RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Writer's Block JLR vs the CSF!

Ten minutes later…

Ace : Dude.

Wednesday: Dude?

Ace: Why are we running?

Wednesday: I don’t know. You’re... the one who started running... when that guy flew off. I’ve been... following you.

Ace: Nuh uh! You took off first. I'm just keeping pace.

Wednesday: Well stop... running then.

Ace: What's wrong? Can't keep it up?

Wednesday: Trust me, I have no problems keeping it up. I'm just worried about you. Not everyone has the stamina I've got. So just take a break.

Ace: Oh I'm fine. Feel free to stop if you need to, though!

Two minutes later...

Wednesday [still running and huffing hard]: Yo?

Ace [a SMALL drop of sweat on his brow]: Yo... what?

Wednesday: Did that guy... that we don’t even know... just order us to... go get the rest... of the team and meet him... at a place... we don’t even... know how to get to?

Ace: Pretty much... And he wasn’t very nice.

Wednesday [still running]: This could <wheez> just be another trap.

Ace: Probably. But if he’s... with those CSF guys, he’ll... lead us right to them.

Wednesday [barely running]: He stole <wheez!> my steel-skin.

Ace: You’re kinda attached to that new power of yours, ain’t ya?

Wednesday [jogging... more or less]: Well, it IS MY SKIN!

Ace:

Wednesday: So exactly <cough>... where are we going?

Ace: Well... I figure we should go back and wait... for the rest of the team to regroup. Then... we can find this MLU and this Spandex Monkey Person.

Wednesday: But they <COUGH> got Centurian, and who knows what they’re... doing to him? We don’t have the time to—

BLINK

A millisecond later...

Cowgirl Jack: I see. Well, the only lead we’ve got is this… what did you say this guy’s name was again?

Wednesday: Latex <HACK!> Spunking <COUGH!> Boy.

Ace: I…. don’t think… that was it.

Wednesday: Listen, you, <COUGH, COUGH> I’ve got a photogenic memory. If I say his name is LatexSpunkingBoy, his name is LatexSpunkingBoy <COUGH, HACK WHEE--

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Registered Member, did you feel that?

Registered Member 552: Yeah. I could have sworn we were just running around looking for clues when---

BLINK

A millisecond later??

Wednesday: But they got Centurian, <COUGH> and who knows what they’re... doing to him? We don’t have... the time to get the others.

Ace: You seem to care an awful lot about this kid. That’s not like you.

Wednesday: Yeah, well, I guess I'm a softy at heart. He’s the one who can make me... I mean us... ice cream, right?

Ace:

BLINK

A millisecond after that ?

SpandexMonkeyMan: Greetings, JLR. I’m glad you could make it. I wasn’t sure I’d left my message with the most reliable messengers.

Wednesday: .

Registered Member 552: Impressive technology you have here… umm….

SpandexMonkeyMan: My name is SpandexMonkeyMan and this is my Mobile Lair Unit. With it we may reach the Crime Syndicate of Fiction in time to save your teammate.

Ace: Told you it wasn’t LatexSpunkingBoy.

Wednesday: Whate—

BLINK

Then...

Cowgirl Jack: Well, it better. If I'm gonna lead this team in Big City, I need to be up to date on these things.

Wednesday [mocking Midnight’s trademark calm]: Worry not, all good things in time. [Ignoring Midnight's cold stare] So I'd hate to be the one to bring this up again [see The Convention Adventure], but how the heck are we supposed to get anywhere? We have no transportation, remember?

552 stomped down the basement steps, wiping dark grease from his arms with a dingy rag.

Registered Member 552: Don't worry guys--

Cowgirl Jack: .

Registered Member 552: Umm... and girl. I fixed the jet.

JLR: What !?

Narrator: What?
Find out next post...

Midnight Spectre 2.0: You you... you what!?!

BLINK

Registered Member 552: I said I fixed the plane. Come on and take a look at 'er.

Everyone else aboard SpandexMonkeyMan’s MLU stares at the two heroes.

Registered Member 552: Okay, now I know I felt that!

SpandexMonkeyMan [looking them both up and down suspiciously]: What? What did you feel?

Registered Member 552: I could have sworn I felt… a shift. It was like one second I was here, the next I was talking to Midnight, Wednesday, and CJ back in the basement—

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Then we were here again.

Registered Member 552: Exactly!

SpandexMonkeyMan [walking quickly to a console screen]: Oh no. It’s already begun.

Hybrid: Now that you mention it, I felt a little something too.

SpandexMonkeyMan presses a few buttons and nods to himself.

Cowgirl Jack: What do you know, Spandex?

SpandexMonkeyMan: This is what got my attention, and the reason I brought you all along.

Registered Member 552: Someone’s messing with time.

SpandexMonkeyMan: That’s half correct. Time—no, all of reality is slowly coming apart, but it's not being pulled apart by some conscious presence.

Ace: What’re you saying?

SpandexMonkeyMan: Okay, I’ll do my best to explain. When the Criminal Society of Fiction left their worlds of fiction and entered reality there were… repercussions.

Transneapolitan: What kind of repercussions?

SpandexMonkeyMan: The bad kind. They aren’t supposed to be here, and their presence here is tearing a hole in reality itself.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Registered Member and I both have heightened senses. That must be why we're remembering things.

Cowgirl Jack: Then we have to get to the CSF and tell them. There’s no reason to take over a world that won’t even exist if they stay here, right?

SpandexMonkeyMan: Well, if we put them back, the hole should mend itself. But the hole shouldn’t be this focused. From what I see here, it’s only affecting you guys, and three others who aren’t here.

Fused: So you saying the CSF created a rip in reality when they came here, but for some reason the hole is only screwin’ with us?

Ace: But who are the other three.

SpandexMonkeyMan: One is at the Crime Society’s secret base. Most likely, that’s your friend. The other two, however, I don’t—

BLINK

RM552: What did you call me!?!

Britannica: No, no. U-N-U-T. The United Nations Ubber Taskforce. That’s how my Brother survived. He works for UNUT. We weren’t the only ones to survive the destruction of the DCMB you know. UNUT were also able to establish a link between the DCMB and RKMB and saved many of their operatives as well.

Midnight Spectre: How did he know you had survived?

La Machine: [nodding sagely] The government knows everything, man…

Britannica: Actually that’s thanks to La Machine here.

La Machine: Wha! They can’t prove anything!

Britannica: No. Thanks to La Machine’s successful merchandising of his superhero sportswear range, the JLR were mentioned on some cable channel program called “Superheroes Tonight”. Apparently my Brother was watching and discovered I was alive too.

BLINK

Midnight Spectre 2.0: It’s La Machine and Britannica. They’re being affected too.

Registered Member 552: Yeah, I saw that too. Seems we’re starting to remember more and more, but this whole thing is still jarring. It’s hard to recognize what’s real and—

BLINK



BLINK

Registered Member 552: Well, now, that was just weird.

Transneapolitan: But why just us?

Ace: It’s magic!

JLR:

Ace: If there’s one thing I know, it’s magic. [He turns to Chessmaster, who is still in a magic-induced haze.] Malfoy is using Chessmaster’s ability to move his teammates around against us.

Cowgirl Jack: That doesn’t make sense.

Ace: Trust me, if being a magician’s assistant taught me anything, it’s that magic can make anything make sense.

SpandexMonkeyMan: You said the CSF put a spell on your friend and his chessboard. I wouldn’t put it past them to use his powers to bounce you around somehow.

Cowgirl Jack: Didn’t you say he was probably dreaming about the future, Wednesday?

Wednesday: Yeah. I figured he--

Registered Member 552: If Chessmaster’s mind is bouncing around time somehow, then maybe Malfoy’s hex is causing us to move around with his pieces.

Transneapolitan: Wait a second, how the heck are you people figuring this all out? We went from not knowing crap to knowing everything in under five minutes!

Fused: Well, it makes sense when you think of it.

Wednesday: Well, I would’ve never thought of it.

Fused: And it explains a lot. Ace and I were getting the crap beat outta us by the T-X, then all of a sudden we were back with you and the rest of the JLR.

Wednesday: So all these time jumps would explain the lapses in continuity we’ve been seeing lately?

SpandexMonkeyMan: According to my readings, yes.

Wednesday: Good, now STOP BLAMING ME!

SpandexMonkeyMan: It seems to be happening in waves. You’re going through a wave of jumps caused by the reality rift, and Malfoy’s magic is taking advantage of that.

Registered Member 552: How long will this wave last?

SpandexMonkeyMan: No telling. I can’t tell how large the wave is, or when the next one will come.

Fused: So what do we do now? I’m an engineer, not a magician.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: I go in there. I go in his head, and get Chessmaster out.

Transneapolitan: What do you mean?

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Ever since Britannica, DBP, and I linked up to defeat Dark Wednesday, I’ve exhibited minute telepathic powers of my own. Whatever that poison did, it fully awakened that power in me. I can mind link with Chessmaster, and bring him out.

Wednesday: You gonna use your female attraction abilities while you're at it ?

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Don't talk to me... ever.

Transneapolitan: Seems you people are all hell-bent on confusing me.

SpandexMonkeyMan: As hell-bent as Wednesday is on calling me “Spandex Monkey Boy” .

Cowgirl Jack: But what do we do till this wave passes us? We can’t keep bouncing around time, we’ve got a teammate to save. But none of us have the power to—

POP

JLR:

He appeared outta nowhere. He looks perfectly normal, perfectly human, except for the fact that HE APPEARED OUTTA NOWHERE!

The Time Trust: Umm… hi? Got your note. I’m here to help ?

To be continued…

“Okay, thats it. This dude just popped in here with a pooping sounding effect, and there’re all these other plops in continuity! And I still have no idea what’s going on here! I’m going out for pizza!” Transneapolitan reaches into his pocket and pulls out his coupon book.

“Hey okay, bring back a large taco pizza with extra salsa?” Long-Johns Monkey Guy asks. “One of them goes a long way!”

“No, it’s uh…” Transneawhatshisname’s eyes start moving around, reaching for a quick thought, “the coupon says personal pan only. Sorry.”

“Oh, it’s cool. Just be back before we figure out the plot!” Wednesday reminds him.

Transneapolitan leaves the super-group and enters the Ice Cream Truck. “Those fools! Personal pan, indeed!”

Fifteen minutes later…

“You’re late, Ice Cream Man.” The mild, but commanding voice speaks from a darkened corner booth at Pizza Hut.

“Only 30 seconds sir,” Transneapolitan sits down across from the shaded character, “and it’s “Transneapolitan” now, not Ice Cream Man.”

“42.546 seconds to be precise. What was wrong with Ice Cream Man?” The man moves into the light, revealing his true identity.

“Well, Sir Moriarty, they said it sucks.” Transneapolitan unwraps his napkin from the silverware and places it on his lap.

“It “sucks”? This coming from a team with a guy with a name abbreviated “RM552” because it’s too long to write out for every post?” Moriarty takes a sip of his lemon-flavored ice water. “Francisco thought that the perfect name for the powers that Lucius spelled on you.”

“Yes, well, Francisco is a pissed off old assassin who’s upset that I got the one-up on Bond better than he did! Who would have thought one of the leading agents for MI-6 would be a traitor?” Transneapolitan dips his bread stick into the marinara sauce.

“Enough of this childishness Agent Double “oh” 6. What can you tell me about the JLR’s plot?” Moriarty asks.

“Not a thing. We think there’s some sort of rip in the space-time continuum that keeps mucking up continuity. I think you killed the JLR at one time. I think, but it didn’t happen because it ruined continuity. I think. Apparently, we caused the rip.” Agent 006 pours some mozzarella onto the marinara.

“Hmm…I think I remember something like this happening in Millars’ final Authority arc. I’ll have the Terminatrix use her robot mind to speed check through the issues so we can figure out how to fix it. In the meantime, stay to your role! You better go back before they get suspicious.” Moriarty takes out his checkbook and looks sad. “Could you spot me the bill? I won’t have any money until we take over Big City.”

“Absolutely sir. The team gave me their Visa Platinum Card with an Infinity +1 limit! Fools!” Agent 006 takes out his wallet and lays his credit card on the table. “I’ll just tell them I lost it after a couple days. In the meantime, it’s yours to use as you please.”

“Excellent, 006. Here, take some of this taco pizza with you. 1 slice fills you up like a whole pie! It’s unbelievable what this side of reality has created!” Moriarty rubs his full stomach, readjusting his belt. “Our victory lies with you Transneapolitan.”

Whoa! Transneapolitan is really Agent 006 acting as a spy for Moriarty!? Crazy! How long will the ruse last? How long before the team figures out he “lost” their credit card, and will Spandex Monkey Man be angry he forgot the salsa with the taco pizza? Find out in the next post or more!

Cowgirl Jack: Time Trust!

CJ runs up to the stranger and embraces him to much surprise to him and even more surpise to the rest of the JLR.

Fused: Whoa. Wait a sec. You know this guy?

Cowgirl Jack: Well yeah! He. . .He's in Vanguard. He and I and these other guys, well we. . .

Wednesday: Mmmhmmm?

Cowgirl Jack: Well we. . .we can trust him. Take my word for it. What are you doing here?!

The Time Trust: Well I just got done speaking with Britannica, and he's updated me on the entire situation.

Registered Member #552: Youve talked to Britannica?

The Time Trust: Well, a future Britannica. He got your messages at the headquarters. He's been searching the worlds over to find assistance for you. He's run into me, several times, in fact. I said I would help.

Spandex Monkey Man: Who exactly are you?

Wednesday: Who exactly are you?

Spandex Monkey Man: . . .I'm Spandex. . .Monkey. . .

The Time Trust: Well I'm TTT-34099853-HF-8837. TTT for short. I'm an artificial being with chronal abilities. It's allowed me to 'pop' here, to you, in a manner of speaking.

Fused: Sweet. You're a robot? We can get you to fight T-X for me.

The Time Trust: As if. . . and it's synthetic person. . . please.

Fused: Well since we seem to be in a chronal cluster time-fuck, your powers can come in pretty damn handy.

The Time Trust: Exactly. In fact right before I got here I detected and analyzed a violent space-time continuum shift. I'll tell you right now, you can expect another one of those in under an hour.

Cowgirl Jack: Then we have no time to lose. Spandex Monkey Man, show RM and Fused your gear. See if you techies can figure something out by putting your heads together. Ace, Wednesday, I'm going to give Time Trust this battle data. TTT can analyze it and you guys can whip up some battle strategies. Midnight, have you been able to wake Chessmaster yet?

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Still no luck.

The Chessmaster is stiff as a board diagonally propped up against the the corner of the Mobile Lair Unit. A bead of drool strings off of his lip and bungees up and down towards and away from his tie.

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Elsewhere. . .

An intense blinding light begins to emit from the barrel tip of the solar gun. And at that moment From the smoke the shoulder of a giant beetle-like creature rises and bumps into the solar cannon. It is knocked away from its set aim to the table and fires its blast onto the Terminatrix's arm severing it at the elbow joint. A computer analysis reading is run though the T-X's internal CPU and visual display.

