RKMBs Forums .::Robegories::. Comic Books Play the Comic Book Writing Game

Hi, all. Let it be known that I am proposing a new game for all the comic book writers on the RKMB and anyone else who wants to join in. This game is called the Comic Book Writing Game. Here's the high-concept pitch: "Sharpen your comic book writing skills while creating pure Entertainment for the community to enjoy."

Here's how it works: (1) I come up with an absurd scenario. (2) You write a comic book script to make the scenario work. You don't have to write the whole script. A couple panels should suffice, although you're free to write as much as you want. (3) We all read it, laugh, and make comments where appropriate. (4) Repeat Step 1.

Disco Steve and I were playing something like this game over on the Northwood Saga thread. I'm bringing it out of the closet for all to enjoy.

A sample challenge and response follows...

quote:

---

Pick a character with a full face mask so you can't show his/her facial expression. This character is trying to open a safe by figuring out the tumbler combination. The character's ear is pressed against the safe door, or maybe there's a stethoscope involved. It doesn't matter.

Anyway, in one panel, communicate to the reader that the character has successfully turned the right combination without showing the safe door opening or having a CLICK sound effect. Extra points if the character is UNABLE TO SPEAK.

PAGE 1

Panel 1
We're in COBRA sperm bank meant for reproducing thousands of nondescript soldiers with poor marksmanship, in an office.

Panel 2
A vent is suspended in midair, having fallen from the ceiling.

Panel 3
Same as Panel 1.

Panel 4
Snake Eyes descends from the ceiling, sword in hand, ready to slash up anything symmetrically and indescriminately.

Panel 5
Snake Eyes poses, because this is a liscenced comic, so he HAS to do a cool pose or our 12-year old demographic will lose interest. The nostalgic Gen-Xers will buy this crap regardless.

VOICE (op, coming from above, in the venilation ducts): All clear, Snake?

Panel 6
Tunnel Rat descends from the ceiling.

TUNNEL RAT: You know, they all say you're some kind of creepy nutcase, but I think you're good company, personally.

PAGE 2

Panel 1
Shot of a safe.

TUNNEL RAT (OP): That must be it. You open it. I'll look for food. I am one hungry Asian stereotype.

Panel 2
We're behind Snake Eyes as he approaches the safe, slightly crouched, since he's a ninja and ninjas never walk straight.

Panel 3
Close up on Snake Eyes' hand turning the dial, his head pressed against the door of the safe.

Panel 4
Snake Eyes giving a "thumbs up" gesture, ear still against the safe door.

Panel 5
Tunnel Rat entering the room, eating a candy bar.

TUNNEL RAT: You get it?

Panel 6
Tunnel Rat's POV. Snake Eyes is turned to him, holding up a vial.

TUNNEL RAT: Don't look so proud. That's disgusting.

---

It works like that, only the scenarios will be more absurd.

Any and all are welcome to play, and you can jump in as we go along.

But to spare me the humiliation of throwing a party where nobody shows, can I get a quick count of interested individuals?

Hell, I'm in. Sounds like fun. :)

I'm game. Lets play!

I WANNA PLAY!

We tried this on the DCMB. We succeeded with one story and then after that, everything went to hell. Good luck.

You're such a ray of sunshine, aren't you? Shouldn't you create a thread now entitled "Marc Cambell's Thread Pisses Me off" ?

You know what? I SHOULD!!

I'd delete it....

Ah yes, but I was smart enough not to put it in the comic forum now wasn't I?

OK! I'll think of an absurd scenario and post it here Monday afternoon. Then, let the Comic Book Writing Game begin.

You know how in Daredevil comics the artists always used to draw a couple panels from Matt Murdock's point of view each ish, using white outlines against a dark gray background or some other special effect to represent visually Murdock's audio world? Well, this ain't that comic book.

In this comic book, our hero navigates the world by sense of smell alone. Kick off issue 1 with a couple panels from the hero's point of view, using some sort of visual trick to render the olfactory world. End the sequence with the reader discovering that the character uses nose instead of eyes. Extra points if you don't resort to narrative captions, as in "Yes, that's right. I see the world by smell."

Page 1
*NOTE: All colors are to be vibrant and exciting. Add lots of red to show the titillation of the man.
Panel 1:
Description:The man is sitting with this hands spread out wide with a smorgasbord of fish spread all over.
Caption box: Ahh...how I love Oceanside seafood restaurants!

Panel 2:
Description: stares at a row of plates with different fish. He's having difficulty deciding.
Caption box: I don't know what to start with first.

Panel 3:
Description: the man wipes his tongue on a salmon.
C.B.: Oh, smoked salmon! You are surly delicious, but a treat as you should be last!

Panel 4:
Description: the man eyes the cod.
C.B.: The cod doesn't seem so fresh, but a dash of lemon will do the trick.

Panel 5:
Description: a giant cigar is standing upright with bits of rotted fruit poking out. The cigars mouth is a giant plate of liver and onions.

Page 2: FULL PAGE
Description: an old hagged looking woman is smoking a cigar. She looks used up and cheap. The man is on his knee's sniffing at the crotches of a line of prostitutes. Some are looking confused, but several of the younger ones are giggling. There's a large variety: young, middle-aged, fat, skinny, white, black, etc.

