RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Writer's Block JLR: The Summary Thread

This will be a summary of the adventures of the Justice League Reality, the not ready for prime time superhero squad (I made that up myself !). If it works, this thread should help any newcomers play a quick game of catch up, help any readers and writers who become confused (cuz I know I did!), and give the JLR writers a quick-reference back to story points.

But before you read the summary, read the warnings:

- Dangling plotlines and plot holes? We've got 'em in spades, baby! The JLR is a work in progress with several different creators all writing and interpreting things differently. All the chaos just adds to the fun, though; believe me.

- That said, I've left all our mistakes intact. At first I tried to cover them up, but that just wouldn't be true to the original.

- What I DID leave out were 99.9% of the jokes. This summary is already very loooong (I admit, it's more for clearing up confusion and standing as a reference then making things short), so I had to leave SOMETHING out. If you want to experience the true insanity of the JLR, please read the adventures themselves instead of this stale, long-winded attempt to bore you. Go ahead, go read the real stuff instead of my work! SEE IF I CARE!!

- But if you do read this summary, go easy on me. It's only the rough draft. On that note if anyone sees any errors or just wants me to clear something up a bit more, PM me and I'll do my best. Also remember that things have been shifted around a little to ease the flow, so page numbers are not absolute.

- Word to ya momma!

[ 01-23-2003, 06:52 AM: Message edited by: AGW ]

Pages 1 and 2

It all begins with an end. Without warning, the JLR-MB is erased from the DCMB, their home universe. Unexpectedly, all traces of the adventures of Midnightspectre, Britannica, Nets4Life, “Ace” and others against the villainous Chant, Mr. Misinformation (the evil in Britannica’s mind given conscious) and a host of monsters vanish, and they become the JLR-MB LOST.

But as I said, this is also a beginning.

He is only formless words, at first, giving apologies for his abrupt appearance in a new, unfamiliar universe. Soon, though, Britannica finally achieves substance in the form of an avatar and other members joined his side.

Britannica quickly takes his place as the leader of this stray band of heroes, ready to fight evil with his trusty Britannerang, telepathic Information Overload Attack, and uncanny independent third toe movement

His old companion Nets4Life now stands as the hero La Machine. Every New Jersey Nets win would bring this champion the athletic strengths of his favorite basketball team: Jason Kidd's quickness and eyesight, Kenyon Martin's toughness, Dikembe Mutombo's strength, and more. Unfortunately, every Nets loss would render him powerless.

Ace: A blackjack dealer, hypnotized to enhance his card-throwing abilities, Ace has no real powers. Nevertheless, Ace will prove himself a great asset to the new team, his quick thinking bailing them out of tight situations time and time again.

Registered Member 552 uses his super-soldier serum given abilities to do good wherever he can. A hyper-time variant of the original Registered Member 16603, Registered Member 552 is a king in exile from neither the DCMB universe, nor this new universe the team will inhabit. The exact cause of his appearance in this new universe will remain a mystery, but his loyalty to the cause of good will not.

And Superfly Sr. explains that he is the newest version of the trusted JLR-MB hero known as Any Given Wednesday. Though rumored to have doubled as a pimp in the past, Superfly Sr. would offer his nose-to-tongue touching immortality and variable Wednesday power to the newly reformed group.

The side of good never takes a vacation, though, as the loosely bound team soon realizes that Chant, the Evil Mail Master of Mayhem, has also made the jump to this new world. Despite the loss of their history and the absence of several members past, these ragtag heroes quickly gather under a new name and a new battle cry: “Justice League Reality, ASSEMBLE!”

Page 3

Before long the team sets up camp in their new Barn of Justice. After the quick removal of Easmerelda, the league’s official chicken, from the meeting crate, the group commences the first conference. First business: they welcome back into their ranks Dun Like Dinner, whose janitorial ability to clean up villainy proved helpful time and time again in the DCMB. It also doesn’t hurt that he’s the only one with any real cash.

Britannica offers to help fund the JLR by getting himself a job at the library, the same job he held over at the DCMB. Before their first meeting is over, however, the rest of the JLR decides to avoid getting real jobs by selling official JLR butter and other dairy products.

Unfortunately, unbeknownst to the JRL, Chant knew of their impending removal from the DCMB ahead of time and made provisions. Before the move, he used a machine that could reach other universes and made contact with their soon-to-be new universe’s Chant (She-Chant). After the inter-dimensional jump, he joined forces with her and together they began wreaking havoc by not delivering people’s holiday greetings cards to loved ones.

