#50901
2003-06-08 7:07 PM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43
25+ posts
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25+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43 |
Cowgirl Jack has left for a few days and left me in charge. Ha!
Ten Things about PMS
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, 'How's my driving? Call 1 800 ****"**.'
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. ONE!!!
And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT.
They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the lightbulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, find the lightbulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID lightbulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS!!!
That's how many.
Q. Why do they call it PMS?
A. Because mad cow disease was taken.
Bad PMS Combos
HEADACHES and INCREASED SEX DRIVE: Known as getting him all hot and bewildered.
EXCESSIVE DOMESTICITY and CLUMSINESS: Whatever you do, don't dust the knicknacks.
SENTIMENTALITY and EXTRAVAGANCE: This is not the time to shop for Mother's Day.
SMELL SENSITIVITY and NAUSEA: A hundred-foot distance from all Thai restaurants is recommended.
FOOD BINGING and LACK OF COORDINATION: It's hard to stuff your face when you can't find it.
RINGING IN EARS and PARANOIA: No, it's NOT the IRS or that nerd from the health club at the door.
COMPULSIVE SPENDING and INSOMNIA: Fortunately, the twenty-four-hour shopper probably can't get much of a wardrobe at 7-Eleven.
NYMPHOMANIA and POOR JUDGEMENT: The only thing worse than taking the consequences is getting a call from one of them.
TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
14. Pass My Shotgun
13. Psychotic Mood Shift
12. Pack My Stuff
11. Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
10. Perpetual Munching Spree
9. Puffy Mid-Section
8. People Make Me Sick
7. Provide Me with Sweets
6. Pardon My Sobbing
5. Pimples May Surface
4. Pass My Sweatpants
3. Pissy Mood Syndrome
2. Plainly Men Suck
And the number one thing PMS Stands for........
Who Cares?
I'm not in the mood to play this shit anymore!!
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#50902
2003-06-08 8:52 PM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1
We already are 15000+ posts
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We already are 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1 |
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#50903
2003-06-08 8:59 PM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 10,988 Likes: 43
Doog the MIGHTY 10000+ posts
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Doog the MIGHTY 10000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 10,988 Likes: 43 |
quote:
Originally posted by Harpy:
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. ONE!!!
And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT.
They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the lightbulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, find the lightbulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID lightbulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS!!!
That's how many.
OMFG I swear this entire paragraph is my mom exactly. Every god damn day.
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#50904
2003-06-08 9:12 PM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 985
500+ posts
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500+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 985 |
quote:
Originally posted by Harpy:
And the number one thing PMS Stands for........
Private MessageS?
That was hilarious AND scary at the same time...
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#50905
2003-06-08 9:17 PM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1
We already are 15000+ posts
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We already are 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1 |
Very Scary.......Very Scary. ![[izzat so?]](graemlins/zatso.gif)
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#50906
2003-06-08 9:22 PM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 985
500+ posts
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500+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 985 |
Not scary enough that I wouldn't want a gf if I ever had the chance, but scary nonetheless, lol.
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#50907
2003-06-08 11:26 PM
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 18,080
He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 18,080 |
When every other male is running from you on this special occasion, remember Harpy, Jesus loves you. ![[who, me?]](graemlins/whome01.gif)
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#50908
2003-06-08 11:30 PM
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,016
2000+ posts
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2000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,016 |
Zod is not scared! Zod does not accept the mythical PMS! It is not real, women made it up so to have a few days to themselves every month! Zod knows for Zod has used his super hearing to listen in on the secret meeting all women have together!! Zod knows the truth!! ZOD KNOWS!! ![[AAAHHHH!!!]](graemlins/aahhh.gif) KNEEL before ZOD!!! *Zod flies like hell*
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#50909
2003-06-08 11:39 PM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43
25+ posts
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25+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43 |
quote:
Originally posted by ZOD:
*Zod flies like hell*
ZOD BETTER FLY LIKE HELL!
'Cause I'm sure Zod knows that the only kneeling done will be Zod if he ticks off PMS Avenger again! Bring me my mace!
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#50910
2003-06-09 3:27 AM
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 14,896
10000+ posts
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10000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 14,896 |
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#50911
2003-06-09 8:59 AM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1
We already are 15000+ posts
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We already are 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1 |
Whenever I was in a relationship and my girlfriend had her period......I would call that week "BlowJob Week".......had a nice ring to it.
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#50912
2003-06-09 6:14 PM
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704
Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
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Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704 |
Hopefully I'll be over my PMS-ing before Friday. I hate it when PMS and periods get in the way of having sex...it makes me extra cranky.
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#50913
2003-06-09 10:37 PM
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 24,593 Likes: 1
Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 24,593 Likes: 1 |
I don't think this is what Bobo had in mind when he created the "Women" forum. ![[eh... i dunno... ]](graemlins/ehidunno.gif) ![[no no no]](graemlins/nono.gif)
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#50914
2003-06-09 10:51 PM
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 12,609
10000+ posts
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10000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 12,609 |
Yeah take this crap to Oprah's boards!!!
Yeesh!!!
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#50915
2003-06-09 11:01 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 1,708
1500+ posts
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1500+ posts
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 1,708 |
Exactly.
Less talky, more fetchy.
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#50916
2003-06-10 7:45 PM
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704
Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
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Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704 |
Ehh...shut it. ![[...rassamnfrackin...]](graemlins/grumble01.gif) You can live with one thread.
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#50917
2003-06-11 4:53 AM
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 22,618
Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 22,618 |
This is a bad thread. A very bad thread.
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#50918
2003-06-11 8:54 PM
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 18,080
He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 18,080 |
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#50919
2003-06-11 9:11 PM
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 12,609
10000+ posts
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10000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 12,609 |
GOD DAMN YOU!
