#51433
2003-07-08 3:28 AM
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Joined: May 2003
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My girlfriend of thirteen months dumped my ass five days before my 24th birthday.
We never fought, we didn't argue. It was a pretty passionate 13 months. I honestly thought I was meant to marry this girl, after a while.
But then, nine days ago, she lays a bombshell on me: "I've been thinking... (the You Know You're Fucked intro)... And I'm not in love with you. Not the way you're in love with me. And it's unfair to you to keep this going the way it is. I mean, we can still be friends..."
But by that point I wasn't listening. I think God cued the theme song to Dawson's Creek in my head 'cause that was all I was hearing on the drive home from the countryside. Motherfucking gatdamn images of happy memories and what-have- you played like a bad slapped-together reel-by-reel of Greatest Moments in the Life of...
We got home, I unloaded some shit from her car, and we had about a twelve minute talk, which basically consisted of me staring at the floor and saying, "Yeah, I understand, I've heard it before, so I understand. Trust me, I understand..." That's all I kept saying. "Yeah, I understand." And I didn't even look at her. The girl I spent the last 13 months of my life with, the girl I thought I was going to marry, I didn't even look in her the eyes the last time I saw her. I think I gave her a half-hearted hug, and her last words to me were, "You've got my number."
Yeah, right, as if I'm going to call. It's been nine days so far and I haven't spoken to her. I mean, she said it herself, she wasn't in love with me the way I was in love with her. How was I supposed to "just be friends" now? When my instinct would be to reach out and grab her around the waist? Or lean down and kiss her? Or exude the social aura that "she's with me"? It would take time to kill those instincts. Time I would need to spend in isolation. To call her now, in this weakened state of mine... I'd come across as hopeless and pathetic.
So now it's back to nights alone. Random and infrequent sex. With girls who may be hot. Or cute. Maybe even eh. But they will never be perfect. They will never be HER. More than the sexual stuff, I'll miss the actual sleeping together, and waking up beside, the girl I felt I belonged to, and who, in turn, belonged to me. Sex is easy to get. But THAT sort of connection? Damn.
Well... Just wanted to vent, guys.
Nonoxynol9
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#51434
2003-07-08 3:32 AM
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Fuck. Sorry, Non. Believe me, I know how you feel... ![[sad]](images/icons/frown.gif)
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#51435
2003-07-08 4:09 AM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 5,958
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Not to get your hopes up but it happened to me twice.
Both times I thought I was fucking going to die.
The second time I got really messed up and contemplated a few unpleasant things for myself but ultimately it was all about her needing to clear a few things in her head and realize that what she had didn't come easily (something she couldn't have understood since I was her 1st). that coupled with her older sisters trying to live their youth vicariously thru her and telling her she needed to be alone and have her own place and experience and what not. She soon came back after a few unpleasant dating experiences and a few years later we married.
6 years this September and 11 years being with her except for that bit around the 4 1/2 year mark.
The 1st one though was a real wack job but this time I was the one who was too inexperienced to know better.
Only time will tell one way or another. For waht it's worth though, time heals all wounds although it sure doesn't feel lkke it at the time.
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#51436
2003-07-08 6:22 AM
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Joined: Nov 2003
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Similar situations all around. I was with my ex for two years when she dumped me. I thought it was about near the end of the world. Tore me up for months, man.
But I've been with my current for just about two years now, and, so far no sign of breakup yet (although I didn't see the last one coming, so who knows?).
Not to bring you down, but you will always find someone else, no matter how perfect you've built up the one you've recently been with. Slowly, but surely, you'll realize she has flaws, she's not perfect, and really, not perfect for you. If she was, she'd still be with you.
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#51437
2003-07-08 8:41 AM
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 7,281
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Umm, I dunno if this is what you want to hear, but here goes. Why can't you be friends? I know it won't happen right away, or even for a couple years. But seriously, if you really love her as much as you claim to, there's no reason to dismiss her from your life entirely.
I remember the first (and only, I guess) time that I got dumped. It was also the first time I'd 'fallen' for someone that hard. It hurt like hell, and we worked together (in a bar, no less) so I got to watch him flirt with everyone but me. We had some titanic, glass hurling, punch throwing fights after that. Classic, legendary spectacles.
Fast forward five years, and he's still a really good freind. I know now that the break up was really for the best (although ita never felt like that at the time, and took me years to see the value in anyone else), and I don't even want to go back there. The 'Dawson montage' as you described it is still there, as those moments were real and won't go away. But hey, I've got some special stuff for my internal photo album so it was all worth it. We still laugh at some of the stupid shit.
Bottom line is, call her. Not today, or next week...but do call her. There's a reason you love her so much, and that is never going to go away. You have to let it transform into something else, or it'll just keep coming back to haunt you mate...and that's no fun.