The JLR’s luck rolls even further downhill when Britannica reports that the job of librarian has already been taken by this universe’s evil version of himself known, coincidentally, as Mr. Misinformation.

Defeating this new baddie will have to wait, however, since Christmas is fast approaching and the team now has two Chants to deal with. It’s decided that Ace will use his experience with card delivery to head a small group in rescuing and distributing the captured greeting cards.

Using some biased detective work, Ace, Registered Member 552, and Britannica decide that the postmaster would most likely spend his Sunday relaxing somewhere peaceful. Quickly they board the Horesandcart-mobile, and race off. On their way to the zoo, the three realize that the post office remains open on Sundays during weeks so close to Christmas and quickly turn Buttercup the Horse around. Upon their arrival, however, the heroes learn that the Chants have moved the post office to an undisclosed location. With no good leads the heroes decide to go with their original plan and visit the zoo.

After a few hours of animal watching Britannica becomes restless. Wishing he were in the center of a great battle for good, Britannica throws his Britannerang at one of the polar bears. Unfortunately, Britannica chose the wrong animal to antagonize and the infuriated animal reports the three spectators to the zookeeper who chases them down and calls the police. Now facing the very battle Britannica had been hoping for, Ace, Britannica, and Registered Member 552 bravely run away and take off in their Horseandcart-mobile.

Just as the champions of good escape with their tails between their legs, Mr. Misinformation and his crew of evil Amazonian Librarians enter the zoo, eager to start phase two of their own plan to take over the world. Lucky for the world, Mr. Misinformation is mistaken for Britannica by the zookeeper, talking polar bear, and police, and the villains barely escape.

Elsewhere, La Machine plans to lead Superfly Sr. and Dun Like Dinner into the heart of the Chants’ lair to take on the evil duo. Without a phone to call a cab, though, the three are forced to wait impatient and freezing by the side of the road for a generous person to offer a ride. One passerby speeds past, splashing mud and causing La Machine to lose the stick of gum he’d so offered the others but kept to himself. Soon after that, another passerby named Tractor-Trailer Bob offers them a ride in the cab of his semi. He also informs our small group of do-gooders, after learning from Dun Like Dinner of their plans to save the world, that he knows the location of Chant’s secret lair, a popular pit stop for tractor-trailer types.

Superfly Sr. secretly wishes, however, that they could go to Miguel's House of Strippers instead.

Jackie, the sole super heroine of the defunct JLR-MB, completes the jump to the new universe and becomes Cowgirl Jack. Without hesitation, she climbs aboard Napoleon the Donkey, and follows Buttercup’s trail from the Barn of Justice to the post office, then the zoo, and finally hurries towards the Chants’ lair.

Britannica, Ace, and Registered Member 552 are the first to reach Chant’s lair, but charge straight into a pit of envelop glue. Upon seeing this, Chant decides that he has no further use for his female counterpart, and pushes She-Chant in to join them. As bad guys do, he leaves the four in their torment to do something else. Of course, this proves to be a terrible error since She-Chant, the Post Mistress of Evil, shares the same powers as Chant, and is unaffected by the envelope glue. She agrees to help Britannica, Ace, and Registered Member 552 escape the pit, but only after she’s taken care of the two-timing Chant. She-Chant pulls a grappling envelope from her bag and uses it to pull herself out.

Though still stuck in Chant’s trap, Ace’s deck of cards give him an idea. He instructs Registered Member 552 to grab one of his explosive cards and throw it to the ceiling. When Registered Member 552 does, it ignites a ceiling fire, initiating the overhead sprinklers. The sprinklers water down the glue enough for the trio to escape and all goes smoothly until the three happy heroes congratulate each other with hugs and pats on the back, then realize they’ve become stuck.

Page 4

La Machine, Superfly Sr., Dun Like Dinner, and Tractor-Trailer Bob reach Chant’s lair and find the others… bonding. As men on a mission, the four understand the importance of helping their fellow heroes overcome this sticky situation. As four guys looking at three wet guys stuck together in a compromising position, no one volunteers to help.

Superfly Sr. takes the opportunity to sneak out and visit the tractor-trailer driver renowned Hooters in the back of Chant’s secret lair. Fruitlessly offers a shiny nickel to Ali, the Hooters waitress, to show her legs. Ironically, Superfly Sr. soon bags Vanessa, the head waitress and Hooters Pin-Up Girl for October 2002, and ends up staying over and leeching from her fridge for over a week.

