#95104
2003-09-03 7:20 PM
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 13
1 post
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1 post
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 13 |
For six months Nowhereman had Santa Claus chained up in his basement. Unfortunately, one night, he fastened the ball gag too tight, the fool! Now Santa is dead from anaphylactic shock and no-one will ever get Christmas presents again.
Dave feels a compulsion to name every cow he sees. He writes the names down in his cow journal.
Zod is in fact a talking parrot. His owner, a New York stockbroker is fond of yelling 'Kneel Before Zod!' at the point of orgasm. A phrase the traumatised bird repeats endlessly as it pulls out its feathers in the empty Penthouse apartment that is its home.
Uschi was bred by the Russell Family Pancake Company, for a part in an advertising campaign that was conceived by the family patriarch - Donald Russell in 1979. He hypothesised that by the time Uschi was in her teens, the family company would have made enough money to advertise on television.
Uschi was to have been one of a chorus of six children who would have sung a song praising the quality of Russell family pancake mix.
Unfortunately the Russell family have never been able to afford their much coveted TV slot and Uschi was released into the wild in 2001, along with five other children, as part of a program of corporate restructuring.
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#95105
2003-09-03 7:43 PM
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,342
Peacock Teaser 3000+ posts
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Peacock Teaser 3000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,342 |
quote:
Originally posted by The Bird Of Knowledge:
Zod is in fact a talking parrot. His owner, a New York stockbroker is fond of yelling 'Kneel Before Zod!' at the point of orgasm. A phrase the traumatised bird repeats endlessly as it pulls out its feathers in the empty Penthouse apartment that is its home.
...it all makes sense now...
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#95106
2003-09-03 8:12 PM
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 47,853 Likes: 20
Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 47,853 Likes: 20 |
quote:
For six months Nowhereman had Santa Claus chained up in his basement. Unfortunately, one night, he fastened the ball gag too tight, the fool! Now Santa is dead from anaphylactic shock and no-one will ever get Christmas presents again.
But I dont even have a basement,they aint too poular in this country.........try again!
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#95107
2003-09-03 11:42 PM
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
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Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14 |
I see Daisy and Brownie have been leaking secrets...
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#95108
2003-09-03 11:58 PM
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,016
2000+ posts
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2000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,016 |
quote:
Originally posted by Cowgirl Jack:
quote:
Originally posted by The Bird Of Knowledge:
Zod is in fact a talking parrot. His owner, a New York stockbroker is fond of yelling 'Kneel Before Zod!' at the point of orgasm. A phrase the traumatised bird repeats endlessly as it pulls out its feathers in the empty Penthouse apartment that is its home.
...it all makes sense now...
Pretty bird wants a KRACKER!!! ![[nyah hah]](images/icons/tongue.gif)
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#95109
2003-09-04 1:20 AM
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106 Likes: 1
faggot 15000+ posts
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faggot 15000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106 Likes: 1 |
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#95110
2003-09-04 2:48 AM
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 12,609
10000+ posts
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10000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 12,609 |
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#95111
2003-09-04 8:34 PM
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 13
1 post
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1 post
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 13 |
Kristogar-Velo has been granted a acre of hardcore porn, every year until his 70th birthday, by Royal accord
Every May 1st, the porn is laid out in a field, measuring exactly an acre, by servants of the Queen.
In the last two years, Kristogar has neglected to gather the porn, allowing it to blow freely across the quaint english countryside where it eventually gathers in villages full of adorable thatched cottages.
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#95112
2003-09-04 9:56 PM
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 47,853 Likes: 20
Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 47,853 Likes: 20 |
You dont know the English countryside very well do ya!
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#95113
2003-09-05 2:59 AM
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
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Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14 |
I doubt his porn field is anywhere near Newcastle.
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#95114
2003-09-05 7:38 AM
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 47,853 Likes: 20
Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 47,853 Likes: 20 |
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 13,392
[insert non-dated reference here] 10000+ posts
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[insert non-dated reference here] 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 13,392 |
I was wondering what became of this bird.
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 22,618
Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 22,618 |
I don't really miss The Bird Of Knowledge
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 13,392
[insert non-dated reference here] 10000+ posts
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[insert non-dated reference here] 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 13,392 |
He's the grandfather of The.Toucan.Of.Terror, I think.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 46,308
Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
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Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 46,308 |
I was out tonight, and for whatever reason, I strike up some small talk with a random woman (pigs must have been flying). While it didn't go absolutely badly (she smiled when she talked to me), I couldn't even get her name, much less anything else. Which leads me to ask "What the fuck is wrong with me?" My friend Nicole tried to cheer me up with "Maybe there's something wrong with her", which I suppose would make sense, except for the fact that EVERY woman that I've ever been interested in romantically/ sexually has rejected me in some form or another, leading me to believe that it's me there's something wrong with and not the entire female gender. For the past 15 minutes I've been trying to stop crying, and I haven't been entirely successful.
All I've ever wanted was someone to be in love with, and have that same person be in love with me, and I'm starting to realize that that is never going to happen.
November 6th, 2012: Americas new Independence Day.
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