RKMBs Forums .::Robegories::. Media Create the absolute worst ideas for movies you can think of

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Originally posted by whomod:
You see, I don't need to waste any energy doing this. I have Jon Peters around to do this for me.

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Aw, but yours might actually be legitimately funny.

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By the way, you may want to look over at the DC boards, someone over there at the Smallville boards swears that Noel Neil is interested in doing a cameo on Smallville.

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Slightly off-topic, I had the pleasure of meeting Miss Neill at the Motor City Comic Con in May. Nice lady. And I recently bought her bio off the Avdentures Continue site. Man, was she a hottie back in the day....

OK, back to the bad movie ideas!

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Originally posted by Steve T:
Since coming to Hollywood John Woo has already made mine.

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Originally posted by King Krypton:
Slightly off-topic, I had the pleasure of meeting Miss Neill at the Motor City Comic Con in May. Nice lady. And I recently bought her bio off the Avdentures Continue site. Man, was she a hottie back in the day....

OK, back to the bad movie ideas!

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VERY OFF TOPIC....

You live in Dearborn?

Gah! Where are all you Michigan people coming from? I won't be able to hide much longer!!

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Originally posted by Bianca:

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Originally posted by King Krypton:
Slightly off-topic, I had the pleasure of meeting Miss Neill at the Motor City Comic Con in May. Nice lady. And I recently bought her bio off the Avdentures Continue site. Man, was she a hottie back in the day....

OK, back to the bad movie ideas!

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VERY OFF TOPIC....

You live in Dearborn?

Gah! Where are all you Michigan people coming from? I won't be able to hide much longer!!

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First off, were you at the Motor City Comic Con? If you saw a red-headed guy dressed in all in blue with a black leather jacket and a silver Superman pendant, that was me.

Anyway, to get back on topic, here are a few more bad movie ideas:


Alicia Silverstone, Elizabeth Berkeley, Paul Walker, Heath Ledger, and Julia Stiles have all signed to star in WB’s action-comedy MEAT BEATERS INC. for director Jan De Bont and producer Peter Guber. The film, scripted by Elizabeth Wurtzel (PROZAC NATION and B!TCH), follows the misadventures of a quintet of crazed PETA members who decide to take the fight for extreme animal rights to a whole new level. Under the cover of night…armed with baseball bats, tennis rackets, golf clubs, hockey sticks, and football cleats smeared with fecal matter and mud…this foolish five breaks into every restaurant, butcher’s shop, and supermarket and proceeds to soil, beat, and desecrate every piece of meat in storage in an attempt to force the entire world into veganism. They even go so far as to send videotaped messages to every TV station in the world ordering people to surrender every scrap of meat in their houses, or else they’ll break into every single home in the world and destroy the meat themselves. While PETA openly champions these five ninnies and gives them support and protection, the rest of the world forms a lynch mob dedicated to hunting these guys down and giving them a good ol’-fashioned @$$-kicking. Production begins in August.

Upon apparently canning the planned BATMAN: YEAR ONE movie, WB has decided to reconceive the project as "the world’s first superhero teen date movie," SHE’S ALL BAT. In this proposed film, spoiled, rich, bat-outfitted orphan Bruce Wayne (Freddie Prinze Jr.) makes a bet with two-faced jock Harvey Dent (Paul Walker) that he can turn the pretty-but-nerdy Selina Kyle (Rachael Leigh Cook) into a sexy, catsuited prom queen. "We just felt that the standard superhero-as-adventure format was too tired to be explored anymore," says producer/Jon Peters-lapdog Lorenzo DiBonaventura. "Besides, everyone knows that superhero comics are inherently stupid and inferior. This is just the latest step in our campaign to make superheroes more intelligent and accessible to a mainstream audience." Prinze, a long-time comic book fan, believes the film is a great opportunity. "I’ve always wanted to play a superhero," Prinze exults, "and I’m especially honored to be the first actor to play a romantic, non-violent Batman. This is a Batman teens can relate to, that girls can approach without being afraid. The whole ‘vengeance’ thing was wack, anyhow." Matthew Lillard will co-star as Jack Napier, the clown-faced REAL WORLD star who steals away Bruce’s plant-crazed girlfriend Pamela Isley (Jodi Lyn O’Keefe), setting the events of the film in motion. Pop star Usher will also appear as school DJ James Gordon. Robert Iscove and Tommy O’Haver will direct from a script by R. Lee Fleming Jr., the Drews, and Kris Issacson. In a related story, Batman creators Bob Kane and Bill Finger were both found rolling and puking in their respective graves.