Main weapons system rendered inactive. Operative status at 80% Subject: Wolfman 100% operational. Subject: Unknown 100% operational. Body mass analysis. Structural data complete. Subjects T-X/Wolfman chance of success: 60%

The Umber Hulk steps forward out of the smoke. It places a huge crab-like claw on the table Centurian once laid and in one motion underhandedly tosses it behind him as the bolts and welding of the chair rip off the metallic floor. It leaps toward the T-X to bite her mid section and clamps down on her then raises her up sideways in its powerful mandibles. Liquid metal flows to where her arm once was and sharpens into a spike. It rattles her within his jaws and she pierces into its shoulder. The Wolfman leaps onto its back and starts gnawing into its neck. T-X twists and turns her blade into the Umber Hulk's shoulder. It releases her from its mighty jaws then leaps into the air with the Wolfman still attached to its neck. With the Wolfman, it burrows down into the floor making short work of the metal panels that cover the dirt and rock below. As T-X inspects the aperture made by the creature the Umber Hulk explodes out from the ground launching T-X into the air who then smashes into the ceiling then crashes back onto the floor. The Umber Hulk pulls off an unconscious Wolfman thats still attached to its neck and slings it to the side. The T-X opens her eyes.


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Registered Member #552: That should do it!

Fused: Thanks!

Registered Member #552: Yeah your arms should be fully operational now. I've even installed some bells and whistles. You can access just about any computer with this hyper terminal here...and here. You can also play dvd's and ps2 games.

2 wires snake out of Fused's arm and plug themselves in Spandex Monkey Man's On-board computer system. The Time Trust places his finger into another terminal on the control panel.

Fused: Nice. Hack the planet. If this is the kind of gear we have access on the road, I can't wait to see your dope set up at the Headquarters.

Cowgirl Jack: At the Farmhouse of Justice?

Fused: The what?

Wednesday: Don't ask.

Fused: Well you didn't come to Big City at full strength. Do you have any reserves there?

Cowgirl Jack: Well La Machine's on vacation and Brit was on his honeymoon. And well. . .there's the ASK Force.

Fused: A Task force?

Cowgirl Jack:No. . .an ASK Force.

Fused: WTF's an ASK Force?

Wednesday: You don't wanna know. . .

Wednesday sits in his chair going through video clips of the first encounter with the CSF. He watches a clip of Ace getting strangled, and another of Cowgirl Jack geting strangled. He forward and backwardly scans through the video and stops on RM getting kidnapped, then to a part where they find Centurian is kidnapped. He watches Midnight Spectre get poisoned, Hybrid land on a car, and Fused land into a dumpster. He scans to when he sees him self get blown up by 4 grenades, then when his head is beaten in by Vegi-La and finally watches himself lose consciousness after getting his ribcage crushed.

Wednesday: Ceej?

Cowgirl Jack: Yeah?

Wednesday: After extensive analysis of the battle video, I've ascertained some integral information about how the JLR has been dealing with the CSF.

Cowgirl Jack: And?

Wednesday: We suck.

Cowgirl Jack:

Spandex Monkey Man: Geez, I'm starvin over here. Wheres that taco pizza!

Wednesday: Screw your pizza. Give me back my steel skin.

Spandex Monkey Man: Or what?

Wednesday: I'll pull seniority. Or, you can be the star of my next 5:00 am JLR rant post.

Spandex Monkey Man: Yikes.

Wednesday's skin metals up in fine Colossus stlye.

The Time Trust: Ok I think I have something. I'm running all the names of the JLR and CSF though the entire Big City database. Phones, internet, bank transactions. The works.

Fused: I'm right behind ya.

The Time Trust: Ok you guys have way too many online Adult Verification passwords.

JLR minus CJ: *uhhh...*

The Time Trust: This is interesting. I'm getting several calls to Domino Hut from the Hot Pocket factory, under multiple names, but from the same line.

Fused: I'm at the factory. Reading geo-therms. There's some mad seismic activity going on there.

Cowgirl Jack: The Hot Pocket factory. Let's check it out.

The Time Trust: Hold on. You should know these names. Francisco Scaramanga. . . and John Broker.

Ace: Wait, that name. . . Isnt that. . .

The MLU door opens.

Transneapolitan: John Broker? Yeah. That's me.

MS2: Would you like to explain yourself?

Spandex Monkey Man: Indeed...

Transneapolitan: [handing Spandex Monkey Man the large taco pizza] Uh, yeah sorry. I forgot the salsa.

Fused: Not that. That! [pointing to the computer screen]

Transneapolitan: [reading the screen] John Broker... Yeah. So what about it?

Ace: Aren't you John Broker?

JLR:

Transneapolitan: Whoah, there fellas...

CJ:

Transneapolitan: ...and CJ. My name is John Brooker. Double O. Here look at the JLR: Secret Files and Origins!

Wednesday takes out his reading glasses...

JLR:

Wednesday: Wha?

CJ: Well they know what they say about going blind...

Wednesday: Hey! [The Any Given Hero reads Transneapolitan's bio] He's right.

Ace: [reading over Wednesday's shoulder] He's damn right.

TTT: Sorry, we thought...

Fused: Sorry man...

Hybrid: Yeah, sorry. We should never have doubted you...

Transneapolitan: Hey. Don't worry about it. Easy mistake. So has anyone been able to wake Chessmaster yet?

MS2: Not yet.

CJ: Maybe we should give it another go?

Spandex: And Registered Member #552, Fused, TTT and I, can keep searching the computer...

Hybrid: Maybe Ace, Wednesday and I can do... something too...

Transneapolitan: You go ahead and do that.

As the other members of the JLR start to look busy, they do not notice that Transneapolitan is secretly observing their every action.

Transneapolitan: Fools! You have no idea that you will soon be at the mercy of the CSF! Mwahahahahaha

Ace: Hey Trans! Want to give us a hand over here?

Transneapolitan: ... oh... um... Yes! Of course. Justice must be served!

Suddenly, without warning, the Chessmaster awakes and slaps his hand across his chessboard, sending pieces, and the designated heroes flying in all directions...

JLR:

Ace: HEEY, what was that all about?

Midnight: At least he's awake now

Chessmaster: Yeah, umm, sorry about that, it was an involuntary.... .....spasm......yeah, that's right

CJ: Are you alright Chessy?

Wednesday:

Chessmaster: Yeah, I'm fine, was just planning a strategy, you know, assessing our foes weaknesses and all that stuff you do when fighting an enemy. And it's ChessMASTER, not Chessy

CJ: Yeah, whatever Chessy

Wednesday:

Fused: So man, so you were just standing there, looking at your chessboard and ignoring us?

Chessmaster: Yes, that sounds about right, yes!

Fused: Oh, ok, cool enough

Midnight: No, not cool enough, you had us worried sick, and what was all that about Goons and girlscouts?

Chessmaster: I don't know, a dream manifestation perhaps, those things happen, right?

Ace: He's right, those things DO happen sometimes.

CJ: No they don't, this is the real world, remember? We're the Justice League REALITY, remember?

RM552: Umm, actually Ceej, how can this be the real world when we can teleport using phonebooths, cupboards and small bags and stuff? And how can we have superpowers when this is the real world?

CJ: I dunno

Chessmaster: Anyhoo, those Goons and their girlscout cookies gave me an idea

Wednesday: I'm sorry about that

Chessmaster: No, an Idea is a good thing!

Wednesday: Ohh, cool enough

Chessmaster: Yes, anyhow, the CSF must get their funding from somewhere, and all we need to do is to ascertain where that funding is coming from and cut it off. RM552, I need to borrow your computer to access I.C.U.R.A.S.S.

RM552: You see my what?

JLR:

Chessmaster: I.C.U.R.A.S.S.

RM552: You see my what

JLR: x 10

Chessmaster: I.C.U.R.A.S.S. International Chess Union Rear Assignment Security. An agency I was affilliated with before I came to the JLR

RM552: Ohh, I thought you were seeing my behind

Chessmaster: People always think that

Wednesday:

What will happen next?
Was Chessmaster truly just making strategies?
And did he really see RM552's ass?
Read more some other time, or in a moment.....

Chessmaster sits before the computer with the entire JLR assembled behind him looking over his shoulders.

Chessmaster: There, I've accessed Big City's security surveillance system. Now all we need to find some evidence of the CSF's activites.
hmmmm

Wednesday: UHHH, UHHH, go back, go back I saw something!

Chessmaster: Right, right, I'll just go back, right, there...hmmm, all I see is a stripjoint

Wednesday: Exactly, see ya fellas

As Wednesday moves towards the door he is stopped by Midnight and Fused.

Wednesday: Whoah, wassup fellas?

Ace: Wednesday, what we're doing here is very important, you need to pay attention.

Wednesday:

Ace: If it'll make you feel better you can go to the strip joint when we're done with the CSF

Wednesday:

Ace: I'll even tag along

Wednesday:

Ace: And we can bring lotsa one dollar bills

Wednesday:

Ace: Alright then, that's settled then. Let's get back to business, Chessmaster?

Chessmaster: Yes, While you were negotiating the Stripjoint adventure I found that several goons clad as girlscouts are selling cookies throughout the city, this appears to be their primary funding source. And I discovered that several requisitions has been made in the city using the JLR platinum card, but it's signed "James Moriarty"

CJ: Ice Cream man???

Transneapolitan: I.....ummm.....I....LOST it....yes.....that's right

Wednesday: Hey man, it happens, don't worry about it

Ace: Yes, it does happen, however, Wednesday, this means that we will have no one dollar bills to use at the Stripjoint!

Wednesday: LET ME AT 'IM

Wednesday jumps at Transneapolitan, but is once again stopped and subdued by Midnight and Fused.

Fused: Hey, calm down, I'm sure they'll strip for you anyway

Wednesday: Alright, okay, I'm calm, I just have some issues man.

Midnight: Okay, now, Transneapolitan, the loss of our credit card cannot be ignored. Are you sure you don't remember where you lost it?

Transneapolitan: Yeah, quite sure

Midnight: Maybe I can use my telepathic powers to discern it's location?

Transneapolitan: Yeah, maybe you cou....no, no, that's not a good idea....because....I'm.....you know?

Midnight: I'm sorry, but we need our credit card, sit down and I'll try to make it as fast as possible.

Chessmaster: Yes, In the mean time I have come to the conclusion that we have only two options

Ace: Which are?

Chessmaster: Well, either we will have to stop the Goons selling the cookies!

Fused: Okay, alright, that sounds plausible

Chessmaster: Or we'll have to dress out as girl scouts ourselves and start selling cookies in order to prevent the CSF from getting any funding from this source. This also takes care of our own funding problem...

CJ: UHH, I like girl scouts, the second one, the second one

JLR:

As Midnight is about to discover some very sensitive material about Transneapolitans past he suddenly hears the idea proposed by Chessmaster and rips his head away from his "patient"

Midnight: I AM NOT WEARING A DRESS!!!

Will the JLR be able to cut the funding to the CSF?
Will Wednesday ever get to the stripjoint?
Is Chessmaster's idea a good one?
And why are Midnight so reluctant to wear a dress?
Read more some other time!

MS2: [wearing a girl scout uniform and a blond wig with pony-tails]

Wednesday: [also wearing a girl scout uniform and a plaited red-headed wig] I don't know... it's kinda liberating don't you think...

JLR:

Wed: oh...

MS2: I notice you, Spandex and TTT aren't in uniform, Chessmaster....

Chessy: Well someone has to stay behind and co-ordinate...

TTT: That's right...

Spandex: co-ordinate...

CJ: I don't know guys... I mean girls... you look kind of cute.

MS2, Wed, Ace, RM552, Hybrid, Trans & Fused:

Fused: Yo Hybrid. A bit of advice man... You need to wax.

Hybrid:

Wed: And I hadn't realised Midnight had such good looking legs...

JLR:

MS2: Just stay away from me...

Wed: What?

Cheesy: Now, we can't stand around here all day.

Spandex: Yes we have a mission to finish.

Suddenly....

BLINK

Ace: What happened to CJ!?!

MS2: Chessmaster! I thought you said...

Chessy: It wasn't me. My powers don't teleport people. They move them about strategically. Honest!

Fused: Then what the hell happened?

RM552: Oh man. If CJ doesn't come back we are so going to be in trouble with the feminest groups for failing the minimum female member quota.

Wed: Don't sweat it. Everyone's BLINKED back after a short while.

TTT: He's right.

BLI...

Wed: See. Told you.

...INK

JLR: Britannica!

Britannica: Uh... hello guys. How's it going? Where's CJ? And why are you all wearing girl scout uniforms...?

To be continued...

Elsewhere, at an undisclosed location...


Capt. Hook: Would ye like to pet me monkey?
Callisto: WHAT?!
Capt. Hook: I sed, would ye like to pet me monkey? It'd be nice to you if'n you be nice ta it.
Callisto pulls a sword
Hook: Aye, lassie! I dina mean it that way!
Hook points to a winged monkey in the corner of the room
Cal: Where did you get that thing?
Hook: I've got about fifteen of 'em on loan from the Wicked Witch... more precisely, I've got 'em on loan from the Witch's estate, seein' as how she ain't exactly in a decision-makin' position wot with bein' a puddle an' all...
Cal: Yeah... well, just keep them away from me...
Hook: Awww, they ain't that bad, girlie. They make great henchme...er, hench-monkeys. This one's name is Sparkles.
Cal:
Hook: Hey now, don't look at me, the Witch named 'em... honest...
Sparkles, the winged monkey: SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!


John Sunlight: Would you two please BE QUIET! I'm in the middle of some very important calculations!

Hook & Callisto: Sorry boss...
Sparkles: skreeee...

Hook: Um, sir, if ya don't mind me askin'... are we gonna keep on the sidelines and watch Moriarty's group take all the credit for destroying the JLR?

Sunlight: That's exactly what we're going to do, Hook. Let the simpleton Moriarty have his fun with the JLR, we're interested in bigger things, aren't we? Like the very fabric of reality itself...

Hook [to Callisto]: Did Sunlight just call Moriarty a simpleton?
Cal: I believe so.
Hook: Ok, just checkin'.

Sunlight: ....Are you two listening to me?

H & C: Of course, sir!

Sunlight: Good. Now don't worry Hook, just as Moriarty has a mole in the JLR, I have a mole within Moriarty's group.
Hook: Moriarty has an inside lad?
Sunlight: Of course he does. Now then--leave me to my experiments, I'm getting simply amazing temporal reading from my chronometers and I need some time alone to process the information...

Hook: Come along, Sparkles, lets leave the boss by 'isself.
Sparkles: SKREEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Just then, the door to Sunlight's base at an undisclosed location gets kicked down.

Sunlight: TERMINATRIX!!!!! Hw many times have I told you, use the *@$%¬># door!!

TX: I apologise for my error, master. I bring news.

Sunlight: Really? And what might that be.

TX: The one named Centurion has escaped and gone on the rampage. There is a 83.376% he will destroy the city.

Sunlight: Well then! This is good news! Now the JLR will be too busy stopping their former team-mate to bother us as we destory reality itself! BWAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

CH+C:

***************************************************

Meanwhile, back at the MLU, the team are still baffled over the dissapearance of CJ. Suddenly, Spandex Monkey Man goes pale.

Brit: Hey, Spandex, what's wrong?

SMM: The Boy, Centurion. I'm sensing his powers in use. He's in Big City, and he's about to destroy The Big City Citybank!

JLR: WHAT???

SMM: No time for wondering, come on!! RM552, you stay here and see if you can pick up CJ on any of the scanners. They're at the back, next to the CD player.

The team rush off, leaving RM552 on his own in the MLU.

RM552: Hey, Guys!! Oh well

In the Big City, the Umber Hulk has smashed his way through several buildings, including the mayor's office.

