“I don’t believe it!” Joker2’s mouth hung wide open, glaring at the newly-arrived, spandex-clad teen. “You really are Eurostar, the European Phenomenon, aren’t you?”
“Uh… I’ve never heard it put quite that way,” the Italian adolescent answered, “but, yes, I guess you could call me Eurostar. My real name is Edulcore…”
“Ed-yoo-whatsit?” Joker2 interrupted, contorting his face with every syllable. “Uh… you don’t actually expect us to call you that do you?”
“I don’t see why not,” the young hero answered. “After all, it is my name.”
“Well, we’re pretty big into nicknames, here,” the reptilian boy answered. “For example, my name is Igor, but everyone here calls me ‘Eeg.’”
“Eeg?” Eurostar asked, raising an eyebrow. “What about you?” he asked, turning to the clown beside Igor.
“Oh, I’m Joker2,” the clown said, offering a gloved hand. “I’m the leader of the Junior Adventurers of the Message Boards.”
“And your nickname?” Euro asked, taking the clown’s offered hand.
“Oh,” Joker2 said, remembering. “They call me Jo. Short for Joker. Get it?”
“Ah, yes,” the time-lost teenager nodded, a slight smile creeping across his lips. “I see.”
“That guy over there is Super Sloth,” Joker2 said, pointing to the young man sitting at a console across the room. Unbeknownst to the other members, pictures of half naked women scrolled across his control screen. “We call him SS,” Jo explained to the new guy.
At that moment, a wide-hipped, wide-bellied, and just plain WIDE Hourlyquinn waddled into the room, carrying in her girthy arms a bag of pork rinds, two cans of lard-flavored dipping sauce, and two Super Greaseball Burgers, with extra slices of processed cheese food. Without looking up, she plopped herself down at the chronology console and began to devour her “snack”. Joker2 grinned sheepishly at Eurostar, who stared at the obese Hourly, utterly appalled.
“Who’s she?” he whispered to Joker2, who tugged wildly at his seemingly shrinking collar.
“Uh… that’s my sister… Hourlyquinn…” the clown explained, trying to maintain some dignity in explaining his relationship to the girl who was now the size of a heifer.
“The family resemblance eludes me…” Edulcore said, shaking his head.
“Heh…” the clown mock-giggled. “I get that a lot.”
“How’d she get so big?” Euro hissed. The boy wanted to turn his head, but he found it hard. It was like looking at a train wreck. All the carnage and sordid details… and yet he couldn’t help but stare.
“She’s getting over a pretty serious relationship right now,” Igor interjected, giving Jo a chance to breathe.
“What? Did her boyfriend dump her or something?” Ed asked.
“No,” Igor said, shrugging. “He was murdered by a weird shape-changing demon, who used his persona to infiltrate our team and strand the two of them on an alternate Hyperboard version of Mars in an attempt to become the second Adam and Eve. But you weren’t that far off.”
Eurostar’s jaw dropped at the reasoning Igor gave. “Really?” he asked, flabbergasted.
“’Fraid so,” Joker2 piped up, straightening his gunbelt. “Hey, let me introduce you…”
Joker2 grabbed the wrist of the new arrival and pulled him over to the Hourly, who was downing the last of her bag of pork rinds.
“Uh, Hourly?” Jo said quietly, feeling suddenly that he didn’t want to make any sudden movements.
“WHAT?” the angry young lady said, her thick neck trying to whirl around. After a few failed attempts at trying to look over her shoulder, Hourly finally swiveled around in her chair, pork rind crumbs and lard sauce stains adorning her blouse. “WHAT IS IT YOU LITTLE LOU… hubba, hubba…”
Upon seeing the young Eurostar, Hourly’s eyes immediately bugged out and her mouth dropped open. The young Italian merely raised his eyebrow and gave her a weird look.
“Hourly,” Joker2 chimed in again, his grin spreading from ear to ear, “I’d like you to meet our new friend… Eurostar.”
“Holy mama!” Hourly said, quickly rising, knocking her snack foods to the floor. “Jo. Eeg. I need a word…” Grabbing the two Junior Adventurers by the wrists, she pulled them into a now incredibly restricting hallway.
