|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308
300+ posts
|
|
300+ posts
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308 |
And you don't need an artist for 2000AD. Speaking of which, Mxy, when you were on Digital Webbing, did you check out their Talent Search area? I'll include a link at the end of this post in case you didn't. That's the first place you might look for an artist. Beware! DW is full of guys who think that comic books will make them rich. Rob Liefeld types. Many won't talk to you unless you offer to pay them -- fair enough, but make sure they show some interest in your story. The last thing you want is a hired gun. You want a creative partner. The ideal situation would be to find someone who is willing to work on spec -- no money up front. This won't make you terribly popular at Digital Webbing, and you'll have to fend off all the people who have zero skill, but you might get lucky and run into an art student. Students will do anything for free. Here's that link: Talent Search @ Digital Webbing By the way, if you're in the mood to share, I'd love to read your stories. I promise I'll only steal them if I really like them.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
|
|
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14 |
quote:
Originally posted by Marc Campbell:
Yes! Dave is playing!
You want to send me one of those ray guns, Dave, because I'm gonna vaporize my head after reading your tale.
Very nice work, though. Flush out the relationship between the characters, fill out your five pages, and you have your first Future Shock.
2000AD Submissions
Seemed to me the best solution was to shoot Tommy.
Assuming of course that playing pinball would caused the asteroid to blow up.
Which I then realised was wrong on the facts, and I realised I was tired and deluded.
So I tranposed that to the burned out and coked up Major Tom.
The Bowie lyrics were entirely gratuitous.
As was the rest of it, I guess.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
|
|
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14 |
quote:
Originally posted by Stupid Dogg:
PAGE 1:
Description: Black page. The writing is a prologue in white bold ISOCP style font.
An accident happened.
Asteroid Quadriphony was on course to run into Asteroid I965. The result of a collision would mean loss in the life of millions. To prevent this, a plan was hastily put together to set A-I965 on a new course. The small-scale explosion caused a chunk to speed toward Quadriphony, with no time to prevent a hit. As fate would have it, the nuclear fusion capacitor that ran Quadriphony was damaged due to the impact.
A distress call was made immediately to Mars. A ship large enough to house 3 million-plus had to be quickly dispatched, with an impossible deadline. Fate strikes again, fortunately one was on its way back for repairs from Europa. After 14 hours the ship was most of the way there, but wouldnt reach the asteroid in time for everyone to get to safety. The engineers and technicians got together and figured they could send an upload to all Environmental Simulation Suits on board. All the wearer would have to do is press a button and the autopilot system would engage. The governor of Quadriphony ordered everyone to activate his or her E.S.S. and evacuate. Only one-person didnt hear the alarm.
PAGE 2:
Panel 1:
Description: Docking Bay. A tall, powerful dark-skinned man is standing front and center with a cadre of medical crew surrounding him caring for escapees of the asteroid.
Major Tom: Did everyone get out?
Panel 2:
Description: An older man is sitting down with his helmet off, and several nurses checking him.
Governor Woodstock: I have no idea.
Panel 3:
Description: Major Tom squats to Governor Woodstock’s level.
Major Tom: Is there any way to find out?
Panel 4:
Description: Woodstock hands him a small device, about the size of a palm pilot.
Woodstock: This has a list of everyone who activated their E.S.S.
PAGE 3:
Panel 1:
Description: Major Tom walks into a large room with technicians monitoring various forms of equipment.
Major Tom: Who’s in charge right now?
Panel 2:
Description: An elderly oriental gentleman wearing casual clothes turns his chair around from a console raising his hand.
Dr. Hu: Yes, Sir. I’m over here.
Major Tom: What’s your name?
Dr. Hu: Oh, uh, I thought you called my name. Dr. Hu, sir.
Panel 3:
Description: Major Tom looks at the man holding out the device.
Major Tom: ...okay. Okay, listen. Can you read this and tell me if everyone got off Quadriphony?
Dr. Hu: Of course, just give me a second.