Brit: Spandex, can you deactivate Centurion's power from here?

SMM: Wouldn't do any good. All I'd do is trap Alex wherever he is at the moment, leaving us with an uncontrollable monster on our hands.

Hybrid: Great, cos that thing's looking so controlled at the moment.

SMM: Shut up Hybrid! Right, Chessmaster find a good spot and set up your board. Wednesday and Hybrid you take point. Ace and Britannica, you two and myself will offer support. Time Trust, you go round the flank and see if there's any civvies need support. Fused and Transneopolitan, you're in reserve.

Wednesday: Hey, who put you in charge?

SMM: No time for arguing, there's a city to save!

Wednesday and Hybrid charge in, and promptly get hurled across the street, knocking them both out.

SMM: Britannica, your Britannerang!

Britannica hurls his Britannerang, but it whirls round and hits Ace, sending him crashing to the floor. One of his exploding cards flies off and explodes, taking out Britannica and Spandex Monkey Man. They are hurled back, crashing into Fused and Transneopolitan. Chessmaster is still setting out his board as the creature looms over him before lunging down with a sickening crunch...

Things are not looking good. Compared to this, I think I preferred the time Fosco Rumblehoe, the Berserker Hobbit was around.

I don’t think the Umber Hulk speaks English. However, somehow I am able to understand the creature. I think it just chooses to ignore me.

After the Umber Hulk had knocked out Terminatrix and the Wolfman, the creature wanted to feast on the defeated CSF member’s flesh. But it recoiled in confusion at the two unconscious figure’s scents. They did not smell… normal. I suppose it was because Terminatrix was a robot. I had no idea why it didn’t eat the Wolfman. Was it because he was magical?

The Umber Hulk was not very forthcoming, just saying “Not alive”.

Normally I don’t think the Umber Hulk would have been that picky about it's menu. It must mean something else. That was a mystery to solve another time. I had two important things to worry about.

First, the fact that the Umber Hulk had tunnelled right into the middle of Big City and was now hunting for prey.

“Humankind. Hunt. Feast.”

Secondly, my dice were still back at the CSF’s secret lair.

------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the CSF Secret Lair…

After 30 minutes of trying, Lucius Malfoy, Scaramanga and Spring-Heeled Jack finally break their way back into the chamber.

“My solar gun,” exclaimed Scaramanga. “It’s ruined!”

Malfoy scowled at his ally. “So much for your technology keeping the boy under control.”

“What happened to the guards?”

Spring-Heeled Jack springs over to the Wolfman. “The Wolman sleeps.”

“And where is Terminatrix? And the boy”, asked Scaramanga.

Jack shrugged, “Perhaps she is following the boy?”

A voice from the door startles the three fictional villains.

“She had better be, for her sake,” said Moriarty, as he stepped into the room, surveying the carnage. “I leave you alone to talk with one of our operatives and you can’t even hold one powerless boy prisoner. What happened?”

“We were just about to find out…” started Scaramanga.

Moriarty cut the assassin off. “Obviously the boy used his dice to escape.”

“Moriarty," called out Spring-Heeled Jack. “I’ve found a tunnel. Recently dug, by the looks of things.”

“Bring Grendel. He can follow the tunnel. I want that boy and his dice found.”

“I think I may have saved you some trouble, Professor.” Lucius Malfoy stood up and held out a clenched fist. He opened his hand to reveal two percentile dice sitting on his palm.

----------------------------------------------------------------

The Umber Hulk had been hiding in an alleyway, ready to strike out at any unsuspecting prey that walked past.

“Look,” I pleaded. “I need your help. My name is Centurian – Alex. I am on a mission to stop some bad men…”

“Yes. Men are bad. Only good for eating,” replied the creature. “Now shut up.” It sniffed the air. “Good, two come now.”

Before I could continue, a woman pushing a pram walked past the alleyway. Fortunately the Umber Hulk was not quick, but the woman froze in horror and let out a scream.

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

The Umber Hulk lumbered at the woman, mandibles open wide, claws out-strectched.

“Noooooo!” I cried. Foolishly hoping my cry would stop the creature.

Surprisingly, the creature faltered. Just slightly, before resuming it’s attack.

“Noooooo!” I cried again. Willing the creature to stop.

Once more the creature faltered. But this time I used all my concentration to stop the beast. The Umber Hulk was putting up some resistance, struggling to move forward, as I mentally tried to hold it back.

The woman finally came to her senses and ran off with her baby. At least they were safe. The Umber Hulk smashed into the wall, breaking my concentration. The Umber Hulk had regained control and it was not happy.

It sniffed the air once more. “Humankind.” The Umber Hulk starts tunnelling trough several buildings, including the Mayor’s office.

Suddenly, I see Wednesday and Hybrid charge towards me. Great! Finally the JLR are here. But both are promptly hurled across the street. Both knocked out.

I notice several other members of the JLR ready to join the battle. Strange. Some of them I don’t recognise.

One of the people I don’t know, the one wearing a black body suit and cloak with a high collar and silver trimmings, yells out a command to another person I haven’t seen before. “Britannica, your Britannerang!”

This Britannica person hurls something. A boomerang, I think? But it whirls round and hits Ace, sending him crashing to the floor. The card Ace had in his hand flies off and explodes, taking out Britannica and the man in black. They are hurled back, crashing into Fused and Transneopolitan.

Chessmaster is setting out his board as the Umber Hulk lumbers over and looms above him.

“Eek”, says Chessmaster in surprise.

I can’t concentrate enough to stop it. The Umber Hulk lunges down with a sickening crunch...

“My board!” cries Chessmaster. “He broke my board!”

Chessmaster was standing in front of the Umber Hulk, shaking his fist at the creature.

Chessmaster: Do you know how much that board cost me!?!

The Umber Hulk’s mandibles open wide as it lets out a bellow. It brings it’s powerful claw down upon the Master Strategist…

Chessmaster: oops…

Suddenly a silver clad figure, rushes in between Chessmaster and the Umber Hulk. Chessmaster’s blood runs cold at the sound of the claws striking the silver figure.

*Skreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

The adamantium armour protects Midnight Spectre from injury. However the force of the blow is enough to send him and Chessmaster flying.

MS2: Have you got a death wish?

Chessmaster: Remember that thing has a confusion ray. I was confused.

MS2:

Chessmaster: Never mind that. Here comes that beast again.

MS2: Get back. I’ll handle him.

Chessmaster: Good luck. Nice knowing you.

*Skreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

Once again Midnight Spectre is knocked back against a nearby wall, by the force of the creature’s blow. The brickwork starts to crack and crumble.

Chessmaster rushes over to his scattered chess pieces and starts to gather them.

Chessmaster: Lucky I always carry a travel chessboard. [gives the readers a knowing wink ]

Elsewhere around the city, the JLR begin to stir.

Ace: Oooh, my head. Good one Brit!

Brit: [rubbing his head] Sorry about that.

Fused: I don’t think that was one of our better attacks was it.

Hybrid: No it wasn’t. We need a new strategy.

Spandex: But it was a perfectly good strategy…

Wed: Whatever, Chimp Boy. What do you suggest, Brit?

Brit: Well Spandex Monkey Man’s stategy, was fine… in theory. [Britannica surveys the situation for a moment] OK. Wednesday. What’s you power this week?

Wed: Organic steel armour.

Brit: Excellent. Um… Hybrid isn’t it?

Hybrid: uh… yeah. Hi.

Brit: Hello. Werewolf abilities correct?

Hybrid: Not quite. I can transform various animal abilities, depending on my situation.

Brit: Even better!

Brit: Fused? What do you do?

Fused: My bionic arms allow me to create modulated sound waves…

Brit: Good. Good. That will be very handy. Ha Ha! Handy. Getit?

JLR: ….

Brit: And Mr. Monkey Man. What is your talent?

Spandex: Well I can detect super powers and steal their abilities.

Brit: Do you mean like Caliban and Leech?

Spandex: Well I would have said Cerebro and Rogue…

Brit: Yes quite. OK Wednesday…

Wed: Yes sir!

Brit: I would like you to transform into your metal state and charge at the Umber Hulk

Wed: That’s what I like about you Brit. Always thinking of the minor details [Wednesday transforms and goes to rush at the Umber Hulk]

Brit: Wait for it. Wait for it, Wednesday. When I say so please.

Wed:

Brit: Hybrid, if I asked you to dig a tunnel, would you develop the digging abilities of a mole or a wombat?

Hybrid: Um… sure…

Brit: Don’t worry it will all make sense in a moment.

Ace: So what do you want me to do, Brit? Exploding cards? Razor blade cards?

Brit: Flash cards, for the moment, if you don’t mind.

Ace: Flash cards?

Fused: uh, I don’t think little lights are gonna stop that thing, man?

Brit: I don’t expect it too, Fused. What I would like yourself and Ace to do is draw that creature away from Midnight Spectre.

Ace & Fused: Consider it done.

Brit: Hybrid. Could you please dig a tunnel, leading away from Big City.

Hybrid: Sure

Wed: And what about me?

Brit: I would like you to come round from the creature’s flank and make sure it goes down Hybrid’s tunnel and make sure it doesn’t come back out. Once Midnight is no longer pinned, Ace, Fused and Midnight should be able to give you a hand with that.

Wed: No problemo.

Spandex: Um… what about me?

Brit: I need you to do something very important for me. I need you to keep track of everybody while they are underground.

Spandex: And what will you be doing?

Brit: I will be giving Chessmaster a hand to collect the rest of his chess pieces, find The Time Trust, contact Registered Member #552 and tell him to meet us all at the other end of Hybrid’s tunnel. I need us all ready by the time the creature comes out.

So? Are there any questions?

JLR:

Brit: Then let’s get started.

Hybrid kneels to one knee and begins scratching at the sidewalk. The leather on his gloves begin to wear and small claws pierce out of his fingertips. As sweat begins to bead on his forehead, cement begins to rip from beneath him. Frustrated at his current progress he rips off the top of his girlscout uniform. Hair on his chest and arms begin to puff out. He digs furiously like a wolverine. So fast, in fact, he falls through as the ground gives way and he splashes into the sewer water with his legs sticking up and out of his girlscout skirt.

Fused: Whoever said super-hero life was nothin but glitz n' glamour was full a $#!t, huh Hybrid?

Hybrid raises a defiant middle finger towards the openning he had fallen through and begins to burrow wildly into the earth until he is no longer seen. Up top Ace goes to Fused and puts his arm around his shoulder and begins conversing teamwork strategy. Wednesday stands ready fists clenched as dawn light begins to dance on his reflective skin. Britannica runs to the Mobile Lair Unit and pokes his head into the door.

Britannica: TTT! RM! Come quickly! I have a plan.

Registered Member 552: Heya, Brit. So do we.

Britannica: We must make haste, my good man. My particular plan requires flawless timing.

Registered Member 552: That's the beauty of it Brit. Ours doesnt. We'll have plenty of time to get to yours. I've built this tracking device.

Between RM's thumb and index finger he holds a tiny metallic pin with '=JLR=' inscribed into it. Above the inscription is a microscopic blinking red light.

Registered Member 552: It's got a tiny supermagnet in it. Whoever we place it on, we'll be all over em like Wednesday on a Hooter's waitress.

Britannica: Gross. Anyhoo, Superlative work RM! Just be careful whenever you decide to attempt to plant that device. How do you intend to do that, may I ask?

Registered Member 552: Well Brit, We don't know where the CSF are. But we do know where theyve been. . .To be more precise, we know when they've been. . .

A toilet flushing sound is heard and the bathroom door opens. The Time Trust walks out before them wiping his hands with a washcloth.

Britannica: Ahaaaahh. . .

Midnight Spectre 2.0: (Brit I don't know what youre doing in there. . .but I don't know how long I can hold this thing off.)

Britannica: (Be right there!) Ah, got to motor, lads. Keep up the good work! And come out as soon as you can.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The midnight hero leaps into the air and plants his feet on the side of an outside wall of an electronics store. He bounces off and tucks his knees into his chest and double flips towards the Umber Hulk. He uncurls and digs his heel into the back of its neck and quickly taps the top of his head with his other heel which bounces him a foot in the air above him. The Umber Hulk clamps his claw above his head missing the hero's feet. Midnight bounces off the claw like a spring board then falls and grabs the creatures arm like a gymnasts bar and with all his weight swings around and rams both of his feet into the Hulk's face.

Ace: Brit! Brit! I found my flash cards.

Ace runs up to Brit and shows him the first of a series of cards: 7 X 8 = 56, then 3 X 9 = 27, then . . .

*slap!* Brit slaps the multiplication table cards from Ace's hands.

Ace: Ohhh. . .

Britannica: Are you and Fused ready?

Fused: Ready as Heddy and steady as Freddie.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Guys!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Earlier that evening. . .

Terminatrix: Venn "Fused" Codek?

Fused: Well yeah, that's me. I'm- -

T-X pulls a handgun out of her jacket and points it towards Fused's face. Reflexively he pulls his arms to his face and blocks 5 rounds that go directly into his bionic arms.

Fused: AAGGHH! ! !

Ace pulls Fused by the back of his jacket to go around a cement truck away from the attacking woman. They get to the other side and bump into the chest of Grendel. His eyes blood-shot and mouth widening expose vicious teeth. His chest heaves with every evil breath.

Fused: Have I said that this really sucks yet?

The Terminatrix begins to circle around the cement truck when suddenly she feels some static interference in her CPU. She hears a double flashing sound behind her. POP She spins around to see what was the shape of a man zip away like a ghost.

The Time Trust now behind her plops the JLR tracking device on the back of her shoulder. It clicks onto her like a refigerator magnet. She spins again and in one fluid motion points her handgun into The Time Trust's face. He smiles and waves.

POP

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

RM is scanning through digital geographical city maps of Big City. Suddenly a red glowing beacon flashes on the screen in a residential district. He zooms in times 5. Then by 2.

POP

The Time Trust: Did it work?

Registered Member 552: Apparently! Even with the reality spikes and disturbances the beacon remained on the T-X.

The Time Trust: Great! Well? Where is she?

Registered Member 552: She's at someone's private residence. The. . . Henderson's residence.

TTT and RM: . . . . . .

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Mrs. Henderson worriedly paces back and forth in her living room then looks at her clock that reads 5:43 am. She brings her hand to her mouth and bites onto her fingernail. She hears a knock at the door.

Mrs. Henderson: Alex???

She rushes to the door and opens it. An attractive woman stands before her with an icey stare.

Terminatrix: I am looking for a boy. . .Alex Henderson?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chessmaster: Thanks

Ace: Uhh.. . Brit?

Britannica: My pleasure, my good man!

Britannica says and he gathers the rest of The Chessmasters chess pieces.

Wednesday: Briii-iitt. . .. . .

The Midnight Spectre double somersaults backwards and dodges Umber Hulk claws that pierce and crash through a foot of pavement with each strike.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: BRIT!

Britannica: Yes! Now, NOW!

Wednesday runs straight towards the Umber Hulk and elbows it in the face. Shocked at the blatant audacity of the attack it stands confused in front of the over-confident hero. It becomes enraged and raises both his claws into the air and roars.

*Zap!! Z-z--Zap! Flash!! Poof! Poof! Flash!!*

Fused sonically charges Ace's sonic cards paired with his flash-bang cards as they cut through the air with a sonic boom and flash and explode in the Umber Hulk's face.

Britannica: Now!

