RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts FUN FACTS!!!

With the very recent information I supplied about things venerial being enjoyed by at least two people, I remembered this off-topic collumn I used to have on the DCMBs and have decided to force more upon you. So I am here to resurrect it in a place it will not become deleted.

FUN FACTS!

This is a repeat, but just so good...
Tycho Brahe was some rich ass back in the day who took astronomical observations for Johannas Kepler (great guy. gave us the Three Laws of Planetary Motion. important shit. he reminds me of Batman.). He also liked to party. Woo. So, anyhoo, Brahe was having a party one night and the Duke of ~mumblemumble~ was there. According to proper conduct, no one was to leave the table before the Duke, right? Problem is, the Duke didn't drink much and Brahe had this fucking HUGE goblet he kept draining. Soon enough he really had to pee. Like, REALLY. But the Duke wasn't goin' ANYWHERE ann Brahe was too 'noble' to be rude and leave himself. So, in the end, Brahe say there until <AAAAA!> his bladder burst. Like, Plooie! Gone. He died from that.

True story. He also had a golden nose.

That's fucked up....I didn't even realize that was possible. I'm always learning from you Uschi. This'll make me think twice the next time I drive to Florida or Boston......I always hold it until I turn three different colors.

The first mainstream hollywood movie to include the word "Fuck" was M*A*S*H.

The only G-Rated film to include real footage of a man being shot in the head is the Monkees movie, Head.

Oh and I also have a golden penis.

Did you get it cut off in a duel with swords defending your status as a mathmatician?

Wait a minnute.

REAL footage? THEY SHOT A GUY IN THE HEAD?! And put it on a rock'nroll video?!

They're so hard-core.

But...but they were the Monkees. With real footage of somebody getting shot in the head. That is one of the most fucked up things I think I have ever heard. I mean what's next, Video of the Partrige Family in hardcore bondage?

The Beatles' video 'HELP!' is funny. I like it. I know a guy named Kael.

Did you know there's a moon out by Saturn what looks exactly like the Deathstar?

Really FNB? Wow. Well today is just damn enlightenment day for me. I had thought the monkees were more innocent then that. Wow. So we got drugged up Monkees. Where the word fuck was first used in Hollywood. Your bladder can explode. Things from Venus are venerian and....I know there was more. Oh well. Too late and Im tired.

Did you know that Holland is the third largest exporter of agricultural products in the world behind the United States and France primarily because of their Tulip Exports. They produce over 65% of the Tulips in the world.

What's better than roses on your piano?...........................Tulips on your organ.

Ha ha ha. organ...

Saturn has all the fun moons. One of 'em, Hyperion, never NEVER EVER has or will EVER have the exact same orbit. It's right at a spot between Saturn and Titan (shit... Titan's the Saturn one right? or is it the other T one?) and gets yanked by the gravity or both every time it orbits.

There are also two shepheard moons (create the gaps visiable in the "rings") which swap orbits every period.

According to Quantum Laws, it is VERY possible that time will stop and suddeny go backwards for a while. Or so I've heard. From the Quantum professor at my college.

And astronomers now believe the universe is flat. That does NOT, however mean it is not CURVED. Pow.

I have a bike.

I just made that up.

BASTARD!!

Get out of my house! Stop pissing on my carpet! Rah! Boo! OUT!

Damn nihilists!

Dont worry Donny these men are cowards.

Someone has been going to the rehearsals...

i try....

Way back in the day there was this library, right? Like, the first big library in EVER. 400 BC or somesuch. Anyhoo, it was a great library, held all the important books in the world. It was in Alexandrea (one of 'em- lots of cities by that name) and every time a boat would come to port the librarians would seize the ship and take all the books off, take them to the library, copy them by hand, and return the copies to the ship. So all the books were at this library. So all the smart people would gather there and read and write and talk and shit.

So in 400BC there was this one special librarian. The head librarians were, in practice, the smartest persons in the world. This time it was Hypatia. A woman. Well, the local priests didn't like her, all walkin' around town, talking to whoever the fuck she wanted.... generally acting like a man. He was pissed as hell (the bishop. head priest. whatever.). So this Bishop decides one day to kill her. He rounds up a group of monks and on her way home from work they attack her. They beat her with clubs and skinned her alive with oyster shells (yeesh!). Then they burned her at the stake.

Then they burned the library.

With the origional copies and many times ONLY copies of all the really good, important, intellectual books in the world.

Yeeaaahhh.