Meanwhile, Cowgirl Jack finally reaches the Chant’s evil lair to find the male rogue tarred, feathered, and chained to a wall by She-Chant. Fearing that this new Chant may be twice as good as her double (Girl Power!) Cowgirl Jack opts to attack She-Chant, even if it means rescuing the JLR-MB’s greatest foe. A catfight ensues and clothes are ripped to the delight of all male onlookers.

Just then, Mr. Misinformation and his Amazonian Librarians enter Chant’s lair. Seeing the catfight, Mr. Misinformation commands his librarians to abduct both She-Chant and Cowgirl Jack and brings his two new captives to the Library Stacks, their secret HQ.

There it is revealed that the villains Mr. Misinformation and She-Chant are, in fact, a couple who do a monthly kidnapping between lovers. It is further revealed that Mr. Misinformation had gone to the zoo to proposition the talking polar bear, Jack “Bundy” Bear, to use his media contacts (Coca Cola and Bunderburg Rum) to aid in taking over the world. “Bundy” Bear accepted the offer.

It is even further revealed that Mr. Misinformation plans to lead his army of do-badders, the Injustice Reality Gang (or League), to Athens, Greece where a residual reality-warp-energy-signature has been detected, similar to the one that appeared when the evil Chant came to their universe. Mr. Misinformation hopes to recruit yet another villain.

Back at his lair, Chant thwacks Registered Member 552 unconscious, then does the same to La Machine. Britannica, nevertheless, miraculously becomes unglued, discovers Chant’s weakness, travels to Donetsk, brings back a bucket of ice water, douses Chant, and leaves the villain shivering on the floor helpless. Chant then, just as miraculously, escapes, leaving Dun Like Dinner to ponder how they’ll ever succeed in their mission with two JLR members lost (Cowgirl Jack and Superfly Sr.), two JLR members unconscious (La Machine and Registered Member 552), and the Christmas cards still missing.

Note: These miraculous escapes will hereinto be referred to as either ‘pulling a Chant’ or ‘pulling a Britannica.’

Page 5

Chant sits a few seats behind She-Chant and Mr. Misinformation on their plane to Greece. When they finally arrive in Athens, he realizes that he accidentally left his cloning machine in the DCMB on, resulting in an influx of inter-dimensionally teleporting Chant clones. As forty-two Chants square off against the Injustice Reality Gang (or League), Toxic Bob, Chant’s misfortunately mutated evil lackey from the DCMB, appears seeking revenge on him.

Nearby, Cowgirl Jack is helplessly bound and surrounded by five Amazonian Librarians. Nevertheless, before she can be skewered for not returning her library’s copy of Charlotte’s Web in second grade, she makes her monthly transformation into Harpy, a primitive half-bird half-girl with a taste for human flesh. The Amazonian Librarians who don’t escape, are quickly disposed of before Harpy flies off to take care of any other Amazonian Librarians she can find at their HQ.

After Chant’s mysterious disappearance, the JLR retires to the Barn of Justice to figure out a way to reach Athens without money. Out of the blue, Ace falls from his upstairs shower and crashes naked on the floor of the story below. The team figures that he must have been the victim of one of the random portals popping up unexpectedly.

Britannica calculates that the smaller the room teleported from, the larger the spatial teleportation. Leaving Buttercup the Horse and Napoleon the Donkey to watch over the barn, the JLR enter the broom closet and end up, coincidentally, in Athens.

Upon seeing the JLR, Chant attempts to call down the power of Zeus to smite his enemies, but the good-aligned god fires at him instead. Soon, police sirens can be heard and the Injustice League Reality makes a run for it. She-Chant runs into La Machine, who receives a kick in the jewels before he can stutter and introduction.

Harpy, finished ripping into librarians, joins the JLR in Athens. Suspicious, Ace warns against allying with the chaotic, man-eating Harpy, but Britannica is convinced that her grudge against the IRL could prove useful.

Harpy’s suggestion: “Caw! Caw! Harpy soars over Greece and looks for the She-Chant! Then when Harpy finds her, she will report back to you, 'kay? Harpy find She-Chant, then Harpy tells you. Then we fight and Harpy wins! Caw! Caw! Caw!” Britannica agrees and instructs her to meet them at the abandoned attic of the Athens Public Library. Harpy takes off and swears revenge on the untrusting Ace.

Instead of the Athens Public Library, however, Britannica leads the team to the National Library of Greece where he can use his Friends of International Libraries Everywhere membership card to get premium service. Britannica tells the rest that he doesn’t really trust Harpy, but having read the JLR protocols, he knows only a bell and mirror are needed to calm her down enough to transform her back to Cowgirl Jack.