Wednesday runs up and throws another elbow into the Umber Hulk's face and a hard uppercut into it's chin. With minimal visibility it sees Wednesday jump into the air, cross his arms on his chest, put his legs together and dive feet first into the hole Hybrid had dug. Fused and Ace flick more charged cards at the beast and follow Wednesday down the burrowed flume. The Umber Hulk pauses, fumes with anger and finally crashes down after them.

Spandex Monkey Man: I hope you know what youre doing, Britannica.

Britannica: It's all in the bag, Mr. Monkey Man.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

5 minutes later, hundreds of feet deep and a few miles away an empty burrow that Hybrid had dug out lays still.

Wednesday: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! ! ! ! *THUMP!*

The steel hero falls out of a hole on the side of the burrow and collapses to the floor. He stands up and dusts his pants off.

Fused and Ace: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! ! ! ! *TMUMP! D-THUMP!!*

The 2 other heros barrel out of the same hole and crash into Wednesday and they all crumple to the ground.

Wednesday: Get offa me you pricks!

Ace: What. You don't consider this bonding time?

Fused: Wait... Sh-Shh. You hear that?

The ground begins to shake and the grumbling sound emitting from the hole they fell out of grows louder and louder. Dirt crumbles and sprinkles onto the 3 heroes heads.

Wednesday: Get up. . .Run. . .

Ace: RUN! ! ! !

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hybrid digs and digs like a wild animal. . .

Hybrid: OK I'm really starting to get sick of this racket. I need to get my head examined for going along with all this crap.

He then feels and hears the ground behind him quake. He also hears faint screams in the distance. Both sounds slowly approach and increase in volume.

Hybrid: What. . . the hell?

Ace, Fused and Wednesday: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! ! ! !

Hybrid is virtually bowled over as Ace, Wednesday and Fused barrel into him.

Wednesday; Get us out of here. FAST!

Hybrid: (Scrambling to his feet) Why? What in hell is happening?

Suddenly the rumbling increases even more. Hyrbid turns to look down the tunnel, and fins himself face to face with an umber hulk.

H: Oh shit.

As the Umber Hulk punces, Spandex Monkey Man suddenly appears from nowhere. He grabs Hybrid with one hand and Fused with the other.

SMM: ACE, WEDNESDAY! GRAB ON NOW!

Ace and Wedneday grab hold of Spandex's legs just before he dissapears out from under The Umber Hulk's oncoming maw.

***************************************************

Back above ground Britannica and the other members of the JLR are shocked to see Spandex Monkey Man and their other team-mates appear in front of them unharmed.

JLR:

TTT: What was that?

SMM: Quite simple, really. I just temporarily stole some teleportation powers from a man in Oregon. He uses them to do the shopping, so I didn't think he'd miss them.

Brit: Great, but you kinda COMPLETELY SCREWED UP MY PLAN!!

SMM: They were going to die down there Britannica. You didn't want that to happen did you?

Brit: No, but we need to get that Hulk under ontrol

SMM: That's simple. It's trapped down there, and the magic given off by the body transfer between it and Alex is registering of my power-sensing powers. When that goes I'll just teleport down there and pick Alex up.

Brit: Oh.

Suddenly, Ace notices something flying down towards them.

Ace: Monkey!

SMM: Yes?

Ace: Not monkey, MONKEY!! There!!

He points, and the JLR see the flying monkeys, flying towards them in attack formation.

Wednesday: Know what? We're screwed

“Everybody move!” Brit yells at the team, but they're not fast enough. The flying monkeys tear through the JLR at such a speed that their spears tear the costumes into tatters.

“What the hell!? Our costumes are torn! I thought CJ said they were made of unstable molecules!” Hybrid is covering his naughty bits with his hands.

“We couldn’t secure the rights from Marvel Comics! They threatened a lawsuit if we used them! Stupid copyrights…. ” Brit grabs TTT and uses him as a shield.

“Dude what the frick are you doing!?” TTT screams as Brit grabs TTT’s body and holds it against his naked front. “You’re naked you bloody Aussie!”

“So what? You’re an android from the future, not a real human! And besides I need somebody to cover up my naughty bits.” Brit explains to the team.

“I’m made of an artificial nanite substance unknown to modern science, designed in the image of man. It’s almost organic!” TTT wiggles out of Brits clutches and Brit grabs a rock to cover his genitals.

Brit’s face grows bright red. “Oh…um….sorry? Wait, what’s that on the ground?” Brit points toward the shredded body, blood pouring from the wide open wounds.

“It looks like Spandex Monkey Man, but where’s the rest of him?” asks Ace


POP

“What was that?” TTT looks around, feeling a sudden shift in time.

“Monkey!” Ace screams, pointing out toward the sky.

“Yes?” SMM answers, unaware of the creatures flying toward them in the distance.

“Oh no, it’s happening again! The chronal disruptions! Monkey Boy, teleport us out of here!” TTT orders.

“It’s “Spandex Monkey Man” dammit! I’m not gonna play anymore if you guys don’t get it right!” He crosses his arms and waits for an apology.

“Spandex Monkey Man, teleport us out of here now!” Brit yells out and he braces for the flying monkeys to tear through his team.

“Okay okay, where do we go?” he scratches his head, looking around for the nicest point to teleport to.

“Now Spandex Monkey Man, or they’ll rip our costumes apart and kill you!” TTT yells out, the monkeys only a few yards away.

“NOT MY COSTUME!” Spandex Monkey Man teleports the team a half-mile away keeping them a safe distance from the flying monkeys as TTT tries to understand why that pop in time returned them to the point right before SMM’s demise.

“Were those the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz?” Fused asks aloud.

“What about Alex? We still gotta get the Umber Hulk under control.” SMM turns to Brit to some sort of guidance.

Brit looks out at the JLR, who are staring at him, waiting for him to come up with a new idea. Brit is uncomfortable with his current position as defacto leader, and fear and uncertainty overcome his mind for a moment. “I’m…no, it’s okay. Yeah, I’ve got a new plan.”

What’s the new plan?

Will the JLR get the Umber Hulk under control and save Centurian?

Find out in the next thread….maybe….

Back at who-knows-where (I forgot and don't feel like looking it up right now) with the CSF...

Moriarty grabbing the die from the ground- Perfect! Now when the boy transforms back he'll be powerless.

Spring-Heeled Jack- Okay boss, I've got Grendel

Moriarty- Good. Let him loose.

Scaramanga- You're kidding?!?! He'll tear that boy to shreds. I thought you wanted him alive?

Moriarty- At this point I really don't care! We'll follow from behind .

Jack holds the die up to Grendels nose to get the scent- Fetch boy! Heheheheh...

Now the other CSF...

Sunlight- Damnit! Where did the JLR go? Your monkeys had them cornered Hook.

Hook- It looks as though they teleported away...

Sunlight- None of them have that power! Aghh it must be one of their newer members.

Hook- Here, I've got that old witches snowglobe too!

Sunlight- You mean her crystal ball?

Hook- Yeah, that too...

He pulls it out and looks into it.

Hook- Now see, here they are not even a mile away.

Sunlight- Hook?

Hook- Yes?

Sunlight- You're telling me that you've had this ball this entire time and you're just now telling us.

Hook- Yes...

*SMACK*

Sunlight bats a hand across hooks head.

Sunlight- Now lets see what that fool Moriarty is up to.

Inside the crystal ball the image of the CSF climbing into a giant hole comes into view.

Sunlight- Come, Hook, Callisto. It's time we met up with our adversaries.

Callisto- Shouldn't we wait for Terminatrix?

Sunlight- No, I've sent it to track down that boys home. It should infiltrare and be able to capture him. I won't let Moriarty be the one to capture him.

Hook- Why is that boy so important to you?

Sunlight- You'll find out soon enough Hook. All in good time. Now let's go!

Back with the JLR

JLR- .......

Ace- Well what is it Brit?

Brit- Wait for the dramatic pause. Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?

Anyways, my new plan is........

....


....


....


(JLR- )


... TO MERGE OUR TWO PLANS!

SMM- My God Brittanica, that plan is so crazy that it just might-

Brit- yes...

SMM- -get us all killed!

Brit- Huh?

JLR- Yeah, huh?

SMM- Plan's aren't meant to be merged together!

Brit- No, it can work! We'll just have to think it through and work together.

Hybrid!

Hybrid- Here, chief!

Brit- How were those tunnels coming along?

Hybrid- All done. The Umber-Hulk got a little close a couple of times and I sorta had to weave a maze with the tunnels to avoid him but they reach all the way out to the town.

Brit- Alright. We have to hurry then. I'm sure if the Umber-Hulk can tunnel himself in a hole he can tunnel himself out.

SMM- Oh! Right... tunneling out....

Brit- And if he escapes the tunnels we may lose him. Or he can pick up our scent and come hunt us down. Plus those monkeys can't be far behind.

Fused- So what do we do?

RM552- We'll have to go into the tunnel. We can't risk any civilians getting hurt by drawing the Hulk up here.

SMM- Good thinking old chum!

The JLR jump into the tunnel and begin to follow the path at the same moment the CSF climb in with Grendel. Meanwhile the minutes tick away on the Hulks time left in Centurians place.

MS2.0- You know guys, I think theres something I've been meaning to tell you about all of my powers. How I and only I can do all of these amazing things. I've held it in for so long but ...*sigh* here goes-

*POP*

-and that's how everything I do is possible.

Wednesday- What? What did you say Midnight? WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!

Midnight- oh nevermind, it probably wasn't that important.

Wednesday-

The three teams continue traveling through their tunnels to the merge of all the tunnels. Inside is a huge dark cavern.

RM552- Hey Spandex how about a light?

SMM- Alright and what would you like? There's a guy in the Albuquerque circus that can glow in the dark. Or a meta-human in DC that can turn into fire. Or there's this mutant in-

RM552- Anything! I don't care.

SMM- Alright "glow in the dark man" it is!

Suddenly his skin starts to shine eriely in the dark cave. The team huddeled together looks further into it's depths.

Ace- Hey, shhhhh, listen. What is that?

TTT- What?

Ace- Shh!

Wed- Yeah, yeah I think I hear it too.

Coming from behind them is a low pitched growl. The team turn back to the entrance to the cavern they've just come from. Sneaking behind them the Umber-Hulk has blocked their path.

JLR-

They turn around to run away and see the CSF coming through another path. With a turn they start to run when they see the new team blocks one of the last tunnels for escape. Smaller tunnels are connected throughout the cave only leading deeper into the mazes.

RM552- Oh, now who the hell are those new guys?

CSF- Yes! Who the hell are they?

Brit- Oh man this doesn't look good...

Ace- Well, it's been a while since I've used these but-

Ace reaches into his utility belt and pulls out some brass knuckles with card symbols on them.

CLANG

He punches his fist together.

- looks like we might be desperate.

Somewhere outside of town . . .

"I think we're out of gas," Tommy said, checking the gauges one more time.
"Then why is smoke coming from under the hood?" Nuriko reached past him, pulled the hood release, and watched as a huge cloud of smoke emerged from the convertible's front end. "Aiiiiiiiii! This is not good! Where's my phone?"
She looked in her gigantic purse (it also doubled as a weapon in emergency situations) for her cell phone, but it was gone.
"Didn't you leave it on the counter in that last shoe store?"
"D'oh!" Now they'd have to go all the way back . . . that is, once they got the car fixed.
This was not turning out to be a good day.

From the entrance of tunnel number one, the Umber-Hulk lumbers towards the JLR.

In tunnel number two...

Moriarty: There's the boy. Jack, release Grendel!

Spring-Heeled Jack: Sure thing, boss.

As the putrid form of Grendel shambles towards the Umber Hulk, in tunnel number three...

Sunlight: There's the boy. Hook, release the flying monkeys!

Captain Hook: Aye Aye, Captain Sunlight.

Meanwhile in the central cavern...

Ace: Here comes the Umber Hulk... and a huge slimy sluggy dragon-like thingy and some flying monkeys!

Ace bashes his knuckle-dusters together nervously.

*clang* *clang*

SMM: So what do you want us to do now, oh fearless one?

Brit: May I suggest we duck out of the way...

SMM: Chicken!

--------------------------------------------

Meanwhile on the outskirts of Big City...

Tommy: Are we there yet?

Nuriko98: No.

--------------------------------------------

Back in the tunnel....

RM552: Hey wait, guys. Grendel is going for the Umber Hulk!

TTT: And so are the flying monkeys!

Grendel and the Umber Hulk's huge forms clash together, but are soon distracted by the flying monkeys circling overhead. However most of the monkeys are knocked out when they hit the roof of the tunnel as they try to avoid being snatched out of the air by the two combatants. Others simply end up us the monsters lunch.

Moriarty: What the bloody hell is Grendel doing!?!

Sunlight: What the bloody hell are those Monkey's doing!?!

Fused: Yo, Alex's gonna end up with a wicked case of monkey breath.

Wed: They weren't relatives of your's were they Spungy-Monkey-Boy?

SMM: I steal your steel skin if you don't watch it....

Brit: Enough bickering, folks. Chessmaster!

....
....
....

Brit: Chessmaster? Hey, where is he?

Hybrid: And Transneapolitan's gone too.

Brit: Hmmm... well no time for that now. Spandex. Glow. Glow like you've never glown before!

SMM: Oh yeah. I getcha...

Spandex Monkey Man walks closer to the two dinning monsters, turns around, drops his pants and wills his butt to glow brightly (as Spandex Monkey Man stole his light powers from the meta-human called Moonshine). The two creatures of darkness recoil from the light.

Brit: Excellent. Now Ace, Fused. Keep an eye on Grendel. If he even thinks about moving. Hit him with everything you've got.

Ace: One kitchen sink card coming up.

Fused: You've got a kitchen sink card?

Ace: I'll explain later...

SMM: Will you two hurry up, this isn't going to hold them for long you know.

Brit: Now now, don't be in such a hurry, my hasty ally. TTT, can you slow down time?

TTT: Well it is not that simple to...

Brit: Nevermind. We will have to learn more about the specifics of your abilities later. Midnight, RM, Wednesday and Hybrid. I would like you to give me a hand please.

MS2: Four-on-one, crash tackle on the Umber Hulk?

Brit: Um... yes.. how did you...?

MS2:

Brit: ah, telepathy. Of course.

Midnight Spectre 2.0, Registered Member #552, Wednesday and Hybrid rush at the Umber Hulk...

Brit: Wednesday!!

Wed: Oh yeah [Wednesday transforms into his organic steel form]

The four heroes get ever closer and closer and...

*bump* *crash* *clang* *boing*

Wed: Oops.

RM552: Well that didn't work.

SMM: Some plan, fearless

--------------------------------------------

Meanwhile on the outskirts of Big City...

Tommy: Are we there yet?

Nuriko98: No.

--------------------------------------------

Back at the tunnel...

Brit: Just try and hold it, fellas.

TTT: Let me give you guys a hand.

As the four heroes jump up and pile on the Umber Hulk, The Time Trust walks up and reaches out to the Umber Hulk.

TTT: Hooboy. This is gonna hurt.

Suddenly time slows down around the Umber Hulk and the five heroes.

Britannica walks up to the bizarre battle. A slow motioned RM552, hanging onto one leg of the Umber Hulk, Midnight Spectre the other. Wednesday gripping onto the left arm, while Hybrid has the right arm in a bear-hug (with real bear arms). The Time Trust, crouched down, is touching the Umber Hulk's foot, as it slowly flails it's body in some weird contemporary-dance routine.

