“I quit…jacking off the pictures of Jenna Jameson a while ago. I’ve moved on to pictures of Chasey Lain!’

JLA jumps to his feet, and lets loose an insane laugh. He tricked The Hulk and the ref into thinking he was ready to throw in the towel. This bought him the time he needed to rest and regain his senses.

The Hulk, as well as the crowd, are amazed that the champ is still able to function after the beating he took.

The Hulk rushes in, and knocks the ref to the mat, but it’s too late. JLA had his leg wound up, and he connects with the Final Justice.

An unholy “THUD” can be heard around the arena when the move connects, and The Hulk falls to the canvas in a heap.


JLA calmly wakes the ref, covers his opponent, and gets the 3 count.

King Snarf walks away from the boiler room door (which has a sheet of paper with "Dark Lords" scrawled on it in black Sharpie). He is wearing the standard Sherlock Holmes costume, complete with magnifying glass and pipe. King Snarf pauses in the middle of the hallway, puffs on the pipe, watches the bubbles he just blew rise to the ceiling, and says to no one in particular:

KS: Ah-HAH!!! The game is afoot! The door is ajar! And I know who has absconded with the Bastardo Family's beloved leader!!!

He heads off with a cameraman following him. As he runs, King Snarf leans forward, as if studying the floor through his magnifying glass. Suddenly he stops in from of the locker room of TK-069, Wednesday, and the Divas - Stareena and ButterRican. He knocks on the door.

KS: Come out, you rapscallians! Come out and face justice! We know that it was you - TK-069 and Wednesday - who stole the Bastardo Falcon!

A noise - perhaps a cry for help? - answers King Snarf!

KS: Don't try to scare me with empty threats of torture! I know you're in there, fellows, and, if you won't come out and own up to your foolish shenanigans, I shall be forced to come in!

King Snarf opens the locker room door and is hit with a wall of steam. He covers his mouth with his hand while keeping his pipe between his teeth and enters.

KS: You won't cover your escape tracks with poison gas...

There are noises coming from the shower area.

KS: ...or, uh, even shower steam!

King Snarf slowly approaches the showers.

KS: You see, gentlemen, finding the culprits was elementary! I knew that TK-069 could only un-retire after I retired him for one reason! And what is that reason, you might ask?

A moan comes from within the shower area.

KS: That's right! To seek vengeance upon the man who retired him! ME! And how would he do that? By stealing the one thing that matters to me the most...after my Highlights collection...and my pictures of Lindsay Lohan...and, uh, my Angel DVDs...and my title belt! TK-069 came back to steal my manager, Doctor Louie Bastardo Watson!!!

Two females giggle from within.

KS: I hear you weeping, men! The guilt got the best of you, it seems! Well now it is time to face your guilt, as you face your accuser! Have at you!!!

King Snarf steps forward so that the shower area is in his clear view. His eyes bulge out of his head and his jaw goes slack as he stares at the activities within. After a few moments, Wednesday and TK-069 leave the showers. The giggling continues within. TK notices King Snarf standing there.

TK: Hey, Champ! How's it hangin'? Straight up, right?

TK and Wednesday laugh. No answer from King Snarf.

TK: We heard about what happened to Louie...damn shame. Not that we liked him, but that's a low-down, sneaky thing to do!

King Snarf's jaw is slack. He's starting to drool.

TK: Wish me 'n' Wednesday could help you, but we've been in here all evening, helping the Divas relax. I'm sure you'll want to ask if they saw anything...they're in there. (points to showers) Y'know how it is, helpin' each other unwind. Workin' on their moves, if ya know whut I mean an' I think ya do! Well, good talking to ya.

TK-069 and Wednesday walk away. The giggling continues, then there are sounds of two women "Ooooh"ing and "Aaaah"ing.

Stareena: Hey, Snarf-baby? Could you help wash our backs?

ButterRican: Yeah...we're SO dirty!!!

King Snarf stares a moment longer, then turns and walks away. His face is locked in a look of someone who has seen something so wondrous that they're still trying to fathom it.

We're back from commercial to see Joe Mama banging on the Dark Lords' "locker room" door. No one answers. He turns away and starts walking back up the hallway, stopping at the locker room of Rex and PJP. He bangs on that door.