The ILR return to the Library Stacks and soon Toxic Bob, having been propositioned by “Bundy” Bear to join the team, arrives with a still unconscious Chant. Toxic Bob’s fumes take out Mr. Misinformation, She-Chant, and the Amazonian Librarians, but not “Bundy” Bear, who after years of dealing with the chemicals at Coca Cola and Bunderberg Rum, can tolerate any odor.

Overhearing this, Harpy flies back to Athens to find her JLR comrades.

But alas, we discover that the ILR’s captured Chant is actually Chant1043, and the original has led an army of three thousand five hundred Chants in a successful takeover of Mt. Olympus. Chant promptly sets up shop and decides to try purchasing a cloning factory on e-Bay. His plan: 1000 new Chants for each already made Chant.

She-Chant, “Bundy” Bear, and Mr. Misinformation are discussing “Bundy” Bear’s short history with Klondike Bars (after they turned him down as spokes-bear, “Bundy” Bear ate them all and stole their Klondike Bars). Suddenly, the JLR and Harpy come crashing through the ceiling and strike dramatic poses.

The stench-sensitive Britannica quickly falls victim to Toxic Bob’s fumes. Dun Like Dinner, a janitor unaffected by the smell of chemicals, grabs his trusty mop, and squares off against “Bundy” Bear, who stands between him and his ultimate goal, Toxic Bob. A coughing and wheezing Ace throws an explosive card at “Bundy” Bear, but the card is deflected by one of She-Chant’s explosive envelopes. La Machine tries to use his leaping abilities to escape, but accidentally lands right atop Toxic Bob. It’s too late, though, as the explosion caused by She-Chant and Ace’s throws ignites the fumes from Toxic Bob, causing a huge explosion.

The battle continues in the air as Harpy, the only flyer, begins picking off Librarians, Dun Like Dinner finally mop fights Toxic Bob, and Ace with the now-awakened Britannica cling to each other for dear life. Britannica devises a plan to use one of Ace’s cards, a nearby banner, and his own cloak to save them, but before he can complete the long, drawn out explanation of his plan, the two land on the back of a tomato sauce delivery truck. La Machine emerges from the flaming inferno carrying She-Chant in his arms, who awakens and punches him in the nose. Ace and Britannica eye the escaping She-Chant and take after her.

Meanwhile, back in the Barn of Justice, Tractor-Trailer Bob makes a phone call to The Amazing Harry, his boss and an evil magician with ties to the JLR hero Ace. After reporting that everything is going according to plan, Tractor-Trailer Bob feeds the animals special food causing and they promptly fall into a deep sleep.

Then Superfly Sr. FINALLY returns to the barn with a gift from Vanessa, the pin-up girl. The Amazing Harry instructs Tractor-Trailer Bob to dispose of the hero and after several kicks, punches, and shoulders, Tractor-Trailer Bob knocks Superfly Sr. unconscious.

An hour later, Superfly Sr. awakens to find himself tied and bound. Tractor-Trailer Bob is about to call his boss and give him the okay to take over the barn when Superfly Sr. hears a familiar sound from the closet, giving him an idea. He mentions leftovers in the closet, which peak Tractor-Trailer Bob’s curiosity. No sooner does he open the closet, an angry horse and donkey maul him. The thankful animals chew Superfly Sr.’s ropes loose and explain the JLR’s whereabouts (in horse and donkey language). Superfly Sr. ties up Tractor-Trailer Bob; then feeds the animals more special food inducing another deep sleep. Then Superfly Sr. reveals himself as the evil version of Any Given Wednesday.

Page 6

The real Any Given Wednesday crosses universes and appears in the Barn of Justice. The unprepared and universal-teleportation lagged hero falls easily to his twin and soon finds himself imprisoned in the very, very super secret lair of an unknown very, very super villain.

Back in Greece, Registered Member 552 and Dun Like Dinner round up Mr. Misinformation, Toxic Bob, and “Bundy” Bear while La Machine tends to his bleeding nose. Britannica and Ace follow She-Chant into an abandoned building but the sneaky She-Chant gets the upper hand by side swiping them with a lead pipe to the head, knocking them both unconscious.

Then Harpy burst through a window and attacks She-Chant. A random portal opens beneath She-Chant and pulls her in, leaving the angry Harpy unable to re-establish her scent. She remembers the unconscious Britannica and Ace and hungrily attacks the reawakened men, taking off with them in the grip of her talons. They pass over La Machine, Registered Member 552, and Dun Like Dinner, who give chase with the bell and mirror needed to appease her.

