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Ten Things You Don't Know About Women By Maura Tierney | Feb 1, 2005
- 1. We love that the 1996 presidential nominees of both parties are now the househusbands of U.S. senators.
- 2. It doesn't always bother us when you leave the seat up. It's a nice reminder that there's a man in the house.
- 3. Loud noises don't necessarily mean we're enjoying it.
- 4. Desperate Housewives is payback for the glass ceiling.
- 5. We don't want to say we told you so, but if women were priests, the Catholic Church would still have some cash in the bank. /...continued/
i'd still do you, but i'm not paying $2.95 for the full article.
And, to be fair, one of my favorite friends there is blind and I take every opportunity available to make fun of that and we're still friends. That guy never fit there. He never got the spirit of the RKMBs. We're gonna keep an eye on the obits, see if he finally left or if he really did have a heart attack. 2,506,410.81 CAD Rack points
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urg am good real man alt.
And, to be fair, one of my favorite friends there is blind and I take every opportunity available to make fun of that and we're still friends. That guy never fit there. He never got the spirit of the RKMBs. We're gonna keep an eye on the obits, see if he finally left or if he really did have a heart attack. 2,506,410.81 CAD Rack points
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Quote:
2. It doesn't always bother us when you leave the seat up. It's a nice reminder that there's a man in the house.
bullshit
November 6th, 2012: Americas new Independence Day.
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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"YOU LEFT THE SEAT UP! I COULDA FALLEN IN AND DROWNED 'CAUSE I'M TO STUPID TO TURN ON A LIGHT AND WATCH WHERE MY FAT ASS IN GOING!"
"My friends have always been the best of me." -Doctor Who
"Well,whenever I'm confused,I just check my underwear. It holds most answers to life's questions." Abe Simpson
I can tell by the position of the sun in the sky, that is time for us to go. Until next time, I am Lothar of the Hill People!
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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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Quote:
sneaky bunny said: i'd still do you, but i'm not paying $2.95 for the full article.
Seems they've done this article more than once, each time with a different writer:
10 Things You Don't Know About Women August 2002, Volume 138, Issue 2
By Stacey Grenrock Woods Photograph by Jeff Lipsky
1. We say underwear, just as men do. Women never say panties, and neither should you, except under the rarest of circumstances, and maybe not even then. Likewise, the garment we wear on top is called a bra. When possible, please refrain from making a sound effect like boing! when we remove it.
2. Your virility may be called into question if you identify yourself as a vegan, raw foodist, macrobiotic, or some equivalent. Women tend to see these lifestyle choices as fine for themselves but not quite male enough as far as you are concerned. Sure, we're all for you taking care of yourselves, but we do not want you to regard yourselves as too precious. It is our task in life to get you to try things like couscous, and it is yours to politely decline the offer.
3. The same goes for driving. Women don't like men who drive like women. Not that we drive like women. By women I mean grandmothers.
4. If we are forced into a situation where a male stripper is imploring us to, say, lick whipped cream from his shaved inner thigh or lap tequila from his navel, it will most likely just perplex and embarrass us. We are more likely to become aroused by a female rather than a male stripper. But don't get any big ideas.
5. Not all women are thoroughly sold on the idea of pushing a baby out of a small opening in their bodies. It does not fill all of us with an inexpressible Sense of Purpose on this Earth. It fills us with a slow and steady sense of dread. Nevertheless, it should be noted that, when contemplating our golden years, we do like to imagine plenty of vital progeny gathered at our knee, hanging on our every wizened word and keeping us company after you die, which you will do before us because you are always eating all that crap. You should eat more couscous. (And stop driving like a lunatic.)
6. Thongs are not a girl's best friend. Diamonds are. We're not stupid.
7. Concerning the myth about women preferring men of power to men of attractiveness: once again, entirely true. But power and attractiveness are nebulous terms. Only in the rarest of instances will a young and vibrant woman appear on the arm of an octogenarian millionaire. Similarly, few of us will eschew a respectable-looking gentleman with an honest job who is kind and fun in favor of an unemployed underwear model with nothing to say.
8. The inclusion of the word Lady in front of a product doesn't make us feel better. We don't sleep more soundly knowing we have our own Foot Locker.
9. Most of us respond favorably to even the most diminutive gesture of compassion. You will find that when provoked by, say, a simple card or a kind phone call, our capacity for forgiveness and benevolence could blow your mind. Yes, we are different from you in some ways, but we do possess resilient hearts that long to connect with you on a level that transcends mere gender. But come on, no balloon bouquets. What do you think this is?