Panel 4:
Description: Dr. Hu is reading a monitor. Major Tom is standing behind him, arms crossed. He looks impatient.
Dr. Hu: Just one, sir. A 15-year-old male, name of Tommy Woodstock.
Major Tom: Woodstock? Why didn’t he press the damn button?
Dr. Hu: According to his profile, because he’s deaf, blind, mute, and mentally handicapped, sir.
Major Tom: Shit.
PAGE 4:
Panel 1:
Description: Major Tom is storming back toward Governor Woodstock.
Major Tom: Woodstock! There’s one man left on Quadriphony. Tommy Woodstock. Related?
Panel 2:
Description: Governor Woodstock is suddenly pale, his facial expression are as if someone just died.
Woodstock: Oh. Oh, God. She was supposed to press his button…
Panel 3:
Description: Major Tom is standing straight with his arms crossed again. He’s both confused and upset. Woodstock is leaning forward, like he’s sick.
Major Tom: Who was supposed to?
Woodstock: His nurse. He probably got away. Went to that damn pinball machine.
Major Tom: Pinball?
Panel 4:
Description: Reverse angle of panel 3. Major Tom is standing straight with his arms crossed again. He’s both confused and upset. Woodstock is leaning forward, but now his head is up.
Woodstock: He can’t see, talk, or hear, but he can feel the machine moving. Touch is the only thing he knows.
Major Tom: Does…does he know what button to press, if we got him to?
Woodstock: Yes. We taught him to activate his autopilot system when he was a child. It was always supposed to return him to his room, but if it’s been reprogrammed…
PAGE 5:
THE PANELS ON THIS PAGE ARE VERTICAL.
Panel 1:
Description: Major Tom is on a communication device talking to Dr. Hu.
Major Tom: He’s playing a pinball machine.
Dr. Hu: What?
Major Tom: A pinball machine. If we shut that down he might press his autopilot button.
Dr. Hu: You expect me to remotely shut this thing down?
Panel 2:
Description: Dr. Hu is in the technician’s room holding his communication device.
Dr. Hu: I don’t think I can do that.
Major Tom: You have to.
Dr. Hu: But I don’t think…
Panel 3:
Description: Major Tom is on a communication device talking to Dr. Hu.
Major Tom: Listen, do something. He responds to that machine. Shut it down, and he activates the autopilot.
Dr. Hu: ::sigh:: I’ll try remotely making his suit send a surge through the machine, but I don’t know if it’ll work.
Major Tom: Do it.
PAGE 6:
Panel 1:
Description: a large, deserted game room. Tommy is standing at the far distance playing the brightly lighted pinball machine.
Panel 2:
Description: Close up of Tommy and the pinball machine. A spark of electricity goes from Tommy’s suit through the machine. It pushes Tommy back a little, and the pinball machine goes dark.
Panel 3:
Description: Tommy moves forward and tries to operate the broken machine.
Panel 4:
Description: Tommy begins to hit and kick the pinball machine, but feels no response back.
Panel 5:
Description: Tommy gives up and starts feeling around his left arm for the autopilot ignition. You see a **tak** effect of Tommy pressing the button.
PAGE 7
Panel 1: Inside view from outside the loading dock. Governor Woodstock is staring out the window into space, looking for his son. Major Tom is on the comm. device talking to Dr. Hu.
Major Tom: He just pressed the button. He should be here within 15 minutes, sir.
Woodstock: Oh, thank God.
Panel 2:
Description: view from inside, looking out at the asteroid.
Panel 3:
Description: view from the inside, the asteroid explodes violently.
Panel 4:
Description: Governor Woodstock is clinging to the windows. Everyone’s attention moves to the explosion.
Governor Woodstock: TOMMY!!!
PAGE 8
Panel 1:
Description: view inside the shuttle from outside. Everyone has a look of shock on their faces, except Woodstock’s, which has tears coming down.
Panel 2:
Description: Major Tom is talking to Dr. Hu while everyone is looking outside into space.
