you're a gooses ass, only instead of golden eggs you shit out factoids.

Internet Friends:
Nowhereman: Says "cunt" a lot. Is also welsh or something.
Brian Jonopoulos: Greek. Fucks socks. Also jobless and lives at home.
Joe Mamma: Fat
Captain Sammitch: Fucks fat chicks
Stupid Doog: Married to a fat chick