Brit: Hope this works...

Britannica establishes eye contact with the Umber Hulk and...

Brit: Information Overload!

Britannica forces the entire contents of:
Whittaker's Almanac
Macquarie Dictionary
Lonely Planet guides to Greece, Krakatini, Doestnreallyexistia and Vietnam
The Australian Who's Who (1985 edition)
Worldbook Encyclopedia
Patrick Moore's Atlas of the Universe
And
My very first book of dinosaurs
Directly into the Umber Hulks brain...

The Time Trust releases his temporal grip and falls back exhausted by his power stunt and time goes back to normal for the remaining combatants.

The Umber Hulk staggers forward a bit, slumps and quickly stands upright once more.

MS2: Look out. It didn't work!

SMM: Like it was going too.

Brit: Bugger.

--------------------------------------------

Meanwhile on the outskirts of Big City...

Tommy: Are we there yet?

Nuriko98: No.

--------------------------------------------

Back at the tunnel...

The Umber Hulk moves towards the heroes.

The JLR take a step back.

The Umber Hulk opens it’s mouth...

Umber Hulk: Hey guys.

Hybrid: It's Centurian!

Brit: Thank goodness for that.

Ace: Brit. Grendel's getting up!

SMM: Ace. Fused. Throw the kitchen sink!

As Ace, Fused and Spandex Monkey Man throw everything they have at Grendel...

Brit: Centurian. Get in there. You're our only hope of stopping that thing!

Cent/Umber Hulk: But...

Brit: No time for arguing. Get in there!

Cent/Umber Hulk: Um... okay then.

Centurian starts to lumber towards Grendel...

--------------------------------------------

Meanwhile on the outskirts of Big City...

Tommy: Are we there yet?

Nuriko98: No.

--------------------------------------------

The two monsters stand in the middle of the tunnel hacking and slashing at each other.

--------------------------------------------

Else when in another topic...

The Master of Information is so absorbed in his research that he doesn't notice...

BLINK

Ace: Heads up Brit!

Brit: [looking up] Huh!?! [and noticing that he standing in the midst of a battle between Grendel of the CSF and an Umber Hulk!]

Britannica falls backwards, his book flying from his hands, as the massive claw of the Umber Hulk rushes towards him...

BLINK

Ace:

Brit: [who is making sure TTT is OK, turns around to look at Ace] What?

Ace: Nevermind. Just a dangling plot thread being tied up I guess. By the way you dropped a book.

Brit: Ah, thank you. I’ve been looking for that.

SMM: We are in so much trouble now.

Brit: Nonsense. Centurian is doing splendidly.

MS2: Britannica. I think you should listen to the Monkey Man…

Suddenly a mystical mist surrounds the Umber Hulk. Transporting it away from the JLR realm and replacing it with the pyjama clad Centurian.

Grendel:

Centurian:

Brit: Oh dear…

--------------------------------------------

Meanwhile on the outskirts of Big City...

Tommy: Are we there yet?

Nuriko98: No.

--------------------------------------------

Meanwhile in Big City…

Transneapolitan: So how comes you aren’t with Morriarty and the others?

Scaramanga: Because we came to Big City for two specific purposes.

Transneapolitan: Oh what’s that?

Malfoy: The capture of the boy, Alex Henderson.

Scaramanga: And the death of the Mayor of Big Town.

Transneapolitan: Why do you want the Mayor dead?

Malfoy: He cut the fiction budget of the Big City Public Library.

Suddenly, in bursts Chessmaster 9000.53!

Chessmaster 9000.53: Transneapolitan! Would you care to explain yourself?

Transneapolitan: Chessmaster 9000.53!

Transneapolitan transforms his fists into coconut ice-cream maces and…

*THUD* *THUD*

Knocks out Malfoy and Scaramanga.

Transneapolitan: Glad you turned up when you did buddy. I just tracked down two of the bad guys…

--------------------------------------------

Meanwhile on the outskirts of Big City...

Tommy: Are we there yet?

Nuriko98: Welcome to Big City, big boy.

In the tunnel, Grendel is about to lay into Centurian with abandon when he staggers back, as if shocked.

Statika: Ahahahahahaha! Take that, fiend!

SMM: Marlon, what the hell are you doing here? And who says ' Ahahahahahaha!' anymore?

S: Ermmm...you could say thankyou for saving the boy's life?

B: Yes, you could. Thanks, whoever you are.

W: Hey, do you mind with the swinging in and saving the day! We've already OD'ed on characters!

Meanwhile, the CSF and Sunlight's group are laying into one another.

Ace: Ermmm...guys, do you think maybe we should be going?

Hybrid: Yeah. Not that I don't relish the sight of bad guys beating each other up, but there's a chance that, y'know, they might notice us.

SMM: That's a very good point. I think I have something already that might help. Now, Gentlemen, I think it was time we were off.

The group walk off, trying not to alert anyone else. Meanwhile, as far as anyone else can see, the group are getting massacred in a desperate battle.

TTT: Now that's clever.

Fused: Say huh?

TTT: Remember that time-line when we wre all wiped out? I think that was a flash-forward to the illusion Spandex just wipped up.

JLR:

SMM: That's quite a range of emotions going on.

Suddenly, he doubles over, as if in terrible pain. Then he dissapears, like mist dissapating.

JLR:

***************************************************

Back in The Big City, Nuriko and Tommy are surprised to see a man clad entirely in black collapse onto the bonnet.

Nuriko: Hey, get off! You'll scratch the paintwork.

Tommy: Hey, Nuri? I think he's hurt.

SMM: Well, so would you be if aaaarrrrggh!!

Once again he doubles over, his face a mask of absolute torture as he shudders.

Tommy: Ermmm...Can I get you an aspirin?

Suddenly Spandex yells out and explodes in a shower of light. In his place is a creature of pure beaty, wearing a robe seemingly made of light.

Creature: I am the angel Islington. Please do not attempt to attack me, or I will kill you.

Nuriko blinked. "What just happened here?"
Tommy said, "Islington? That's a funny name for an angel."

Islington looks around, surprised at his new locale. However it soon becomes clear that he's enjoying the view.

Islington: This is an improvement. Not only am I free of the prison they bound me too, but I'm strong. Stronger than I have been for centuries. So strong I might...

he punches Nuriko, sending her flying down the road.

I: kill you all.

Suddenly, the CSF appear at one end of the street, backed by a hoard of Agent Smiths and some mystic creatures Malfoy has summoned.

I: Who is this?

M: We are the CSF, masters of evil and champions of darkness.

I: (contemptuous) Evil? You don't know the meaning of the word.

He appears in front of Moriarty, but the Agent Smiths attack him. Islington tears through them, demolishing all 50 or 60 of them in about 10 seconds. Two are left, and they flee. Islington turns on Malfoy's beasts, and they too are wiped out in record time.

M: Run! There's nothing we can do.

I: (grinning) You're absolutely right.

In the retreat, Moriarty drops Centurian's dice. Islington doesn't notice this, however, as our heroes are on the scene.

I: Is this the best this world sends against me? A librarian, a magician's boy and a man who calls himself spectre? And the others? A boy, a simpleton and a man with skin that makes Door look healthy? And this one, the boy who wishes to be a man, walking in the shadow of this skin I wear. Pathetic

Then Islington notices Wednesday

I: Ah. I know you, Wednesday. I did not think to find you here, among creatures such as these.

W: Shut up! SHUT UP!

Wednesday punches Islington in the face, and it's clear he;s hurt him, though not much. Islington punches him back, and Wednesday crumples. The rest of the JLR move into action, with much action-movie cool but little actual effect. One by one they are taken out, with Midnight Spectre and Centurian the last ones standing.

I: You really are wek? Is this all they have left? I would've preferred to fight Hitler or Pol Pot. They had some spirit

Suddenly, Centurian notices his dice, lying on the floor.

C: My dice! (to Midnight Spectre 2.0) try and hold him off.

TTT: (appearing out of thin air) Sorry I wasn't hear earlier. Sunlight's team fled after the fight in the tunnel and I tried following them. (notcing Islington) What the hell is that doign here?

I: Now this should be a good fight.

TTT and Spectre attack, backed up by Tommy, who's been hiding in Chichiri. They actually do some good, pinning him down and slowl driving him back, but eventually they too hit the deck. But Centurian's got his dice. He rolls, and the come up double zero. He dissappears, and in his place is a Gold Dragon.

GD: Now we're cooking with gas.

*SLAP*

SMM: Huh? Wha?

Wed: You were getting delirious and had entered a bizarre dream sequence.

SMM: Yes. There was an angel.... and a woman...

Ace: A woman?

RM552 & MS2: Yeah right.

SMM: But what happened? Where am I?

Brit: Well we are still in the cavern. The Moriarty CSF is fighting another faction of fictional characters comprising of John Sunlight, Captain Hook and Callisto.

TTT: You doubled over and passed out just as another temporospatial warp flared up in Big City.

SMM: Big City? Ohmigob. Islington!

Fused: Not Islington. Big City. Man you are loco...

SMM: Huh?

Brit: Islington is near London...

SMM: Islington is the angel, you goofball.

Hybrid: Well what's the problem. Angels are heavenly creatures, messengers of god...

SMM: Islington is an angel of death!

Brit: Oh great.

Ace: Just what we needed.

Wed: Another apocalyptic threat

Centurian: So what do we do now?

Sunlight: Now you surrender to me, boy!

Terminatrix walks into the cavern, carrying the unconscious form of Mrs. Henderson.

Cent: Mom!?!

-------------------------------------------

In Big City....

Chessmaster: I still don't trust you...

Transneapolitan: [carrying the unconscious Malfoy and Scaramanga] But why, I caught two of the bad guys and everything...

Chessmaster: Your chess piece was moving quite suspiciously on the board. It was hovering very close to the Malfoy and Scaramanga pieces for some time.

Transneapolitan: But I told you already, I was spying on them. Until you blew my cover that was.

Chessmaster: Hmmm.... Anyway, we had better get back to the others, they may need our help. And I'm sure we can use whatever information you were able....

Transneapolitan: uh, Chessmaster...

Chessmaster: What?

Transneapolitan: [pointing down the road] Who's that?

Chessmaster: Looks like Nuriko98 of the Penultimate MBL.

Transneapolitan: Not her. The bloke behind her.

Chessmaster: Um...? Oh yeah. That's Tommy her gorgeous sidekick.

Transneapolitan: Not him. The bloke behind him.

Chessmaster: I'm not sure?

Nuriko98: [running past Chessmaster and Transneapolitan] Help! My incredibly gorgeous sidekick and I are being chased by an angel of death!!!

Tommy: I'm too gorgeous to die!!!

Nuriko98: Yes you are Tommy.

Chessmaster: There you go, he's just your stock-standard angel of death...

Chessmaster & Transneapolitan: Angel of Death!!!

"I don't like angels of death!" Nuriko screamed. "Being dead means I can't shop!"
"You said you could give it up any time!" Tommy reminded her.
She would have stopped, but that's not a good thing to do when you're being chased by an angel of death. She settled for giving him a reproachful glance over her shoulder. "Yeah, but I don't want to be forced to!"
To the crowd of onlookers that had gathered, watching the chase as though it were a bizarre parade, she shouted, "Little help here? Someone? Anyone? Where's Superman when you need him?"
"He's not taking our phone calls any more!" said helpful Tommy.
Nuriko began to wonder if perhaps she ought to find a new sidekick.

POP

--dge?” Dogg finishes the sentence he began before The Time Trust appeared out of thin air and saved him from the FBI.

“Is that Superman, Nuriko?” Tommy asks as the crowd of onlooker’s gasps and moves back a little.

“Oh yeah, you people are all for an angel of death but get all freaked out when a robot and a goth wannabe dude that shops at Hot Topics pops out of thin air!” Nuriko yells at the crowd, grabbing Tommy and moving away from Islington.

“I am not a robot! I am an android, made out of an artificial nanite substance unknown to…hmm…we’re not supposed to be here.” TTT interrupts himself.

“Uh…can I ask some questions? What just happened, what do you mean we’re not supposed to be here? What about the black hole in Crotchgrabber and what does she mean, “angel of death”? Dogg grabs his Super Soaker 70thousand from TTT’s hands and puts it back in its holster.

“I’m…not sure what happened. I was in the middle of a battle. I popped out of time and found you, D0GG, about to be arrested so I decided to take you back with me since you’re late, but I popped back in the wrong time and now there are two of me in this city. This is the Angel Islington, Archangel of the Sheol Realm. As for the black hole, don’t worry; it’s a small self-contained rip in reality. It’ll swallow itself in a couple thousand years.” TTT looks around and tells the onlookers to return to their homes. “D0GG, if you would be so kind as to set your Super Soaker 70thousand to replicate cyanoacrylate and cover Transneapolitan’s feet and surrounding area, it would really cement the JLR’s faith in you, pun intended. Go ahead and cover Lucious Malfoy and Francisco Scaramanga while you’re at it.”

Dogg does as he’s told to do. “Hey, why do you keep calling me, “D0GG”? My name’s “Dogg”, lowercase and with an “o”, not a zero.”

“Every JLR member needs a codename. Oh, and I’d hold off on killing these people, Islington. You’ll have plenty of contenders soon enough.” TTT reconfigures his nanites, creating a self-contained ripple in space that fades him out of reality for a fraction of a second before popping back. "Odd...I'm being blocked from returning to the future." The Time Trust thinks to himself.

“But I’m not a member of the JLR…” Just as Dogg notes this it begins to rain hard, the water falling on them like a faucet being turned on.

“What is this Nuriko? It’s going to ruin my new haircut!” Tommy yells out, but barely audible in the downpour.

“Down the road!” Yells Chessmaster, “It’s a syndicate of Agent Smiths!”

“But…but theres like, hundreds of them! Thousands maybe!” Nuriko exclaims. Nuriko, Tommy, Dogg, and Chessmaster take several steps backwards, the exception being Islington who is grinning insanely and dreams of how many ways he can kill a computer program.

One of the Agents moves forward from the rest of the group. “Hello, JLR. Welcome to Big City, but I should really call it My City since we now comprise 90 percent of the population. We can not be stopped, your only hope is to allow assimilation.”

Islington spreads his wings and hovers in the air. “Assimilate this.” The rain slows down, turning to steam, and then becoming shards of fire that consume several hundred Agent Smiths. The rest of them rush forward to battle. Nuriko, Tommy, and Dogg glance at each other.

“Agent Smith took over my wife. This might be my last chance to get her back.” Dogg sets his Super Soaker to create a liquid computer virus. "Guys, cover me while I program my gun!"

“Those sun glasses are so late ‘90’s. C’mon Tommy, maybe they’ll give us a shopping spree for helping out.” Nuriko pulls out some shuriken.

“And a new perm?” Tommy poses in several ninjitsu styles.

“Hey, why not a whole new hairstyle?” Nuriko throws the shuriken at the Agent Smiths with a grace and speed only taught in super secretest dojo’s in the world.

“I’m getting highlights!” Tommy begins pounding on the Smiths with techniques long lost to modern martial artists.

Meanwhile, still glued to the ground and stuck in the middle of battle, Transneapolitan does what he can to keep the Agent Smiths away from him but it’s not enough.

“You have failed in your assignment, 006. You’d be more useful as one of us.” Agent Smith shoves his hand in Transneapolitans chest, assimilating him and his powers and breaking out of the adhesive Dogg shot onto his feet. “Yes! Yeessssss! Prepare for a new ice cream age, JLR! This city belongs to us!”