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#51438
2003-07-08 11:35 AM
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Joined: May 2003
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sounds to me like a good time for a breakfast beer.
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#51439
2003-07-09 3:34 AM
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Sorry to hear that man. That sounds really rough.
I don't really subscribe to the belief that there's "only one special person out there for you", so, as cliche as it may sound, I think you'll find someone else you love. It probably doesn't feel that way now, but give the wounds time to heal and you'll be alright.
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#51440
2003-07-09 4:15 PM
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#51441
2003-07-09 8:13 PM
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Heyas,
What really bums me out is that she took the whole 13 months of emotion and passion to tell you that she doesn't love you in the way you want her to. Was there EVER an earlier time she could have told you all this? Either of you could have found someone else by now. If I were in your position, I'd wait at least another 13 months before calling her, if ever.
"And it's unfair to you to keep this going the way it is."
Why was it going the way it was at all?
I hope that didn't sound cold or anything. It's just that once I learn it's not going to work out, I can't pretend it will.
At any rate, you won't feel this bad for too long, as others here have said. They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your princess. How true!
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#51442
2003-07-10 11:04 AM
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So it's been 10 days. I haven't called her yet. But I want to, man. Oh, how I want to. But I know how pointless and futile it would be. And you know what... This is probably all my fault. About half-way through our relationship she said something along the same lines. "I know you love me, but I don't know if I love you the same." We had a pretty serious discussion about it, but in the end we decided to ignore it. She thought maybe she could eventually "fall in love" with me the way I had fallen in love with her. It just took her another seven months to realize that, in fact, she couldn't, she wasn't, she won't. Ever. Fall in love. With me. The stabbing thoughts have dwindled down to a dull ache instead of a searing pain, however. But it's these sudden overwhelming urges to pick up the phone and call her, though, that I'm trying my damndest to fight. So I shouldn't call her? Ever? In the end, it wasn't really all her fault... Nonoxynol9 quote:
Originally posted by Sideways:
Heyas,
What really bums me out is that she took the whole 13 months of emotion and passion to tell you that she doesn't love you in the way you want her to. Was there EVER an earlier time she could have told you all this? Either of you could have found someone else by now. If I were in your position, I'd wait at least another 13 months before calling her, if ever.
"And it's unfair to you to keep this going the way it is."
Why was it going the way it was at all?
I hope that didn't sound cold or anything. It's just that once I learn it's not going to work out, I can't pretend it will.
At any rate, you won't feel this bad for too long, as others here have said. They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your princess. How true!
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#51443
2003-07-10 11:15 AM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 23,089
The Once, and Future Cunt 15000+ posts
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The Once, and Future Cunt 15000+ posts
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Everybody's high on consolation
Everybody's trying to tell me what's right for me
My daddy tried to bore me with a sermon
But it's plain to see that they can't comfort me
Sorry charlie for the imposition
I think i've got it, got the strength to carry on
I need a drink and a quick decision
Now it's up to me, ooh what will be
She's gone oh i, oh i'd
Better learn how to face it
She's gone oh i, oh i'd
Pay the devil to replace her
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#51444
2003-07-10 8:16 PM
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Joined: Jun 2003
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Nonoxynol9:
<strong> So it's been 10 days. I haven't called her yet. But I want to, man. Oh, how I want to. But I know how pointless and futile it would be.
And you know what... This is probably all my fault. About half-way through our relationship she said something along the same lines. "I know you love me, but I don't know if I love you the same."
We had a pretty serious discussion about it, but in the end we decided to ignore it. She thought maybe she could eventually "fall in love" with me the way I had fallen in love with her. It just took her another seven months to realize that, in fact, she couldn't, she wasn't, she won't. Ever. Fall in love. With me.
The stabbing thoughts have dwindled down to a dull ache instead of a searing pain, however. But it's these sudden overwhelming urges to pick up the phone and call her, though, that I'm trying my damndest to fight.
So I shouldn't call her? Ever? In the end, it wasn't really all her fault
Nonoxynol9
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">So that's about six or seven months of togetherness, then the discussion, then six or seven more months of togetherness, then the breaking up? I dunno, man. That sounds kinda phishie.
Maybe you should, maybe you shouldn't. But from my indications, it's still early. Suppose you do call her today. What will you say? What will she say? You already know she doesn't love you the same. Suppose she says she made a mistake and wants to give it another try. What next? Another six or seven months of secrecy?
For now, if you're going to call someone, how about a dial up internet access number? There's a ton of undread threads on this board to keep your mind busy! After all, it's not like you're unable to read or type; I've been that bad myself.
Also, keep in mind that what I say here is only advice and totally optional.
