The one thing we all agree on is that you need to listen to more country music.
My suggestions:
Hank Williams, Sr.
Hank Williams III
Waylon Jennings
Willie Nelson
Johnny Cash
George Jones
Alabama
Flatt and Scruggs
Oh, and throw some Tom Waits in there, too.
If nothing else, you'll attract a wonderful, toothless lady who doesn't mind if you beat her as long as you tell her you love her.