“Who is that?!” Hourly asked as soon as the trio was alone.
“Name’s Eurostar,” Eeg answered.
“Can you believe it, Hourly?” her brother asked. “THE Eurostar! I haven’t asked him his Hyperboard number, but STILL! He’s here! On our beat!”
“He’s cute…” the corpulent vixen said, a mischievous gleam in her eye.
“Oh, that is WRONG!” Igor said, burying his head in his hands.
“What?” Hourly asked innocently.
“He’s an alternate Hyperboard version of your last boyfriend’s FATHER!” Eeg explained, trying not to raise his voice too much. “Can you be any more disgusting?”
“Geez, you are just like mom…” Joker2 said, turning his back to his sister.
“So?” Hourly said, trying her best to straighten her rapidly expanding costume.
“It’s just wrong, okay?” Jo said, leading Igor into the main bridge area. The duo entered to find Super Sloth showing Eurostar how to find porn on the Klone Dome computer screens. When SS noticed the two walk in, he quickly flipped the machine over to it’s regular scanning image.
“What’s going on?” Joker2 asked, looking over at SS and Euro.
“Nothing…” the Sloth said hastily. “Nothing at all…”
“Hey, what’s this?” The three Junior Adventurers looked over to where Eurostar was pointing. A flashing red dot on Super Sloth’s control screen said everything they needed to know.
“It’s Crush!” Joker2 exclaimed, doing an excited backflip into his command chair.
“Who?” Euro asked, scratching his head.
“One of our members who’s been kidnapped,” Igor explained, leading Euro to a seat at the Tactical station. “Now that we know where he is, we can get him back.”
The sound of the doors whisking open caused all eyes to turn towards the back door, where a now slender Hourlyquinn entered, her costume free of all food stains. Joker2 rolled his eyes as Eurostar’s jaw almost hit the floor.
“Hello, Eurostar,” she said, as seductively as possible as she slipped behind the Chronology console. Then, almost venomously, she greeted the other Adventurers. “Fellas…”
“What’d I do?” SS muttered to himself.
Joker2 shook his head as Igor Jr. took his place at the helm. “Eeg!” he commanded. “Take us to wherever it is that blip on Sloth’s scanning thingamajig is.”
“Aye, aye, Jo!” Eeg said as the Klone Dome began to move, demons still clinging to the outer hull.
Meanwhile, Hyperboards Away…
Igor Jr. tiredly pulled his bandana from his head as he put his guitar down. He had played as good as he ever had before… and the crowd loved it. Mucus Creek was a hit that night, and it was all thanks to Igor.
The tired little reptile sunk himself into a beanbag backstage, but not before grabbing a couple of deli slices and a water bottle off the counter. The other band members did the same and soon, Igor was acquainted with every member of Mucus Creek. Rik, the lead singer, was a boisterous Brit who loved punk rock, ladies in mesh stockings, and aerosol cheese. Nigel, the drummer, was the most pierced, tattooed man that Igor had ever met. The little lizard had a hard time looking the man in the eye… as he even had his left eyeball pierced. That was enough to weird even Igor out. The bass player, a man by the name of Sunday, Billy Sunday, was quiet, not even saying his own name. Rik convinced Igor that Sunday’s silence was due to the aloof nature of the bass player, but Igor wasn’t quite sure.
“So, mate, tell us your story,” Rik said, pulling a swig of his water. “Where you from? How’d you go about getting that bizarro lizard mask?”
Igor sighed, looking around nervously. “Well, I originally come from Cleveland. My parents were into the whole disco scene, which, quite frankly, made me cringe, so I decided that punk was the angle for me…”
“Right on, mate!” Nigel said, raising a tattooed fist into the air. Sunday just nodded his head, his long, greasy hair swaying about with every bob.
“Anyway, the mask?” Rik said. Igor could tell the rocker was really interested, so he went ahead and did what came naturally… he made something up off the top of his head.
“A friend of mine picked it out on an African safari he went on,” Igor said. “When he brought it back, I loved it so much, I just never took it off. It’s kinda like we’re inseparable.”
“Cool,” Rik said, smiling and nodding. “So… wanna go grab a burger or something?”