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#51445
2003-07-10 8:41 PM
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Joined: May 2003
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I really dunno how to advise you either, Non. I'm kind of going through a situation right now that's similar to what Whomod went through with his current gal.
Sideways: Hey, nice going on your advice--- I like what you had to say, bro. You aren't such a bad egg afterall.
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#51446
2003-07-10 9:47 PM
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 22,618
Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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Non, e-mail me. I've got something to show ya.
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#51447
2003-07-21 12:17 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,680
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Non, belive it or not, what you're going through is almost exactly when I went through back in '99. Long story short, we met 3 months before his divorce was finalized for a year, a couple weeks before my birthday. Our first date was my birthday, our first kiss was new years, and over the course of 6 months we flirted with the idea of getting married. Then the 7th month, he went to a week long concert fest, came back and made the move to talk about marriage seriously. The next month we went to my friends wedding, I caught the bouqet (and belive me when I say this, I so did not want to get up there, but had no choice, I'll explain later), and as we were walking out, saying our goodbys to the bride and groom, the bride hassles him by sayin "you know what this means right? you guys are next."
I so wanted to tell her to shut up for that (non threatening of course). So our last day together, on the way to church, he told me "I love you", after church, during lunch, we made plans to go to MN for the next summer, and after we went back to his place, we worked on a premarital counceling work book. He got tired, I let him take a nap while I went to the grocery store to get some stuff because I was making him dinner for his birthday (which was the next day or the day after that, don't remember) and when I came back, he was up and really quiet. I put the parishables away, sat down next to him and asked him what was wrong. He then broke up with me. I don't remebmer what was said exactly, but he did say it was him and not me and that he wanted to be friends. That he had been having doubts for some time now. It took me a while, like weeks, to find out just how long a while was and he told me a couple weeks. I did the math back and found it was that wedding. We were together for a total of 10 months and dated for 9 of those 10. We met the month before we went out on our first date.
SO, in those 2 weeks he was having doubts, he kept telling me how much he loved me, how he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me. I and everyone else thought it was jut a matter of time before he proposed. That's how serious things were between us. But apparently not. Well, never having been in a relationship before, and to be honest, I wanted him to really understand how much he hurt me, I would call him up, try to talk to him (mainly because he wasn't allowing me closure, he left a lot unsaid that I needed resolved) but all he did was push me away. So over the next couple months I would call him up, leave him messages on his machine, email him. I was hurt, upset, depressed, and I took my hurt out on him. I said things to him I'm not proud of, nor am I proud of my actions either. it took me about a year to deal with the break up, I was depressed for months. In 2001, I was upset about something that happened to me, a good friend of mine sent me an email after seeing me post that something what bothering me, but I didn't want to talk about it online, saying he'd be home at whatever time to call him if I wanted to talk. So I did and we talked for over 2 hours, long distance, and we talked about what was bothering me, and he asked me what happened between me and my ex. He knew I had an exboyfriend, but I never went into detail about the relationship/breakup. So in talking to him, he said something I kind of knew when my ex and I were together, but I ignored it, and that was that my ex and I didn't have much in common.
So you see, I know exactly what you're going through. I was still in love with my ex, and I loved his kids also. But my advice to you is not to call her. As hard as it is, and believe me, I know how hard that is, you need to walk away from her and don't even think about being friends. Once you've been that close to somone (whether you had sex with them or not, as was the case with me) you can't be friends with them. There's too much history there for you to be just friends. Because the danger with that is, say that person comes back into your life after you get married, then they want to hang out with you and not your spouce, then youre in for some trouble because she could try and pick up where you guys were before the break up. Somthing like that happened to one of the pastor's at my church.
What will help is to go out with friends, not talk about your ex or the relationship. Give it time. I'll spare you what I was about to say because although it's true, speaking from experience, I know you don't want to hear it right about now.
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#51448
2003-07-22 2:08 AM
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Joined: May 2002
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Non, that's romance. Something like that is damn hard to come by. I had it and everything was perfect. Then a few weeks after Valentine's Day (this year) things started getting "phishy". Valentine's Day was perfect. I came home from school for the weekend, did everything perfectly. I made her a double disc CD of love songs. They were sappy, but damn they meant something. Dinner, sleeping together, breakfast, the works. She even put rose petals on my bed. However while I was gone her social life wasn't much. She hung out with my brother a lot. Through him her social life picked up. I always knew she was a party girl, but I had no idea of what was coming. Flash forward to spring break. My gut felt something wasn't right and I needed to fix it. That whole week was a mess of mixed signals and pain. Then I got back, and the talks on the phone got less and less frequent. It seemed like it was painful for her to say those words (yeah Dawson crap, total drama). She decided we needed a 'break' so she could figure things out. I complied. She didn't think about seeing other people, that soon changed. Now I've found out she's slept with one of my friends, and two other guys that are players. She's had a couple (or more) boytoys since we broke up, I've had nothing. Now I realize that even though I feel strongly for her, we can't possibly date or get married. We have too little in common. Bottom line: It sucks, it hurts, it blows. Not much else you can say about it. You've got people to turn to though.