Bad idea guys. What we have found out is that people were getting a pretty good thumb on things back then. They had already developed calculus (later figured out in the 1600's by Newton in a barn). They already figured out the dimensions of the Earth. They had already solved the Heliocentric solorsystem problem (a partial copy of the proof written survived and Copernicus found it and THEN developed his arguments. He's nothing too damned special.)

It makes you wonder... we lost a thousand years of knowledge in that fire. It took a THOUSAND years before we were all caught up. What if there had been no fire? What if there had been other copies? What is it we COULD be knowing RIGHT NOW?

Curious...

Reality TV would have occurred in the 1890s.

Ya know, I've always been of the opinion that women are the ultimate evil, and between the Bible and that last tale, Well... my argument just keeps getting stronger.

That was Alexandria in Egypt. If i remember correctly, it wasn't completely destroyed the first time. They managed to save some stuff and restore the building as best they could. Then it was burned down again later by crusaders, or precursors to the crusaders. If I remember correctly, anyways.

Did you know that 2/3 of the World's Eggplant comes from New Jersey.....

It is possible to go slower than the speed of light. It is possible to go faster than the speed of light. It is technically possible to jump from being slower than the speed of light to going faster than the speed of light. It is technically possible to instantaneously jump to traveling exactly the speed of light. But it's just completely impossible to accelerate to the speed of light, be it from going faster or slower.

Nutty.

Especially because the speed of light can change.

"There's no time like the present."
The present is not time.

"Now is the time to act."
It'll never happen.

"Give it to me now."
You didn't want it anyways.

"Ohhh, I'm HUNGRY!"
"It's in the microwave. It'll be done in three seconds!"
"But I want it NOW!"
Ok, that was paraphrased 'cause I haven't seen that episode in forever.

"Now" is a funny thing. It doesn't exist. By the time you have said "Now," now has passed. There is a certain fraction of time in which your brain will 1)process the thought, 2)send an electrical impulse to your face, 3)have a muscle response in your mouth and neck and lungs, 4)have the sound waves traverse the distance to the recieving ear, 5)do all the rest of the shit back through another thought analysis resulting in understanding.

Now fails to work on a huge scale too. Lets say the moon blew up right now. In a few seconds or minutes we would say, "Aaa! The fucking MOON just blew up!" Just when? Just now. To us. Seconds or minutes ago to the moon. And if there had been a passing observer in a spaceship or something... a totally different now.

So there is no universal Now.

But you knew all this already.

This leads to some evidence as to the properties of time itself. There is a theory going around about how we live in a block-time universe. It's kinda like a book. As you read through the book, you have memories of what happened before you, right? And you don't know what will happen next, but you know there is a future and an ending to the book, but you don't know anything about it. And you have your ever-present non-existant Now which you guide along across the pages (through time). But it's all there. Time is a stationary thing. The passage of time is not time going by us but an effect felt by our moving through time itself. So, technically, we could time travel easilly. Just flip a few pages ahead or behind. Although I admit it's a bit harder than that, it is also possibly as simple as that.

It would be easier to do something yesterday than right now.

Ok, not really FUN FACTS, persay... FUN THEORIES AND WANDERING THOUGHTS more like.

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doublely so."

Ford Prefect.

``Eddies,'' said Ford, ``in the space-time continuum.''

``Ah,'' nodded Arthur, ``is he? Is he?'' He pushed his hands into the pocket of his dressing gown and looked knowledgeably into the distance.

``What?'' said Ford.

``Er, who,'' said Arthur, ``is Eddy, then, exactly?''

Ford looked angrily at him.

``Will you listen?'' he snapped.

``I have been listening,'' said Arthur, ``but I'm not sure it's helped.''

Ford grasped him by the lapels of his dressing gown and spoke to him as slowly and distinctly and patiently as if he were somebody from a telephone company accounts department.

``There seem ...'' he said, ``to be some pools ...'' he said, ``of instability ...'' he said, ``in the fabric ...'' he said ...

Arthur looked foolishly at the cloth of his dressing gown where Ford was holding it. Ford swept on before Arthur could turn the foolish look into a foolish remark.

``... in the fabric of space-time,'' he said.

``Ah, that,'' said Arthur.

``Yes, that,'' confirmed Ford.

They stood there alone on a hill on prehistoric Earth and stared each other resolutely in the face.

``And it's done what?'' said Arthur.

``It,'' said Ford, ``has developed pools of instability.''

``Has it?'' said Arthur, his eyes not wavering for a moment.

``It has,'' said Ford with a similar degree of ocular immobility.

