RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Writer's Block JLR: The Wedding

La Machine: Australia! Not again?

Britannica: It’s OK La. You’ll all be going via bathroom sink cupboard this time.

LM: Can’t wait.

We find ourselves in the meeting room of The Estate of Justice, 1274a Butterchurn Way, Pennsylvania - headquarters of the Justice League of Reality. We are privy to the assemblage of the RKMB’s mightiest heroes (well OK if you don’t include the Penultimate MBL or Vanguard International heroes, the JLR are sort of right up there too…sort of…).

That’s right - its time for the JLR’s monthly meeting. Present are:

• Ace
• Britannica
• Cowgirl Jack
• La Machine
• Midnight Spectre 2.0
• Registered Member #552
• Wednesday
  and
• Di Bat Pho (the JLR’s part-time member)

RM552: [holding a gavel in his hand] Speaking of waiting… great news and all Britannica… however, as Chairman of the JLR, I have to call this meeting to order... [RM552 goes to bang his gavel on the desk]

Brit: Just one moment please RM552. If you don’t mind, Di and I have one more announcement to make.

RM552: [placing the gavel on the table, RM552 plonks his elbow on the desk and leans on his chin] Sure, why not?…go right ahead…be my guest….

Brit: Ta! But actually Di had better make it [Britannica turns to his fiancé, gives her a smile, then a little giggle]

DBP: [returning Britannica’s smile and giggle] No. No. You should ask.

Brit: Nonsense dearest. Don’t be silly. It would be better if you asked. I insist.

DBP: If you are sure my love?

RM552: Yes he’s bloody well sure! Just hurry up and ask the question!

JLR:

RM552: What I meant to say was… Yes… Di Bat Pho. Please, do ask the question. Please?

DBP: um, Thank you. [DBP turns to Cowgirl Jack] Cowgirl Jack, I would be most honoured if you would consider being my Chief…
Cowgirl Jack leaps from her seat and races towards DBP…
DBP: …Bridesmaid?
Cowgirl Jack: […CJ grabs hold of DBP’s arm…] ofcourseiwillithoughtyouwouldneverasknowwehave
gotlotstodoandcatchupondressesshoesflowersnottomentionorganisingthebacheloretteparty! […and whisks her towards the door]
RM552: Hey!
DBP: But I really did not want a bachelorette party.
CJ: Nonsense. It’s tradition.
RM552: What about the…
*SLAM*
RM552: …meeting?

Ace: I’d say that was a yes.

JLR – except RM552:

RM552: [picking up his gavel again] OK. Now. If there are no longer any more interruptions… or discussions about weddings… as Chairman, I now call this meeting of the JLR to order! [goes to bang his gavel on the desk again]

Wed: Hang on!

RM552: Gggggg [jumps to his feet and starts to shake violently] WHAT!?! What can be more important than MY meeting!?! I am the one true Monarch of Doesntreallyexistia! In fact! Not only was I Monarch in MY Hypertime reality, I am also Monarch in THIS reality! Meaning I am TWICE the Monarch that those hacks Registered Member# 16603 and RM552.5 were! So! I demand respect! No… I demand obedience… Yes! I demand obedience!

LM: [Leaning towards Ace and whispering] I think I know why the Doesntreallyexistian’s ditched him as their King the first time...
Ace: [whispering back] Do ya think?

RM552: I heard that! Now KNEEL!

LM: Who’s Neil?
Ace: Beat’s me?

RM552: Now! As your one true Chairman, I, King Registered Member #552, am now going to call this meeting of the JLR to order! And you will obey me in all things and at all time….

Midnight Spectre 2.0, who has been sitting calmly next to RM552 all this time, looks up at his team-mate. He turns his fist into a lotus-claw, which rapidly connects with the Monarch’s chin…

*wham*

RM552: Oh… Thanks Midnight. I needed that.

MS2: [once more sitting serenely, as though he hadn’t moved] Don’t mention it.

RM552: Sorry Wednesday. You were saying?

Wed: uh, yeah, no problem… Actually I had a question for Britannica.

Brit: Oh? Sure. Ask away my friend.

Wed: Well if CJ is Di Bat Pho’s Chief Bridesmaid…

Brit: Yes…?

Wed: Which one of us is going to be your Best Man?