As the rain continues to pelt down, it becomes clear that S,ith is slowly losing the battle with Islington, who hurls them around with contemptible ease. As the Transneopolitan-Smith leaps into the battle, a voice rings out across the battlefield

SMM: STOP!

Islington turns, and grins at Spandex. It reminds those who look at it of a wolf preparing to feast on a courageous Antelope.

I: You. I shouldn't be surprised you survived the destruction of the Sheol Realm. You were the only one who ever resisted.

TTT: What? Spandex, what he's talking about?

SMM: The Sheol Realm. It's a realm between fact and fiction that controls the pathways between the worlds. Islingto escaped there after being destroyed in fiction. He won us over with flowery talk of his wish to help us. We listened, and in the end he wiped us out.

I: Except you. Prince Judas the Fair, master of the Gate, Keeper of the Sacred Globe and High Priest of the Spandex Monkey.

TTT: You're a prince?

Nuriko: Hey, Tommy! The fashion victim man is a prince! Maybe he can pay for some new clothes, these are soaked!

Tommy has evidently noticed as he's brokaing off pounding the Smiths to ogle Nuriko's sokaed shirt.

I: You abandoned the others in the tunnel, didn't you? They're going to die now, without you. Moriarty's got a plan.

SMM: Do I look like I care?

The two hurl themselves at each other, and begin to fight. Both fly into the sky and are soon lost to view as they're titanic battle begins.

***************************************************

Back in the tunnel The JLR are faced with the prospect of trying to rescue Centurian's Mum from the hands of Sunlight's Group. Moriarty's group are stunned, unable to come up with a plan without their smart-ass leader, who has fainted at the shock of being bested by a guy from a crappy pulp novel.

Brit: Anyone have any ideas? I'm fresh out.

MS2: We could try a surprise attack.

S: We don't have the manpower. TX would kill her and then kill us.

H: But with Spandex on our side...

S: He's gone.

H: What?

S: He just murmured 'at last!' and then teleported out. I don't know anything about that.

Suddenly RM552 appears out of the tunnel behind them.

JLR: argh!

RM552: Sorry for just appearing like that. Got bored of waiting. Wassup?

Ace: They've got Centurian's mom, and they'r gonna kill her unless we surrender. Plus there's two groups out there. We don't have the power to sort this out.

RM552: I think I've got a plan. Fused, play Wagner's Ring Cycle.

F: Say what?

RM552: Just do it, okay. Wednesday, Hybrid, Midnight Spectre 2.0 and Ace, prepare to take out Sunlight's Faction. Brit, use you information overload on TX. I'll grab Mrs. Henderson and then we run. Everybody cool?

The group nod, and ready themselves for the attack. Fused fades in The Ride of The Valkyries, and they leap...

...and land about five feet closer to Sunlight's group.

Centurian: So, RM, what's the plan?

Registered Member 552: Well, it's pretty much a "beat 'em up and rescue your mom" kinda plan.

Centurian: What???

Registered Member 552: It was either that or surrender and hope they don't kill your mom. I figured it was better to fight.

Centurian: WHAT ?!?

Registered Member 552: What?

Ace: See, that's why Brit's the leader.

Registered Member 552:

Fused: Any ideas, Brit?

Britannica: We could surrender--

That's when Centurian realized he and Brit think a lot alike...

Britannica: --but we're better off fighting.

That's when Centurian realized Brit thinks too much.

Britannica: We can't be sure they'll set her free if we surrender. Plus, they're bad guys, and bad guys usually lie about this sort of thing.

Registered Member 552 (to Ace):

Britannica: Ace, use your smokescreen card on Starlight's team. Fused, TTT, RM, Midnight, Statika, and myself will do what we can to keep the bad guys down. Hybrid, use your animal senses to find Centurian's mum in the smoke. Wednesday, back him up.

JLR: Right!

The team moved like clockwork and everything went fine until...

The Time Trust: Ace, the smoke is clearing and we still don't have Mrs. Henderson.

Ace: I'm on it.

Ace pulled the Jack of Hearts card from his deck and prepared to throw.

Registered Member: ACE, WAIT !

Too late, RM. Ace threw the card and it hit the tunnel ceiling with a loud BOOOOM!!!

Registered Member 552 (as the ceiling begins to cave in): That's your new sonic bomb card.

Ace: What? That was supposed to be my flare card!

Registered Member 552 (with the ceiling still caving in): Didn't you read the instruction manual I gave you with the new deck?

Ace: Ummm.... yes ?

Registered Member 552:

Centurian: Mom!

Centurian dropped his dice as he leaped for his mother, but Wednesday reached her first. He jumped on top of her (it's not what you think... really), covered her, and steeled his body just before the first boulder came crashing down on them. Within seconds, everyone in the tunnel was buried. Then...

BOOOOM!!! (again)

Rocks flew in the air in every direction as The Golden Dragon emerged from the cave-in below. Luckily, the dragon half understood the screaming human half of its mind, and began to dig the rest of the JLR out.

Britannica was the last to wake up (he WAS always kind of a pansy), his head pelted by the rain.

Britannica: <Kaff!!> Is everyone okay?

Hybrid walked over from the group of heroes who were still trying to shake the post-cave in jitters.

Hybrid: Everyone's accounted for.

Britannica: What about the CSF... and Sunlight's group?

Hybrid: The Golden Dragon dug some more but they're gone, apparently.

Britannica: Golden what?

Hybrid nonchalantly pointed in the direction of the huge dragon. The rain drops shimmered as they bounced off its golden form.

Britannica: Wow! Now we're cooking with gas!

Hybrid: I thought Centurian already said that.

Britannica: No he didn't.

Hybrid (after thinking about it for a while): Oh yeah.

When Mrs. Henderson woke up, the first thing she thought about was her brave little boy. She'd seen him down there, attacking those monsters that had kidnapped her.

Mrs. Henderson: Where's my son?! My son was in that tunnel!!

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Mrs. Henderson, ma'am, we can explain.

Mrs. Henderson: ALEX IS DOWN THERE!

Ace: I think we should tell her.

Mrs. Henderson: WHERE IS HE?!

Ace: Well, funny you should ask, Mrs. Henderson. You see, well... he's behind you.

She turned and looked up to see two bright, hollow blue dragon eyes staring back. A statue? Her son was in that tunnel. It caved in. She'd lost conciousness. She was so confused. Now it hit her, her son was gone. She was standing in the pouring rain with crazy people, and her son was really gone. Mrs. Henderson could feel her legs begin to buckle.

Then the miracle. Two bright, hollow dragon eyes blinked, scaring the bejeezes out of her. She was still too scared to scream when the hot dragon breath lifted her hair straight back. She was too scared to scream, BUT DAMNED IF SHE WASN'T GOING TO SCREAM ANYWAY.

Then she remembered Alex, and she was mad. Somehow she knew it was this monster's fault. This thing had taken away her only son, AND DAMNED IF SHE WASN'T GOING TO MAKE IT PAY SOMEHOW. She looked defiantly into his bright, hollow eyes. Those bright blue eyes just like her son's. It's expression was sad, the kind of sad Alex's was when he knew he had done wrong.

Wait...

Mrs. Henderson: Alex??

Mrs. Henderson knew. She recognized her boy. It was one of those sweet and tender moments... weird, but sweet and tender. Tears of joy rolling down her face, a very confused but very relieved mother reached out tentatively to touch her boy's humongous, scaly, smiling face. She really would have reached out and touched him too, if Spandex's broken body hadn't come crashing down between them from a five hundred and seventy-two foot fall.

So ONCE AGAIN SpandexMonkeyMan ruined a perfectly good "mother finds out her little boy isn't a little boy anymore, and has grown up and become a hero with amazing powers" scene .

And Mrs. Henderson, who had been kidnapped by monsters, villains, and a magic man, survived an underground cave-in, thought she'd lost her only son then discovered that he'd been turned into a one hundred foot tall mystical dragon, and just witnessed a man fall out of the sky and land with a loud crunch on the wet pavement in front of her, had finally seen enough... and fainted.

Islington peered down from above at the fallen rebel prince and the team of heroes below.

Islington: Weak.

A quarter of a mile away, Chessmaster, Nuriko, Tommy, Stupid Dogg, The Time Trust, and an army of Agent Smiths all looked up and watched the Angel of Death draw the biggest sword any of them had ever seen.

Islington: Every one of you will die. Please be sure to scream.

His blade burst into flame.

Nuriko: I'm never gonna get to the mall.

And if you think Centurian is going to just sit back and let some flying angel threaten his mom and new friends, you've got another thing coming...

With all the might his dice has given him, Centurian soars into the air and rams into the angel head on, jostling him upward and away from the people below. As Islington sails through the rainy sky Centurian wonders if he really is starting to get used to this, or if some monsters are just easier to control than others. He has no time to ponder, however. Islington stops in the air and regains his composure, the fire of his sword burning with rage.

The dragon imparts his aged wisdom to the dice keeper. Centurians eyes widen.

Fire! Centurian understands, but doubts he can do it. Quickly, the dragon takes over, inhales deep, and exhales the same fire that, in an era passed, destroyed kingdoms and widowed the wives of knights.

With an easy swoosh of his sword, Islington bats the fire away.

Registered Member 552: Hybrid, you see anything?

Hybrid (squinting his eagle eyes): They're too high up. All I can see are lights.

Registered Member 552: Same here.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Centurian is giving him a good fight... but I'm afraid he won't last much longer alone.

Hybrid: You can see all the way up there?

Midnight Spectre 2.0 (to Brit): He needs our help.

Britannica: TTT, can you do anything?

The Time Trust (laying Mrs. Henderson gently on the ground): I've tried but something must be jamming my powers.

Britannica: Midnight and Hybrid, you're our two fliers--

Ace: What about Spandex?

Registered Member 552 (crouched over Spandex's body): He's a mess.

The Time Trust: But he's alive?

Registered Member 552 (poking key points on Spandex's body): Barely, and frankly, I'm amazed. Even after a battle with an angel and a fall like that... I'd doubt even Midnight could--

Midnight walks over to the felled hero.

Midnight Spectre 2.0: Let me try.

Hybrid: Oh, you've gotta be kidding!

Ace: Trust me, Hybrid, Midnight doesn't kid.

Midnight slams his palms together and concentrates.

Meanwhile Nuriko and the others continue their struggle against an army of Agent Smiths...

The Time Trust: Look, Nuriko, the mall is the least of our concerns.

Nuriko: Listen I don't know who you are, but angel of death or no angel of death, the mall is always a concern!

The Time Trust: You are a strange little girl.

The two continue punching and kicking agents, but there are just too many of them.

Stupid Dogg: Look out!

With The Time Trust safely behind him, Dogg covers the ground between him and the agents with liquid virus. Every agent jumps back in fear while the heroes back away, allowing Dogg to cover more and more area.

Tommy (his hair glistening in the moonlight): That won't hold 'em for long.

Stupid Dogg: It won't have to. Blink us out of here.

The Time Trust: I can't!

Stupid Dogg: What do you mean you can't? You blinked me into this mess, now blink us out, I, Robot.

Chessmaster: Umm... guys.

One agent jumps the distance and nearly makes it to Stupid Dogg's throat, but Trust catches him face first in time.

The Time Trust: I'm an android, not a robot.

Stupid Dogg: Don't let him touch the virus.

The Time Trust (holding Agent Smith 547 by his face in the air): What?

Stupid Dogg: Throw him back. They're networked. If one catches the virus, they all do, and I can't risk that. That's why you need to get us outta here.

The Time Trust (throwing him back): I've tried but something must be jamming my powers.

Nuriko: Why not?! They're trying to kill us, aren't they?

Stupid Dogg says nothing, but continues spraying. Then, he stops.

Stupid Dogg: Crap! I'm running out!

Tommy (his eyes sparkling like the stars): What does that mean.

Stupid Dogg: It means RUN!

And they do...

A dark blue glow emanates from the inch under Midnight's hands as they hover the surface of Spandex's body. The JLR watch on as the lives of a teammate above and a teammate below hang in the balance.

Fused: So.. uhhh... anybody got a song they wanna hear?

JLR:

Fused: What'd I say?

Ace: Hey, you got any Diana Ross?

Fused and the rest of the JLR:

Ace: Well, ya see, what happened is... La Machine gave me his CD and--

Britannica: What's that?

Hybrid: Now THAT I CAN see. It's a pink convertible heading straight toward us. There's a funny looking guy driving. There's a pretty, young girl sitting in the front passenger seat--

Wednesday: I call first dibbs!

Hybrid: Chessmaster's in the back seat with a funny looking guy with a big gun. And another guy who looks exactly like The Time Trust!

The Time Trust: Oh, well everything makes sense now!

The car comes to a screaching halt in front of the team. Finally, the The Time Trust in the back seat sees the The Time Trust standing in the rain.

The other The Time Trust: Oh, well everything makes sense now!

Everyone Else:

The Time Trust 1: Apparently, because of a mix of the time blinks and being to close to the event horizon of a certain Soaker-created black hole, chrono duplication occured.

Fused: ¿Habla usted inglés?

The Time Trust 2: I time leaped back too early, causing two of me to exist simultaneously, thereby changing the rules my powers work by.

The Time Trust 1: No worries, though. I can just change the numbers slightly for the new shift in the time array and readjust to bring the number of me's back to one.

The Time Trust 2: Oh, no need to trouble yourself, Number 1, I'll do it.

The Time Trust 1: Oh, I don't mind at all. And, really, it's my error anyway.

The Time Trust 2: But I'm here to help now, and I owe that all to you.

The Time Trust 1: Hey, it was no trouble at all, and might I add you're looking rather dapper in that outfit.

The Time Trust 2: Why thank you. Of course your outfit looks great too.

The Time Trust 1: Of course it does... it's the same outfit .

The Time Trust 2: Well, you know what they say...

The Time Trusts: "Great minds think alike !"

Fused: That's really annoying.

Hybrid: Yeah! Two TTT's are almost as annoying as one Wednesday.

Everyone (including Nuriko and Tommy, who don't even know Wednesday):

Wednesday: ....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
....Hey!

Nuriko: I'd hate to break this up, boys, but we've got an army of badly dressed super dudes coming this way.

Chessmaster: She's got a point. There are only a dozen or so of us, including both robots.

The Time Trusts: We're androids!

Stupid Dogg: Wait, you said you can adjust the numbers or something like that, right?

The Time Trust 1: Theoretically. It's complicated, but with the help of my duplicate, we can get it done quickly.

The Time Trust 2: Hey, thanks.

The Time Trust 1:

Fused (his arm humming to life): Okay, stop that. Really.

Stupid Dogg: So, theoretically you could make as many of you as you want?

The Time Trust 2: I suppose.

The Time Trust 1: Together we could.

Stupid Dogg: And we're about to be assimilated by an army of thousands of Agent Smiths?

The Time Trusts: Yeah...
.
.
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.
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.
.
.
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.
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...Oh!

Three minutes later thousands of Agent Smiths arrive just in time to meet thousands of TTTs.

Midnight was right, Centurian won't last much longer.

The dragon screams and fires once again, but Islington ducks and strikes, his sword piercing dragon scales. Centurian bucks in pain.

Islington: I can hear your thoughts, dragon. You share this plane with a scared, little boy who is nothing without his magic dice. Not only that, but time is of the essence.