Rex (within): Who is it?!?

JM: It's your Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion! I'm coming in with some questions and, dammit, I want answers!!!

Joe Mama doesn't wait to be invited in. He swings the door open and enters the locker room to see Rex kneeling in front of PJP. Rex has his tag team partners left foot in his hand.

Rex: Now, see Peej? The straps have velcro on them so they stick together! Your feet will stay in your sneakers and you won't trip! You're all ready for your match!

PJP has a big grin on his face and his (green) tongue is hanging out of his mouth.

PJP: Rex...friend!

The tag team partners notice Joe Mama standing there.

PJP: Joe...Mmmmmmeanie!!!

JM: What the HELL is going on here?!?

Rex: I'm getting my partner ready for our match tonight! What's it look like we're doing? Whattaya want???

JM: You don't wanna know what it looks like you're doing! And what do you know about Louie Bastardo's kidnapping?

PJP: Louie...not ffffffffriend!!!

Rex: We don't know anything! I've been here all night trying to get PJP ready for the match! Do you know how hard it is to get him dressed since Balls Nasty jumped him? He's back to wearing sneakers with velcro! And don't get me started with his bathroom habits!!!

PJP: Poopie!

Rex: Aw, dammit! C'mon, Peej! You don't have to go poopies, do ya? You went ten minutes ago!

PJP leans forward and licks Rex's face. As Rex wipes off the thick layer of drool with a nearby towel, PJP laughs and claps.

Rex: Are you satisfied, Joe? Does it look like he could be a criminal mastermind! He's barely potty-trained anymore!

JM: Yeah...looks like Pete "The Animal" Pappas is proof enough that you two had nothing to do with it...

PJP: Jjjjjjjjjoe!!!

JM: What? Whatta YOU want?

PJP stands up and walks towards Joe Mama with arms outstretched. He grabs Joe Mam and gives him the biggest hug he can.

PJP: Joe...fffffffffffriend!

JM: Hey, Rex...I think your pal had a potty emergency in his trunks!

PJP pulls back, nodding vigorously, and then licks Joe Mama's face. Joe Mama stumbles back, sputtering as he leaves the locker room. PJP claps and laughs at the whole thing.

Tornado 6 Man Tag: Dark Lords/Nowhereman vs. Liberal Conspiracy

As video and sound clips of Fahrenheit 9-11 played over the Cheese-O-Tron, the Conspiracy made their way to ringside, accompanied by the Insane Liberal and for this match, "Slick" Bill Williams. "Slick Willie" took the mic and thanked the Insane Liberal for taking the Company's place in this match tonight.

Then the CheeseDome went dark, as the Dark Lords made their familiar entrance to the Imperial March. As they arrived at ringside, "Creeping Death" sounded, as Nowhereman rode down on his custom chopper.

The three then stormed the ring and took the fight to the Conspiracy! As the Insane Liberal attempted to get out of the ring, Nowhereman grabbed him by the collar and turned him around! "Where do you think you're going, cunt?!? This is a six-man tag! Not that you're much of a man are ya!"

Grimm hit the Triple 6 Bomb on Whomod as Darth performed a Darkside Slam on Jim Jackson, as the Insane Liberal pulled away from Nowhereman's grip and attempted to run back to the dressing room!

But someone blocked his way!

Monroe: "Wait, who is that?"

Marcum: "It's. . .no!"

Both: "CAPTAIN HOWDY!!!"

Captain Howdy dragged the Insane Liberal back to the ring and tossed him inside where the Darth set him up as Grimm climbed the turnbuckles!

Monroe: "Oh my Gob! They just piledrived the Insane Liberal STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!!"

As Grimm covered the Insane Liberal for the three count while Nowhereman and Darth continued to administer punishment to the Conspiracy outside the ring.


"You Fucked-Up My Car!" Match #2

The Cheese-o-Tron came to life with an image of a makeshift ring in the CheeseDome garage made of four stretch limousines.

Monroe: This time, the legal opponent must be locked in the trunk of one of those limos!

Marcum: This time, like last time, that opponent will be James Fantastic!