Ace, LM, MS2 & RM552: Heey… Yeeaah? [The JLR all turn and look at Britannica]

Brit:

To be continued…

The hero known as Britannica faces the most dangerous peril of his superheroing career.

This is a matter of life and death.

In comparison Chant is a mere annoyance, Mr. Misinformation a bully and the destruction of the DCMB reality, a walk in the park.

Ace: So which one of us is it gonna be?

That’s right. Britannica must choose who is going to be the Best Man at his wedding!

Brit: Well…

JLR: Yesss

Brit: My Brother.

JLR: What!?!

Brit: Well it seemed only natural really…

LM: How could you choose your brother over your own team-mates!?!

Brit: So I could avoid disappointing all of you, actually. I can’t have all of you as my Best Man, now can I?

Wed: Wait a moment. You said your brother?

Brit: Yes.

Midnight: From the DCMB reality?

Brit: That’s the one…

Ace: How?

Brit: Well I picked up the phone and called him…

RM552: Nooo. How did your brother - from the DCMB – survive the destruction of the said DCMB, to be able to receive a phone call, by you, to ask him, if he wanted to be your Best Man at your wedding, this December, in the RKMB?

Brit: UNUT

RM552: What did you call me!?!

Brit: No, no. U-N-U-T. The United Nations Ubber Taskforce. That’s how my Brother survived. He works for UNUT. We weren’t the only ones to survive the destruction of the DCMB you know. UNUT were also able to establish a link between the DCMB and RKMB and saved many of their operatives as well.

Midnight: How did he know you had survived?

LM: [nodding sagely] The government knows everything, man…

Brit: Actually that’s thanks to La Machine here.

LM: Wha! They can’t prove anything!

Brit: No. Thanks to La Machine’s successful merchandising of his superhero sportswear range, the JLR were mentioned on some cable channel program called “Superheroes Tonight”. Apparently my Brother was watching and discovered I was alive too.

LM: I got mentioned on cable.

Midnight: [shaking Britannica’s hand] On behalf of everyone, I am glad you have been reunited with your brother. I’m sure he will make a fine Best Man. Isn’t that right guys?

Ace, LM, RM552 & Wed: yeah….sure…right…uh huh…

Midnight: Isn’t that right, guys!

Ace, LM, RM552 & Wed: OK. Oh yeah. Deffinately. Good one Brit!

Brit: Cheers guys!

RM552: Well if that’s everything. We had better get started on MY... I mean OUR meeting.

Wed: Hang on one cottonpickin moment!

RM552: What now!?!

Wed: CJ is DBP’s Chief Bridesmaid. Meaning there must be at least one more Bridesmaid. Am I right?

Brit: Well yes there is one more actually. You’ve met her…

Wed: So that means you need another Groomsman, right?

Brit: Well yes I do.

Ace: You haven’t got another long-lost brother?

Brit: No.

Ace: Long-lost step-brother? Cousin? Room-mate? Cousin of a room-mate’s step-brother?

Brit: Well no.

LM: So that means it’ll be one of us!

Brit: Probably, yes.

Ace, La Machine, Midnight Spectre, Registered Member #552 and Wednesday push Britannica out of the way and form a huddle.

To be continued…

RM552: So everyone knows what needs to be done?

LM umm…Dance with the Bridesmaid?

Ace: That’s just part of it pal.

LM: I knew that.

RM552: OK. Midnight. What can you contribute?

Midnight: Well I know a lot of women…

Wed: But you respect them too much.

MS2: Yes, but…

RM552: Sorry Midnight, you’re out. Ace?

MS2: damn…

Ace: Well I have casino connections. I’m great with entertainment and I have been known to pull the ladies.

RM552: OK, sounds good. La?

LM: um, since the sportwear line's been going well, I have celebrity and media contacts?

RM552: Sorry La, but I have an entire kingdom at my disposal!

Wed: Yeah, but it’s not local.

RM552: oh yeah...

Wed: Gentlemen, I think you will find that my credentials speak for themselves. I have connections with a fine local drinking and eating establishment with many examples of the fine feminine form.

Ace: Hooters, right?

Wed: Correct.

Ace: He wins.

[The JLR turn to face Britannica]

RM552: Britannica. We are pleased to present your Groomsman – Wednesday!

Brit: Thanks Wednesday! But I didn’t really want a Bucks night…

Wed: Bucks… night… Huh?