Man: I think I'll start with the fried Arctic Char!

Old hagged woman: Mr. Murdoch, I told you this a hundr'd times before: Red Lobster is across the street!

PAGE 1

Panel 1
All black.

CAPTION: I hate my life.

Panel 2
Looking down on sidewalk. Just sidewalk, coloring composed of multi-colored (grey, brown, variations) swirls. Everything else is black.

CAPTION: UGH. Gum and feet.

Panel 3
Now we're looking over to a guy carrying a shopping bag. The guy is very slovenly looking. More rainbow swirly coloring, this time composed of green, orange, brown, etc. Similarly colored smoke-like substance emanating from his body and shopping bag.

CAPTION: Christ... shower, you disgusting monster. Ick, Doritos... exercise, slob.

Panel 4
Beautiful woman headed towards us. More smoke. Colors: pink, red, blue, etc.

CAPTION: Lavender. I love Lavender. I think I'm in love... Maybe it's not so bad after all...

PANEL ONE: Description

-A young Matt Murdock...still looking very much like he did the last time he saw himself in the mirror before the loss of his eyes...is sitting in what appears to be the raw, naked hide of a cow, shaped into something resembling a chair. Lying across his lap is, what appears to be, a long, slender extension of his right palm. The extension is made up of different materials, at different levels. The top half is covered in human skin. The middle is almost transparent, and the tip-end is black, drizzling smoke and dripping darkness.

PANEL TWO: Description

-He cocks his head to the left. There is a mish-mash of interior dwellings, creating the interior of his office. A corner of Barnes&Noble. A part of his College Library. The side of a local Hell's Kitchen bookstore. Etc., and the like. Floating towards him is the flowing, ghostly figure of the Grim Reaper.

PANEL THREE: Description

-Close-up on the wraith-like figure, coming closer, skeletal mouth open. Scythe cocked, ready to swing.

PANEL FOUR: Description

-Narrow close-up on Murdock's eyes. Or, at least where his eyes should be. There are no eyeballs. Just blank voids.

PANEL FIVE: Description

-The adult Matt Murdock, as we know him, is sitting in a posh, leather office chair. His white walking cane sits across his lap. He is now waving a hand in front of his nose vigorously.

MURDOCK: "Christ, Foggy! Open a window next time, would you?!"

PANEL SIX: Description

-Foggy Nelson is standing next to the extensive office bookshelf lining the the wall to Matt's left, looking rather sheepish.

FOGGY: "...sorry..."

Page 1

Panel 1
Character's POV. He's in the middle of an endless prairie. The grass is high and it's color is intense. The blue in the sky, on the other hand, is very weak.

CAPTION: Ah, the grass...

Panel 2
Character's POV again. He has big flowers in front of him. All kinds of them. Intense colors. They cover most of the panel.

CAPTION: The flowers...

Panel 3
All brown.

CAPTION: The...

Panel 4
A man with dark sunglasses standing in the park. The grass is abundant and there are flowers near him (their colors are normal, not intense). He's raising his left foot, making the shoe's sole visible and revealing it's stained with a brown substance. There's a small pile of said substance in the grass directly below the raised foot.

MAN: ...shit.

Now this is what I call Entertainment. Fantastic work, guys.

Any more takers this round?

Thank you.

Cunts smell like fish! It's still as funny today as the day some kids older brother first told you.

What about it, Polar Boy? Let's see what you got.

PAGE 1

Description:dark background. silhouette of man, smoking curling around him. He's sitting on a rotted log in front of a fire with a pan propped up cooking something.

Caption: I love cooking.

PAGE 2

Panel 1:

Description: close up of man. While you still can't see the upper portion of his face,the bottom half of the face is slightly lighted by the fire. He's scraggly, but not bearded. He has small cuts along his chin, like shaving knicks.

Caption: When I was a boy I cooked my little sisters hamster in the microwave.

Panel 2:

Description: the smoke forms a flashback. a little boy is eating bits of the hamster. His younger sister is screaming bloody murder and tears are pouring out of her.

Panel 3:

Description: Same as panel 1, but he's biting his lower lip hard. A small trinkle of blood pouring from the small gash his sharpened teeth just made.

Panel 4:

Description: the man takes his finger and wipes it across his chin.

Panel 5:

Description: he sticks his finger in his mouth to suck the blood off.

Caption: It was so good. Like her tears were, years later.

PAGE 3

Panel 1:

Description: he reaches into the pan to pull out the food he was cooking.

Caption: They hunted me for tasting her tears. If only they got to taste them, they would have understood.

Panel 2:

Description: You can see what he was cooking. Its a pair of human eyes; slightly burnt.

Caption: They smell delicious. Only slightly overdone.

Panel 3: The man, fully lit. His hair is wild, his clothes ragged and dirty. In the place of his eye sockets are two black voids, dried blood caked around them.

Caption: If only I hadn't eaten my tongue first...

I guess Polar Boy ain't playing. OK, let me see about the next scenario. You guys are doing great so far. I have to think of something more difficult...

Excellent.

Here's one for all you Who fans (whoever you may be -- I do not count myself among you).

Pete Townsend's new concept album is shipping with a comic book libretto, and you've been hired to write it. Pete himself is asking you for help with the plot.