Major Tom: What? Oh. Jesus.
Panel 3:
Description: Major Tom stands over Governor Woodstock’s shoulder. His hand is on Woodstock’s shoulder. Woodstock looks afraid, tears are pouring from his eyes.
Major Tom: I’m…I’m sorry. Tommy’s suit just went offline.
Panel 4:
Description: Space, where Asteroid Quadriphony floated around in the endlessness. Bits of the base and boulders are floating all over. Only one item is perfectly visible to the readers: an old busted pinball machine.
My unsolicited two cents:
I quite liked this, and didn't expect a tragic ending. I thought the dialogue was realistic, and served to clearly demonstrate the characters' interaction. The panel lay-outs were evocative, too. Characterisation was slim, but you didn't have much time to work with it, and I don't think having a complex character was necessary for the tale. And I liked the Dr Hu joke. Using comedy in tragedy highlights the tragic elements of the sotry - that's an old Shakespearian technique.
On the other hand, I thought you relied too much upon narration at the beginning and end to tell the story. That works sometimes, but I personally feel its cheating. Its better to demonstrate background info through dialogue or action, suggesting background. So, by way of a random example, perhaps the Governor intensely disliked Major Tom, and Tom might have brushed the hand of the Governor's wife. This would have suggested that there was something else afoot. When Tommy died, the Governor could have looked at Major Tom with accusing, burning eyes, moving the background to the foreground. You wouldn't need to say in narration, "The Governor hates Major Tom because he's been screwing the Governor's wife", because you have suggested it.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308
300+ posts
|
|
300+ posts
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308 |
All cents are solicited on this thread. You play, you pay.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
|
|
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14 |
quote:
Originally posted by I'm Not Mister Mxypltk:
I don't know if this is what you meant, but here it goes.
PAGE 1
PANEL 1
Major Tom sniffing coke in his quarters through a metal tube. He's dressed in his astronaut suit, except for the helmet. There's a communicating device that resembles a radio near him.
SFX: ...snnnnnnffff...
PANEL 2
The communicating device loudly sounds, taking Major Tom by surprise and making him blow the blow away.
COMM: Ship control to Major Tom
Ship control to Major Tom
PANEL 3
Major Tom presses a button in the device and talks to it.
TOM: This is Major Tom to Ship Control,
And I'd really like to talk,
But I'm busy at the moment, I'm afriad
PANEL 4
Close up on the device.
COMM: This is Ship Control to Major Tom,
Leave your nose alone,
Now take your sorry ass to Sector Eight,
If you dissobey us you'll regret...
PANEL 5
Major Tom reluctantly walking down a hall. There's a sign in a wall with an arrow pointing towards where Tom is headed and the letters "SECTOR EIGHT".
PAGE 2
PANEL 1
Major Tom enters a big room. His superiors, Sergeant Pepper and General Floyd await him standing next to a wide window that looks to space.
TOM: Gentlemen, why the sensation?
PEPPER: See for yourself, we have a situation.
PANEL 2
Major Tom stands next to the other two and looks out the window. We can see Tommy playing pinball in a small asteriod.
PEPPER: Tommy's out there and the asteroid will explode!
We cannot warn him, for he's dumb, deaf and blind!
PANEL 3
General Floyd and Major Tom.
FLOYD: That foolish queer boy,
Somehow you have to call.
Always in trouble, playing with that toy...
TOM: ...but he sure plays a mean pin-ball!
PANEL 4
Sergeant Pepper and Major Tom.
PEPPER: Enough with the kidding, Major Tom
You have an assignement, get to it now
TOM: Worry not, my man...
PANEL 5
Close up on Major Tom's face. He's smiling.
TOM: ...Major Tom has a plan.
PAGE 3
PANEL 1
Tommy in the asteroid, playing pinball. The ground is shaking and cracking, with smoke coming out of the cracks, but Tommy doesn't seem to notice.