Brit: Um, Bachelor party… Stag night?

Wed: Oh. That. Nonsense. It’s tradition.

*ding-dong* [The Door-Bell of Justice]

Brit: Ah. That will be my Brother.

Britannica goes to answer The Front Door of Justice. But Wednesday puts a restraining hand on his team-mate’s shoulder.

Wed: Uh-uh my main matrimonial man. Let your Groomsman get that for you…

Brit: Why thank you Wednesday.

Wednesday leaves to answer The Front Door of Justice.

LM: So Britannica, who’s Di Bat Pho’s other Bridesmaid anyway?

Brit: Well besides CJ, there weren’t too many options left to consider. So we asked Princess Chantina of Chantania.

JLR:

Ace: Oh I can’t wait till Wednesday finds that out.

Meanwhile at The Front Door of Justice…

*ding-dong* [The Door-Bell of Justice once more]

Wed: Jeez. Hang on will ya! [Wednesday opens The Front Door of Justice...]

… and stares directly at the midriff of a very big man. A very very big man.

Wednesday takes a step back and spends a moment or two to take in the figure before him.

The man is about 7.8ft tall, 2.5 feet wide. He is clad in futuristic blue and silver armour (with a silver southern cross insignia on his chest). He wears a helmet made from the same blue and silver metal and also has big metallic blue boots, leather utility-belt, with a Eureka Stockade flag belt-buckle. He also has a big (really really big) sword visibly strapped to his back and a big metallic club strapped to his belt.

Brit’s Bro: G’Day!

To be continued...

Wed: eh… hello. You must be Britannica’s brother?

Brit’s Bro: That’s right. I’m the Southern Cross, but you can call me Phil. You must be… Thursday? Right?

Wed: eh, Wednesday.

Phil: Of course. Sorry ‘bout that mate. [slaps Wednesday on the back, sending the hero careering into the opposite wall. Phil goes and picks up Wednesday off the ground] Steve’s told me all about you.

Wed: Steve?

Phil: Heh heh. Oh yeah, I mean “Britannica”.

Minutes later, in the meeting room…

Brit: Phil!

Phil: Stevie-Boy! Comere you. [Phil puts Britannica in a head-lock and musses up his hair]

Brit: Phil. Not in front of the fellas…

Phil: Ha Ha. Sorry “Britannica”.

Brit: hmm. Anyway, guys. This is my little Brother, the Southern Cross.

JLR: Little!?!

Phil: Call me Phil.

Brit: Phil, these are my team-mates. Registered Member #552, Ace, La Machine and Midnight Spectre 2.0.

Phil: G’Day!

JLR: eh... Hi… Phil.

Brit: [Noticing someone missing] Um… Wednesday was around here somewhere…?

Phil: No worries. We met.

Brit: Of course. So, how are you anyway?

Phil: Good.

Brit: Have a good trip over?

Phil: Yeah.

Brit: Stop off anywhere?

Phil: Nah.

Brit: Okaay.

[A silent pause]

Phil: So where’s me future sis-in-law? Been dyin’ to meet her.

Brit: Ah, you’ve just missed her actually.

Phil: Bugger. Ah well. No worries, plenty of time to catch up, aye? [Phil punches Britannica affectionately on the arm – sending the hero back a few paces]

Brit: [rubbing his arm] Yeah… So. Have you still got Blue?

Phil: Oh course. Wouldn’t go anywhere without me little Blue. Wednesday offered to get him from the ute for me.

Brit: Oh dear…

Just then Wednesday slowly backs into the JLR meeting room. He is visibly shaking and is sweating profusely.

Wed: [through gritted teeth] Briiiiiit!

He is soon followed-in by a dog. It is a cross between a dingo and a red-kelpie cattle dog… and a giant sabre-toothed Rottweiler.

Ace, LM and RM552 instantly dive behind Midnight Spectre.

The dog’s luminous yellow eyes bore into Wednesday’s. Its fangs bared, drool hangs from its jowls and slowly makes its way towards the floor. The rust-coloured fur on it’s back is raised as it makes a low growling noise…

Blue: Grrrrr rrrrrrr rrrrr rrrrrrrr

Wed: [starting to cry] Briiiiit!

To be continued…

Brit: [crossly] Blue!