10. Women are neither a Ginger nor a Mary Ann, a Mary nor a Rhoda, a Rachel nor a Monica, a Madonna nor a whore, high maintenance nor low maintenance, nor anything else you may have seen on TV, read at a bookstore counter, or heard Billy Crystal say. We are all and/or none of these things, plus ten thousand other things that are constantly transmogrifying into more confusing things. One concept or phrase cannot begin to contain us. We do not stand united on any one principle, except perhaps this: We all love flowers, ponies, puppies, kitties, and rainbows. That is absolutely 100 percent true.
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We already are 15000+ posts
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Quote:
Stacey Grenrock Woods said:
1. We say underwear, just as men do. Women never say panties, and neither should you, except under the rarest of circumstances, and maybe not even then. Likewise, the garment we wear on top is called a bra. When possible, please refrain from making a sound effect like boing! when we remove it.
2. Your virility may be called into question if you identify yourself as a vegan, raw foodist, macrobiotic, or some equivalent. Women tend to see these lifestyle choices as fine for themselves but not quite male enough as far as you are concerned. Sure, we're all for you taking care of yourselves, but we do not want you to regard yourselves as too precious. It is our task in life to get you to try things like couscous, and it is yours to politely decline the offer.
3. The same goes for driving. Women don't like men who drive like women. Not that we drive like women. By women I mean grandmothers.
4. If we are forced into a situation where a male stripper is imploring us to, say, lick whipped cream from his shaved inner thigh or lap tequila from his navel, it will most likely just perplex and embarrass us. We are more likely to become aroused by a female rather than a male stripper. But don't get any big ideas.
5. Not all women are thoroughly sold on the idea of pushing a baby out of a small opening in their bodies. It does not fill all of us with an inexpressible Sense of Purpose on this Earth. It fills us with a slow and steady sense of dread. Nevertheless, it should be noted that, when contemplating our golden years, we do like to imagine plenty of vital progeny gathered at our knee, hanging on our every wizened word and keeping us company after you die, which you will do before us because you are always eating all that crap. You should eat more couscous. (And stop driving like a lunatic.)
6. Thongs are not a girl's best friend. Diamonds are. We're not stupid.
7. Concerning the myth about women preferring men of power to men of attractiveness: once again, entirely true. But power and attractiveness are nebulous terms. Only in the rarest of instances will a young and vibrant woman appear on the arm of an octogenarian millionaire. Similarly, few of us will eschew a respectable-looking gentleman with an honest job who is kind and fun in favor of an unemployed underwear model with nothing to say.
8. The inclusion of the word Lady in front of a product doesn't make us feel better. We don't sleep more soundly knowing we have our own Foot Locker.
9. Most of us respond favorably to even the most diminutive gesture of compassion. You will find that when provoked by, say, a simple card or a kind phone call, our capacity for forgiveness and benevolence could blow your mind. Yes, we are different from you in some ways, but we do possess resilient hearts that long to connect with you on a level that transcends mere gender. But come on, no balloon bouquets. What do you think this is?
10. Women are neither a Ginger nor a Mary Ann, a Mary nor a Rhoda, a Rachel nor a Monica, a Madonna nor a whore, high maintenance nor low maintenance, nor anything else you may have seen on TV, read at a bookstore counter, or heard Billy Crystal say. We are all and/or none of these things, plus ten thousand other things that are constantly transmogrifying into more confusing things. One concept or phrase cannot begin to contain us. We do not stand united on any one principle, except perhaps this: We all love flowers, ponies, puppies, kitties, and rainbows. That is absolutely 100 percent true.
Quote:
When we say one thing, we mean something else entirely, and what else we mean isn't what we want you to know, and what we know is not even factual.
Men don't understand us because we can't understand ourselves and can't find our own asses with both hands and a flashlight.
Is it any wonder boobs are all we have? Don't ask us, we're just women! *giggle* *jumps* *bouncy bouncy*
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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MisterJLA is RACKing awesome.
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URG am real man! 7500+ posts
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Quote:
sneaky bunny said: urg am good real man alt.
Gawb damb it,little gay girl,URG aint no alt!!
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wow rack the translator. thats how you do an alt id, folks.
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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the translator is better than mopius?