I was just about to have a bowl for dinner!!!
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#50920
2003-06-11 9:56 PM
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 18,080
He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 18,080 |
Mwah-hahahahahahhahahahahahaha!
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#50921
2003-06-13 4:54 PM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,134
Knowledge is Power! 1000+ posts
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Knowledge is Power! 1000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,134 |
I once worked in an office where the entire female staff synchronised! No mortal man should have to witness that!!!
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#50922
2003-06-14 5:19 AM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 14,203
1 Millionth Customer 10000+ posts
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1 Millionth Customer 10000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 14,203 |
quote:
Originally posted by Britannica:
I once worked in an office where the entire female staff synchronised!
No mortal man should have to witness that!!!
How many? Because at my work the women are on reverse-PMS. They're bitches except for 5 days a month.
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#50923
2003-06-14 8:53 PM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,134
Knowledge is Power! 1000+ posts
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Knowledge is Power! 1000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,134 |
quote:
Originally posted by r3x29yz4a:
How many? Because at my work the women are on reverse-PMS. They're bitches except for 5 days a month.
![[whaaaa!]](eek01.gif) That's awful!
I had to put up with seven of them. Thank goodness it was only one week every month!
How many do you have to avoid for three weeks?
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#50924
2003-06-14 9:03 PM
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 12,609
10000+ posts
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10000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 12,609 |
As a nurse I deal with this daily...
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#50925
2003-06-15 3:59 AM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 14,203
1 Millionth Customer 10000+ posts
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1 Millionth Customer 10000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 14,203 |
quote:
Originally posted by Britannica:
quote:
Originally posted by r3x29yz4a:
How many? Because at my work the women are on reverse-PMS. They're bitches except for 5 days a month.
That's awful!
I had to put up with seven of them. Thank goodness it was only one week every month!
How many do you have to avoid for three weeks?
I luckily work graveyard, so they're only around for about an hour at the end of my day. I try to stay invisible during the "bad times."
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#50926
2003-06-17 6:34 PM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,342
Peacock Teaser 3000+ posts
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Peacock Teaser 3000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,342 |
So...what did I miss?
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#50927
2003-06-17 6:40 PM
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 22,618
Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 22,618 |
Terror-stricken men trying frantically to run away.
Other than that, same ol' same ol'.
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#50928
2003-06-17 8:00 PM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,134
Knowledge is Power! 1000+ posts
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Knowledge is Power! 1000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,134 |
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#50929
2003-07-08 1:39 AM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43
25+ posts
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25+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43 |
Hehehehehehehehe...guess who's back? Elvis I ain't.
Now someone pass the Advid or risk getting beaten...
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#50930
2003-07-08 1:42 AM
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,240
Kisser Of John Byrne Ass 15000+ posts
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Kisser Of John Byrne Ass 15000+ posts
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,240 |
Women are so whiney.............
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#50931
2003-07-08 1:50 AM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43
25+ posts
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25+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43 |
...and tonight's menu will consist of pork chops, ribs, and bacon...
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#50932
2003-07-08 1:55 AM
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,240
Kisser Of John Byrne Ass 15000+ posts
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Kisser Of John Byrne Ass 15000+ posts
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,240 |
Just a piece of me is enough for you... ![[humina humina]](graemlins/love.gif)
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#50933
2003-07-08 8:59 AM
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704
Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
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Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704 |
quote:
Originally posted by Harpy:
Hehehehehehehehe...guess who's back? Elvis I ain't.
Now someone pass the Advid or risk getting beaten...
Woman! You've got to get off my cycle! :lol:
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#50934
2003-07-08 9:00 AM
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704
Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
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Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704 |
quote:
Originally posted by Harpy:
...and tonight's menu will consist of pork chops, ribs, and bacon...
Mmmmmmm . . . hot & sweet ribs . . .
Yum! ![[mwah hwah haa]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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#50935
2003-07-08 12:09 PM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43
25+ posts
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25+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43 |
quote:
Originally posted by Bianca:
Woman! You've got to get off my cycle! :lol:
LOL can you sync up over the internet?
Learn something new everyday.
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#50936
2003-07-08 4:01 PM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,205
fudge 4000+ posts
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fudge 4000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,205 |
I think that Harpy is such a nice old lady from the "Ol´ Folks" home who deals out sweets to the little children
Don´t worry people, she´s harmless, trust me, I know!!!
I think you should fear other people, but not Zod, he´s just a sad old senile man
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
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#50937
2003-07-08 5:18 PM
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704
Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
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Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704 |
quote:
Originally posted by Harpy:
quote:
Originally posted by Bianca:
Woman! You've got to get off my cycle! :lol:
LOL can you sync up over the internet?
Learn something new everyday.
Must be able to...this is the 2nd month in a row! :lol:
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#50938
2003-07-08 11:40 PM
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,016
2000+ posts
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2000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,016 |
Zod is not sad and senile!! You should fear Zod and be afraid to utter his name!! Now put a plug in it... KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!
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#50939
2003-07-09 9:05 AM
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704
Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
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Frustrated! . . . with kids! 2500+ posts
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,704 |
quote:
Originally posted by ZOD:
Zod is not sad and senile!! You should fear Zod and be afraid to utter his name!!
Now put a plug in it...
KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!
Kneel?
You want us to kneel before you?
OH HELLLLLLLL NO! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Don't make me open up the whoop ass on your sorry arse . . . Zod will become a puddle of pudding if that happens . . . :lol:
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#50940
2003-07-09 12:39 PM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43
25+ posts
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25+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 43 |
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!
*helps Bianca open a can of whoop-ass on Zod*
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![[eh?]](images/icons/confused.gif){kind=icon}
![[gulp!]](gulp.gif)