Julia Stiles and Celine Dion are a mad exhibitionist duo on the rampage in WB’s action comedy THE GIRLS NOBODY EVER WANTED TO SEE NAKED, about a mother-daughter pair of streakers determined to gain control of the world by running naked thru the streets of Salt Lake City and trying to entice every man they see to become their love slaves. However, all they do is cause an uprising when everybody decides to chase after them and kick their @$$es. "We want the audience to sympathize with Celine and Julia’s characters," says producer Leonard Goldberg, who brainstormed the project with screenwriters Rob Liefeld and Larry Hama. "After all, these are two very sexy women using their natural gifts, and yet society is just to prudish and uptight to accept them." McG will direct for a summer 2004 release, music will be by Alien Ant Farm.

Natalie Portman is in talks to do a distaff remake of the John Travolta/Lily Tomlin romantic drama MOMENT BY MOMENT. This time, Portman would be playing Strip, the prostitute drifter who embarks on an affair with an older lover (George Wendt), and, in this new version of Jane Wagner’s cult classic, will have a wacky sex-crazed sidekick (Britney Spears) who gets more action in a day than Strip gets in a month. "It’ll be kinda fun to play a drifter," says Portman, "especially since I won’t have any nude scenes. Neither does Britney. All the film’s nudity belongs to George Wendt, so it’s all good." Spears agrees. "I like playing a tramp, but the lack of nude scenes helps me keep my virginal image, so I’m cool with it," she says. "And George looks pretty good in a Speedo, which is all he wears throughout most of the film, so the girls in the audience won’t be complaining any." In a related story, every male fan of Natalie Portman and Britney Spears and every male poster at Ain’t It Cool News committed group hara-kiri upon hearing these sound bites. Jon Peters will produce, Demian Lichtenstein will direct from a screenplay by John T’lustachowski. Willa Ford, O-Town, and Boyzone provide the soundtrack.

Artisan is moving ahead on its film adaptation of CAPTAIN AMERICA, with a twist…the good captain will be a woman in the movie! "The whole blond and blue-eyed stud thing has been done to death," says writer-director Amy Heckerling, who also produce the film with Nora Ephron. "Besides, the only guy hero who pulls off the blue tights look is Superman. Everyone else just looks dumb. But put that outfit on a chick, and it looks like a million bucks, gives the ladies a hero of their own…and gives the guys some eye candy. See? Everyone wins!" The re-envisioned tale revolves around sexy WWII army private Sharon Rogers (Faith Hill, in her follow-up to THE STEPFORD WIVES) being inducted into the government’s top-secret Super-Solider program, and emerging as a genetically-enhanced superhuman. Donning star-spangled blue tights and high-heeled red boots and wielding an indestructible shield, Sharon becomes Captain America, the Sentinel of Liberty! But an encounter with the green face paint-wearing Nazi agent Red Skull (David Arquette) results in Sharon being cryogenically frozen and imprisoned in his lair while the Skull prolongs his life by taking lots of ginseng and Viagra. Flash forward to 2003. In the wake of 9/11, the Skull resurfaces and tries to revive Nazism in order to join forces with terrorist nations and take advantage of an America that has been brought to its knees. But when one of the Skull’s dimwitted aides (Orlando Jones) accidentally thaws Sharon out of her icy prison, Captain America is reborn as Sharon squares off against the Skull for the fate of the world, with a middle-aged woman named Rikki Barnes (Twink Caplan, also the picture’s executive producer) joining Sharon’s side as the heroic Bucky! "This oughta settle who’s the hottest babe in country music once and for all," laughs Hill during a costume fitting. "I’d just like to see Shania TRY to top this. I don’t see HER playing a superhero, do you?" In a related story, upon hearing of this project, Jack Kirby spun in his grave so much that he dug a hole to China and ran screaming into the ocean, Joe Simon has been slamming his head against a brick wall for three weeks straight and hasn’t stopped yet, and Sam Raimi, Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and Willem Dafoe all had to dog-pile on Stan Lee to prevent him from shooting himself. In another related story, elated, madly salivating fanboys the world over unanimously praised the casting of Hill as Cap, chanting over and over again in unison, "Faith Hill in blue spandex! Faith Hill in blue spandex! Faith Hill in blue spandex! Faith Hill in blue spandex! Faith Hill in blue spandex!" Artisan will release the film in July of 2005.