Here's the concept: Tommy 2.0, part LSD-inspired guitar noodle, part space opera. Tommy is a deaf, dumb, and blind kid who plays a mean pinball -- on an asteroid. Only the asteroid is going to blow up, and Tommy doesn't realize it.

It's a tense situation on the Mother Ship Space Oddity. Nobody can go rescue Tommy, because all the space suits were destroyed in that alien sneak attack on Side 7 of the album. Thankfully, Tommy's jet pack still works. All he has to do is flip the switch, and the built-in guidance system will fly him back to the Mother Ship.

Your task is to figure out some way for Communications Officer Major Tom to contact young Tommy (who cannot see, hear, or talk) and get him to ditch his pinball game before the asteroid explodes. Extra points if you do it in rhyme so Townsend can just lift your dialog for the song lyrics.

damn. sounds difficult. I'll figure something out.

Holy shit.

I don't know if this is what you meant, but here it goes.

PAGE 1

PANEL 1
Major Tom sniffing coke in his quarters through a metal tube. He's dressed in his astronaut suit, except for the helmet. There's a communicating device that resembles a radio near him.

SFX: ...snnnnnnffff...

PANEL 2
The communicating device loudly sounds, taking Major Tom by surprise and making him blow the blow away.

COMM: Ship control to Major Tom
Ship control to Major Tom

PANEL 3
Major Tom presses a button in the device and talks to it.

TOM: This is Major Tom to Ship Control,
And I'd really like to talk,
But I'm busy at the moment, I'm afriad

PANEL 4
Close up on the device.

COMM: This is Ship Control to Major Tom,
Leave your nose alone,
Now take your sorry ass to Sector Eight,
If you dissobey us you'll regret...

PANEL 5
Major Tom reluctantly walking down a hall. There's a sign in a wall with an arrow pointing towards where Tom is headed and the letters "SECTOR EIGHT".

PAGE 2

PANEL 1
Major Tom enters a big room. His superiors, Sergeant Pepper and General Floyd await him standing next to a wide window that looks to space.

TOM: Gentlemen, why the sensation?

PEPPER: See for yourself, we have a situation.

PANEL 2
Major Tom stands next to the other two and looks out the window. We can see Tommy playing pinball in a small asteriod.

PEPPER: Tommy's out there and the asteroid will explode!
We cannot warn him, for he's dumb, deaf and blind!

PANEL 3
General Floyd and Major Tom.

FLOYD: That foolish queer boy,
Somehow you have to call.
Always in trouble, playing with that toy...

TOM: ...but he sure plays a mean pin-ball!

PANEL 4
Sergeant Pepper and Major Tom.

PEPPER: Enough with the kidding, Major Tom
You have an assignement, get to it now

TOM: Worry not, my man...

PANEL 5
Close up on Major Tom's face. He's smiling.

TOM: ...Major Tom has a plan.

PAGE 3

PANEL 1
Tommy in the asteroid, playing pinball. The ground is shaking and cracking, with smoke coming out of the cracks, but Tommy doesn't seem to notice.

SFX: PING! PING! PING!

PANEL 2
The pinball machine. We can see that it's theme is Alf. The phrase "YES KIDS! HE'S BACK! IN THE FORM OF A PIN BALL!" can be read near Alf's face. The numbers that show the score are rolling at great speed.

SFX: PING! PING! PONG!

PANEL 3
Tommy's face. Absent look, no expression.

SFX: PONG! PING! PING!

PANEL 4
Tommy's face. Now his eyes are widened and his mouth is open. No SFX.

PANEL 5
Tommy is moving towards something outside the asteroid that we can't see, leaving the Alf pinball machine behind. He's got one foot in the asteriod and one outside it. His right arm is stretched before him, and his left hand is feeling the side of his jet pack, searching for the switch.

PANEL 6
Close up on the switch being flipped by Tommy's left hand.

PANEL 7
Like panel 5, only the jet pack is working and Tommy is floating in space towards the thing we can't see.

PAGE 4

PANEL 1
Major Tom, Sergeant Pepper and General Floyd are standing next to a wide window that looks to space (we can see that they're closer to the asteroid than they were in page 2). Tommy's out there floating towards the window. Segeant Pepper and General Floyd are surprised to see this.

FLOYD: How did you do it, Major Tom?
Tommy's coming towards us!

TOM: He loves a good mirror, everybody knows,
So I just polarized the glass!

PANEL 2
View from outside the ship. It has several windows, but only one of them looks like a mirror. Tommy is approaching that window. Tommy's reflection can be seen in the window/mirror.

PANEL 3
Like panel 1, only Tommy outside is now closer to the window.

TOM: Tommy's own reflection,
For reasons that escape me,
Cause him fascination,
Though he cannot see!

PANEL 4
Like the last panel, only Tommy is even closer to the window.

PEPPER: You're a genius, Major Tom!

FLOYD: You have saved the young boy!

PANEL 5
Like the last panel, only now Tommy has crashed with the window, cracking it. Major Tom, Sergeant Pepper and General Floyd are speechless.

PANEL 6
The window breaks into pieces and the void absorbs the three men, throwing them out to space. Tommy stays the same.

