"Dick Cheney said today, he supports gay marriage. I think he only supports gay marriage because he sees marriage as a form of torture, but anyway, he supports it." --Craig Ferguson
"Well, the big story here in California -- California Supreme Court today upheld Proposition 8. That's the ban on gay marriage. They upheld the ban, which is bad news, unless you're a gay guy that doesn't want to get married, you see. Now you can go, 'Bob, the courts have spoken.'" --Jay Leno