SFX: PING! PING! PING!
PANEL 2
The pinball machine. We can see that it's theme is Alf. The phrase "YES KIDS! HE'S BACK! IN THE FORM OF A PIN BALL!" can be read near Alf's face. The numbers that show the score are rolling at great speed.
SFX: PING! PING! PONG!
PANEL 3
Tommy's face. Absent look, no expression.
SFX: PONG! PING! PING!
PANEL 4
Tommy's face. Now his eyes are widened and his mouth is open. No SFX.
PANEL 5
Tommy is moving towards something outside the asteroid that we can't see, leaving the Alf pinball machine behind. He's got one foot in the asteriod and one outside it. His right arm is stretched before him, and his left hand is feeling the side of his jet pack, searching for the switch.
PANEL 6
Close up on the switch being flipped by Tommy's left hand.
PANEL 7
Like panel 5, only the jet pack is working and Tommy is floating in space towards the thing we can't see.
PAGE 4
PANEL 1
Major Tom, Sergeant Pepper and General Floyd are standing next to a wide window that looks to space (we can see that they're closer to the asteroid than they were in page 2). Tommy's out there floating towards the window. Segeant Pepper and General Floyd are surprised to see this.
FLOYD: How did you do it, Major Tom?
Tommy's coming towards us!
TOM: He loves a good mirror, everybody knows,
So I just polarized the glass!
PANEL 2
View from outside the ship. It has several windows, but only one of them looks like a mirror. Tommy is approaching that window. Tommy's reflection can be seen in the window/mirror.
PANEL 3
Like panel 1, only Tommy outside is now closer to the window.
TOM: Tommy's own reflection,
For reasons that escape me,
Cause him fascination,
Though he cannot see!
PANEL 4
Like the last panel, only Tommy is even closer to the window.
PEPPER: You're a genius, Major Tom!
FLOYD: You have saved the young boy!
PANEL 5
Like the last panel, only now Tommy has crashed with the window, cracking it. Major Tom, Sergeant Pepper and General Floyd are speechless.
PANEL 6
The window breaks into pieces and the void absorbs the three men, throwing them out to space. Tommy stays the same.
Two more unsolicited cents:
I literally laughed out loud. This was very funny, Mxy. Your panel layout was great: I really liked this one -
quote:
TOM: Worry not, my man...
PANEL 5
Close up on Major Tom's face. He's smiling.
TOM: ...Major Tom has a plan.
The ending, with the three military officers flying off into the void while the obvlivious and otherwise helpless Tommy being safe, was quite funny. Their smug self-assurance and hubris makes their fate grimly amusing.
From a technical perspective, your rhyme cadence was short, which makes rhyme work really well. Shame on you for missing an opportunity to rhyme "glass" with "arse".
Your plot falls over in describing how Tommy is saved, but it was necessary for your farcical ending, and you have Major Tom admit that he doesn't knwo why it works. It adds to the farce, thinking about it.
Very Monty Python-esque. Good stuff.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
|
|
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14 |
quote:
Originally posted by Marc Campbell:
All cents are solicited on this thread. You play, you pay.
Ka-ching!
Just to clarify this, lest it seem too harsh:
quote:
On the other hand, I thought you relied too much upon narration at the beginning and end to tell the story. That works sometimes, but I personally feel its cheating.
Probably the most famous example of "super-narration" was George Lucas' scrolling prologue in Star Wars. Shakespeare uses narrative technique in many of his plays, including Hamlet and Henry V. If you're happy with this technique, you're in decent company.
I happened to re-read the Witchblade/Tomb Raider one shot cross-over on the weekend (its not a bad read, to be honest). There is a written prologue, explaining:
1. why Sara Pezzini is going to London
2. giving Sara Pezzini some characterisation as a murder detective who gets sickened by her job
3. how, with the mystique of a story to be told another day, Sara Pezzini and Lara Croft know each other
4. how Sara Pezzini can get a vacation at the drop of a hat.
