RKMBs Forums .::Robegories::. Sports and Wrestling The Velocity Report

Since WWE has seen fit to bung Velocity and Heat up online, I've decided to start reviewing them both, in the vague hope they'll be better than Raw. So, to kick off tonight:

Show opens with MNM making their way to the ring. By the way, does anybody else think that Steve Romero and Josh Matthews are better than Tazz and Cole?

Melina is hot. That's just official. I mean, GOD-DAMN, people! She makes Trish look frumpy!

Their opponents are already in the ring, apparently they're Jared Steele and Jakas Plisken. I don't recognise these guys from OVW or DSW, but they look okay.

Mercury starts off the match, and lays into his opponent, I think it's Steele. He picks him up and tags in Nitro, and the two of them hit a double elbow.

Nitro hits a way-cool spinaroonie leg drop!

Mercury's back in the ring, just in time for Steele to make a comeback that lasts about three punches. Mercury then knocks him on his ass with a clothesline and whips him into the corner. Takes him back to the middle and hits a decent jawbreaker (Chris Sabin's is better, though).

Nice dropkick, though, and he's going for a pin. Steele's back up, however, and back on the offensive. It lasts more than three blows, but Mercury knocks him on his ass again with a clothesline.

Mercury goes for a tomahawk elbow drop, but Steele dodges, tags in Plisken, and he goes on the offensive! By the way, it looks like Mercury's hurt his elbow, might just be selling though.

Romero and Matthews discuss how to pronounce Plisken's name whilst Mercury makes a comeback. He tags in Nitro, who promptly hits an impressive slingshot elbow drop.

Of the two members of MNM, Nitro looks slightly ore impressive individually, I'd say.

Melina tells them to for the Snapshot! Nitro tags in Mercury and knocks Steele off the apron, before MNM hit the snapshot for the pin!

Not a bad match. Steele and Plisken were decent jobbers, and there were a couple of good spots.

Announcement of the cruiserweight battle royal later in the evening. It looks like Funaki, Scotty 2 Hotty, Paul London, Brian Kendrick and the Mexicools are up for it.

I thought WWE let Kendrick go.

Next segment starts with a recap of Ken Kennedy costing Hardcore Holly the match against Sylvan.

MISTERRRRRRRRR KENNEDY!...KENNEDY! comes out, to pretty big heat. This guy is most definitely getting over, and I wouldn't be suprised to see him up for the United States belt at Armageddon.

He has another go at Tony Chimmel for crappy announcement, this time stuffing a jam doughnut down his mouth.

I find this somewhat ironic, as Tony's not a bad announcer. He's better than Garcia, at any rate.

Ken Kennedy's still better though, as he does a full old-school announcement, complete with spotlight and hanging mic.

245 pounds? Kennedy's gained another 2. You wouldn't tell to look at him.

Green Bay's really not popular, huh?

The match proper starts pretty damn quick, with Russell going for a quick roll-up for 1. He gets him in a back bear-hug, but Kennedy gets out of him and hits an enziguri-type kick.

Pin only goes to 1, but Kennedy gets Simpson i nthe corner and kicks him for a bit before going for another pin. Betcha can guess how long it lasts.

Oh, this is new. Kennedy actually stops the pin himself. Well, I'm not gonna complain, I love this guy!

Kennedy punches Simpson into the corner! Damn, that's good selling.

Kennedy runs at Simpson in the corner, but super-jobber dodges and Kennedy hits the turnbuckle. Simpson goes on the attack, and comes back from being tossed onto the apron with a decent headbutt. Then, like a total dumbass, he goes to the top rope (yeah, 'cos that worked so well for Paul London...)

Sure enough, Kennedy hits the Lambeau Leap for the pin.

Nice squash match. Ken Kennedy's really good, and he's got enviable mic skills. I'm thinking we're looking at a new Kurt Angle here.

Time for the main event, and I can safely say TNA could do it better.