The gods return to Mount Olympus to reclaim their throne from the Chant army and a great war begins. Seeing the battle from a distance, Britannica gets and idea. He takes off a shoe and hits Harpy with it, causing her to lose her grip on both heroes. Although she recaptures Ace, Britannica uses his cape to parachute into the middle of the Mt. Olympus brawl. Harpy takes after him but is hit with one of Zeus’ lightning bolts. Ace, Britannica, and Harpy begin a speedy mile-high descent.

Luckily, the Nets won their last game, and La Machine quickly leaps to the rescue. With the accuracy of an NBA star, La Machine catches Ace and Britannica. Just before landing a stray lightning bolt strikes La Machine, but fortunately all are able to fall safely to the ground. The bright red target on La Machine’s chest is blamed for his status as a human target just before one of the gods hurls Chant235 into him.

The gods and Chants battle ferociously and as heroes do, the remaining JLR charge in.

Harpy wakes up, and unable to decide which side to join, starts taking out anyone and everyone she can, goddesses, Chants, and La Machine. Britannica pulls out and jingles a set of keys, calming the man-eater. Ace, is thrown from a cliff by “Bundy” Bear, but is rescued by the newly pacified Harpy. The rescue is short lived, however, as Harpy turns back into Cowgirl Jack in mid-flight.

La Machine leaps and catches Ace and Cowgirl Jack (without getting hit by a lightning bolt this time), uses his super-vision to see Chant’s command center on the other side of the valley, and again uses the combined leaping powers of Richard Jefferson and Kenyon Martin to leap to Chant’s command central with Ace on his back.

At the same time Cowgirl Jack runs a diversion by showing her legs to the Chant army and running the other way. After a lot of running, Cowgirl Jack makes a last ditch attempt and kicks Hades in the shin. The antagonized god chars the Chant army and a weary Cowgirl Jack collapses to the ground, only to be alerted by a ready She-Chant, standing above her and looking for a rematch. She-Chant and an army of Amazonian librarians immediately surround her.

Meanwhile, Chant, realizing that his side is winning, passes leadership to Chant40753 (passing over a disgruntled Chant40723 and Chant40573). Sneaking out the back way, he’s ambushed by Venus and Aphrodite, the goddesses of love and beauty, but outsmarts them by convincing them that he has the power to seduce goddesses.

After being left behind by the JLR, Mr. Misinformation outbids Chant for the cloning facility on e-Bay. With an equally injured “Bundy” Bear and Toxic Bob by his side, he makes a call to She-Chant. Surprisingly, The Amazing Harry answers to tell Mr. Misinformation that he has made the universe jump, taken over the Barn of Justice with the help of Tractor-Trailer Bob, and saved She-Chant from being eaten by Harpy. Mr. Misinformation thanks him with a snooty British accent and the ILR head for the JLR headquarters.

Then the University of Miami loses, but that’s okay since that university is waaaaay to expensive for my blood.

Meanwhile, Britannica confronts a paper golem who gives his cloak a nasty paper cut. Infuriated, Britannica uses a pair of scissors to destroy the golem. A pleased Hercules witnesses Britannica’s heroism and crushes Britannica’s hand in a handshake. He graciously offers his aid in finding his father Zeus and slings an embarrassed Britannica slung over his shoulder, carrying him away.

Instead they find “Zues” who had been hoping for the Reality Avengers. Always rolling with the punches, Zues simply shrugs it off.

Britannica informs him that the female JLR member has a Harpy form. Britannica asks Zues to “change her back” (he doesn’t know at this time that Harpy has already changed back into Cowgirl Jack) and Zues reluctantly agrees, changing the surrounded Cowgirl Jack back to her Harpy form! The new Amazonian Librarians are Harpy proof, however, and even savage Harpy can’t defeat them. Britannica tells Zues to turn her back to Cowgirl Jack because “…we need her in a fix.” Zues mishears him and changes her into a sphinx. Luckily the Amazonian Librarians are not sphinx-proof and start dropping like flies, so when Britannica asks him to change her back to Cowgirl Jack form, Zues promises instead that she’ll only be a sphinx when Amazonian Librarians are near. He then promptly kicks Britannica out.