``Good,'' said Arthur.

``See?'' said Ford.

``No,'' said Arthur.

There was a quiet pause.

``The difficulty with this conversation,'' said Arthur after a sort of pondering look had crawled slowly across his face like a mountaineer negotiating a tricky outcrop, ``is that it's very different from most of the ones I've had of late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees. They weren't like this. Except perhaps some of the ones I've had with elms which sometimes get a bit bogged down.''

``Arthur,'' said Ford.

``Hello? Yes?'' said Arthur.

``Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.''

``Ah, well I'm not sure I believe that.''

They sat down and composed their thoughts.

Ford got out his Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic. It was making vague humming noises and a tiny light on it was flickering faintly.

``Flat battery?'' said Arthur.

``No,'' said Ford, ``there is a moving disturbance in the fabric of space-time, an eddy, a pool of instability, and it's somewhere in our vicinity.''

``Where?''

Ford moved the device in a slow lightly bobbing semi-circle. Suddenly the light flashed.

``There!'' said Ford, shooting out his arm. ``There, behind that sofa!''

April 4th, 1984.

He sat back. A sense of complete helplessness had descended upon him. To begin with, he did not know with any certainty that this was 1984. It must be round about that date, since he was fairly sure that his age was thirty-nine, and he believed that he had been born in 1944 or 1945; but it was never possible nowadays to pin down any date within a year or two.

For whom, it suddenly occurred to him to wonder, was he writing this diary? For the future, for the unborn. His mind hovered for a moment round the doubtful date on the page, and then fetched up with a bump against the Newspeak word doublethink. For the first time the magnitude of what he had undertaken came home to him. How could you communicate with the future? It was of its nature impossible. Either the future would resemble the present, in which case it would not listen to him: or it would be different from it, and his predicament would be meaningless.

The 'Eddies' bit is my favorite in all of those books. That and the beard-bone, "I'm training it to like being where it's put."
I thank you.

Speaking of Hitchikers, I'm pretty sure there's an SEP field around the grocery store I work at. If I'm wearing a jacket or something, people stop and let me push the damn carts by, but if I am wearing my bright neon orange vest with yellow reflector stripes and am pushing 6-10 feet of loud obnoxious break-less carts, somehow I am invisible. People walk right fucking in front of me WHILE I'M MOVING. Or they try to drive their cars through me. It always ends in a desperate struggle to prove Newton wrong and get the damned carts stoped sos they don't HIT anyone or anything. Sometimes it doesn't work. Then what do you say? I mean, you were pushing the shit as slow as possible, looking out for assholes, and suddenly they run from their seemingly stationary place by the cookie display to an inch from your first cart and turn around, stopping, to look back at the cookies. Then, despite your best efforts, they get a tap tap tappy and spin around to GLARE at the sunnofabitch who DARES to touch their prescious person.

Oh, I'M sorry... was I bitching?

FUN FACT
I'm sure you've heard of particle/wave duality, right? The fact that light shows both properties? That it's a wavicle? Aka Photon? Ok, well, continuing the time stuff allow me to go into some of the observer effect.

Ok, light's photon duality proves the observer effect. The observer effect is, in general, that an observer in the curent time can send ripples in time and change what happened in the past. Not kidding. This is real shit. Light does much to prove this theory in viewing far off quasars who's light is gravitationally focused by galaxies passing between us and them. If viewed one way, the images could show up in two places and the quasar's light acted as a wave as it passed the galaxy. Or, the light could be viewed another way and only observed in one location and it would have acted as a particle as it passed the galaxy. Funny part is that if it's viewed ONE way, it cannot be viewed the other way. The observation of the light sends ripples back through time to dictate the behavior of light THOUSANDS of years ago.

One of the speculations that has come out of that theory is that, by observing it, WE might be creating the universe.

Of course, that is merely speculation. I'm just sayin'......

~sigh~
Nobody likes to learn anymore.

Why learn voluntarily?

The Television will tell us all we need to know.

......................i like to learn.

Buttocks.

The first band Seals and Crofts, the guys who did a lot of mid-70s pussy rock like "Summer Breeze", were in was The Champs, who had a hit with "Tequila".

That just fuckin' blew my mind this morning. Maybe I'm tired.

Did ya'll know that the Arch in St. Louis is actually what the graph of y=cosh looks like! Its a hyperbolic function intead of a regular just y=cosx that we're used to seeing! That's why the arch just loops up and then down! Ya know since I'm a math major I HAD to say that

And Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. Those are my fun facts of the day ;P