JLR/Ultimates

Cowgirl Jack vs. Wasp and Black Widow

Narrator: As the battle between the JLR and The Ultimates continues the heroic heroine (?) Cowgirl Jack and the two Ultimates heroines Wasp and Black Widow sits in the corner of the arena exchanging knitting recipes and experiences!

Wasp: Well, last time I used this recipe I decided to use a .08 inch thread instead of a .09 thread.

CJ: ohh, my, why is that Janet?

Wasp: Ahh, you see, when you use the smaller thread you sort of get a more stable and complete pattern

CJ and Black Widow: Ohhhh!

Wasp: Tea, anyone?

Black Widow: Why thank you dear!

Wasp: Well, look at all those barbarians, they should just sit down and talk about their problems, instead of fighting.

CJ: Yes, if women were in charge in the world there would never be any conflict

Black Widow: That’s right, though I have to say those boots of yours….

CJ: Yes….

Black Widow: Well, they aren’t exactly……

CJ: WHAT!!!

Wasp: Calm down CJ, what I think Natasha is saying is that those boots….they aren’t exactly fashionable, if you know what I mean?

CJ: My boots aren’t fashionable?

Narrator: As the three women are arguing about whether or not Cowgirl Jacks boots are fashionable, CJ is feeling a rage unlike any she has ever experienced, and once again she is loosing control and turns into Harpy

Harpy: CAW!! CAW!!! CAW!! Harpy’s boots are better than yours little girls!!

Wasp: Not anymore birdie girl, your claws just ripped them apart

Harpy: CAW!! YOU MADE HARPY RUIN HARPY´S BOOTS! NOW HARPY IS GONNA RUIN YOURS!!! CAWWWWWWWWW!!

Black Widow: she’s kidding, right?

Wasp: Must be!

Narrator: Black Widow and Wasp starts backing away from the enraged Harpy

Wasp: I don’t think she’s kidding Natasha!

Black Widow: Me neither, RUN!!!

Harpy: CAW!!!

Narrator: Black Widow stops, apparently deciding to fight instead of running, she pulls out to pistols and starts firing!

Harpy: CAW!!! Harpy thinks you are cheating, Harpy is not using guns!! CAW!!!

Black Widow: Yeah well, I do

Narrator: The Black Widow starts shooting at Harpy whilst Wasp shrinks down to her wasp size, preparing to fire her “stings” at the raging Harpy who desperately tries to dodge the multiple attacks on her. The attacks however, does nothing to scare her off, in fact, it seems like it only makes her angrier.

Harpy: CAW!!! CAAAAAWWWW!!!!!!! HARPY WILL EAT PUNY WOMEN FOR DINNER!!!

Audience: WOOHOOOO, A CATFIGHT, YEEEHAAAAA, FINALLY SOME REAL ACTION…..

Narrator: Harpy launches her attack on the two women before her, claws bared and beak at the ready. Wasp tries in vain to dodge the first attack the tears at here abdomen, but she is unsucces……

INCOMING STREAMER MESSAGE!!!

Audience: [eh?]

THIS COMBAT HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) DUE TO VIOLENT AND INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT (hey, kids might read this!)

Audience: [AAAHHHH!!!] [AAAHHHH!!!] [AAAHHHH!!!]

Narrator: Panting and struggling for her breath Cowgirl Jack stands triumphant in a heap of broken furniture, destroyed thingies and feathers spread from Harpy in her frenzy.

CJ: Hey, I won?, I mean, of course I won, obviously….

Narrator: Cowgirl Jack straightens herself and waves at the disappointed audience, not noticing her ruined boots until she starts moving towards the rest of the battle

CJ: What is this?, MY BOOTS!!! NOOOOOO……..