walking in the rain
a rough sketch
imagine a girl with very wavy chestnut hair and big brown eyes...and you've got me. i won't go much further as i'd much rather a person find my head interesting before they get lost in the rest of me. some people are sooooo surface. i will say that i am quite short, at 5'7", and utterly worship cindy crawford's 5'10". okay, i can be surface too. somewhat. i'm also a clinique wearing (they don't test on animals) nordstrom's kind of girl, who is vegetarian, loves rock hunting and is not afraid to get dirty. a convert to the greenies in 2000, i feel very strongly about protecting the natural environment, supporting greenpeace, the nature conservancy, and earthfirst! oh, and i simply love walking, even dancing, in the rain. wim wenders and allison anders are my favorite directors, with wenders' until the end of the world in all probability my favorite film. musically my tastes range from opera to jazz to depeche mode and the Drzsmiths with a few of todays new batch of alternative artists thrown in for good measure. if i were another person, i think i'd want to know me. :) did i mention that i still read comics?
central texas is home, but that will change in the next year or so as i spread my wings and take flight. perhaps i'll end up in thailand, london, siena, barcelona, or even somewhere in north america. austin texas is an old love and much favored haunt of mine, but it no longer has a hold on my heart. of late, i've discovered how much i actually enjoy my own briar patch nestled in the northwest of san antonio, but seattle and the pacific northwest loom ahead of me. it was there that i felt a calling very similar to that which i experienced in austin in 1998, only stronger. the rugged beauty of the area and the independent spirit of it's people are quite admirable to me. i guess you could say that i've always had a little bit of kerouac in me. i'm adventurous, open to new experiences, and love going off the beaten path to explore my surroundings and meet new and interesting people.
what does this girl like to do? a lot. now that the seasons turned, you might just find
me curled up in a chair on my balcony, perusing the utne reader, the latest harry potter book, homework from my management class, or even the latest issue of
"wonder woman." on my balcony you'd find, among my succulents a
number of rocks i have gathered in my travels. for some reason i always end up bringing rocks home with me.
lately if you were to glance up, you'd see me picking at a salad while i thumb my way
through "conditions of love," a gift from my friend paul in london.
once upon a time i quite enjoyed staying home with films on my days off, but since my
return from seattle last year, i've felt an unspoken longing for something different. i
only watch television if it's felicity, pbs, or a dvd. other than that, i'd much rather be
out walking in nature, or working out at the gym. that actually gives me a great deal of
pleasure, and once i'm really into it, watch out! i tend to work out like a madwoman.
:)
spending time online has it's moments, certainly, but it tends to lean toward a rather
unbalanced vision of life, imo. when i have time, i'm either catching up on world news,
reading poetry and essays, staying in contact with friends in europe. i really don't like
the instant message thing, but it does save us on long distance. once we start talking
it's hard to stop, and those bills just keep adding up! it's worth it, though. :)
actually, if i do spend time at the computer these days it's spent in contemplation as i
aspire to be a writer. being liked or known aren't goals of mine; i just want to find and
explore that which is true for me and of my experience. pain and suffering, even the
very depths of tartarus one descends to in the midst of heartbreak are fields rich in
possibility.
this is of much comfort to me now, as i face my own nadir and challenge it head-on,
accepting the death of my illusions, and the rebirth that awaits me. until then, lord
hades is the lover i walk hand in hand with, having displaced the mortal i so longed to
spend the rest of my days and nights with. that too, shall be reborn, and i can only
hope for the best, having seen the worst.