The match started with Fantastic and Rex in the ring. Rex initially took the lead, hitting Fantastic with a thunderous clothesline before locking in an ankle lock. However Fantastic was able to break the hold by kicking Rex in the head, and came back with a running dropkick before climbing onto the hood of a limo in order to hit a Missile Dropkick to knock Rex down. However Rex caught Fantastic and swung him into another limo. Rex then tagged in PJP, who dragged Fantastic back into the middle of ring and hit him with a venomous dropkick.

Marcum: Fantastic's doomed! He's overreached himself this time!

Monroe: Don't forget Captain Sammitch! Fantastic's not on his own!

PJP Irish whipped Fantastic into a limo and clothes lined onto the roof, sending him over and out of the ring. PJP climbed onto the of the limo, but Fantastic grabbed his legs and pulled him to the ground. Fantastic was then able to clamber back into the ring, where he tagged in Sammitch while PJP returned to the ring. The Captain then went to work, staggering PJP with a Sammitch Spin before hitting him with multiple Sammitch Suplexes.

Monroe: The Captain's going to work!

Marcum: Going to grandstand, you mean! Don't forget who this is!

True to form, Sammitch then whipped PJP into a limo and attempted a Sammitch Slam, but PJP reversed this into a Frankensteiner. PJP then tagged in Rex, who hauled Sammitch to his feet and hit him with Rex Quan Do (Yakuza Kick), knocking him back into his own corner. Fantastic made the blind tag and leapt at Rex for a cross body. But Rex caught him. PJP popped the trunk of the limo in his corner, and Rex walked over and T-Rexed Fantastic into the trunk. He then sealed it for the victory. As Rex and PJP left the garage, Sammitch slowly returned to his feet.

Marcum: Sammitch is still dazed from that last move! He doesn't know where Fantastic is!

Sammitch walked over to the limo near him to pop the trunk. Seeing that it's empty, he walked to the next limo.

Marcum: Look at him! He's dazed and confused!

Sammitch popped the third trunk and walked over to it. As he neared, someone started getting out of the trunk, but the camera only showed a shadow.

Monroe: That's not the trunk Fantastic is in.

Sammitch leaned on the side of the limo and breathed a sigh of relief. The figure then pulled something out of the trunk and walked into the ring.

Monroe: Buhgawd! It's PenWing!

Sammitch looked over just in time to see PenWing swing his Sherwood at him. Sammitch ducked and the Sherwood shattered on the roof. Sammitch then went for a Sammitch Spin, but PenWing was able to roll onto the roof of the limo, and Sammitch kicked in a window instead. PenWing then jumped off the roof and grabbed Sammitch's head for Sudden Death. Two-Ton Tommy then ran into the ring, and the two of them picked up Sammitch and locked him the trunk. Tommy went to the limo Fantastic was in and started it up, and PenWing did the same to the one Sammitch was in. Tommy then followed PenWing as both limousines left the garage.

Monroe: Where are they taking them?!?

Marcum: Who cares! So long Jimmy Faboo and the Captain too!

Hogs Of War vs The GOP

As “Pomp And Circumstance” played, The G-Man and Wannabuyamonkey walked down the ramp and entered the ring. But their music had barely finished when they were blindsided by Pig Iron and Ghost Hog, who bludgeoned the Conservatives until the bell rang. Then a double Hog-Lock forced both men to tap out. The former DCMB’ers won their first RDCW match!


Lucha Libre Exhibition Match: El Superbeasto vs. Hombre Lagarto

As Hombre Lagarto stood alone in the ring awaiting his foe, the CheeseDome crowd held their breath collectively. Del Castillo's "Back From the Grave" began to play as El Superbeasto made his way to ringside alone, the rest of the Family searching for their leader.

Superbeasto stormed the ring and taunted his foe, signaling for the Chokeslam to Oblivion. Lagarto stood defiant and stoic, not allowing his opponent to unnerve him.

Superbeasto grabbed him and began an Irish whip attempt, but Lagarto tried to reverse but was unable. He kicked Superbeasto in the abdomen and slowed the giant.

Marcum: "What was that? This was supposed to be a Lucha Libre exhibition? I knew Bond hired somebody to take out the Giant!"

Monroe: "Kicks are still legal! Don't jump to conclusions!"

As Lagarto climbed the top rope and hit a flying tackle onto the beast!

Monroe: "Flying tackle! How's that for a Lucha move!"