[ 11-02-2003, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: I'm Not Mister Mxypltk ]

Okay, it took me two days to think of an idea. Afterwards I got writers block and said "fuck it", threw the bastard out and started over tonight. enjoy.

[ 11-02-2003, 05:47 PM: Message edited by: Stupid Dogg ]

PAGE 1:

Description: Black page. The writing is a prologue in white bold ISOCP style font.

An accident happened.

Asteroid Quadriphony was on course to run into Asteroid I965. The result of a collision would mean loss in the life of millions. To prevent this, a plan was hastily put together to set A-I965 on a new course. The small-scale explosion caused a chunk to speed toward Quadriphony, with no time to prevent a hit. As fate would have it, the nuclear fusion capacitor that ran Quadriphony was damaged due to the impact.

A distress call was made immediately to Mars. A ship large enough to house 3 million-plus had to be quickly dispatched, with an impossible deadline. Fate strikes again, fortunately one was on its way back for repairs from Europa. After 14 hours the ship was most of the way there, but wouldnt reach the asteroid in time for everyone to get to safety. The engineers and technicians got together and figured they could send an upload to all Environmental Simulation Suits on board. All the wearer would have to do is press a button and the autopilot system would engage. The governor of Quadriphony ordered everyone to activate his or her E.S.S. and evacuate. Only one-person didnt hear the alarm.


PAGE 2:

Panel 1:

Description: Docking Bay. A tall, powerful dark-skinned man is standing front and center with a cadre of medical crew surrounding him caring for escapees of the asteroid.

Major Tom: Did everyone get out?

Panel 2:

Description: An older man is sitting down with his helmet off, and several nurses checking him.

Governor Woodstock: I have no idea.

Panel 3:

Description: Major Tom squats to Governor Woodstock’s level.

Major Tom: Is there any way to find out?

Panel 4:

Description: Woodstock hands him a small device, about the size of a palm pilot.

Woodstock: This has a list of everyone who activated their E.S.S.

PAGE 3:

Panel 1:

Description: Major Tom walks into a large room with technicians monitoring various forms of equipment.

Major Tom: Who’s in charge right now?

Panel 2:

Description: An elderly oriental gentleman wearing casual clothes turns his chair around from a console raising his hand.

Dr. Hu: Yes, Sir. I’m over here.

Major Tom: What’s your name?

Dr. Hu: Oh, uh, I thought you called my name. Dr. Hu, sir.

Panel 3:

Description: Major Tom looks at the man holding out the device.

Major Tom: ...okay. Okay, listen. Can you read this and tell me if everyone got off Quadriphony?

Dr. Hu: Of course, just give me a second.

Panel 4:

Description: Dr. Hu is reading a monitor. Major Tom is standing behind him, arms crossed. He looks impatient.

Dr. Hu: Just one, sir. A 15-year-old male, name of Tommy Woodstock.

Major Tom: Woodstock? Why didn’t he press the damn button?

Dr. Hu: According to his profile, because he’s deaf, blind, mute, and mentally handicapped, sir.

Major Tom: Shit.


PAGE 4:

Panel 1:

Description: Major Tom is storming back toward Governor Woodstock.

Major Tom: Woodstock! There’s one man left on Quadriphony. Tommy Woodstock. Related?

Panel 2:

Description: Governor Woodstock is suddenly pale, his facial expression are as if someone just died.

Woodstock: Oh. Oh, God. She was supposed to press his button…

Panel 3:

Description: Major Tom is standing straight with his arms crossed again. He’s both confused and upset. Woodstock is leaning forward, like he’s sick.

Major Tom: Who was supposed to?

Woodstock: His nurse. He probably got away. Went to that damn pinball machine.

Major Tom: Pinball?

Panel 4:

Description: Reverse angle of panel 3. Major Tom is standing straight with his arms crossed again. He’s both confused and upset. Woodstock is leaning forward, but now his head is up.

Woodstock: He can’t see, talk, or hear, but he can feel the machine moving. Touch is the only thing he knows.

Major Tom: Does…does he know what button to press, if we got him to?

Woodstock: Yes. We taught him to activate his autopilot system when he was a child. It was always supposed to return him to his room, but if it’s been reprogrammed…




PAGE 5:

THE PANELS ON THIS PAGE ARE VERTICAL.

Panel 1:

Description: Major Tom is on a communication device talking to Dr. Hu.

Major Tom: He’s playing a pinball machine.

Dr. Hu: What?

Major Tom: A pinball machine. If we shut that down he might press his autopilot button.

Dr. Hu: You expect me to remotely shut this thing down?

Panel 2:

Description: Dr. Hu is in the technician’s room holding his communication device.

Dr. Hu: I don’t think I can do that.

Major Tom: You have to.

Dr. Hu: But I don’t think…

Panel 3:

Description: Major Tom is on a communication device talking to Dr. Hu.

Major Tom: Listen, do something. He responds to that machine. Shut it down, and he activates the autopilot.

Dr. Hu: ::sigh:: I’ll try remotely making his suit send a surge through the machine, but I don’t know if it’ll work.

Major Tom: Do it.


PAGE 6:

Panel 1:

Description: a large, deserted game room. Tommy is standing at the far distance playing the brightly lighted pinball machine.