It was nice prose. But comics aren't a prose format. Each of those pieces of plot should have been included in the panels, either as dialogue of through action. What made it even more of a shame was that Sara "Witchblade" Pezzini, a tough cop who has some good characterisation in her regular title, got no characterisation whatsoever in this issue (Lara Croft got it all).
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,920
devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
|
|
devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,920 |
Thanks for the two cents, Dave. Now I can buy a candy.
I remembered that in the movie, Tommy is fascinated by mirrors though he can't see them, so I figured he could "sense" them somehow.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308
300+ posts
|
|
300+ posts
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308 |
Even if this wasn't contained in the movie, you utilized a perfectly good technique that in symbolic logic is called the principle of addition. You simply bring in something else. As long as it doesn't contradict any of the givens, you don't affect the logic of the argument.
By this principle, you could have installed a tractor beam on the Mother Ship, given Major Tom psychic powers, and so on.
As contrasted to Dave's approach, changing the assumptions upon which the argument rests, which is what one comes to expect from a lawyer.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
|
|
Banned from the DCMBs since 2002. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 15,367 Likes: 14 |
Yes, its easier to think within paradigms. Random shit doesn't compute, other than as random shit (or, more accurately, "rogue statistics"). quote:
Originally posted by I'm Not Mister Mxypltk:
Thanks for the two cents, Dave. Now I can buy a candy.
I remembered that in the movie, Tommy is fascinated by mirrors though he can't see them, so I figured he could "sense" them somehow.
Ah-ha. Haven't seen the movie. Continuity! Your story is flawless.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308
300+ posts
|
|
300+ posts
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308 |
Disco? Prometheus? Want to take a shot at the space opera? Otherwise, I'll come up with a new scenario.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 7,587
7500+ posts
|
|
7500+ posts
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 7,587 |
Oh gob... I must give this a shot. Can you give me until Monday, teach?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308
300+ posts
|
|
300+ posts
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308
300+ posts
|
|
300+ posts
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308 |
An old Zen koan or conundrum goes something like this: "Am I a man dreaming that I am a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?" (The correct answer to this koan is either the "square root of 35" or "yes.")
Always on the lookout for new ideas, you come across this koan and decide that it would make a fantastic comic. So is born the Butterfly Man, the butterfly who dreams that he is a man.
He thinks he is a man. He believes it to the core. He sees himself as a man. But in fact he is a butterfly, and everyone else sees him as a butterfly.
To infuse your work with the deep mysteries of the Orient, you decide to introduce Butterfly Man to your story the way he sees himself. You ask your artist to draw him as a full-grown, pleasant-looking man in 1950s-style clothes.
Please provide the beginning of your comic, showing Butterfly Man as a man. Use resources like the reactions of the supporting cast to hint at the truth that this fine fellow is in fact a butterfly to their eyes. Extra points if you avoid showing Butterfly Man doing obvious butterfly things like flitting around.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 10,988 Likes: 43
Doog the MIGHTY 10000+ posts
|
|
Doog the MIGHTY 10000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 10,988 Likes: 43 |
quote:
TITLE: Paulie Damas
PAGE 1
Panel 1: an old and worn looking woman in tattered clothes is sitting on a park bench just staring out into the open. There are some people running around. Just a few feet from her is a water fountain. Helen is holding a small bouquet of honeysuckle.
Panel 2: front view of the old woman staring out. She has a blank stare on her face.
Panel 3: Same view as Panel 2, but a mans hand comes into view. The old woman’s face goes from blank stare to a wide smile.
Panel 4: wide shot from the side. The old woman is staring up at the man, and he is staring down at her. He has Greek features: dark skin, dark hair, etc. He is wearing a grayish-black suit, with a red button shirt and red tie and reddish-brown shoes. He has a light-yellow scarf around his neck.
Paulie: G’d afternoon, Helen. You smell good.
Helen: Paulie! I didn’t know if you were gonna come!