Marcum: "Not bad, but it looked very familiar. . ."

Lagarto went for an inverted DDT, but the Giant Luchador rebounded with a pair of Giant Headbutts, sending his foe across the ring. Lagarto slapped the mat in frustration. Superbeasto went for a Giant Elbow, but missed as Lagarto rolled out of the ring.

Lagarto went under the ring and disappeared.

Marcum: "Where'd he go? He's hiding from El Superbeasto!"

Monroe: "He's not hiding! He's playing mental games with the giant!"

Lagarto resurced on the other side of the ring with a steel chair! Jumping the Giant from behind, Lagarto went to work with multiple chair shots to the head and torso of the giant, knocking him to his knees!

As the ref disqualified the luchadore, he climbed up top and hit a missile dropkick on the beast!

Monroe: "Missile dropkick! Lagarto! Dropkick!"

Marcum: "I know I've seen that before."

As Lagarto managed to pick up the stunned giant onto his shoulders for another maneuver…

Monroe: "Impressive display of strength from Lagarto! Wait, is that. . ."

Marcum: "IT IS! A RED ALERT! HE JUST HIT SUPERBEASTO WITH A RED ALERT!"

As Lagarto stood over his fallen opponent with the referee signaling for Lagarto's disqualification, Lagarto began removing his mask. Pulling his mask off, Lagarto revealed himself as. . .

Monroe: "Chris Oakley! It was Oakley all along!"

Marcum: "I knew those moves looked familiar!"

Oakley left the ring as Ian Bond smiled and nodded in approval while "Rooster" began to play in the CheeseDome.


Hottie Swimsuit Competition

It was easily the most delicious thing that the RDCW fans had ever witnessed. Nuriko was wearing a swimsuit in name only, preferring to wear strategically placed origami paper to conceal herself. Very little origami paper. Stareena and ButterRican wore the skimpiest bikinis that had ever been seen – Madman Marcum needed to be excused from the ring floor due to “personal business”. Then Sneaky bunny disrobed and stole the victory away from the other three women. I’ll let you use your imagination to picture exactly what he wore and didn’t wear…personally, I gotta leave for a minute…personal business…

Joe Mama, King Snarf, and the Legbreakers have regrouped outside of The Company's door.

JM: Now, remember, just because Howlerama says they're injured, it doesn't mean that they're really injured. If this so-called "faction" kidnapped Louie, then I wanted them hurt. Badly. I don't want them to be able to compete next week. Are we clear?

SD: Crystal.

WC: Loud and clear, Champ.

KS: ...

JM: Hey, Champ! King Snarf?!? I asked if we're clear!

KS: ...Stareena...ButterRican...soapy...ohhhhhhhh...

JM: Dammit, man! Snap out of it!!!

KS: (regaining composure) ...wha? Oh...yeah. I'm clear, Champ. Here...I'll take lead.

JM: No, I got it...okay, on three. THREE!

The Bastardo Family kicks the locker room door open and charges into the room, catching "Slick Willie" Williams and his men completly by surprise. The Legbreaker isolate Howlerama, threatening them with their own crutches. King Snarf corners Charlie. And Joe Mama grabs Williams by his lapels, slamming him into the lockers.

JM: WHERE'S LOUIE, GODDAMMIT?!?

SWW: Ah've got no blamed idea what you boys're talkin' 'bout! Git yer hands off'a me!

JM: I swear, Williams, I will make your doctor a billionaire - just like you - if you don't tell me...

C: We don't know where Louie is! Does Howlerama look like they could kidnap anyone? We've been were all night, watching the show!

KS: (as "Sherlock") Gentlemen, the evidence points to you. The RDJL...far too injured, and too dense, to have committed the crime. Rex and PJP...occupied and without motive. SD-6...completely dismantled. Separately, they have the motive, but not the cohesiveness. The Dark Lords or Nowhereman...they also have the motive, but they'd be very open about the kidnapping had they been the perpetrators. The Conservatives and the Liberals...no motive. TK and Wednesday and...ohhhhhhhhhh...

JM: Focus, Snarf!!!

SWW: Ah sweah, we didn't do it! You boy're on the wrong path and ah sweah it's gonna cost you boys! Why, when I git ta callin' mah lawyah...!