Page 7

His hand crushed by Hercules, his butt kicked out by Zues, Britannica watches with contempt as Chant69, 345, 747 and Dionysus sing and stagger drunkenly past him. With nothing else left, Britannica uses his third toe movement to tickle down an Amazonian Librarian, then uses his Information Overload Attack to destroy her mind. Sphinxgirl Jack joins Britannica and uses her keen sense of smell to follow Chant’s scent to his command central.

On their way, Britannica and Sphinx find the real king of the gods who inadvertently destroys Registered Member 552 with a stray lightning bolt. Again, Britannica pleads with a god on the behalf of a team member and the real Zeus zaps Registered Member 552 back into existence. Unluckily, since Britannica was not specific as to where he wanted Registered Member 552 to reappear, the hero rematerialize in the far away Eastern European land of Doesntreallyexistia (pop. 10,453), where he is mistaken by a peasant for their king.

Being worshipped as a king proves rather nice for Registered Member 552 until it is announced that he is to be wed. To his terror, he discovers that the king of Doesntreallyexistia, Registered Member 552.5, is to be wed to an ugly troll woman. Desperate, Registered Member 552 tricks the entire crowd of invited guests into turning their attention elsewhere, allowing him to slip out from the palace.

When Britannica and Sphinx finally meet up with Chant, Sphinx jumps and claws at the villain’s face. Chant doesn’t stand a chance until Ace barely defeats the final Amazon with a card throw. The moment the librarian falls, Sphinx reverts back to her Cowgirl Jack form, giving Chant the upper hand. Chant uses his mailman powers to mail Cowgirl Jack and himself to his secret post office lair.

Left behind, Britannica threatens, Zeus with his independent third toe movement if the god doesn’t use his power to save Cowgirl Jack from Chant. Annoyed, Zeus informs Britannica that it’s illegal to open someone else’s mail and lightning bolts Britannica’s third toe.

And a mysterious man looks on from the shadows.

In the backroom of Chant’s post office lair, Chant clones Cowgirl Jack, using a spare cloning machine, and creates a new, short-skirted She-Chant. The plan backfires, however, when the new clone turns into a Harpy. Knowing Harpish, Cowgirl Jack promises Harpy chocolates if she turns on Chant. The new Harpy accepts the offer, defeats Chant, frees Cowgirl Jack, and destroys everything in the lair including the cloning machine. They both escape the post office and rejoin the JLR on Mt. Olympus.

Chant has prepared himself for this type of situation, though, and soon Harpy turns into a giant Harpypapergolem.

Meanwhile, miles away from the palace, Registered Member 552 meets “Zues” who explains his creation from a typo made by one of the “Authors of the Universe.” Just when the two characters realize that they have no free will, are actually the creations of others, and exist solely for the entertainment of their creators and controllers, they forget their newfound insight. After that, Zues attempts to use one of his lightning bolts to zap them both back to the JLR, but only succeeds in sending them to Chantania. Suddenly the troll woman arrives and her appearance, apparently from nowhere, is explained when Registered Member 552 discovers that Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia share a common border. Apparently, Zues had only succeeded in teleporting them a few feet.

Convinced that his plan has succeeded, Chant decides to get rid of She-Chant by using his inter-dimension ray to teleport She-Chant, Mr. Misinformation, and Toxic Bob into another dimension. Soon, the three villains find themselves in Chantania where they meet up with Registered Member 552 and Zues who are still being chased down by the troll woman. Toxic Bob takes an immediate fondness to her.

On Mt. Olympus, Harpy pulls a Britannica and separates from her paper golem form. Without delay, the league runs away while Harpy takes to the air and goes on the attack. She tears into the golem, only to have it reform and give her thousands of paper cuts. All seems lost for the JLR as La Machine types away at his laptop and Cowgirl Jack searches vainly for enough water to drown the monster. The golem swats Ace into a rock canyon. Astonishingly, just before it can strike at the remaining league members, the paper golem flies apart and its individual pieces of mail float into the wind. La Machine explains that, having read the narrations he read each and every lost letter in the paper golem with the eyesight of Jason Kidd, copied them onto his laptop, and sent them to their intended individual community post offices via e-mail.

Having escaped the canyon, Ace offers Harpy his assistance with her paper cuts. She replies to his proposition by swatting him back into the canyon.

The JLR sees the inter-dimensional ray shoot down to a far-off location and presumes that it must have something to do with Chant. Ace climbs wearily out of the canyon and rejoins the group. La Machine starts off, making long-distance leaps toward the site where the ray landed while Harpy flies above, carrying the remaining JLR members on her back. After a while, a tired Harpy reaches the site, meets a little turbulence, catches a high-leaping La Machine in her talons, and flies into the rift, teleporting everyone into Chantania. As they enter Chantania, Britannica lands on Mr. Misinformation and Cowgirl Jack lands on She-Chant. The fight begins.