Panel 2:

Description: Close up of Tommy and the pinball machine. A spark of electricity goes from Tommy’s suit through the machine. It pushes Tommy back a little, and the pinball machine goes dark.

Panel 3:

Description: Tommy moves forward and tries to operate the broken machine.

Panel 4:

Description: Tommy begins to hit and kick the pinball machine, but feels no response back.

Panel 5:

Description: Tommy gives up and starts feeling around his left arm for the autopilot ignition. You see a **tak** effect of Tommy pressing the button.


PAGE 7

Panel 1: Inside view from outside the loading dock. Governor Woodstock is staring out the window into space, looking for his son. Major Tom is on the comm. device talking to Dr. Hu.

Major Tom: He just pressed the button. He should be here within 15 minutes, sir.

Woodstock: Oh, thank God.

Panel 2:

Description: view from inside, looking out at the asteroid.

Panel 3:

Description: view from the inside, the asteroid explodes violently.

Panel 4:

Description: Governor Woodstock is clinging to the windows. Everyone’s attention moves to the explosion.


PAGE 8

Panel 1:

Description: view inside the shuttle from outside. Everyone has a look of shock on their faces, except Woodstock’s, which has tears coming down.

Panel 2:

Description: Major Tom is talking to Dr. Hu while everyone is looking outside into space.

Major Tom: What? Oh. Jesus.

Panel 3:

Description: Major Tom stands over Governor Woodstock’s shoulder. His hand is on Woodstock’s shoulder. Woodstock looks afraid, tears are pouring from his eyes.

Major Tom: I’m…I’m sorry. Tommy’s suit just went offline.

Panel 4:

Description: Space, where Asteroid Quadriphony floated around in the endlessness. Bits of the base and boulders are floating all over. Only one item is perfectly visible to the readers: an old busted pinball machine.

<small>[ 11-02-2003, 04:59 PM: Message edited by: Stupid Dogg ]</small>

Mxy and Dogg, my hat off to you. That was a commendable display of effort and problem-solving expertise. I'm going to try to give specific feedback to these in the next couple posts. Mxy, you were first, so I'll start with you. Then you're up, Dogg.

Anyone else for this round?

Maybe there should be a new rule that the host (me) has to post a possible solution to the problem. That way it isn't all you guys giving and me stealing your ideas for mainstream comics.

OK, Mxy, here we go. -- MC

I don't know if this is what you meant, but here it goes.

Enough with the excuses and get on with it. -- MC

PAGE 1

PANEL 1
Major Tom sniffing coke in his quarters through a metal tube. He's dressed in his astronaut suit, except for the helmet. There's a communicating device that resembles a radio near him.

SFX: ...snnnnnnffff...

PANEL 2
The communicating device loudly sounds, taking Major Tom by surprise and making him blow the blow away.

COMM: Ship control to Major Tom
Ship control to Major Tom

Ha ha ha -- MC

PANEL 3
Major Tom presses a button in the device and talks to it.

TOM: This is Major Tom to Ship Control,
And I'd really like to talk,
But I'm busy at the moment, I'm afriad

PANEL 4
Close up on the device.

COMM: This is Ship Control to Major Tom,
Leave your nose alone,
Now take your sorry ass to Sector Eight,
If you dissobey us you'll regret...

Good -- feels like Major Tom cut Ship Control off. I don't know if this was your intention, but, if it was, it was a nice touch. -- MC

PANEL 5
Major Tom reluctantly walking down a hall. There's a sign in a wall with an arrow pointing towards where Tom is headed and the letters "SECTOR EIGHT".

PAGE 2

PANEL 1
Major Tom enters a big room. His superiors, Sergeant Pepper and General Floyd await him standing next to a wide window that looks to space.

TOM: Gentlemen, why the sensation?

All right, that rhyme's a stretch, but I have to give you credit for rhyming. -- MC

PEPPER: See for yourself, we have a situation.

PANEL 2
Major Tom stands next to the other two and looks out the window. We can see Tommy playing pinball in a small asteriod.

PEPPER: Tommy's out there and the asteroid will explode!
We cannot warn him, for he's dumb, deaf and blind!

PANEL 3
General Floyd and Major Tom.

FLOYD: That foolish queer boy,
Somehow you have to call.
Always in trouble, playing with that toy...

TOM: ...but he sure plays a mean pin-ball!

Right here, PANEL 3.5: Floyd, Tom, and Pepper share a belly laugh. -- MC

PANEL 4
Sergeant Pepper and Major Tom.

PEPPER: Enough with the kidding, Major Tom
You have an assignement, get to it now

TOM: Worry not, my man...

PANEL 5
Close up on Major Tom's face. He's smiling.

TOM: ...Major Tom has a plan.

Good way to end a page. Nicely done. -- MC

PAGE 3

PANEL 1
Tommy in the asteroid, playing pinball. The ground is shaking and cracking, with smoke coming out of the cracks, but Tommy doesn't seem to notice.

SFX: PING! PING! PING!

PANEL 2
The pinball machine. We can see that it's theme is Alf. The phrase "YES KIDS! HE'S BACK! IN THE FORM OF A PIN BALL!" can be read near Alf's face. The numbers that show the score are rolling at great speed.

SFX: PING! PING! PONG!

PANEL 3
Tommy's face. Absent look, no expression.