He was right. Alex had just realized that The Golden Dragon was running out of time in this world.

Islington: Boy, you have great power, but are unable to wield it. I can teach you! Control the dragon, swear your allegiance to me, and I will spare the lives of you AND your mother.

The dragon hesitates because Alex hesitates. Spare his mother's life? His mother had accepted his gift. She'd accepted him as a real hero. But to save her, he would have to become a villain, a bad guy. Then he remembers...

Britannica: ...bad guys usually lie about this sort of thing.

And Centurian answers the angel with fire and claws.

Fire and claws. Armor and wings. The fangs of a dragon.

His fangs have torn through castle bricks but here is something to be said for the armor of angels. A stab of Islington's sword sends Centurian dizzying back.

The angel smiles. It's been so long since he killed. It won't be long now.

Down below...

Stupid Dogg: Be careful, one of those agents is my wife!

The Time Trusts: Now you tell us!

Tommy: What do we do now, Nuriko?

Nuriko watches 1,754 The Time Trusts battle 1,542 Agent Smiths, looks at Tommy, smiles...

Nuriko: The same thing we do every night, Tommy.

...and pulls out a shuriken. Tommy smiles back, and, with that, the two dive into the fight.

Britannica: Midnight, get Spandex into safety and continue doing... whatever it is you're doing. Use that church over there for cover, hopefully it'll keep you safe if Centurian can't beat that evil angel. Ace, Hybrid, get Mrs. Henderson and go with him! Again we have to protect Centurian's mum at all costs. The rest of you heard the girl...

The team strikes their triumphant poses.

Chessmaster: Is he really gonna say it?

Hybrid: We can only hope.

Britannica: JLR, ASSEMBLE!!!!

And thousands of The Time Trusts, two ninjas, and a group called the Justice League Reality continue punching and kicking their way through thousands of Agent Smiths.

Stupid Dogg: There's gotta be some way to tell which one's my wife.

Just then, Agent Smith 736 tears through The Time Trusts barracade and almost reaches Chessmaster, but, lucky for him, Stupid Dogg pulls the hero out of the way just in time. Then, lucky for both of them, the evil program is tackled by TTT145, 423, and 1654 before he can assimilate the two heroes.

The Time Trust 145: Chessmaster, use your board to help the rest of the team.

Stupid Dogg (to Chessmaster): Wait, you're one of the JLR? I don't remember your picture on the poster.

Chessmaster: Well, I just joined. Wait... you have a JLR poster?

Stupid Dogg (shaking him): Ummm... well.... nevermind that. Tell me you've got x-ray vision!

Chessmaster: Uhhh, no.

Stupid Dogg notices the chessboard.

Stupid Dogg: Telepathy? That's it, you read your opponents' minds with telepathy when you play them! Maybe you can--

Chessmaster: I can't do that either. I use this chess board to move my teammates on the field by moving these chess pieces on my board.

Stupid Dogg: Well, geez, that's a stupid power.

Chessmaster: Hey! Don't forget you're one of us now. I'll have you know I could fling you right in the middle of that fight by just--

Stupid Dogg: Wait, that's it! They want us, we'll just take one of them instead. Quick, how does somebody become a member?

Chessmaster: I guess you just need to accept an invitation by an active member.

Stupid Dogg: Perfect! Set up your board.

Chessmaster: What?

Stupid Dogg: Hurry!

Chessmaster busies himself with his pieces while Stupid Dogg hurries over to the tackled Smith.

Stupid Dogg: EVERYONE LISTEN UP!

But the frey continues. Well, that wasn't going to get anyone's attention. So Stupid Dogg pulls out his Super Soaker 70thousand and points at the downed agent's head.

Stupid Dogg: I'VE GOT A VIRUS IN HERE UNDER 40,000 POUNDS OF PRESSURE. THE ONLY THING KEEPING A WHOLE LOTTA VIRUS FROM THIS AGENT'S HEAD IS MY TRIGGER FINGER. NOW LISTEN UP!

And every agent, android, ninja, and superhero stops in their tracks.

Stupid Dogg: I KNOW HOW THIS WORKS. YOU'RE ALL NETWORKED. I INFACT ONE OF YOU, YOU ALL CATCH IT.

Agent Smith 738 (from beneath three TTTs): Now, Mr. Dogg, you wouldn't want to lose your precious wife, would you? After all, she's your entire reason for being here; isn't that right? Besides, didn't you say you're almost out of ammo, Mr. Dogg?

Stupid Dogg (to Agent Smith 738): I know what you're thinking. Did he use it all up, or is there some virus left in that gun? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a Super Soaker 70thousand, the most powerful squirt gun in the world, and would wipe your entire network clean, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

Stupid Dogg cocks his high pressure gun and every Smith takes one step back.

Stupid Dogg: HONEY, I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE, AND I DON'T CARE WHAT SMITH SAYS, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!

Chessmaster: Oh, I see.

Stupid Dogg: I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR, HONEY. I NEED YOU TO JOIN THE JLR.

Chessmaster 9000.53 puts the last piece on his board.

Nothing.

Stupid Dogg: YOU HEAR ME, HONEY? I KNOW YOU CAN AND I NEED YOU TO TRUST ME. I REALLY NEED YOU TO TRUST ME RIGHT NOW. ACCEPT MY INVITATION TO JOIN THE JUSTICE LEAGUE REALITY.

Suddenly, the sound of one pawn rumbling on its square echos through the silent crowd.

Chessmaster looks up and points.

Chessmaster: THERE!

Everyone turns to one agent, who looks at his fellow duplicates sheepishly.

The Time Trust: GET HER!

And thousands of The Time Trusts, two ninjas, and a group called the Justice League Reality begins punching and kicking their way to one Agent Smith.

Islington: Insects.

Hordes of Time Trusts rush to the single Smith but are suddenly severed in two by a giant fireblade. Scores upon scores of them dismembered and halved by the monolithic flamesword.

The Time Trust 1639: Ahhh! We're dying!!!

The Time Trust 528: Ahhh! We're dying!!!

The Time Trust 472, 673, 758, 1754, 934, 2457, 834, 725, 1663, 753, 12, 643, 288, and 266: *Hlurrrrlk! ! !*

The Time Trust 528: Ahhh! We're dying!!!

Fused: Whoah, SHIT that was close!

He says as the steel inferno rushes over the top his head. Dogg sets his Super Soaker70thousand to "Holy" and fires a geyser of baptizmal water pausing the Death Angel's mechacide. The singled Smith pauses and begins to walk towards Dogg then suddenly freezes.

Dogg: C'mon, baby, c'mon.

Islington stares at the JLRian with rage and fire explodes from his eyes.

Agent Smith: Ohhh. You want to leave us, Mrs. Dogg? You love him, don't you? It's love that binds you, isn't it? You disgusting meatsack. Well goto him and show him how much you love him.

The Mrs. Dogg/Smith walks to him takes his sunglasses off, then contorts his face backwards and opens his mouth wide as a woman's face comes out. The Smith's upper torso metamorphoses into an attractive young woman.

Mrs. Dogg: I'll always love you. He won't let me go. I'm sorry.

She then warps back into the suit-clad agent and thrusts his elbow into Dogg's sternum, throws a left hook into his gut then launches him airborne with a right uppercut. His watergun drops to the asphalt and the stream of Holy Water dissapates releasing Islington. The Death Angel realizes he cannot move his legs as he was bound by the Divine Water. 15 Agents with their fingers dug deep within his foot send black metallic liquid swirling and crawling up his calves. Outraged, he swats at the Hero with the watergun firearm. His hand sears the back of the Agent Smith attacking Dogg into a firey explosion that sends them both crashing through a boutique's salon window. The Smith contorts and reveals the body of Dogg's wife, still and lifeless.

Dogg: No. Baby, please, no. . .

He pulls himself with his half-broken body towards hers and clutches his beloved wife in his arms. He weeps and buries his face into her hair. After a few sobs, consciousness fails him as the explosions outside muffle into barely audible drumming.


*BLINK*


Dogg finds himself in what he can only relate to as a dentist's chair. He's reclined but the chair is not soft. It's cold. It's metal. Much like the room around him. He sees what looks like his new teammates in similar chairs but asleep in a dreamlike state dressed as paupers. He too is wearing a poorly knitted and long-sleeved shirt with holes eaten out of it. He attepts to raise his head but finds it stuck to the headrest. A man looking at 3 screens with green code raining down them swivels his chair around revealing himself.

The Time Trust: Hello, Dogg.

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Fused: Have I said that - -

JLR: Yes, Yes this really sucks!!!

Fused: I'm just sayin' . . .

Wednesday: I've gotta say I happen to agree. We were crying about Vegi-La 6 hours ago. Take a look around us. It's War of the Worlds mixed with Cirque de Soleil. It's a terror alert 4 alarm code red clusterf- -

SpandexMonkeyMan: Hey shut up! Youre not the leader! You don't get to talk! I'm the winner!

Wednesday: What?

SpandexMonkeyMan: I win!!

Britannica: You're not talking much sense, chap. I think that fall may have knocked a few loose.

SpandexMonkeyMan: Shut up! Whadda you know, smart guy!? You should show respect when youre talking to a prince!

Fused: Dude, that's pretty gay.

Wednesday: Very good. I approve.

SpandexMonkeyMan: Shut up! I rule you both! And I can steal your powers!

Ace: Ok ok! You're a badass. We all get it. The bottom line is that we're stuck in a situation now that's completely out of our hands. Too big for even you, SMM. We've faced some ridiculous odds before, but Wednesday's right. It's pandemonium. We've written, er, fought ourselves into a corner and it's gonna take some major clean up to get us out of it. Or some sort of miracle.

The oily onyx liquid-metal consumes the Death Bringer Islington. His angellic form pulsates and writhes to reshape into the form of a 15 story tall Agent Smith.

Death Angel Smith: THIS. . .IS MY WORLD! ! !

Britannica: Well, mates, I hate to say it, but I'm out of plans and short one miracle.

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Dogg: WTF?!?!?

The Time Trust: I'm just now piecing it together myself.

Dogg: OH God. . . My wife. . .

The Time Trust: Seems to be showing signs of life, apparently.

The Time Trust swivels back around and points to the center screen. Past the green code is The Midnight Spectre 2.0 with his hands together above Dogg's wife. A white healing aura emmanates from his palms and her slowly breathing body.

Dogg: Are you telling me that they're in the Matri- -

The Time Trust: You can stop right there. It's exposition time anyway. You can allow me. As the wise knowledgeable android in the scene I believe I fit the role best. Seems as the CSF crossed into our world they could only exist here if they brought the rules they're bound by here with them. Smith can't exist if he's not in his virtual world.

Dogg: So for a time we were actually in The. . . I'm not saying that.

The Time Trust: You bet. Watch, I'll pull out Nuriko.


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NurikoK98: Even at 140 feet that suit is just fffffffffff'ugly! ! !

Tommy: I think some pin-stripes would look just fab, sugar-baby-honey-muffin-lickin's.

NurikoK98: I'm so glad you're my gorgeous heterosexual idiot boyfriend with a gay man's fashion sense. You're equivalent to the guy fantasy of the big-titted skinny supermodel girlfriend that loves sports, video games and baby-back ribs. Like my daddy usedta say- -

*brrrring - beep! brrrring - beep!*

NurikoK98: Ooh Ooh! ! ! Lemme take this call. I bet it's my stylist! . .wtf. . .? Who the hell is "operator". Hello?


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The Time Trust: Welcome to the real world, Nuriko.

Dogg: Well it's actually a fake real world. If it's based on fiction.

The Time Trust: That might be a redundancy. If the real world in the movie was already a fake real world, then- -

NurikoK98: What the #@^$! ! ! am I WEARING ?!?!?!

Dogg: I think it's a beige cotton-polyester blend moth-eaten knit sweater. . . with no brand label. . .

NurikoK98: WHAAAAAA?!?!?!??!?!?!

Nuriko shoves past Dogg and knocks him to the metal grate beneath him then kicks Time Trust in his chair away from the computer terminal and presses some random buttons. She storms back to her chair and yanks the spike from the head rest and stabs it violently into the black hyper-terminal on the base of her skull.

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A Golden Dragon wrestles with the Death Angel Smith as the rest of the JLR and Time Trusts battle tirelessly against the barrage of normal sized Agent Smiths.

Smiths in unison: It's-USEless-to-reSIST-us. You-fight-the-inevitable. Let-go-of-your-pathetic "lives" and cleanse this planet of your vile existence.

NurikoK98: So YOURE the one responsible for that fashion travesty!!!

Nuriko picks up the gun and sets it to the primary setting: Wife-stealing Multi-Agent Smith Leg-Breakerering Computer Virus.

NurikoK98: Jag-off. . .I have a Biiiiig Big City sale to catch.

The Super Soaker 70Thousand erupts and a casdade of computer code crashes upon the Death Angel Smith. His teeth clench and he barrels over into a nearby apartment complex shattering tons of brick to the sidewalk below. The hundreds of other agents fall over and clutch their stomachs and heads as light pierces from the cracks in their teeth and fissures of their sunglasses. The Death Angel explodes and each subsequent Smith detonate as a 5 block diameter shockwave thunders shattering the glass of car windshields and building windows as far as the eye can see.

Time Trust androids and Justice League Reality heroes are strewn about the scene amongst a whirlwind of newspapers, leaves and street clutter. Nuriko collapses from the strain of holding the weapon and falls to her knees.

The Terminatrix: "Khourin Fujiyama"?

Nuriko is lifted into the air by her hair wrapped around the female killer-cyborg's fist and one well-tailored shoe falls off her foot falling three feet to the pavement. Tears begin to well in her eyes from the pain piercing on top of her head. The salty fluid balls up and rolls down her cheeks unblurring her vision to reveal the sight over T-X's shoulder: The CSF.

Moriarty: Now. . . where were we?

Meanwhile…

“We have to get back in there!” Britannica sits down on the ripped leather chair. “Everybody, get in your seats! TTT, set us up!”

“Hey, I’m the leader!” SpandexMonkeyMan interjects. “I won the contest, so I give the orders!”

“Dude, get over it. The contest didn’t even count.” Wednesday says as he sniffs his shirt. “Whoa. This is rank.”

“It did so count!” A tear rolls down SMM’s cheek. “It did so…”

“What about my wife?” Dogg asserts himself, ignoring SMM’s ranting. “My wife’s in there dying. We have to get her out!”

“No, that is not a wise decision.” TTT begins to program the machine to put them back into the real world.

“Why not?” Dogg asks demandingly.

“Because if we put your wife in here to rest and we defeat Agent Smith, this world will no longer exist, and it will take your wife with it.” TTT sets the timer on the machine to send them back into the real world. “So are you coming, D0GG?”

“Not yet.” Dogg stares at the console. “There’s something I have to do.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

“Now…where were we?” Moriarty stands tall, hands on top of one another on his diamond tipped cane as the Terminatrix prepares to terminate Nuriko.

“Hee-Ya!” Tommy flies in and kicks the Terminatrix, but this does nothing but annoy her. She bends over and picks up Tommy, who is screaming because he just tore his designer jeans on the pavement.

“THOSE WERE NEW JEANS YOU METAL SKANK!”

“Prepare to be terminated.” Volts of electricity rides up her arms and begins to envelope Nuriko and Tommy, electrocuting them to death, when she is suddenly dealt a powerful blow against her head that knocks her down and loosens her grip on the two would-be heroes.