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#51449
2003-07-27 7:32 PM
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 949
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I was wondering where this thread was.
Sacman: Maybe figuring things out means "I want to spend time with at least one other guy so I can find out if what I feel for him is in some way better than what I feel for you"?
Batwoman: You have a point there about not calling. I just now remembered a few women of my past who made it clear they wanted nothing more than a friendship, and then after I find someone else to be interested in she suddenly wants to know ALL about her "replacement".
Matt: Thanks. I'm glad you liked what I had to say. Believe me, I know the scenario as do others here and it can be VERY frustrating.
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#51450
2003-07-27 11:31 PM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1
We already are 15000+ posts
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The situation doesn't have to be frustrating.........so she dumped you.......so what .....big fucking deal.......get over it.....there are a million other girls out there just waiting for you Noxy. The best way to get over an old girl is to get under a new one. Fuck everything you can get your hands on and you'll feel much better afterwards. It's bullshit when you hear... oh she was different......she was the one......fuck that.......there are millions of girls out there and many of them can be the one on any given night or lifetime. You the man Noxy don't forget that. If girls see you moping around and lacking confidence they won't want to be with you. So go out there get real cocky and fuck the first broad that says yes to you. ![[izzat so?]](graemlins/zatso.gif)
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#51451
2003-07-29 2:11 AM
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 741
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I appreciate the POV Sideways, but for her, one guy is equivalent to....5 maybe. Not sure what the heck to make of that. We haven't talked much since about March. Should I keep trying?
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#51452
2003-07-29 10:51 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,680
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Sacman, I'd say just leave her be. If she really wants to go out with you again, then she'll find you, if she doesn't already know how to get in touch with you. It's not worth your time sitting waiting around for her to figure out what she wants. If she doesn't call you, then it's her loss, not yours. heh This reminds me of when I was dealing with my break up and all the things a friend of mine used to tell me. He really helped me get through that time. :)
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#51453
2003-07-30 4:10 PM
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Joined: Jun 2003
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I wouldn't bother with her if I were you, Sacman. For all you know you could be no more that one space on dice. Or worse, she could be using a roulette wheel, or even one of those bingo mixer thingies (which, as we all know, has 75 balls and screws many people.)
This isn't a bad thread we have here. I'd like to share my situation, but only to state that it's not good... Maybe I'll say more later
Maybe
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#51454
2003-08-01 12:40 AM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 644
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This IS a cool thread. All I need now is to put in my Hank William's greatest hits cd and get my bottle of rotgut whiskey out... ![[wink]](images/icons/wink.gif) PJP: Romantic lil' devil, ain't ya? :lol: Sideways: Hey, spill if you feel up to it, bro. Might make you feel better (misery enjoys company, y'know ).
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#51455
2003-08-01 9:44 PM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1
We already are 15000+ posts
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quote:
Originally posted by Matt Kennedy:
This IS a cool thread. All I need now is to put in my Hank William's greatest hits cd and get my bottle of rotgut whiskey out...
PJP: Romantic lil' devil, ain't ya? :lol:
Sideways: Hey, spill if you feel up to it, bro. Might make you feel better (misery enjoys company, y'know ).
![[biiiig grin]](images/icons/grin.gif)
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#51456
2003-08-01 9:57 PM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 115
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i feel for ya, it hurts like hell but the right woman will come along and you will be happy again
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#51457
2003-08-01 9:59 PM
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 23,089
The Once, and Future Cunt 15000+ posts
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The Once, and Future Cunt 15000+ posts
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Hello!
Is it me your looking for?
Cause I wonder where you are.
And I wonder what you do.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
Or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart,
for I haven't got a clue.
But let me start by saying;
I love you.
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#51458
2003-08-02 1:59 AM
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 949
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Ah, what the heck....
What unknown force causes a guy to completely turn his hife inside out for one woman, as if to be in a romance novel?
I'm just a man with a job to do, bills to pay, a mouse to click, etc. and this woman has some grandiose expectations of me for unknown purposes that I am unable to fulfill. I tried reasoning with her, I thought she'd be a bit understanding about me not being thoughtless and impulsive and.. yadda yadda yadda... I haven't spoken to her since.
I can see this happening if I had been dating her for so long that breaking up would be next to impossible. BUT this is not a real relationship. Not that dating her would be a horrible thing, but she's no more than an acquaintance, maybe a friend. I base this on the fact that no feminine products are in my bathroom, I'm not singing like a sailor, and I'm not wearing a necklace with her name on it, etc. If this is her backwards way of trying to tell me otherwise, it's not working. If it WAS working, I'd certiainly be more eager to speak to her.