Come on, guys. The least you could do is play along.

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Originally posted by King Krypton:
First off, were you at the Motor City Comic Con? If you saw a red-headed guy dressed in all in blue with a black leather jacket and a silver Superman pendant, that was me.

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Originally posted by King Krypton:
Anyway, to get back on topic, here are a few more bad movie ideas:


Alicia Silverstone, Elizabeth Berkeley, Paul Walker, Heath Ledger, and Julia Stiles have all signed to star in WB’s action-comedy MEAT BEATERS INC. for director Jan De Bont and producer Peter Guber. The film, scripted by Elizabeth Wurtzel (PROZAC NATION and B!TCH), follows the misadventures of a quintet of crazed PETA members who decide to take the fight for extreme animal rights to a whole new level. Under the cover of night…armed with baseball bats, tennis rackets, golf clubs, hockey sticks, and football cleats smeared with fecal matter and mud…this foolish five breaks into every restaurant, butcher’s shop, and supermarket and proceeds to soil, beat, and desecrate every piece of meat in storage in an attempt to force the entire world into veganism. They even go so far as to send videotaped messages to every TV station in the world ordering people to surrender every scrap of meat in their houses, or else they’ll break into every single home in the world and destroy the meat themselves. While PETA openly champions these five ninnies and gives them support and protection, the rest of the world forms a lynch mob dedicated to hunting these guys down and giving them a good ol’-fashioned @$$-kicking. Production begins in August.

Upon apparently canning the planned BATMAN: YEAR ONE movie, WB has decided to reconceive the project as "the world’s first superhero teen date movie," SHE’S ALL BAT. In this proposed film, spoiled, rich, bat-outfitted orphan Bruce Wayne (Freddie Prinze Jr.) makes a bet with two-faced jock Harvey Dent (Paul Walker) that he can turn the pretty-but-nerdy Selina Kyle (Rachael Leigh Cook) into a sexy, catsuited prom queen. "We just felt that the standard superhero-as-adventure format was too tired to be explored anymore," says producer/Jon Peters-lapdog Lorenzo DiBonaventura. "Besides, everyone knows that superhero comics are inherently stupid and inferior. This is just the latest step in our campaign to make superheroes more intelligent and accessible to a mainstream audience." Prinze, a long-time comic book fan, believes the film is a great opportunity. "I’ve always wanted to play a superhero," Prinze exults, "and I’m especially honored to be the first actor to play a romantic, non-violent Batman. This is a Batman teens can relate to, that girls can approach without being afraid. The whole ‘vengeance’ thing was wack, anyhow." Matthew Lillard will co-star as Jack Napier, the clown-faced REAL WORLD star who steals away Bruce’s plant-crazed girlfriend Pamela Isley (Jodi Lyn O’Keefe), setting the events of the film in motion. Pop star Usher will also appear as school DJ James Gordon. Robert Iscove and Tommy O’Haver will direct from a script by R. Lee Fleming Jr., the Drews, and Kris Issacson. In a related story, Batman creators Bob Kane and Bill Finger were both found rolling and puking in their respective graves.

Julia Stiles and Celine Dion are a mad exhibitionist duo on the rampage in WB’s action comedy THE GIRLS NOBODY EVER WANTED TO SEE NAKED, about a mother-daughter pair of streakers determined to gain control of the world by running naked thru the streets of Salt Lake City and trying to entice every man they see to become their love slaves. However, all they do is cause an uprising when everybody decides to chase after them and kick their @$$es. "We want the audience to sympathize with Celine and Julia’s characters," says producer Leonard Goldberg, who brainstormed the project with screenwriters Rob Liefeld and Larry Hama. "After all, these are two very sexy women using their natural gifts, and yet society is just to prudish and uptight to accept them." McG will direct for a summer 2004 release, music will be by Alien Ant Farm.

