RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts Me Chris Oakly Rex and Son of Mxy...

...have nothing better to do than be on this damn web-site On Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas anyway!

Spirit of Christmas Present: My time with you is at an end, Ebenezer Scrooge. Will you profit from what I've shown you of the good in most men's hearts?

Ebenezer: I don't know, how can I promise!

Spirit of Christmas Present: If it's too hard a lesson for you to learn, then learn this lesson!

[opens his robe, revealing two starving children]

Ebenezer: [shocked] Spirit, are these yours?

Spirit of Christmas Present: They are Man's. This boy is Ignorance, this girl is Want. Beware them both, but most of all, beware this boy!

Ebenezer: But have they no refuge, no resource?

Spirit of Christmas Present: [quoting Scrooge] Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?


An old man was eating in a truck stop when three rough-looking bikers walked in. As they passed the old man, the first biker pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, then laughed and took a seat at the counter. The second biker picked up the old man's milk and spit into it. The third biker turned over the old man's plate before joining the others at the counter.

Without saying a word to the laughing bikers, the old man put his money down, got up, and left the diner. One of the bikers said to the waitress, "Not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his big rig over three motorcycles!

RESOLUTION #7:

2002: I will not get upset when Charlie makes jokes about my baldness.
2003: I will not get annoyed when Charlie kids me about my toupee.
2004: I will not get angry when Charle tells the guys I wear a girdle.
2005: I will not speak to Charlie.

UNCLE KRACKER
Memphis Soul Song


Lookin' back on everything
And all the things that stay
I can count on memories
Cuz they don't go away
Good times were hard to hold
Until she came along
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

I'm not always there I know
But she don't mind at all
As pretty as a picture that hangs on my own wall
She's like Mississippi

When the sun comes up at dawn
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

With an angel on my lefty side and the devil on my right
She's the one who saves me from them dark unholy nights
Of all the ones who've left me it's a wonder she's not gone
She moves me like a Memphis soul song
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

She don't care what the game is
She's always down to play
My world without her seems a million miles away
She don't have to worry
I know where I belong
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

I've been dealt some aces
And I've played them all the same
But she's the only one that keeps me in the game
No fame or fortune could ever keep me gone
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

With an angel on my lefty side and the devil on my right
She's the one who saves me from them dark unholy nights
Of all the ones who've left me it's a wonder she's not gone
She moves me like a Memphis soul song
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

[BRIDGE]
There's a magic down in Memphis
That never seems to fade
Even now them voices carry
Like a lonely serenade
It's the memories that still and always will be on my mind
They move me every time

She see's the good in everything there is to see
Sometimes I wonder what she ever see's in me
I'm not always right you know
But she's never led me wrong
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

In all my travels I've never found a way
To find the words that say the things I'd like to say
I've sang some melodies but she's my favorite one
She moves me like a Memphis soul song
With an angel on my lefty side and the devil on my right

She's the one who saves me from them dark unholy nights
Of all the ones who've left me it's a wonder she's not gone
She moves me like a Memphis soul song
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

[Brer Rabbit has gotten himself entangled in the messy tar that was the Tar Baby, and Brer Fox and Brer Bear dance around him victoriously]

Uncle Remus: [narrating] Well, sir, you ain't never seen nobody that had humble-come-tumbledness down as fine as what Brer Rabbit had it then. Poor little critter, he learned a powerful lesson. But he learned it too late. But it just goes to show what comes of mixin' up with somethin' you got no business with in the first place. And don't you never forget it.

Last time you took a shower?

What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

3. Submission:
Muslims believe that those who submit to the will of God, as explained by Muhammad, will be saved and have a place in Paradise after they die. In Paradise believers will experience both spiritual and physical pleasure for all eternity. Those who do not repent and follow God will spend eternity in suffering in Hell. In the Qur'an 98:1-8, it states: "The unbelievers among the People of the Book and the pagans shall burn for ever in the fire of Hell. They are the vilest of all creatures." ("People of the Book" refers to Christians, Jews and Muslims). Islam is susceptible to ethical critiques of the immorality of punishing people for all eternity for a temporal "sin" that may be nothing more than rational, justified disbelief. Islam is also susceptible to arguments against the possibility that physical existence or experience can continue for eternity in a non-physical realm.

Q: What's the difference between a Muslim and a dead horse?
A. It's no fun beating a dead horse.

Q. What's the difference between an American BBQ and an Islamic BBQ?
A. In America, Humans roast animals over a fire. In Islam, it's the other way around.

Q. What do you say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel's rump?
A. "Having car trouble?"

Q. What's the difference between Cindy Sheehan and a terrorist enemy?
A. I don't know either.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Moore and a one ton CARE package?
A. Michael Moore, if sliced real thin, can feed a larger Afghan village.

wants

There once was a man who had a superstitious faith in geomantic omens. He consulted the geomancer beforehand concerning all signs beneficial. or unfortunate.

One day, while he was sitting at the foot of a wall, the wall collapsed on top of him. He cried, "Help!" His servants came over to have a look and said, "Be patient, Master. Let's ask the geomancer if it is a good omen to break the ground today."