“Wow. That was a lucky shot, eh guys?” Britannica catches the boomerang and gives a smirk to Moriarty. “This ends tonight. JLR ASSEMBLE!!!!” Moriarty’s team rushes into battle, as Britannica barks out orders. “Chessmaster, put us in position! You’re a chess master so I trust your strategy! Centurian, you’ve reverted to normal because of us being taken into the fake real world, so roll.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Writhing in agony, Islington hides himself behind some smashed cars. “How could this happen? I am Islington! I am the Death Bringer! How could I be brought to such agony by a computer program?” Crunching sounds alert Islington, who forces himself to stand up. “You….”

SpandexMonkeyMan strolls over to Islington casually, watching his back to make sure nobody tries to surprise him. “Hey Islington. Listen, I was thinking that this isn’t working out to well, us being separated like this now. We were much stronger when our essences were combined.”

“Are…are you saying you expect me to return my essence to your pathetic shell?” Islington clutches his stomach, a blue luminescent liquid dripping from an open wound.

“No,” SMM stares into Islington’s dark cavernous eyes, “what I’m saying is that I wonder if I can steal your powers and leave you to die.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

“Filthy, stupid humans.” Agent Smith spits out, hiding among one of the ruined buildings. “You think you can destroy me with a computer virus? Regular humans might be frail and susceptible, but I am the original program. I AM ABOVE MACHINES!” Agent Smith sits up, blood trickling from his forehead. He picks up a pair of sunglasses off the ground; half the left lens is shattered. He stands up and laughs. “I’ll just move to another town! And another! And another until this whole world is mine!”

“Shove it.” Dogg steps into view in a mech suit straight out of an anime comic. The arm cannons have been replaced with Super Soaker 70thousand technology, the inside a fully insulated control room with view screen and laser locking technology. This is light years above anything currently in the real real world, which is why he stayed around in the fake real world. Being a big fan of the original Matrix movie, he remembered about the Armory program and decided to do some programming before returning to the battleground. Dogg grips the triggers, flipping a switch on top to activate the cannons. Agent Smiths pupils dilate as he gets blasted with hot lava at 10 psi, just enough to force the magma out of the cannons and onto Smith. Dogg wanted to watch Smith melt in front of him, hatred adding fuel to his already adrenalin pumped body. Smith melts, the lava eating him away until he becomes a puddle of hot magma that cools into solid ground. “Okay honey, I’m coming to get you out of there first. And as soon as I’m sure you’re safe, the CSF are mine!”

Spandex Monkey Man watches his foe as Islington collapses, spitting his angelic blood all over the pavement.

SMM: This is exquisite. I get to watch you die, cursing my name and wishing I'd never been born. This is the best revenge I could ever have for what you did.

Islington: What you did, you mean.You brought me forth, you freed me from the cage that was your soul. If it wasn't for you, your daughter would still be here.

Spandex's smile cracks, and he kicks Islington hard in the groin. Islington groans in agony, and Spandex glows faintly.

SMM: Your powers are gone now. In around 10 seconds, you will die in incredible agony, emptying your intestines onto the pavement and wimpering like a baby. And if you ever mention my daughter again, hell itself will seem like a picnic.

As the rain starts to come down again, Spandex Monkey Man walks away, leaving the once proud figure of Islington sprawled like a beggar on the pavement.

SMM: (Under his breath) Sorry Ala-Vasteel. I couldn't help you.

And he walks away.

Nuriko suddenly realized she wasn't dead.
I'm not dead!
Then she looked down at herself.
Yuck, fried clothes! That's it--it's Mall time!
Wait a minute--wasn't something going on before her clothes got fried?
She heard a groan from beside her. Tommy looked like he'd been hit by a semi that was on fire.
"C'mon, dude," she said, "we've got work to do. Incidentally, the ripped-denim look is so not you."

“Centurian, throw your dice! Hurry!” Brit throws his boomerang to stall the CSF from advancing further. Centurian obeys and throws his dice, but the ground shakes violently, sending the dice into a crack in the road.

“Oh no, my dice! How am I supposed to know what number I-” The air ripples around Centurian. “Huh?”

POP

Britannica’s draw drops as his plans already begin to unravel. “Where’d he go!?”

D0GG walks out of the desolate building on his battle mech, hydraulics pumping air from exhaust vents as the ground rumbles below him with each step it takes. “Enough, CSF! Your most powerful player was melted into asphault by this machine, how well do you think you can stand up to it?”

“Oh, pretty well I’d imagine.” Scaramanga points his pistols toward the mechs fuel line and takes his shot.

POP

The ensuing explosion sends a ripple of heat outward, the blinding light burning Scaramanga’s retinas. “My eyes! I can’t see!” Scaramanga drops to the ground in pain as a wave of super-heated liquid gold from the Super Soaker Mech’s liquid tanks washes over his whole body, encasing him as it hardens.


“Your league is already short by two, JLR! Give up, and perhaps we shall save you as slaves for the New Order!” Moriarty laughs heavily and the ground begins to shake again. “What?” A plume of black bursts through the broken asphalt and heads toward the CSF. “Keep sharp, lads. If they try anything, I want Grendel and the Wolfman to eat them alive.” Grendel nods his head and the Wolfman growls.

A flying monkey drops Sunlight before Moriarty. “Hello, Moriarty. This is an interesting crossroads we’ve come to. I recommend a temporary truce, just until we deal with the JLR. Then I’ll let Callisto and my Winged Monkey army tear you to shreds.”

“What’s going on, Brit?” Wednesday scratches his head as the JLR stand around watching Sunlight and Moriarty shake hands.

“I don’t know Wednesday, but I think we’re screw-” Brit doesn’t have the time to finish his sentence when the air ripples around him and becomes static.

POP

“OH, SNAP!” Wednesday grips the top of his head with his hands. “That’s three of us gone! And now I have to lead since Brit and I tied in that poll!”

“What are we gonna do, Nuriko?” Tommy grips Nuriko’s tattered designer blouse.

“I don’t know, Tommy! Oh, I wish we were out shopping!”

POP

“What is this!” Wednesday pulls off his hat and stomps on it. “I’m losing my whole team!”

“It appears that the temporal rifts are worsening. Continuity and logic are out the window! We’ll be lucky if this story ends smooth.” The air around TTT ripples and becomes static.

POP

“TTT!” Wednesday yells, grabbing at the space his friend was standing a moment ago.

“Yes, continuity is damaged, but not beyond repair. That black hole D0GG created in Crotchgrabber has heightened the effects beyond our control. The only way to put this situation back in stable condition is to close the black hole.” TTT #2,435 says, massaging Wednesday’s shoulders to comfort him.

“How do we do that?” Wednesday asks, brushing the TTT away.

“I have to enter the anomaly and detonate my nanites, committing suicide.” TTT #2,435 tells him.

“Well go!” Wednesday pushes TTT #2,435 back. “There’s like a million of you guys! What do I care if one of you dies? FIX IT!” The air around TTT #2,435 ripples and becomes static.

POP

“JLR, we’re not going to fix this until TTT #2,345 dies…” Wednesday gets cut off by one of the TTT’s.

“Actually, that’s #2,435.” TTT #2,345 says to Wednesday.

“I don’t care! Go help him!”

“Okay.”

POP

“Now as I was saying, we’re not going to be able to beat these guys until the TTT’s get blowed up. So until then stall them!”

“I’m afraid it’s not going to be quite so simple, my dear Wednesday. Without your team you’ll be quite open to attack.” Moriarty strolls up with the other members of the CSF behind him. “Meet the new CSF, JLR! Bigger and more deadly than ever!” Moriarty laughs manically as Sunlight smirks.

“ I don’t think so.” SpandexMonkeyMan floats down from the sky, his wings a pure white, frightening away the darkness.

“Spandex! Oh, thank gob! Hurry and absorb a teleporter and get us out of here.” Wednesday barks at SMM.

“I can’t do that, boss.” SMM replies.

“Why not?”

“Because I absorbed Islington’s powers and if I release them he could come back to life.” SMM explains.

“Oh great! Now what?” Wednesday pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Uh, boss. I absorbed Islington. You know, the angel?” SMM winks at Wednesday.

“What’s that cloud?” Callisto asks out loud.

“What do you mean, Callisto? The whole sky is cloudy!” Sunlight yells over the incoming thunder. “What’s that thunder?”

“Ar, that be no cloud, and that be no thunder.” Captain Hook takes several steps back. “They sound like insects buzzing.”

“Locusts.” Moriarty’s voice cracks as the buzzing and thunder grow louder. “They’ve sent locusts.”


To be continued…

The myriad of flying monkeys stick their noses in the air, sharp eyes catching the swarm of locusts coming toward the CSF. They all take off from the ground at the same instant; a hundred wings flapping in unison while Moriarty slips away unnoticed by the others.

“What are your monkeys doing, Sunlight?” Callisto shifts from bear to a human form.

“Oh, what do you think they’re doing you stupid quadruped? They’re eating the locusts!” Sunlight laughs as tiny insect parts rain down from the sky. “Is this the best you can do? You have a bloody angel on your team, and you send insects against us? CSF, kill them.”

The Wolfman growls and prepares to pounce, while Grendel stands watching, his body relaxed but ready for battle. “Back off!” Statika fires bolts of electricity from his hands, keeping the two enemies at bay.

“Arr, okay ye blasted pixie, it’s time for a wish.” Captain Hook takes out a small cigar case from his pocket and opens it up, revealing a three-inch pixie woman dressed in a yellow and black one piece, her rainbow colored wings clipped so she can’t fly away. “Make me fly, wench.”

“Up yours, Hook!” The pixie refuses Hooks wish, unmoving in the gray cloth of the cigar case.

Hook leans down close to the pixie, the tip of his nose resting inches from her tiny body. “I don’t believe in fairies.”

“No!” The pixies eyes grow wide and she sits up, laying her hands on Hooks nose. “Oh please don’t say that.”

“I don’t believe in fairies.”

“No no no no no…” tears of glitter drip down the pixies face.

“Now, I believe ye’ll be granting me my wish Buzzel Bee, or I’ll just keep saying it and kill the whole lot of ya the way I did yer Tinker Bell!” Hook sneers, blowing his rum and whiskey soaked breath at the pixie, making her nauseous.

“Okay okay. Just...just think happy thoughts.” The pixie tosses her dust onto Hook, who immediately closes the cigar case and shoves it back in his pocket. Hook remembers the night raid on the Lost Boys fortress; the screams of the children as the pirates captured each and every one of them, tying them up in nets and feeding them to the sharks. But most of all he remembers Peter Pan, helpless as he watched Hook skewer his fairy. He remembers cutting off Peters left hand, and best of all the look on his face when he found out which of the Lost Boys betrayed them. He shouldn’t have been so shocked; after all, Nibs was always the smartest of the bunch. It just made sense he’d want to surpass Peter. Too bad Hook never let him.

“Keep holding them off, Statika! Spandex, can’t you do anything else?” Wednesday turns himself into cold steel, absorbing Statikas stray bolts of electricity so they don’t hit the other members.

“Well, I could probably make it so dark that--” SMM is cut off as a purple blur shoots past him, slicing one of his wings. “Crap!” Spandex begins dropping toward the ground, slowing his decent with his other wing when the purple blur shoots past him again, cutting the other wing off and sending him spiraling toward Statika uncontrollably.

“Ar, I’m sure that won’t keep him down long, boys.” Hook wipes the incandescent blood off of his hook with a satin handkerchief. “Tear ‘em up now while ye have a chance.”

Meanwhile in nothingness where all the light chases toward infinity, TTT # 2,435 configures his nanites to detonate inside the black hole, the ensuing cascade of energy forcing the black hole to collapse upon itself.

POP

“Hey #2, 435! Wednesday told me to help you blow up the black hole here, but the truth is...the truth is that I love you!” TTT #2,345 breaks down sobbing, falling to his knees and gripping onto TTT #2,435’s legs tightly. “I can’t you let die alone, you noble hero! If we go, we die as lovers!”

“What the hell? Dude, we’re the same guy! You’re just 90 units ahead of me! Let g--” TTT #2,435 doesn’t have the time to finish his thought before his nanites explode, sending out his energy to close the black hole for good.


“Where are you, you blasted thing!” Moriarty searches through the rubble looking for Centurians dice. “I saw you fall down here somewhere.”

POP

“It won’t do you any good, Moriarty.” Hupesh Glusil floats above the road, eerie lights blazing from his aura. “I think it’s time for you to return to your story.” Purple hues flow from Hupesh as ectoplasm smoke from seeps from his eye sockets.

“Ew, Tommy. Look at that huge mole on his nose! That is, like, so gross!” Nuriko and Tommy stand back to back in a team pose while a glimmer of light sparkles off of D0GG’s Super Soaker 70thousand.

“Centurian,” Britannica looks up at his teammate floating above a recoiled Moriarty, “send him home. TTT, I got a plan to get rid of the others.”

“Ar, that didn’t take long at all for yer wings ta grow back. Too bad yer too weak to move ‘em.” Hook drops Spandex Monkey Man back toward the ground from a half-mile up. “So this is what it’s like to see an angel fall from heaven.” A splatter of white soils Hooks ascot. “What the devil!? White Out?” He looks down to see the returned members of the JLR standing amidst their fallen comrades. Hook floats down to the ground, the other members of the CSF closely behind him.

"Good shot, D0GG." Britannica pats D0GG on the back and bends down to make sure SMM is still breathing.

“So, JLR…you return from your brief exile to see your fellows in arms beaten and destroyed. Look around you, your Time Trusts have been incapacitated, your angel had his wings clipped and was electrocuted, your defacto leader was trounced by my Grendel, and the others, well, they weren’t much of a significant obstacle. So what could you six possibly have that these did not?” Sunlight moves to the front of the group, scoffing at the JLR. Captain Hook removes his ascot and tosses it on the ground, the wind blowing it toward Britannica’s feet.

“The Time Trusts are all interconnected through their nanites. Say, TTT #2 initializes his reality distortion sequence, all the TTT’s number three and up will follow suit.” Britannica picks up Hooks ascot and wraps it around his head as a bandanna.

“Interesting, however they will not simultaneously detonate because each TTT is on a different wave length of existence so the effect will be maintained to self inflicted events. The only way to ensure the effect you’re looking for is if each TTT is activated simultaneously, and I believe there are just far too many for you to handle. You can’t outsmart me, JLR. I more intelligent than Moriarty and more ruthless than Grendel.”

“Yeah, well, I guess you didn’t count on us getting a mystic, huh?” Hupesh Glusil hovers midair in a mantra. He mutters words in Latin and Aramaic and Egyptian, energy seeping from his aura as ectoplasm smoke seeps from his glowing eye sockets. The dormant TTT’s systems fire up, and the air of the whole city ripples and becomes static. “TTT, get us out of here!”

At the end Sunlight tries to say something witty, but the sound of electricity burning the oxygen cut him off. Simultaneously every member of the CSF is caught in the reality ripple, returning them to their own story. The team split ways again after the final fight, returning to their semi-normal lives. At least until the next time the call is made….

JLR ASSEMBLE!

Epilogue:


NurikoK98: Tommy. . .

Tommy: Yes, muffin?

NurikoK98: Tuh-ommy. . .

Tommy: Yes? muffin. . .?

NurikoK98: Tommy. . . We missed the Big Big City Sale.

Tommy: Huh. Bummer.

NurikoK98: Yeah. Like total bummer. . ..