This is definitely no romance novel. This nonfiction plot makes as much sense as installing an ejector seat in a helicopter.
I suppose it could be worse. It could involve a current or ex girlfriend.
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#51459
2003-08-02 8:58 PM
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Joined: May 2003
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i know what you mean. I dedicated my life to my ex, and I gave up contact with friends just to spend time with her. I was with her for 2 years, and now all my friends have moved on and I've lost contact with them. Nobody wants to hang out with me because I'm so far out of the loop. I've become lonely, admitantly. All I do is work and come home. I gave up my friends for her, and now I have no one anymore. But to answer your question, horniness.
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#51460
2003-08-02 10:24 PM
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Posts: 578
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Hunh. Never thought this thread would continue as long as it has... Haven't even been over in this neck of the woods for a while.
Well, guys, it's been a month and 3 days. I've spoken to her on numerous occasions... I finally broke down and met her at the park. Neutral ground. I wound up crying and sobbing like a baby. Thankfully we were in my truck (it was raining, ironically), so no one else witnessed my moment of weakness. She seemed so unaffected by everything... and it pissed me off. Like, How come you get to feel better than me? How come you don't have to feel a fraction of what I'm going through?
Anyway... We're supposed to go see a matinee of Pirates of the Caribbean tomorrow. Other than the park, it's the first time I've seen her. I don't know what's going to happen... I think, somewhere in the back of my head, there's this inextinguishable voice whispering, "She's still one, she's still the one..." I don't want to act on this impulse. I want to go into the movies tomorrow knowing that we're there just as friends, that we're there because it's better than seeing it alone. I don't want to keep alive that twinge of hope that maybe, just maybe, she'll come back home with me. It's just going to be a movie. That's all, man. Just a movie...
I'm passed the sad phase, that's for sure. Now I'm in the angry phase. Before, when I saw a beautiful girl, it didn't really matter, because I knew I had a chick just as hot, if not hotter, waiting for me. But now, whenever I see a beautiful girl, I feel a little pang of anger. Like, I used to have someone like you... I bet someone already has you... And it's not me... I work at a popular restaurant downtown with happy hour until 10:00 p.m., so we get lots and lots of those super-trendy skirt-wearing thong-showing sorority girls, as well as an equal amount of beer-guzzling jockular frat-boy jack-asses. And when I see these two groups of beautiful, though empty, people hooking up and leaving together, I grind my teeth in jealousy.
And I know, you guys are right. I should be out getting laid. But... I'm an introvert. I've got my small group of friends, I hardly ever do stuff downtown anymore. "Going out" usually consists of bar-hopping across downtown Chattanooga, getting smashed, and locating a chick who's drunk enough to go home with you. I used to be able to do that, when I lived at home. I didn't have so many damn bills. Now that I live on my own, my income is severly limited, and I can't go galavanting around town as much as I'd like. Also, I'm a pothead, so a lot of my cash goes to that. It's not that I'm not confident... I'm loaded with self-confidence... I'm just extremely picky. I'm sorry, but I already fucked my prerequisite Drunk Fat Girl. I paid my penance. I'm not going to lower myself to those standards again. Especially not after the girl that inspired this thread. She was perfect. She had the perfect body. Beautiful, smooth, thin, soft, thin, thin, thin. Beautifully thin. A perfect ass. Perfect tits. Not an ounce of body fat on her. Gorgeous tan skin, long, flowing blond hair. How can I go from being with that to fucking nasty, herpies-ridden bar/club whores? I want to raise my self-esteem, not lower it.
I've got a mental block. I've been given about two opportunities to hook up since I've been single... But everytime I look at these chicks, all I see is my ex. All I'm thinking is, "She would have done THIS... She wouldn't have done THAT..." etc. Until I get past this mental stumbling block, I'm not going to get laid.
There is, however, a girl at work I'd be totally interested in tearing to pieces. A bartender. But she has a boyfriend. Someone told me she thought I was cute. I think I'm going to work that angle and invite her over for some booze and bud. Maybe throw in a little Air or Morcheeba into the CD player... light a few candles... suggest "watching a movie"... or offering/requesting a back massage... Never helped a girl cheat on her boyfriend before. Guess now's as good a time as ever. I've been fucked. Now's my time to fuck.
Nonoxynol9
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#51461
2003-08-02 10:33 PM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1
We already are 15000+ posts
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We already are 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1 |
Noxy
When you go to the movie with her be aloof.......like you'd rather be anywhere but there. Don't tell her about the bartender be very mysterious......tell her you want to start having fun and enjoy being single......chicks hate that. They want you to be single and miserable.
If you care too much for them they don't like that......they want a man with a little edge to them.