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And, to be fair, one of my favorite friends there is blind and I take every opportunity available to make fun of that and we're still friends. That guy never fit there. He never got the spirit of the RKMBs. We're gonna keep an eye on the obits, see if he finally left or if he really did have a heart attack. 2,506,410.81 CAD Rack points
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master of the red x 3000+ posts
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10. Women are neither a Ginger nor a Mary Ann, a Mary nor a Rhoda, a Rachel nor a Monica, a Madonna nor a whore, high maintenance nor low maintenance, nor anything else you may have seen on TV, read at a bookstore counter, or heard Billy Crystal say. We are all and/or none of these things, plus ten thousand other things that are constantly transmogrifying into more confusing things. One concept or phrase cannot begin to contain us. A chick who'd say somethin' like this is way too fuckin' high maintenance for me. Some women are much more pleasant, loving, patient, affectionate and easy to please. And others are an overly demanding unrelenting pain in the ass.
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Regenerated 15000+ posts
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Totally. "Oh, women are such mysterious, complex creatures!" Organisms lead solely by irrational emotions and deny all forms of accountability aren't that mysterious OR complex...
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Quote:
sneaky bunny said:
- 5. We don't want to say we told you so, but if women were priests, the Catholic Church would still have some cash in the bank.
Bullshit! They'd have 200 fucking robes in the closet that they've only worn (and will ever wear) once. The churches would keep getting redecorated ever six months, and the prayer candles would all be the more expensive potpouri or other scented candles.
whomod said: I generally don't like it when people decide to play by the rules against people who don't play by the rules. It tends to put you immediately at a disadvantage and IMO is a sign of true weakness. This is true both in politics and on the internet." Our Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man said: "no, the doctor's right. besides, he has seniority."
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And the molestation of young boys would continue...
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Which is precisely why attendance would soar.
MisterJLA is RACKing awesome.
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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There is a difference between the women who go to the Catholic church and those who join the Catholic church.
whomod said: I generally don't like it when people decide to play by the rules against people who don't play by the rules. It tends to put you immediately at a disadvantage and IMO is a sign of true weakness. This is true both in politics and on the internet." Our Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man said: "no, the doctor's right. besides, he has seniority."
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MisterJLA is RACKing awesome.
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Well duh. Haven't you ever seen The Sound of Music?
"You're either lying or stupid." "I'm stupid! I'm stupid!" Megatron and Starscream
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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I think the real question of this thread is "Who would bang Maura Tierney?" Show of hands...
He fixes the cable?
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I would fuck the shit out of her.
November 6th, 2012: Americas new Independence Day.
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Amen.
Doesn't help that I know a chick who looks like her younger sister. I shoulda gone after that shit! Ugh...
And by "that shit", I mean the poontang. Just letting the ladies know in case they think I'm belittling women as sex objects.
He fixes the cable?
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....do we start yelling at the screen now?
And, to be fair, one of my favorite friends there is blind and I take every opportunity available to make fun of that and we're still friends. That guy never fit there. He never got the spirit of the RKMBs. We're gonna keep an eye on the obits, see if he finally left or if he really did have a heart attack. 2,506,410.81 CAD Rack points
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
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Quote:
sneaky bunny said: ....do we start yelling at the screen now?
I think we just refuse to sit in the back of the bus...
Uschi said:I won't rape you, I'll just fuck you 'till it hurts and then not stop and you'll cry. MisterJLA: RACKS so hard, he called Jim Rome "Chris Everett." In Him, all porn is possible. He is far above mentions in so-called "blogs." RACK him, lest ye be lost! "I can't even brush my teeth without gagging!" - Tommy Tantillo: Wank & Cry, heckpuppy, and general laughingstock
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Quote:
Joe Mama said:
Quote:
sneaky bunny said: ....do we start yelling at the screen now?
I think we just refuse to sit in the back of the bus...
there's a back to short buses?
And, to be fair, one of my favorite friends there is blind and I take every opportunity available to make fun of that and we're still friends. That guy never fit there. He never got the spirit of the RKMBs. We're gonna keep an eye on the obits, see if he finally left or if he really did have a heart attack. 2,506,410.81 CAD Rack points
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Living the dream 15000+ posts
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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there's gonna be a lot of book-researchin!
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I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
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The things I have missed by not coming to this forum sooner!
"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok.
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wow beardguy manages to ruina thread without a youtube video.
And, to be fair, one of my favorite friends there is blind and I take every opportunity available to make fun of that and we're still friends. That guy never fit there. He never got the spirit of the RKMBs. We're gonna keep an eye on the obits, see if he finally left or if he really did have a heart attack. 2,506,410.81 CAD Rack points
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I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
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Ruin? Was this thread left in the oven too long? Or was it left out of the fridge for a week?
"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok.
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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Quote:
Son of Mxy said: chickfight!
!!!
"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok.
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