Tony Chimmel actually explains the rules of a Battle Royal to start, Er, Tony? Pretty much everyone who watches Vekocity KNOWS what a battle royal is, thanks.

Apparently the winner will face off against Nunzio for the title at No Mercy. Not bad, but the buyrate's gonna be shite, let's face it.

Scotty 2 Hotty's first out, followed out by Funaki. Brian 'Spanky' Kendrick follows them out, then we get Paul London. Note the crowd's response, Mr. McMahon. They love this guy.

The Mexicools are next out. Yup, all three of them are in this match, making the WWE cruiserweight division exactly seven guys. Plus Nunzio, who comes out with Vito to watch the match from the ramp.

The bell goes, and we get the old rush-together before they break off into separate brawls. Funaki gets Juventud, Paul London gets another and Scotty and Brian team up on the third, I think it's Psicosis.

Funaki already has Juventud ready to go over, but he won't go. Right now it's just a brawl. Scotty and Paul both nearly go over but manage to stop themselves.

Brian Kendrick clotheslines Psicosis out for the first elimination! Go Spanky!

Funaki and Kendrick attempt to push Juventud out, but he stays in. Juvi attempts to get Brian Kendrick out, but he stays in, and Paul London desperately tries to eliminate Scotty, but fails.

Funaki hits an impressive facebuster bulldog type thingy on Super Crazy to good pops. WWE take note, some of these boys are very popular.

Funaki goes to hit the Rising Sun on Super Crazy, but he reverses it and flings him over the top rope! Nice.

As it stands now, Brian Kendrick's taking on Super Crazy whilst Scotty teams up with Paul London to face Juventud. My money's on Juventud to face Nunzio, by the way.

Scotty goes to hit 10 punches on Juventud, but turns round on 8 and hits Brian who's sneaking up behind him!

Brian reverses things around, though, and sends Scotty over the top rope. He manages to hold on, and flips back into the ring, but Super Crazy knocks him back out. Nice flip, though.

Super Crazy nearly sends Juventud to the outside by accident! Juventud's way pissed off, and the pair argue for a couple of seconds before London hits the dropkick and sends Super Crazy over the ropes, over The Juice and out of the match!

From here, things stop making sense. Brian starts beating on Paul, his best pal, when they should team up on Juventud? WTF?

This is good, though. Juventud's getting plenty of heat, or pops, I can't tell which, and isn't wrestling too bad either.

Brian and Paul try to get Juvi out, but he hangs on and gets back through. More pops and kicks from London.

Brian hits Paul with a jumping Elbow off Juventud's back!

Brian does a killer floatover and goes up to the top, presumbaly for punches, but Paul pushes him off for the next elimination! Another nice one.

There are guys getting to their feet here, WWE! The boys in the ring a putting on a helluva show!

Juventud hits a decent headscissors and leaps back to his feet. Paul hits him with the elbow and a Mushroom Stomp before lifting the Kuice onto the apron.

No elimination yet, though.

Psicosis goes through London's legs (note the London chant) and attempts to lift him over the ropes. London only goes as far as the apron though.

London hits a missile dropkick on Juventud whilst Juventud dropkicks Paul London! Cool. By the way, does anybody else think Paul London looks like Jimmy Olsen from the New Adventures of Superman?

Paul attempts to fireman's carry The Juice over the top rope, but he can't! Tries it on another side, still nothing doing, so he Death Valley Drivers him instead!

Everybody has a lie down!

London gets Juventud onto the apron and starts stomping on him!

Now they're both on the apron!

Juventud attempts to sunset flip powerbomb Paul London to the mat, but ends up lying on the apron and getting his head literally stomped on!

They end up both dangling from the ropes right next to each other! This is actually quite funny to look at.

Paul gets back onto the apron first, and Juventud kicks him off for the finish!

Told you so.

Not a bad match, but Juvi was better at getting pops than hitting blows. I still liked it, you understand, but London or Kendrick should've got it.

Paul's a real funny motherfucker. But he has the proclivity to call and txt you at weird hours of the day.