PAGE 2
Panel 1: Paulie bends down and kisses Helen on the cheek.
Panel 2: Paulie sits down to the left, next to Helen. His hands are folded into his lap and his legs are tightly together.
Paulie: Almost didn’t make it. Too many birds around, you know? I’m not a fan of birds. Plus, it was kinda windy.
Helen: Hahaha! Oh, Paulie. You’re such a sissy.
Panel 3: Paulie sits the same. Helen puts her left index finger under Paulie’s chin.
Paulie: Anything new going on, Helen?
Helen: Well, not much really. Kinda hard to keep a sociable life when people don’t want anything to do with you anymore.
Panel 4: close up shot of faces. Paulie is staring at Helen. Helen has a small tear running down her face.
PAGE 3
Panel 1: Paulie spreads his arms and legs out a little bit. Helen is staring out into the open park.
Panel 2: Same as Panel 1.
Paulie: I’m here Helen.
Helen: Oh, Paulie. One of these days I’m going to be sitting here, and I’m going to wait but you won’t come. You’ll be gone, and I’ll be here.
Panel 3: Paulie has a preposterous look about him. He reaches his hand out and wipes the tear from Helen’s cheek.
Panel 4: close up shot of Helen’s face. Paulie’s finger is wiping the tear away, and Helen is smiling.
PAGE 4
Panel 1: A young man, around the age of 20-ish runs over to the drinking fountain. He’s wearing jogging clothes. The sudden appearance of the jogger alarms Paulie.
Panel 2: The jogger is drinking water. Helen is staring up as a beautiful black butterfly with red and yellow dots around the edge of its wings flutters away.
Helen: See you tomorrow, Paulie.
Panel 3: The jogger looks over at Helen, water is dripping off his chin. Helen is staring down toward the ground. She drops the honeysuckle bouquet to the grass.
Jogger: Huh?
Helen: (whispering) Just saying goodbye.
Panel 4: Sky view-down. The park is below, you can see where Helen is sitting, and the jogger goes back to running. Research what a Polydamas swallowtail looks like and draw it (using the color descriptions I gave) flying away.
Not the usual type of story I write, I know. be gentle.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308
300+ posts
|
|
300+ posts
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308 |
Dogg, I really liked that. Poignant. High marks!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,920
devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
|
|
devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,920 |
I haven't Daved out, I just haven't had time to write anything!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308
300+ posts
|
|
300+ posts
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308 |
That's OK, Mxy. I hope this means I get a new episode of Max Adventure soon.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308
300+ posts
|
|
300+ posts
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308 |
A fable is a story with fantastic characters --talking animals, wizards, knights -- with an underlying real-world significance. The characters in a fable represent something, usually universal ideas like Humanity, Goodness, Jealousy, or Greed. What happens to the characters in the story is a dramatic playing out of a life lesson. Instead of an office clerk being tempted by the wiles of his lovely but married coworker, you get the seventh son of a seventh son taking a big, phallic sword to a shape-changing she-serpent.
That's the way it usually works. But in your comic, the "reverse fable" story form that you are developing, you use real-life persons to represent fantastic characters and situations. So tell the story of a knight fighting a dragon using everyday, ordinary people and events.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 24,593 Likes: 1
Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
|
|
Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 24,593 Likes: 1 |
Page 1
Panel 1
Windell Knight, the new VP of Southeastern Distribution, sits at his desk with an open briefcase in front of him. His expensive, navy blue coat hangs with care behind him. Black suspenders wrap around his white button-up and frame his red tie. His blonde hair is perfectly groomed on top of his handsome head. The grand view of the ocean from his window is blocked by a large building and about 200+ miles of land.
Panel 2
Ronny Squire, Windell's assistant, burts through the door with a pile of papers wrapped haphazardly in his arms and body. His dark hair is mussed and pointing in all directions. His blue tie, spotted with brown coffee spots, hung crooked from his neck.
Ronny: I've got all those reports you asked for. Just in time for the meeting.
