Castle Doesntreallyexistia
Sue-ee: Oh, my head. Why do I feel so wobbly?
Sue-ee, leader of ACDC looks upon the chaos in front of the castle. ACDC members and Doesntreallyexistian Royal Guards are lying everywhere, having been knocked off their feet by the latest shockwave.
Nick: Sue! Glad to see you’re awake at last. This mission has gone pair shaped.
Sue-ee: It went pair shaped ages ago. What’s the situation?
Nick: The IRG has escaped. So have Peter, Sparky and TASK Force. ACDC were in battle with the Doesntreallyexistian Royal Guard, when the Earthquakes started. Now it looks like there is an unscheduled eclipse.
Sue-ee: Some days, it’s just not worth getting out of the stye. Dolly!
Dolly: Yes, Commander?
Sue-ee: What’s causing this eclipse?
Dolly: My sensors indicate that the Moon’s orbit is degrading.
Nick: Huh?
Dolly: The Moon is getting closer to the Earth.
Nick: Holly crap!
Sue-ee: eek!
Dolly: This phenomenon is resulting in the increased geological activity we are experiencing.
Nick: …
Sue-ee: Earthquakes.
Dolly: However, the cause for the degrading orbit is unknown at this stage. Also unknown is the cause of the reported worldwide meteorite bombardment, the plague of Rolf Harris’ throughout the United Kingdom and the cause of the River Figmentofmyimagination changing it’s chemical composition from H2O into a haemoglobin/plasma/DNA composition
Nick: Huh?
Sue-ee: From water into blood.
Dick Johnson: Agggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get me outta here. It’s disgusting!!!!!!
Sue-ee: OK Dolly. Translate for me.
Dolly: Proceed.
Sue-ee via Dolly: Captain. The situation is beyond the capabilities of your guards. We offer our assistance in evacuating the castle.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Excuse me talking sheep, but I’ll have you know that we are Doesntreallyexistian’s finest. We have complete control of our facilities… and our faculties, thank you.
Private Screening: Is that why he’s talking to a sheep?
Sergeant Pepper: Private. That is no way to talk about your Captain!
Private Screening: Sorry Sir.
Sergeant Pepper: That’s better. Everyone saw the sheep talk first.
Sue-ee via Dolly: Dolly is merely translating my words into Doesntreallyexistian. [Dolly indicates Sue-ee] I am Sue-ee, Commander of ACDC.
Captain: ACDC?
Sue-ee via Dolly: Animals of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia Collective
Private Property: That’s cute.
Sue-ee via Dolly: It is time to put this silly war between Doesntreallyexistia and Chantania to rest. This is now a matter of survival.
Corporal Punishment: But Chantania fired a big pointy flying thing at us. We can’t let that go unpunished.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Oh, Sergeant Pepper…
Sergeant Pepper: Corporal Punishment! You will not interrupt the Captain!
Corporal Punishment: Sorry Sir.
Sergeant Pepper: You have been a very bad Corporal, Corporal. Go administer a flogging.
Corporal Punishment: Yes Sir…
Sergeant Pepper: Captain.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Thank you Sergeant. [The Captain turns his attention back to Sue-ee] But Chantania fired a big pointy flying thing at us. We can’t let that go unpunished.
Sue-ee via Dolly: The missile was fired by the Injustice Reality Gang. They have been engineering the war between Doesntreallyexistia and Chantania.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Missile? Engineering? What are these strange words you are using? We’re medieval dontcha know.
A voice from behind a bush: And so is Chantania.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Who said that?
Sergeant Pepper: It was the bush sir.
Dolly: It is Toxic Bob.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Show yourself!
Toxic Bob: I can’t you idiots. You left me tied up!
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Sergeant. I thought I ordered that all civilians were to be released?
Sergeant Pepper: Yes you did Captain.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Then would you like to explain…? [The Captain points to Toxic Bob]
Sergeant Pepper: Corporal!
Corporal Punishment: [in the distance] Bad Corporal…
Sergeant Pepper: Corporal Punishment!!!
Corporal Punishment: [sticking his head over the ridge] Yes Sergeant?
Sergeant Pepper: Would you like to explain… [points to Toxic Bob]
Corporal Punishment: The Captain’s orders were to release the civilians, sir. He didn’t mention anything about the Prince of our sworn enemy, sir.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: And rightly so. You followed my orders precisely.
ACDC and the Privates: Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Give that man a medal, Sergeant.
Sergeant Pepper: Yes sir.
Corporal Punishment: 
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: So who are these Injustice Reality Gang?
Sue-ee via Dolly: The civilians you released.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Sergeant. Who released the IRG?
Sergeant Pepper: That would have been Privates Parts, Property and Screening, sir.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Put them on report.
The Privates: 
Suddenly a massive form shambles up the hill towards the group.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: What the? Another plague?
Dolly: It is Princess Chantina of Chantania.
Toxic Bob: Petal! You found me, thank goodness.
Chantina: urgle google oogle.
The husband and wife kiss, as everyone else looks away in disgust. Chantina unties her husband’s bonds, then turns to Captain Doesntreallyexistia.
Chantina: Shoogle froogle frump.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: umm…
Dolly: Princess Chantina proposes a truce in this time of cataclysm, and offers the hand of neighbourly friendship, as the two great kingdoms of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia weather this storm together.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: umm…
Sue-ee via Dolly: They want to stop fighting, and want the two countries to help each other against the plagues.
Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Oh. Why didn’t you say so?
Private Property: Great. Now that we’re all friends can we start evacuating the castle? It’s looking a little wobbly…