SFX: PONG! PING! PING!

All very good. -- MC

PANEL 4
Tommy's face. Now his eyes are widened and his mouth is open. No SFX.

PANEL 5
Tommy is moving towards something outside the asteroid that we can't see, leaving the Alf pinball machine behind. He's got one foot in the asteriod and one outside it. His right arm is stretched before him, and his left hand is feeling the side of his jet pack, searching for the switch.

PANEL 6
Close up on the switch being flipped by Tommy's left hand.

PANEL 7
Like panel 5, only the jet pack is working and Tommy is floating in space towards the thing we can't see.

PAGE 4

PANEL 1
Major Tom, Sergeant Pepper and General Floyd are standing next to a wide window that looks to space (we can see that they're closer to the asteroid than they were in page 2). Tommy's out there floating towards the window. Segeant Pepper and General Floyd are surprised to see this.

FLOYD: How did you do it, Major Tom?
Tommy's coming towards us!

Right. This is something I do all the time...having a character mouth something that is obvious to the reader. Too much Super Friends in my formative years, I suspect. I'd probably cut this to "How did you do it, Major Tom?" and leave it at that. -- MC

TOM: He loves a good mirror, everybody knows,
So I just polarized the glass!

PANEL 2
View from outside the ship. It has several windows, but only one of them looks like a mirror. Tommy is approaching that window. Tommy's reflection can be seen in the window/mirror.

PANEL 3
Like panel 1, only Tommy outside is now closer to the window.

TOM: Tommy's own reflection,
For reasons that escape me,
Cause him fascination,
Though he cannot see!

Fair enough. Although I'm not clear on how the mirror catches Tommy's attention in the first place. Is the ship coming in behind the pinball machine? That's gotta be it. -- MC

PANEL 4
Like the last panel, only Tommy is even closer to the window.

PEPPER: You're a genius, Major Tom!

FLOYD: You have saved the young boy!

We need a Major Tom reaction here. It's his big moment. -- MC

PANEL 5
Like the last panel, only now Tommy has crashed with the window, cracking it. Major Tom, Sergeant Pepper and General Floyd are speechless.

PANEL 6
The window breaks into pieces and the void absorbs the three men, throwing them out to space. Tommy stays the same.

Brilliant. Send this bad boy off to Digital Webbing. -- MC

All right, Dogg, let's see here. -- MC

Description: Black page. The writing is a prologue in white bold ISOCP style font.

An accident happened.

Asteroid Quadriphony was on course to run into Asteroid I965. The result of a collision would mean loss in the life of millions. To prevent this, a plan was hastily put together to set A-I965 on a new course. The small-scale explosion caused a chunk to speed toward Quadriphony, with no time to prevent a hit. As fate would have it, the nuclear fusion capacitor that ran Quadriphony was damaged due to the impact.

A distress call was made immediately to Mars. A ship large enough to house 3 million-plus had to be quickly dispatched, with an impossible deadline. Fate strikes again, fortunately one was on its way back for repairs from Europa. After 14 hours the ship was most of the way there, but wouldnt reach the asteroid in time for everyone to get to safety. The engineers and technicians got together and figured they could send an upload to all Environmental Simulation Suits on board. All the wearer would have to do is press a button and the autopilot system would engage. The governor of Quadriphony ordered everyone to activate his or her E.S.S. and evacuate. Only one-person didnt hear the alarm.

I was going to laugh out loud here and commend you for building up to a joke, but, having mulled over your ending for a few minutes, I'm not so sure you meant that last line to be funny. If you did, then please accept my congrats for a very funny cap-off to a serious bit of exposition. If you didn't mean for a laugh, I suggest cutting that last line entirely. It's clear later in the story that one person didn't hear the alarm, so it isn't absolutely necessary to say it here. -- MC

PAGE 2:

Panel 1:

Description: Docking Bay. A tall, powerful dark-skinned man is standing front and center with a cadre of medical crew surrounding him caring for escapees of the asteroid.

Major Tom: Did everyone get out?

Panel 2:

Description: An older man is sitting down with his helmet off, and several nurses checking him.

Governor Woodstock: I have no idea.

Panel 3:

Description: Major Tom squats to Governor Woodstock’s level.

Major Tom: Is there any way to find out?

Panel 4:

Description: Woodstock hands him a small device, about the size of a palm pilot.

Woodstock: This has a list of everyone who activated their E.S.S.

There must not be a readout thingie on the device, kind of like a ZIP disk? Otherwise, I'm not sure why he's handing it off to Hu on the next page. -- MC

PAGE 3:

Panel 1:

Description: Major Tom walks into a large room with technicians monitoring various forms of equipment.

Major Tom: Who’s in charge right now?

Panel 2:

Description: An elderly oriental gentleman wearing casual clothes turns his chair around from a console raising his hand.

Dr. Hu: Yes, Sir. I’m over here.

Major Tom: What’s your name?

Dr. Hu: Oh, uh, I thought you called my name. Dr. Hu, sir.

Ha ha ha! -- MC

Panel 3:

Description: Major Tom looks at the man holding out the device.

Major Tom: ...okay. Okay, listen. Can you read this and tell me if everyone got off Quadriphony?

Dr. Hu: Of course, just give me a second.