Panel 3
Ronny looks at his watch as some papers slip free.
Ronny: I am in time, right?
Panel 4
Ronny looks back up with a crazed smile and a gleam in the eye that just screams Mass Murderer. The rest of the mass of papers falls out of his hands and onto the desk.
Ronny: Ha! Ha! I am! Right on time!
Page 2
Panel 1 (Stretching across the top of the whole page.)
Windell stands up behind his desk. An American flag would be waving in the background if that damned building wasn't in the way. His arms are braced against the desk giving that triangle stance that Jesus had in the Last Supper picture.
Panel 2 (Left side of page.)
Windell's arms are down the sleeves of his coat as Ronny helps him don the suit.
Panel 3 (Right side of page.)
Ronny proudly hands Windell the briefcase.
Panel 4 (Covering the entire bottom width of the page.)
Windell with Ronny in tow holding the mass of papers marches proudly down the corporate hallway as mailboys and secretaries stop to gaze at his wonder.
Page 3
Panel 1
The board room is filled with smoke. Executives have torn off their expensive coats and sit, sweating at the large conference table. Some are coughing. Others are passed out completely. Yet others are using their files to fan away the bad air and search for the fresh.
Panel 2
Gordon Geicko, a large, pit faced man, stand in front of the captive group. His cigar in his right hand is pouring out smoke like a boy band pours out shitty, formulaic pop songs. His other hand is crammed into the donut box on the table in front of him. A beautiful young, red-headed secretary takes the minutes of the meeting while trying to keep from vomiting.
Gordon: So, you see, we will need to cut back if our company is to wade through this recession. Are there any questions?
Panel 3
The rest of the executives stare silently and half awake. Two men are playing Russian Roulette in the background.
Panel 4
Gordon is staring longingly down the secretary's opened shirt.
Gordon: That means is certain personelle don't want to loose their jobs, they might need to show more.... office skills.
Page 4 (Splash page)
Windell burst through the door. His briefcase is held in front of his body. Ronny stands behind him with papers cradled in his arms.
Windell: (Yelling) Not so fast, Geicko!
Page 5
Panel 1
Windell stands proudly with his laser pointer directed at the graph that Ronny is setting up.
Windell: This graph CLEARLY shows that downsizing is the last thing this company needs.
Panel 2
Windell now points the laser pointer towards the reader while Ronny stills a sip from a bottle in a brown paper bag.
Windell: This company's main downfall is our inability to deliver its products to everyone in the Southeastern Region.
Panel 3
Windell now stands with one foot laying across the top of the table as Ronny ties his shoelace.
Windell: Customers outside of the greater Atlanta area don't have access to our whatchamacallits, widgets,...
Panel 4
Sitting Indian style in the middle of the table, Windell continues. Ronny, wearing a headdress, is trading beads and firearms in the background.
Windell: .... gadgets, gizmos, wha'-whozits,...
Page 6
Panel 1
Windell is now staring directly into his laser pointer as Ronny gives him a shave with a straight razor.
Windell: ...what-not, knick-knacks, bricka-brak,...
Panel 2
Windell and Ronny are playing ping pong.
Windell: ...odd'n'ends, this'n'that, and everything else we sell.
Panel 3 (The full bottom third of the page.)
Windell stands with his laser pointer directed straight at Gordon. His briefcase is clutched in his left hand and held high above his head. Ronny has joined the Russian Roulette game.
Windell: And that is why we must EXPAND and not cut back!
Page 7
Panel 1
Gordon stands, angry. His veins bulge from his neck, hands, and forehead.
Panel 2
Close up on Gordon's left hand show it crushing the donut. Jelly oozes out from between his fingers.
Panel 3
Close up on Gordon's left eye. It is drawn into an evil slit. Red veins pour from behind the pupil.
Panel 4
Close up on the same eye. This time it is round and surprised.
Panel 5
The cigar falls from Gordon's right hand.
Panel 6
The right hand grasps and clutches onto his shirt directly over his heart.