Blue instantly turns to Britannica, covering Wednesday with drool in the process. [Wed: Agghh! ] The dog’s fearsome look is instantly replaced by another expression - an extremely dopey-looking expression. It’s tongue lolls as he bounds towards Britannica.

Blue jumps up, resting his front paws on Britannica’s shoulders (who sags slightly under the weight) and starts licking at Britannica’s face.

Brit: [trying to back up and push Blue away at the same time] ugh... Bluuue…

LM: [coming out of hiding from behind Midnight] Man. I hope that thing’s had its shots?

MS2: And a muzzle.

Phil: Nah… Blue wouldn’t hurt a flea, mate [he turns to his pet and gives him an affectionate rub behind the ears] Wouldya boy?

Brit: only… if he breathed… on them…

Britannica finally forces Blue off of him. As he dusts himself down, Britannica once more addresses his team-mates.

Brit: Phil and Blue are going to stay here at the Estate for a few days, before Di and I go back to Australia with him. Hope you don’t mind?

RM552: Great…

Blue turns to RM552 and lets out another audible growl.

RM552: I mean… Yeah…That’s great!

Brit: That marvellous. I thought Phil could use dun_like_dinner’s old room - as he obviously won’t be using it . By the way, Di and I are shouting everyone dinner tonight too. So be ready in your civvies by 6.30pm, OK? [turns to his brother] C’mon Phil, we’ll get you unpacked and I’ll show you around the Estate…

Phil: Beauty! I’ll drive everyone to the restaurant in the ute.

Britannica leads the Southern Cross and Blue from the meeting room.

Wed: [who is standing ram-rod straight and talking through gritted teeth] I am now going to have a shower. I may be some time. [and stiffly walks out the meeting room too]

Ace: I could use a drink.

LM: Me too.

The two heroes head to the Kitchen of Justice.

MS2: Well we no longer have a quorum, so I think the meeting will have to be adjourned. I will be meditating outside if you require me.

Midnight Spectre 2.0 also leaves the room.

RM552 walks purposefully back to the meeting table and resumes his seat. He picks up his gavel and finally bangs it on the table…

*bang*

RM552: I now call this meeting of the JLR to order. Chairman is Registered Member #552. Minute taker is Registered Member #552. Present is Registered Member #552. Apologies from a few of the other members. [RM552 looks to his left] Minute taker? Do we have a quorum?

Registered Member #552 moves over to the seat on his left, picks up and scans a copy of the JLR by-laws, before looking back up to his right.

RM552: Ah, well Mr. Chairman, sir. We may need a rule change there…

RM552 races over to the seat opposite and raises his hand.

RM552: I’m willing to put it to the vote, Mr. Chairman…

RM552 runs back to his original seat, sits down and grins.

RM552: Well no one has ever accused me of being undemocratic... well not to my face anyway. I propose that this meeting vote on a change to the JLR by-laws relating to meeting quorums. All those opposed?

RM552 looks around the meeting room.

RM522: None. Then, as Chairman, I declare the motion carried. The meeting may proceed…

To be continued…

The day was a busy one for the JLR.

Britannica showed his brother Phil, the Southern Cross, around the estate…

The JLR finally convinced Phil to keep Blue in The Barn of Justice (Headquarters of JLR – TASK Force). Much to the dismay of Napolean, Esmeralda, Peter – The Amazing Spider Monkey, Sparky, the Thundercat. Hoppy, the Marvel Bunny didn't give a toss.

Hoppy: You drool on me dog-breath and you're gonna be sniffing ya own butt.

Cowgirl Jack and Di Bat Pho triumphantly returned from their shopping expedition.

Phil and DBP finally met, and he was also quite taken with Cowgirl Jack…

And according to the minutes, the JLR monthly meeting was very productive.

Though the JLR did run out of hot water…
Ace: Eeeeeek!
Wed: [showering for the 20th time, trying to remove Blue's drool] Must…be…clean…

Later in the early evening, we find La Machine’s alter-ego, Donal Thoms-Cappello, on monitor duty. OK he’s watching cable…

David (Ace’s alter-ego): [Wearing a casual suit, with an open shirt. He is a slight tinge of blue and slightly shivering] H-h-hey bud. W-w-what you w-w-watching?