Panel 4:

Description: Dr. Hu is reading a monitor. Major Tom is standing behind him, arms crossed. He looks impatient.

Dr. Hu: Just one, sir. A 15-year-old male, name of Tommy Woodstock.

Major Tom: Woodstock? Why didn’t he press the damn button?

Dr. Hu: According to his profile, because he’s deaf, blind, mute, and mentally handicapped, sir.

Major Tom: Shit.


PAGE 4:

Panel 1:

Description: Major Tom is storming back toward Governor Woodstock.

Major Tom: Woodstock! There’s one man left on Quadriphony. Tommy Woodstock. Related?

Panel 2:

Description: Governor Woodstock is suddenly pale, his facial expression are as if someone just died.

Woodstock: Oh. Oh, God. She was supposed to press his button…

Panel 3:

Description: Major Tom is standing straight with his arms crossed again. He’s both confused and upset. Woodstock is leaning forward, like he’s sick.

Major Tom: Who was supposed to?

Woodstock: His nurse. He probably got away. Went to that damn pinball machine.

Major Tom: Pinball?

Nice again. At this point in the story, if I was Major Tom, I'd want to punch the gov. By the way, this would be a good spot to do the old "speak of the devil" plot gimmick. As soon as Woodstock mentions the nurse, the door could slide open, and in walks the nurse, saying something like "Has anybody seen Tommy?" -- MC

Panel 4:

Description: Reverse angle of panel 3. Major Tom is standing straight with his arms crossed again. He’s both confused and upset. Woodstock is leaning forward, but now his head is up.

Woodstock: He can’t see, talk, or hear, but he can feel the machine moving. Touch is the only thing he knows.

Major Tom: Does…does he know what button to press, if we got him to?

Woodstock: Yes. We taught him to activate his autopilot system when he was a child. It was always supposed to return him to his room, but if it’s been reprogrammed…




PAGE 5:

THE PANELS ON THIS PAGE ARE VERTICAL.

Panel 1:

Description: Major Tom is on a communication device talking to Dr. Hu.

Major Tom: He’s playing a pinball machine.

Dr. Hu: What?

Major Tom: A pinball machine. If we shut that down he might press his autopilot button.

Hey! That's how I was gonna solve this one! Actually, I was gonna have the Mother Ship's phasers blow up the pinball machine, but it's the same idea. At the risk of patting myself on the back, well thought out. -- MC

Dr. Hu: You expect me to remotely shut this thing down?

Panel 2:

Description: Dr. Hu is in the technician’s room holding his communication device.

Dr. Hu: I don’t think I can do that.

Major Tom: You have to.

Dr. Hu: But I don’t think…

Your character Major Tom has my sympathy here. He's trapped in a beaurocracy he never made. -- MC

Panel 3:

Description: Major Tom is on a communication device talking to Dr. Hu.

Major Tom: Listen, do something. He responds to that machine. Shut it down, and he activates the autopilot.

Dr. Hu: ::sigh:: I’ll try remotely making his suit send a surge through the machine, but I don’t know if it’ll work.

Major Tom: Do it.

Good way to end a page. -- MC


PAGE 6:

Panel 1:

Description: a large, deserted game room. Tommy is standing at the far distance playing the brightly lighted pinball machine.

Panel 2:

Description: Close up of Tommy and the pinball machine. A spark of electricity goes from Tommy’s suit through the machine. It pushes Tommy back a little, and the pinball machine goes dark.

Panel 3:

Description: Tommy moves forward and tries to operate the broken machine.

Panel 4:

Description: Tommy begins to hit and kick the pinball machine, but feels no response back.

All good. -- MC

Panel 5:

Description: Tommy gives up and starts feeling around his left arm for the autopilot ignition. You see a **tak** effect of Tommy pressing the button.


PAGE 7

Panel 1: Inside view from outside the loading dock. Governor Woodstock is staring out the window into space, looking for his son. Major Tom is on the comm. device talking to Dr. Hu.

Major Tom: He just pressed the button. He should be here within 15 minutes, sir.

Woodstock: Oh, thank God.

Panel 2:

Description: view from inside, looking out at the asteroid.

Panel 3:

Description: view from the inside, the asteroid explodes violently.

Panel 4:

Description: Governor Woodstock is clinging to the windows. Everyone’s attention moves to the explosion.

Governor Woodstock: TOMMY!!!

I might not have the gov say anything here, or else something that isn't so final, like, "Did he make it?" -- MC


PAGE 8

Panel 1:

Description: view inside the shuttle from outside. Everyone has a look of shock on their faces, except Woodstock’s, which has tears coming down.

Panel 2:

Description: Major Tom is talking to Dr. Hu while everyone is looking outside into space.

Major Tom: What? Oh. Jesus.

Panel 3:

Description: Major Tom stands over Governor Woodstock’s shoulder. His hand is on Woodstock’s shoulder. Woodstock looks afraid, tears are pouring from his eyes.

Major Tom: I’m…I’m sorry. Tommy’s suit just went offline.