Also the bartender at work....unless her boyfriend is a good friend of yours work that as hard as you can. All is fair in Love and War. Hopefully she'll star banging you and keep the boyfriend. 3 years ago when I was still single I was dating 2 girls who each had boyfriends at the same time. I was the other man for 2 different girls......no responsibility whatsoever. That should be your goal right now in the short term.....long term you'll find many more girls introvert or not. Trust me.
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#51462
2003-08-03 4:33 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,680
1500+ posts
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1500+ posts
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Posts: 1,680 |
Non, I think you're playing with fire man. Take it from someone who was in the very same place as you just 4 years ago. Stop calling her, stop talking to her, don't go out with her as friends, nothing. Walk away. You're not doing yourself any good by still talking to her and being just friends. All you're doing is torturing yourself and giving yourself a false sense of hope. I know what I'm talking about. Although I was some harsh things to my ex after the break up, I still held hope that we'd get back together again some day.
Where I was hurt, upset, mad, all of the above, he was happy and excited about the townhouse he was going to buy. The thing with that was, when we were together, we agreed not to buy a house seperatly. We were going to get one together. But then it didn't take him long to go looking after he broke up with me, and decide to get the one he saw. Sitting across from him at the restautrant seeing him happy, listening to him talk about it just hurt me more.
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#51463
2003-08-04 12:01 AM
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 74
25+ posts
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#51464
2003-08-04 12:30 AM
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 949
500+ posts
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500+ posts
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#51465
2003-08-04 8:27 AM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 5,958
some RKMB'ers are Obsessed with Black People Hmmm? 5000+ posts
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some RKMB'ers are Obsessed with Black People Hmmm? 5000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 5,958 |
quote:
Originally posted by Batwoman:
Non, I think you're playing with fire man. Take it from someone who was in the very same place as you just 4 years ago. Stop calling her, stop talking to her, don't go out with her as friends, nothing. Walk away. You're not doing yourself any good by still talking to her and being just friends. All you're doing is torturing yourself and giving yourself a false sense of hope. I know what I'm talking about. Although I was some harsh things to my ex after the break up, I still held hope that we'd get back together again some day.
Where I was hurt, upset, mad, all of the above, he was happy and excited about the townhouse he was going to buy. The thing with that was, when we were together, we agreed not to buy a house seperatly. We were going to get one together. But then it didn't take him long to go looking after he broke up with me, and decide to get the one he saw. Sitting across from him at the restautrant seeing him happy, listening to him talk about it just hurt me more.
Exactly!
Take her advice. Stop seeing her!!! It's only torturing you.
Funny, after my breakups, I turned from being the sensetive introvert into this aloof guy and I couldn't get the girls off of me. Time heals all wounds but "just being freinds" only rubs salt into them.
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#51466
2003-08-04 9:25 AM
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 578
500+ posts
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OP
500+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 578 |
Well, like I mentioned in my last post, we were supposed to go see Pirates yesterday. And we did. It felt a little awkward at first, sitting beside her, fighting the urge to put my arm around her. But I made it through OK. By the time the movie had ended, however, I'd resigned myself to the fact that that was it, we were just there to see a movie. Time to go in our seperate cars back to our houses... But then... she decided, Maybe I'll come over. You're not doing anything today. Neither am I. Why not hang out? For a couple of hours we sat there on the couch, like old times. As the hours crept by, I found that we were slowly inching closer and closer to each other... Finally, it was time for her to leave, and I told her, You know, this morning, my stomach was doing flip-flops... I didn't know how I was going to react being with you here, today, as friends... But for some reason, it just feels right. And it did. It felt right. We ended up holding hands... Talking... And then we kissed. I thought, surely, this SHOULD be torturing me... These feelings, they SHOULD be drowning me all over again. But... But for some reason, I was OK with the way things were. For once, I wasn't scared to let her go. Needless to say, she spent the night. We didn't do anything. We just fell asleep on the couch watching Godzilla movies. And this morning, when she left... I didn't cry. I didn't feel any pangs of hurt or despair. I thought, Wow, even though we spent the entire night together, I'm better off now than when we were "officially" a couple. I think it's because I finally realized where our relationship is heading. Not the future. Not marriage, or an eternity together. Just RIGHT NOW. Today. Tomorrow. If we hang out again, fine, if we don't ever touch each other again, that's fine, too. I think seeing her did something to me, made me a stonger person now... For once, for ONCE, I can look forward to today. Nonoxynol9 P.S. Thanks for your concern, guys. It kinda means something to me knowing you guys are looking out for me. But don't worry... I'm no longer delusional. I'm no longer lying to myself. We are what we are, and nothing more. And I'm FINALLY happy with that. quote:
Originally posted by Batwoman:
Non, I think you're playing with fire man. Take it from someone who was in the very same place as you just 4 years ago. Stop calling her, stop talking to her, don't go out with her as friends, nothing. Walk away. You're not doing yourself any good by still talking to her and being just friends. All you're doing is torturing yourself and giving yourself a false sense of hope. I know what I'm talking about. Although I was some harsh things to my ex after the break up, I still held hope that we'd get back together again some day.