Natalie Portman is in talks to do a distaff remake of the John Travolta/Lily Tomlin romantic drama MOMENT BY MOMENT. This time, Portman would be playing Strip, the prostitute drifter who embarks on an affair with an older lover (George Wendt), and, in this new version of Jane Wagner’s cult classic, will have a wacky sex-crazed sidekick (Britney Spears) who gets more action in a day than Strip gets in a month. "It’ll be kinda fun to play a drifter," says Portman, "especially since I won’t have any nude scenes. Neither does Britney. All the film’s nudity belongs to George Wendt, so it’s all good." Spears agrees. "I like playing a tramp, but the lack of nude scenes helps me keep my virginal image, so I’m cool with it," she says. "And George looks pretty good in a Speedo, which is all he wears throughout most of the film, so the girls in the audience won’t be complaining any." In a related story, every male fan of Natalie Portman and Britney Spears and every male poster at Ain’t It Cool News committed group hara-kiri upon hearing these sound bites. Jon Peters will produce, Demian Lichtenstein will direct from a screenplay by John T’lustachowski. Willa Ford, O-Town, and Boyzone provide the soundtrack.

Artisan is moving ahead on its film adaptation of CAPTAIN AMERICA, with a twist…the good captain will be a woman in the movie! "The whole blond and blue-eyed stud thing has been done to death," says writer-director Amy Heckerling, who also produce the film with Nora Ephron. "Besides, the only guy hero who pulls off the blue tights look is Superman. Everyone else just looks dumb. But put that outfit on a chick, and it looks like a million bucks, gives the ladies a hero of their own…and gives the guys some eye candy. See? Everyone wins!" The re-envisioned tale revolves around sexy WWII army private Sharon Rogers (Faith Hill, in her follow-up to THE STEPFORD WIVES) being inducted into the government’s top-secret Super-Solider program, and emerging as a genetically-enhanced superhuman. Donning star-spangled blue tights and high-heeled red boots and wielding an indestructible shield, Sharon becomes Captain America, the Sentinel of Liberty! But an encounter with the green face paint-wearing Nazi agent Red Skull (David Arquette) results in Sharon being cryogenically frozen and imprisoned in his lair while the Skull prolongs his life by taking lots of ginseng and Viagra. Flash forward to 2003. In the wake of 9/11, the Skull resurfaces and tries to revive Nazism in order to join forces with terrorist nations and take advantage of an America that has been brought to its knees. But when one of the Skull’s dimwitted aides (Orlando Jones) accidentally thaws Sharon out of her icy prison, Captain America is reborn as Sharon squares off against the Skull for the fate of the world, with a middle-aged woman named Rikki Barnes (Twink Caplan, also the picture’s executive producer) joining Sharon’s side as the heroic Bucky! "This oughta settle who’s the hottest babe in country music once and for all," laughs Hill during a costume fitting. "I’d just like to see Shania TRY to top this. I don’t see HER playing a superhero, do you?" In a related story, upon hearing of this project, Jack Kirby spun in his grave so much that he dug a hole to China and ran screaming into the ocean, Joe Simon has been slamming his head against a brick wall for three weeks straight and hasn’t stopped yet, and Sam Raimi, Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and Willem Dafoe all had to dog-pile on Stan Lee to prevent him from shooting himself. In another related story, elated, madly salivating fanboys the world over unanimously praised the casting of Hill as Cap, chanting over and over again in unison, "Faith Hill in blue spandex! Faith Hill in blue spandex! Faith Hill in blue spandex! Faith Hill in blue spandex! Faith Hill in blue spandex!" Artisan will release the film in July of 2005.

Come on, guys. The least you could do is play along.

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Originally posted by THE Franta:
How about a parody of James Bond? Where a secret agent from England gets placed in suspended animation in the 60's only to revive in modern times! Take a ham comedian who mugs the camera and does horrible impressions. Throw in alot of gags used in other comedies that were actually amusing. Get some hot babes to co-star. And throw in alot of cheezy catch phrases.

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Originally posted by thedoctor:

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Originally posted by King Krypton:
Anyway, to get back on topic, here are a few more bad movie ideas:

[Come on, guys. The least you could do is play along.

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Too damn much material at one time. Learn to pace yourself. The short attention spans on this board won't stick around enough to.......

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