Panel 7
Gordon's limp body collapses onto the table. In the background, Ronny loses at Russian Roulette.
Panel 8
The red-headed secretary jumps up.
Secretary: My hero!
Page 8 (Top of page.)
Panel 1
The secretary has firmly embraced Windell.
Secretary: Wanna go to the copy room and make out?
Windell: No!
Panel 2 (Bottom of page)
Close up on his face.
Windell: Because that would be sexual harassment.
The End
Borin.... um..... ordinary enough for you?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,920
devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
|
|
devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,920 |
PAGE 1
PANEL 1
A woman, dressed as a secretary and carrying a purse, walking through a small park. It's daytime. She's in a hurry, looking at her wrist watch as she walks.
WOMAN: Oh, shit, shit, shit...
PANEL 2
She bumps into something big. She looks at it, shocked. She's covered by it's shadow.
WOMAN: ...shit...
PANEL 3
The thing she bumped into is revealed: a big nasty looking man sporting a devilish smile and frowning. He's looking down at the woman. She isn't moving, she's just shocked.
PANEL 4
Side view of the big man approaching the woman. She's backing off slowly but she knows she can't run away from him. She looks desperate.
MAN: Well, what do we got here...?
PANEL 5
The big man hears somebody calling at him and turns his head to look.
OFF PANEL VOICE: Stop right there!
PANEL 6
Close up on the big man's face as he looks at whoever called him. He looks confused. On the background we can see the surprised face of the woman, also looking at whoever called the big man.
MAN: What the fuck...?!
PAGE 2
PANEL 1
Full body view of BUTTERFLY-MAN. Hands in hips, spandex costume with flashy colors, red utility belt, and butterfly-shaped strap-on wings. A pink mask covers his face. He can see through black googles on the mask.
B-MAN: Stay away from her, villain!
PANEL 2
The big man looks shocked and confused.
MAN: What the fuck is this?! Who the fuck are you?!
PANEL 3
Close up on Butterfly-Man.
B-MAN: I am BUTTERFLY-MAN... and you're about to be defeated!
PANEL 4
Horizontal panel. As Butterfly-Man stands in fighting position, the big man, freaked out, steps back and turns away.
MAN: Fuck this, this is too fucking weird...
MAN: I'm outta here!
PANEL 5
Butterfly-Man approaches the woman. She seems more calm. In the background, the big man can be seen running away.
B-MAN: Are you OK, ma'am?
WOMAN: Yes, you saved me... Like you always do.
B-MAN: Well, in that case, I should be going. I have a job to do.
PANEL 6
Butterfly-Man is turning away and starting to run. The woman is starting to turn to the opposite direction.
B-MAN: Good bye, ma'am!
WOMAN: Yes... Good bye...
PANEL 7
On the front, a butterfly, with the same colors as B-Man, flying towards the reader. On the background, the woman, walking away from the reader's POV.
WOMAN: ...you freaky talking butterfly...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308
300+ posts
|
|
300+ posts
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 308 |
Great stuff, guys. The RKMB talent pool never fails to impress.
thedoctor, you shifted into stream of consciousness about halfway through, and yet, to your credit, you took me with you. I thought the laser was a clever stand-in for the sword. Both cut keenly. And you worked in a damsel in distress. Nice touch.
Mxy, I started reading yours thinking you were doing the dragon fable thing, so when I encountered Butterfly-Man, it was a pleasant surprise. The thing I like best about your writing is that it takes place in a fun, cartoony world, where people are allowed to say things like "I'm outta here" as they are running away.
I liked your last panel. Brought a smile to my face. I pictured this ridiculous butterfly flitting away, thinking job well done.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,920
devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
|
|
devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 33,920 |
Thanks, Marc. I promised myself that if I didn't come up with anything good for the butterfly thing by the time you posted the next challenge I'd just write whatever came into my mind. But, in the end, I liked how it turned out.
|
|
|
|
|
