Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Everybody felt shitty
Even the mouse,
Mom at the whorehouse
And I smoking grass
I'd just settled down
For a nice piece of ass,
When out on the lawn
I heard such a chatter
I sprung from my piece
To see what was the matter,
Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
It must be Saint Nick,
He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
The Fucker had fell,
He filled all our stockings
With pretzels and a beer
And a big rubber dick
For my brother, the queer.
He rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart,
He swore and he cursed
As he rode out of sight
Piss on you all
And have a hell of a night.
