Ford Fairlane:
I could have been anything. I could have been a fisherman. Fishermen, they get up in the morning, they fish, they sell fish, they smell fish. Reminds me of a girl I used to go with, Yvonne. She smelled like fish.
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Ford Fairlane:
You're 10 seconds away from the most embarrassing moment in your life!
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Ford Fairlane:
You see what I'm saying to you? That's what I'm saying. What am I saying? I don't know!
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Ford Fairlane:
Keith Richards is rolling over in her grave. The frigin' guy isn't even dead yet!
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Ford Fairlane:
They write about cases like these in the private eye handbook, honey. Something about a ten foot pole.
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Ford Fairlane:
So many a**holes, so few bullets.
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Ford Fairlane:
Write down my number, it's 555-6321, got it?
A woman:
Yeah. Wait a minute, 5-5-5's not a real number, they only use that in the movies.
Ford Fairlane:
No sh**, honey. What do you think this is, real life?
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Ford Fairlane:
Have a Twinkee, snapperhead.
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Ford Fairlane:
I've heard cats fu** with more harmony than this kid.
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Girl:
Ford, we just needed to be held!
Ford Fairlane:
You got the bonus plan.
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Ford Fairlane:
I'm so terrifical, I even had my own toll-free number: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE.
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Ford Fairlane:
Nice tie, Lt. Anus, sir.
Lt. Amos:
Are you calling me an a**hole, a**hole?
Ford Fairlane:
I'm calling you an anus, anus. But, if you prefer.
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Ford Fairlane:
Now you pay . . . it's called Citizen's Castration.
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Ford Fairlane:
Top of the world, ma!
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Tourist:
We're from Wisconsin.
Ford Fairlane:
Yeah, and I'm from my dad's penis. Get outta here.
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Johnny Crunch:
Guys like you, you do grow on trees.
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Ford Fairlane:
Shake me, Jazz.
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Ford Fairlane:
You're just in time to see what I refer to as: solving the case. It's cute. I think you'll like it