Where I was hurt, upset, mad, all of the above, he was happy and excited about the townhouse he was going to buy. The thing with that was, when we were together, we agreed not to buy a house seperatly. We were going to get one together. But then it didn't take him long to go looking after he broke up with me, and decide to get the one he saw. Sitting across from him at the restautrant seeing him happy, listening to him talk about it just hurt me more.
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#51467
2003-08-05 4:08 PM
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 135
100+ posts
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100+ posts
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Posts: 135 |
Snarf is happy to see you're feeling better snarf snarf. Hang in there and fuck as many women as you can throughout your life snarf snarf.
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#51468
2003-08-05 5:40 PM
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 949
500+ posts
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500+ posts
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 949 |
Good recovery idea, Snarf! He'll have so many sexually transmitted diseases that his longjohn will look like a cheese pizza with everything on it.
Pass the twisty bread, Cecil.
Hey, I'm only demonstrating that you can still find some other way to feel in case things ever get bad again, and I thought saying something gross would help! :lol:
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I was wrong. It doesn't work at all..
Eddie Guerrero said
"I've been here before. Backed into a corner, another huge obstacle, time to make a choice. You seem to be a bit preoccupied, Brock. You're not gonna be facing Eddie Guerrero the opponent tonight. You're gonna be facing Latino Heat!! They say there's No Way Out. I can think of at least one, ese (sp?). Can you?"
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 826
500+ posts
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500+ posts
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 826 |
Quote:
Nonoxynol9 said:
Well, like I mentioned in my last post, we were supposed to go see Pirates yesterday. And we did. It felt a little awkward at first, sitting beside her, fighting the urge to put my arm around her. But I made it through OK.
By the time the movie had ended, however, I'd resigned myself to the fact that that was it, we were just there to see a movie. Time to go in our seperate cars back to our houses... But then... she decided, Maybe I'll come over. You're not doing anything today. Neither am I. Why not hang out?
For a couple of hours we sat there on the couch, like old times. As the hours crept by, I found that we were slowly inching closer and closer to each other... Finally, it was time for her to leave, and I told her, You know, this morning, my stomach was doing flip-flops... I didn't know how I was going to react being with you here, today, as friends... But for some reason, it just feels right. And it did. It felt right. We ended up holding hands... Talking... And then we kissed. I thought, surely, this SHOULD be torturing me... These feelings, they SHOULD be drowning me all over again. But... But for some reason, I was OK with the way things were. For once, I wasn't scared to let her go.
Needless to say, she spent the night. We didn't do anything. We just fell asleep on the couch watching Godzilla movies. And this morning, when she left... I didn't cry. I didn't feel any pangs of hurt or despair. I thought, Wow, even though we spent the entire night together, I'm better off now than when we were "officially" a couple.
I think it's because I finally realized where our relationship is heading. Not the future. Not marriage, or an eternity together. Just RIGHT NOW. Today. Tomorrow. If we hang out again, fine, if we don't ever touch each other again, that's fine, too. I think seeing her did something to me, made me a stonger person now... For once, for ONCE, I can look forward to today.
Nonoxynol9
P.S. Thanks for your concern, guys. It kinda means something to me knowing you guys are looking out for me. But don't worry... I'm no longer delusional. I'm no longer lying to myself. We are what we are, and nothing more. And I'm FINALLY happy with that.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Batwoman:
<strong> Non, I think you're playing with fire man. Take it from someone who was in the very same place as you just 4 years ago. Stop calling her, stop talking to her, don't go out with her as friends, nothing. Walk away. You're not doing yourself any good by still talking to her and being just friends. All you're doing is torturing yourself and giving yourself a false sense of hope. I know what I'm talking about. Although I was some harsh things to my ex after the break up, I still held hope that we'd get back together again some day.