Page 8

Realizing that he’s begun a war on his own land, Chant teleports himself to Chantania in hopes of stopping the battle, but not before realizing, all too late, that the ray’s satellite has been damaged by a colliding meteorite. When Chant appears in Chantania the entire crowd turns on him, but unfortunately for him, stomach pains due to scrambled molecules from a bad teleport render him unable to fight the attacking JLR and ILR.

Superfly Sr. makes his first appearance in a long while and pimp slaps the welcoming Dun Like Dinner unconscious then drags him out of the way.

A new hero steps from the shadows. (young) Nightwing remembers Chant, fighting paper golems, and fighting alongside the JLR, but doesn’t remember his previous identity. Immediately, She-Chant and Harpy are smitten with the new arrival’s chiseled body. Taking advantage of the diversion he’s created, (young) Nightwing knocks the evil Superfly Sr. unconscious with a kick to the back of the head, and sends the attacking Mr. Misinformation’s airborne with a ki blast aimed at the ground beneath him.

Registered Member 552 sees the solution to his problem and points out the newcomer to the troll girl. Though, having easily defeated Superfly Sr. and Mr. Misinformation, (young) Nightwing falls to the now smitten troll girl. Registered Member 552’s is in the clear, apparently.

In the confusion, Chant escapes everyone using a special teleporting frog from a nearby lake, while young (Nightwing) escapes the girls using a golden aura of rage. Tired, the heroes of the JRL and the villains of the IRL go their separate ways.

Back at the Barn of Justice, Registered Member 552 is convinced that, since everyone else seems to have one, king of Doesntreallyexistia must be his evil doppelganger. With hopes of defeating the evil king once and for all and a reluctant Ace by his side, Registered Member 552 uses the broom closet to teleport to the Royal Chambers of the King of Doesntreallyexistia. In next to no time, Registered Member 552 finds the king and launches an unrelenting assault. At the same time, Ace does some detective work to discover the truth behind the king’s true identity. When his worst reservations are confirmed, Ace presents his busy teammate with undeniable proof that the king is actually the better version. Just then, the royal guards break down the door to the royal chamber.

Back at the Barn of Justice, young (Nightwing) is training outside with Dun Like Dinner, Britannica is reading a book on the hay cart outside, La Machine is sleeping, and Cowgirl Jack is changing in one of the stalls while Harpy stands lookout. Tired of their living accommodations and lack of privacy, the two females decide to move into the farmhouse over the hill Harpy once saw with her keen vision.

Meanwhile, in She-Chant’s other lair, She-Chant fills Toxic Bob and Mr. Misinformation in on her plan to kidnap Harpy and turn her into their ally. She-Chant believes Harpy, inherently evil due to Chant’s design, will make a good asset to the IRL even if she changes back to her regular form.

Intent on capturing Harpy, She-Chant heads to the Barn of Justice with a potato sack, but discovers the girls missing. All is not lost, though, as she hears loud female voices from the farmhouse over the hill, finds the singing and cooking heroines, and takes her opportunity to crash their party and kidnap Harpy. Using an explosive envelope, She-Chant blows up the ceiling above Jackie, sending it toppling over her.

Back at her lair, She-Chant opens the sack to find that Harpy has changed back to Alice, the original form of the evil clone created by Chant. Alice makes quick work of all three villains and steals She-Chant’s exploding envelopes to bring her creator and loved one.

In the barn, La Machine wakes up with a craving for Pop Tarts. He heads downstairs in his “Tasmanian Devil” boxers and disturbs the cooking Dun Like Dinner with the sight of his “boys on vacation.” Asked to leave, the lethargic La Machine goes into the broom closet to retrieve Dun Like Dinner’s Pop Tarts stash and finds himself teleported to the middle of the Royal Chambers of the King of Doesntreallyexistia while wearing nothing more than boxers and a jersey.

Page 9

The guards enter the chamber room and ask for the one responsible for the intrusion. Ace and Registered Member 552 point out the newly arrived La Machine as the culprit and the guards give chase. After the fleeing La Machine leads the guards away, Ace and Registered Member 552 apologize to the king for their mistake. Five hours later, they finally attempt a rescue and pull a still fleeing La Machine to the side. The guards see the three together, judge that they are all accomplices, and give renewed chase.

