Chapter 3: The Ol' Kipper

Registered Member 552: I'm sorry, what did you just say?

Ace Rimmer: Smoke me a kipper. I'll be home for breakfast.

Registered Member 552: That's what I thought. Okay, who is this whacko??

Britannica: He's Ace Rimmer. What a guy!

Cowgirl Jack: How'd you know that?

Britannica: I'm an Aussie. Aussies know Ace Rimmer.

Cowgirl Jack: Oh.

Vegi-La [looking up]: Guys!

In every direction, large, red meteors like the one the Justice League Reality had just encountered pour from the sky. Soon, the distant thunder of rock hitting earth can be heard all around.

Britannica: I don't know why you're here, Mr. Rimmer, but it looks like we could use all the help--

Ace Rimmer: Why, haven't you been watching the news?

Wednesday: Of course, the news! How could we forget something as important as the news? Oh, wait! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that WE WERE JUST BUSY SAVING AN ENTIRE TOWN FROM A HUGE, FRIGGIN’ METEORITE!

Midnight Spectre: Now who's getting angry?

Wednesday:

Britannica: Don't mind ‘Day, Rimmer. What's the situation?

Ace Rimmer: Well, the entire world is experiencing what can only be called plagues. In Asia, the water has turned to blood--

Di Bat Pho: What?!

Ace Rimmer: Similarly, the Pacific and Indian Seas surrounding Australia have turned into blood.

Britannica: That's impossible.

Ace Rimmer: No. Impossible is that while the Sun has disappeared over South America, it has gotten much brighter over Antarctica; bright enough to cause the polar ice to start melting.

Cowgirl Jack sits down, her head reeling.

Ace Rimmer: Without warning, all of Europe was invaded by huge swarms of large locusts. The citizens who could make it indoors have boarded themselves in.

Cowgirl Jack: Revelations!

Vegi-La: What is it, CJ?

Cowgirl Jack: What you just described, Mr. Rimmer. It's the Seven Last Plagues of Revelations. The plagues that herald the end of the world.

Di Bat Pho: The End?

Midnight Spectre: CJ, are you saying this is an act of God?

She didn't answer.

Ace Rimmer: Sadly, the governments of this world are a mess. A few are saying it's divine intervention from God. More are calling it an alien attack of some sort. Most, however, are blaming other nations for their plagues.

Midnight Spectre: How about none of the above?

Ace: You know something, don't you, Midnight?

Midnight Spectre: Obviously, if aliens were going to attack us, they wouldn't use blood and locusts. At the same time, no government on Earth has the means to do all this.

Cowgirl Jack: But God would.

Registered Member 552: That first meteor was aimed at us. It turned in mid air and came attacked us. I don't know about Wednesday, but I'm a pretty upstanding guy. I don't think God would have any reason to go for the JLR first.

Wednesday: Yeah, that's... hey!

Vegi-La: Well, you did try to kill us.

Wednesday: That’s just not fair. Try to murder your friends and you never hear the end of it.

Midnight Spectre: The point is, if its divine intervention, it isn't God.

Di Bat Pho: You think it's her, don't you.

Midnight Spectre: The Chanterator's behind this.

Ace Rimmer: Exactly!

Wednesday: How'd you know?

Ace Rimmer: I'm Ace Rimmer !

Wednesday:

Ace: What now?

Ace Rimmer: My bike can take us anywhere in the universe and beyond. Your team has fought Chant before.

Midnight Spectre: He was never this powerful.

Ace Rimmer: But now you have me. With your experience and my leadership, we can--

Frying Pan: BONK!

Ace Rimmer: Kipper.. me a breakfast... baby!

THUMP

Registered Member 552: What did you do that for?!

Wednesday: Sorry, but he's SOOO annoying!

Di Bat Pho: She was the only one who knew how to use the bike. Now we have no way to find Chant!

Wednesday: What? I said I was sorry!

JLR:

Registered Member 552: We should start worrying now.

Vegi-La: Well, maybe we could--

VL grips the bike's steering with both hands. Suddenly, 725 volts of electricity course through him.

Vegi-La: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He jolts back, trembling from the great shock. Luckily, his vegibeastal form is strong enough. But...

Ace: Dude, you smell like burnt broccoli.

RM notices the onboard computer screen.

Registered Member 552: It seems wired to electrocute anyone other than its rider.

Vegi-La: R--rr--eally??? W--w--what was y--y--y--your first c--c--clue, Shh--shhh--erlock??

Di Bat Pho [reading the screen]: It says here it's programmed for Ace. Only he can use it.

Britannica: What did you just say?

Di Bat Pho: It's programmed for Ace. Only she can use it.

Brit walks over and looks at the screen. His eyes light up and he hugs his fiancé.

Britannica: That's a splendid idea. Ta!

Brit walks over to Ace and grabs his wrist. He pulls the JLR's card-carrying member over to the bike and...

Ace: What're you doing?!

Britannica: Trust me.

Brit yanks Ace's hand and puts it on the bike...

Ace Rimmers Bike: User identified as 'Ace.' Welcome aboard.

Britannica: Welcome aboard, Ace .

Ace:

Pleasantly surprised to be alive, Ace jumps sits in the rider's seat. The engine automatically revs.

Vegi-La joins him. Then CJ, RM, Brit, DBP, Wednesday, and Midnight Spectre hop on.

Ace: A little... crowded, don't you think?

Britannica: Only for a short while. It's best we split up and look for Chant in the various places he's been. Also, we'll need to concentrate on soliciting as much help as possible.

Ace: That's great! Now how do I control this thing.

Vegi-La: T--t--ry talking t--t--to it.

Ace: Your brain's overburnt, broccoli-boy. What am I supposed to say: "Take us to Chantania"?

There was a familiar crackle and gust of wind as the engine revved again. Another portal opened before them and the motorcycle left the ground.

Ace: Why do I have a feeling this is gonna hurt!

That was the last thing he said before Ace Rimmer's bike carried the JLR into the light.

To be continued...