Where I was hurt, upset, mad, all of the above, he was happy and excited about the townhouse he was going to buy. The thing with that was, when we were together, we agreed not to buy a house seperatly. We were going to get one together. But then it didn't take him long to go looking after he broke up with me, and decide to get the one he saw. Sitting across from him at the restautrant seeing him happy, listening to him talk about it just hurt me more. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">
i know that you don't know me and my advice might be meaningless to you, but I agree with Batwoman. Breakups are rough for anyone. Even if she's not showing any emotion in front of you that doesn't mean that she isn't hurt. That doesn't mean it is anywhere near what you are going through. I really believe that you can be friends, but it takes some time. You both need time apart. I don't mean a couple weeks. You both need to move on with your separate lives for a while and see what doors open in the future. It's hard to see it now when it is right in front of you, but being around her is just going to put you on an emotional rollercoaster. I've been there. False hope can be very toturing. I suggest you spend a lot of time with friends, hobbies, or family. Anything that will keep you busy. I know it's a lot easier for me to say now that it's over, but please trust me. Time is the only thing that is going to heal your wounds. You sound like a great guy. I'm sure your princess will find you soon 
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 578
500+ posts
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OP
500+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 578 |
Quote:
Meeko said:
Quote:
Nonoxynol9 said:
Well, like I mentioned in my last post, we were supposed to go see Pirates yesterday. And we did. It felt a little awkward at first, sitting beside her, fighting the urge to put my arm around her. But I made it through OK.
By the time the movie had ended, however, I'd resigned myself to the fact that that was it, we were just there to see a movie. Time to go in our seperate cars back to our houses... But then... she decided, Maybe I'll come over. You're not doing anything today. Neither am I. Why not hang out?
For a couple of hours we sat there on the couch, like old times. As the hours crept by, I found that we were slowly inching closer and closer to each other... Finally, it was time for her to leave, and I told her, You know, this morning, my stomach was doing flip-flops... I didn't know how I was going to react being with you here, today, as friends... But for some reason, it just feels right. And it did. It felt right. We ended up holding hands... Talking... And then we kissed. I thought, surely, this SHOULD be torturing me... These feelings, they SHOULD be drowning me all over again. But... But for some reason, I was OK with the way things were. For once, I wasn't scared to let her go.
Needless to say, she spent the night. We didn't do anything. We just fell asleep on the couch watching Godzilla movies. And this morning, when she left... I didn't cry. I didn't feel any pangs of hurt or despair. I thought, Wow, even though we spent the entire night together, I'm better off now than when we were "officially" a couple.
I think it's because I finally realized where our relationship is heading. Not the future. Not marriage, or an eternity together. Just RIGHT NOW. Today. Tomorrow. If we hang out again, fine, if we don't ever touch each other again, that's fine, too. I think seeing her did something to me, made me a stonger person now... For once, for ONCE, I can look forward to today.
Nonoxynol9
P.S. Thanks for your concern, guys. It kinda means something to me knowing you guys are looking out for me. But don't worry... I'm no longer delusional. I'm no longer lying to myself. We are what we are, and nothing more. And I'm FINALLY happy with that.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Batwoman:
<strong> Non, I think you're playing with fire man. Take it from someone who was in the very same place as you just 4 years ago. Stop calling her, stop talking to her, don't go out with her as friends, nothing. Walk away. You're not doing yourself any good by still talking to her and being just friends. All you're doing is torturing yourself and giving yourself a false sense of hope. I know what I'm talking about. Although I was some harsh things to my ex after the break up, I still held hope that we'd get back together again some day.
Where I was hurt, upset, mad, all of the above, he was happy and excited about the townhouse he was going to buy. The thing with that was, when we were together, we agreed not to buy a house seperatly. We were going to get one together. But then it didn't take him long to go looking after he broke up with me, and decide to get the one he saw. Sitting across from him at the restautrant seeing him happy, listening to him talk about it just hurt me more. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">
i know that you don't know me and my advice might be meaningless to you, but I agree with Batwoman. Breakups are rough for anyone. Even if she's not showing any emotion in front of you that doesn't mean that she isn't hurt. That doesn't mean it is anywhere near what you are going through. I really believe that you can be friends, but it takes some time. You both need time apart. I don't mean a couple weeks. You both need to move on with your separate lives for a while and see what doors open in the future. It's hard to see it now when it is right in front of you, but being around her is just going to put you on an emotional rollercoaster. I've been there. False hope can be very toturing. I suggest you spend a lot of time with friends, hobbies, or family. Anything that will keep you busy. I know it's a lot easier for me to say now that it's over, but please trust me. Time is the only thing that is going to heal your wounds. You sound like a great guy. I'm sure your princess will find you soon
Hah hah hah. That was a year ago, today, I think. I'm over her. We still talk, but she lives in another state now. I'm in Ohio, and she's in Tennessee. The point's kinda moot, now, but thanks for caring. 
I got soul but I'm not a soldier.
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Nonoxynol9 ? got any naked pictures of your ex?? Wanna buy some??  Just read the thread, glad you're doing well. I'm going throug a divorce right now after 10 years of marriage. Kinda kicked me in the stomach for a bit, but I know I'm going to be better off once it's done, if she would just get the damn papers filed and move out of my life. We've all been there in one way or another, keep the faith!
Why don't you stick your tongue right down the back of his trousers?
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