Fifty miles from the barn, (young) Nightwing is meditating in hopes of collecting his lost memories. Before he can progress beyond a few letters in his lost name, (young) Nightwing hears a commotion from the farmhouse. In less than a blink he covers the distance and rescues Cowgirl Jack from under the heavy cave in. Back at the Barn of Justice the two hear a commotion from the broom closet and decide to interrupt Britannica’s reading so they can all investigate.

In Doesntreallyexistia a fleeing Registered Member 552, Ace, and La Machine are saved from the royal guards when La Machine’s Walkman goes off and blares Diana Ross music, sending the guards into a hypnotic state. La Machine sorely admits that he loves Diana Ross to the amusement of Ace and Registered Member 552.

Britannica appears with young (Nightwing) and surmises that the ugly troll woman must be Chantina, She-Chant’s older sister and heir to the throne of Chantania since the benevolent king would only marry such an ugly creature to bring peace between their two lands. With that, the commencement of the royal wedding is announced. Britannica quickly hatches a plan to save the two lands despite the king’s unconscious condition. Registered Member 552 will substitute for his mirror image and marry the troll.

At Mr. Misinformation’s lair, She-Chant reads of her bigger sister’s wedding to the king in the “Chantania Rant.” Toxic Bob, love-struck by Chantina since his run in with her in the land of Chantania, runs off to save the object of his affection from the arms of the undeserving king. As he leaves, “Bundy” Bear, Superfly Sr., Tractor-Trailer Bob and The Amazing Harry enter the lair carrying the unconcsious form of Any Given Wednesday.

The JLR, minus Any Given Wednesday (a prisoner of the ILR), Cowgirl Jack (who has been left behind in the forest of Doesntreallyexistia), and (young) Nightwing (whose chiseled frame would surely cause an undesirable uproar of admiring women), all attend the wedding. Registered Member 552, alongside his soon-to-be bride prays desperately for a rescue. When the time comes for anyone to give a reason why the two should not be wed, Registered Member 552 sees his chance, but an evil stare from Chantina stops anyone in the church from speak out against the wedlock. Just as the priest is about to pronounce them man and wife, a French chef burst onto the scene, interrupting the ceremony. The disguise doesn’t last, however, and the chef is soon revealed to be Cowgirl Jack, attempting a rescue. Before the guards can seize her, Cowgirl Jack shoves Registered Member 552 into the wedding cake and takes off, followed by the rest of the JLR attendees.

Ace defeats a few guards with a concussion card while Cowgirl Jack plows through a few with her cake. The JLR are still outnumbered but La Machine finally plays Diana Ross music to transfix the remaining guards. Nevertheless, a desperate Chantina grabs hold of Britannica’s cape and pulls him into a bear hug. Given the daunting new adversary, the rest of the JLR run for their lives.

This time it’s Toxic Bob to the rescue as he bursts in and calls for the love of Chantina who, upon seeing Toxic Bob, drops the thankful Britannica. The two uglies run lovingly into each other’s arms and smooch.

The members of both the ILR and JLR attend the wedding, with the grateful king standing as host.

[ 01-23-2003, 05:04 AM: Message edited by: AGW ]

Pages 10-12

After their first adventure, Ace, La Machine, Britannica, Dun Like Dinner, and Registered Member 552 begin their search for Napoleon the Donkey and Easmerelda the Chicken. They end up at Pirate Pete’s where they order tons of greasy food and spend the league’s petty cash. While playing in Pirate Pete’s Playhouse, however, La Machine gets stuck in the slide, requiring the assistance of his friends.

Britannica attempts to use the grease from his First Mate Fries to free his comrade, but slips in the process and gets himself stuck.

Cowgirl Jack enters Pirate Pete’s and begins to place her order when she hears familiar clucking from the back. She rushes in to find worse than she feared: not only is a rope dangling Easmerelda over a can of lard, but Napoleon is tied next to her. After freeing the animals and locking the fast food workers in the freezer, Cowgirl Jack saves La Machine and Britannica by shoving Napoleon down the slide, giving the two pain in their Asses.

The team returns to the barn and wonders how they never heard She-Chant fight and abduct Harpy. Cowgirl Jack admits they found a farmhouse over the hill, and the Justice League Reality soon sets up camp in the new, more comfortable HQ. Britannica reads a letter from the new king, Toxic Bob, thanking them and promising the ILR’s stay in prison will be a long one. The team welcomes back Any Given Wednesday and the triumphant team performs a toast (except the under aged Cowgirl Jack).

Told ya it was long!