Panel 4:

Description: Space, where Asteroid Quadriphony floated around in the endlessness. Bits of the base and boulders are floating all over. Only one item is perfectly visible to the readers: an old busted pinball machine. [/QB][/QUOTE]

Wow, good ending! Didn't expect that twist, and you leave the reader with a strong visual. Let me know when Digital Webbing picks this one up. I'll have to buy the Mxy/Dogg issue. -- MC

Thanks for the comments! I took some of your advice and fixed some things. Digital Webbing, you say? You know, I've been looking for a place like that since ComixMatrix died, but it never popped up on Google. I'll check it out.

Right. This is something I do all the time...having a character mouth something that is obvious to the reader. Too much Super Friends in my formative years, I suspect. I'd probably cut this to "How did you do it, Major Tom?" and leave it at that. -- MC

I only put "Tommy's coming towards us" to make it rhyme with "I just polarized the glass".

Fair enough. Although I'm not clear on how the mirror catches Tommy's attention in the first place. Is the ship coming in behind the pinball machine? That's gotta be it. -- MC

Yeah... I'm sorry that wasn't clear. Sometimes I have troubles indicating how stuff is placed in space when I write in English.

We need a Major Tom reaction here. It's his big moment. -- MC

Right. Now that I think about it, all those panels should have descriptions specifying what the three characters are doing.

Brilliant. Send this bad boy off to Digital Webbing. -- MC [/QB][/QUOTE]

Thank you very much for the feedback, Marc!
What's Digital Webbing?

Well, Digital Webbing is a Web site, and they publish an indy anthology as a regular paper comic.

On the plus side, everyone who has posted here is easily good enough for Digital Webbing.

On the minus side, you have to find a penciller/inker, and you have to pay Digital Webbing production costs upfront. It's $40 U.S. per page. If the book sells well, then you make a profit. If not, you take a loss.

I'm not crazy about this set-up personally. I come from the school of thought that says the publisher bears the cost of production. But the normal rules don't seem to apply in the confidence scheme we know as the comic book industry.

However -- there are dozens of independent publishers who act like regular publishers. You don't pay them anything. They bear the cost of production but take their cut out of the profits. This means you will make next to nothing. And you still have to find a penciller/inker. But it's a step towards doing comics.

This is a great idea, Marc.

quote:

---

Here's one for all you Who fans (whoever you may be -- I do not count myself among you).

Pete Townsend's new concept album is shipping with a comic book libretto, and you've been hired to write it. Pete himself is asking you for help with the plot.

Here's the concept: Tommy 2.0, part LSD-inspired guitar noodle, part space opera. Tommy is a deaf, dumb, and blind kid who plays a mean pinball -- on an asteroid. Only the asteroid is going to blow up, and Tommy doesn't realize it.

It's a tense situation on the Mother Ship Space Oddity. Nobody can go rescue Tommy, because all the space suits were destroyed in that alien sneak attack on Side 7 of the album. Thankfully, Tommy's jet pack still works. All he has to do is flip the switch, and the built-in guidance system will fly him back to the Mother Ship.

Your task is to figure out some way for Communications Officer Major Tom to contact young Tommy (who cannot see, hear, or talk) and get him to ditch his pinball game before the asteroid explodes. Extra points if you do it in rhyme so Townsend can just lift your dialog for the song lyrics.

---

Assume that Townsend has instead negotiated the rights to use Bowie's lrics....

Panel 1:
Close-up on a reflection of a man's face. He looks like Buzz Aldrin with stubble, and a Soviet-esque 50s cloth space suit helmet on his head. His face is distraught.

No word balloon.

Panel 2:
Repeat image from panel 1.
Narration box: oh no, don't say its true.

Panel 3: Long distance shot. Small figure in a space suit, bending over a steel table, his back towards perspective. The figure is white upon a grey surface, starfield in the background. Surface is curved, with a short horizon.

Italics (a radio message? ): <Zzzt> we got a message from the action man <zzt> i'm happy hope you're happy too<zzt>

Panel 4:
Major Tom waves, his hand entering the panel, face the same emotion.

Major Tom (word balloon): "Tommy!"

Panel 5:
Major Tom's hand starts to fall. No dialogue, horror etched on his face. Mirror of panel 1, except for the falling gloved hand.

Panel 6:

Major Tom's horrified face, mirror of panel 1.
Radio: "(italics) <zzzt> i never did anything out of the blue
want an axe to break the ice
want to come down right now"

Panel 7:

Major Tom raises his hand again. His hand is trembling. This time it holds a 50s raygun. Face is otherwise a mirror of panel 1.

Italics:
"one flash of light
but no smoking pistol"


Panel 8:

Burst of light.

Italics: "i'm happy, hope you're happy too."

Panel 9:

Long shot, mirror of panel 3, except the suited small figure is burned, a blackened shell with a hint of charcoaled ribs.

Panel 10:

Mirror of panel 1.

"ashes to ashes funk to funky
we know major tom's a junky
strung out on heaven's high
hitting an all time low"

Yes! Dave is playing!

You want to send me one of those ray guns, Dave, because I'm gonna vaporize my head after reading your tale.

Very nice work, though. Flush out the relationship between the characters, fill out your five pages, and you have your first Future Shock.

2000AD Submissions

I'd do something more developed to submit to Digital Webbing, Marc. Gotta find a good artist first, though.

You know what? I have several ideas for short stories that fit that 2000AD submission thingy... I'd have to put add some futuristic element to them, though.