Joe Mama takes a step back.

JM: Pray we don't find out you're lying, Slick...I'm aching to end this little faction before it becomes more than a joke...

King Snarf is opening lockers as he speaks.

KS: You wouldn't have had the time to stash him anywhere. So he must me in one of these very lockers! And once we find Louie bastardo - and we WILL find Louie Bastardo - you WILL need that lawyer, Mister Williams...

King Snarf continues to open lockers. Clothing and equipment belonging to the Company fall out. Finally, when King Snarf opens one of the last locker, it sticks a little but opens. Louie Bastardo isn't in there, but the tie he was wearing earlier falls out. Everyone stares at it, shocked.

KS: (somber...no accent) Joe...I think we've found our men.

SWW: (frantic) That wasn't there earlier! Ah sweah! We di'n't do it! Boys, ya gotta buh-lieve us!

Charlie grabs Joe Mama by the shoulders and yells in his face.

C: We were set up! There's NO WAY we could've done it!!!

SD: Joe? Snarf? What do you want to do now?

Joe Mama takes a step back from Charlie. His face is cold and emotionless, but his eyes are blazing. He pulls a cell phone from his pocket and two-way calls Grace...

JM: Grace? We found them. Yeah...yeah...no, he's not here. (Pause) Grace...get everyone in the ring. We'll be out in a moment.

WC: Are we taking them to the ring, guys?

In answer, Joe Mama punches Charlie in the face. As Charlie falls, Joe Mama kicks him in the ribs relentlessly. The Legbreakers go to work on Howlerama. "Slick Willie" tries to get control of the stiuation, but he is knocked down by a spear from King Snarf, who punches him repeatedly. Finally, after a few minutes of violence, the Family members start carrying - or dragging - the Company members out towarsd the ring...

Judge...Jury...Execution!!!

Grace waits in the ring alongside El Superbeasto, Sneaky Bunny, and Johnny Evil. After a few minutes, "The Ecstacy Of Gold" plays and the other Family members come to the ring with the Company in tow. The Legbreakers drag Howlerama to the ring and roll them in. Joe Mama tosses Charlie in. And, after pausing twice to smack "Slick Willie" around, gets him in the ring as well. They get togther with their teammates and then converge onto the Company.

Monroe: This is the most disgusting display of brutality I've ever seen!

Madman: It's nothing less than the Company deserves for what they've done! Now all the Family has to do is find Louie!

The Legbreakers keep Howlerama in dual Figure-Four Leg Locks as the rest of the Family swaps in and out of using their finishers on Charlie and Bill Williams.

Grace's phone rings and she answers. A look of shock comes over her face, and she races up the ramp.

Monroe: Where could Grace be going?

On the Cheese-o-Tron, a camera follows Grace through the halls of the CheeseDome. She stops at a women's restroom with a sign the reads, "Out of Order." Grace opens the door and heads for the last stall to find a bound and gagged Louie Bastardo tied to the toilet.

Marcum: It's Louie Bastardo!

Grace: Louie! What have they done to you!?

Grace removes the gag from Louie and begins untying him.

Louie: Those fuckers! When I get my hands on them-

Grace: The boys are already taking care of them! The Company will be out of business in just a few more minutes!

Louie: The COMPANY!? You think it was the Company that did this to me!? It was SD-6!

A look of shock comes over Grace and the Bastardo Family stops the beat down they have been giving to the Company. And look up at the Cheese-o-tron.

Louie: I want those motherfuckers taken out RIGHT NOW!

With that, the Bastardo Family bolts out of the ring and heads off towards the back.

Monroe: Buhgawd! SD-6 was behind the whole thing! That means they faked the break up from the beginnig!

Marcum: That means they're as good as dead when the Family gets through with them!

The Bastardo Family gets to Meeko's locker room and El Superbeasto breaks in the door. The room is empty, except for a small box on the floor in the middle of the room. There is a card on it, and Joe picks it up.

Joe Mama: It's addressed to you, Snarf.

Snarf takes the card from Joe.

King Snarf: "Enclosed is the entire DVD collection of Dragnet. Maybe watching these will help you the next time you find yourself conducting an investigation. SD-6."

The show ends with the Bastardo Family fuming in the empty locker room.