A duck went into a drugstore to buy some lip gloss. “Will that be cash or charge?” asked the pharmacist. “Neither,” replied the duck, “just put it on my bill.”
A professor went into a drugstore and asked for some acetylsalicylic acid. “Do you mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist. “That’s right,” replied the professor. “I can never remember that word.”
Two guys were out chopping wood when one of them cut his arm off. The other packed the arm in a plastic bag and rushed his friend to the doctor, who said, “You’re lucky. A new procedure has just been developed and we can reattach the arm in four hours. Come back then.” The guy came back to find his friend throwing darts with the reattached arm. A few months later, the guys were out chopping wood again when one of them cut his leg off. The other packed the leg in a plastic bag and rushed his friend to the doctor, who said, “You’re lucky. A new procedure has just been developed and we can reattach the arm in six hours. Come back then.” The guy came back to find his friend kicking soccer balls with the reattached leg. Still later, the guys were out chopping wood again when one of them cut his head off. The other packed the head in a plastic bag and rushed his friend to the doctor, who said, “You’re lucky. A new procedure has just been developed and we can reattach the head in twelve hours. Come back then.” The guy came back, but the doctor said, “I’m sorry, but your friend is dead. He suffocated in the plastic bag!”