Donal (LM): [absently points at the screen, without looking at his friend] It’s that “Superheroes Tonight” show Brit was telling us about earlier…

David (Ace): R-r-really? M-m-move over. [David sits down next to Donal and watches too]

Bob, from Superheroes Tonight: That’s right Mary, love is in the air over at Penultimate MBL HQ – or is it? Their time-travelling robot, The Time Trust, has just made the following announcement….

The screen image changes to The Time Trust, the futuristic time-travelling android member of the MBL.

TTT: First of all, I would like to clarify. I am an android - not a robot. Secondly, I would once and for all like to quash the rumours that have been circulating concerning myself, and a certain toaster. They are NOT true.

Definitely not true.

...

Well, maybe a little.

But mostly not true.

...

OK! They're true! I, an android from the future, have had sexual relations with the MBL's kitchen toaster! And it's been going on for months now, unbeknownst to anyone! There! I said it! Don't you know how guilty I feel every time an MBLer has toast for breakfast at the HQ? It would drive me insane if I wasn't such an otherwise rational android. But I can't stop!!!

Dave (Ace) & Donal (LM): Whoa…

Donal (LM): If we ever end up doing that JLR/MBL team-up thingy, remind me not to touch the toast at their HQ…

The image on the screen goes back to Bob, the host.

Bob, from Superheroes Tonight: Well there you have it, Mary. Time will tell if love springs (or at least pops-up) eternal or if this relationship is under limited warranty…

The image switches to the female host of Superheroes Tonight.

Mary, from Superheroes Tonight: Ha Ha Ha, oh that joke was soooo…. lame. But over at the JLR it’s more a case of Holy Matrimony! That’s right, Britannica and Di Bat Pho of the Justice League Reality have announced their marriage details. The wedding will be on December 13 and will be held at Britannica’s secret headquarters in Australia – the Database…

Dave (Ace): W-w-wow! That was q-q-quick…

Donal (LM): [nodding sagely] Like the government, the media know everything…

Mary, from Superheroes Tonight: … it’s going to be the Super wedding of the year, so naturally Superheroes Tonight will have all the footage of the happy couple on their happy day…

Speaking of the happy couple, Britannica’s alter-ego, Stephen Coppins, is looking irritably at his watch. Di Bat Pho is standing next to him by The Front Door of Justice. Di is wearing a traditional Chinese silk dress and a shawl. He hair is tied up (revealing her elvin-like ears) with two hair-sticks holding it in place. Stephen is wearing a black suit, white shirt and his bookcase tie. Brit looks at his watch again…

Stephen (Brit): [Yelling out] Hey CJ! Guys! Are you ready to go yet? JLR ASSEMBLE and all that!

Five minutes later, the JLR’s alteregoes and Phil are assembled at The Front Door of Justice.

It takes 15 minutes to convince Phil that he can’t take Blue.

And another 20 to convince Registered Member #552, that he should really leave his crown behind.

The JLR climb (literally) into Phil’s ute. It is a four-door, 4-wheel drive utility monster truck. It also has the southern cross logo on the front. Stephen (Britannica) helps Di into the back seat, Brian (Midnight Spectre) A. Oritz goes to assist Jaclyn (Cowgirl Jack) Angelo, but Phil pushes in and helps her up instead…

Jaclyn (CJ): Why, thank you Phil.

Phil: No worries, Jaclyn. The pleasure was all mine.

Brian (MS2):…

Brian joins the ladies in the back seat. While David (Ace), Donal (La Machine), King (Registered Member #552) RM552 and Jason (Wednesday) Perkins clamber into the utility tray, Phil hops into the driver’s seat (it is a right hand drive) and Stephen (Britannica) in the front passenger seat.

Another minute later, on the freeway…

Phil: [blowing his horn and leaning out the window] Moron! Why don’t you learn how to drive ya drongo! [turns to his brother] Did I tell ya? I was having a great run with the traffic ’til I hit the US…

Stephen (Brit): Um, Phil. Remember this is America… they drive on the right hand side of the road…

Phil: Oh. Crikey!

*Skreeeech* [Phil quickly turns the wheel and swerves the ute to the right hand side of the road]

JLR alteregos: Aggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!

Phil: Sorry ‘bout that. Heh Heh

To be continued…

The JLR safely arrive at Grandma Angelo’s Italian Ristorante (highly recommended by Jaclyn).

They take their seats and proceed to enjoy an extremely pleasant evening of good food, wine (well except for Jackie who is underage and Brian who doesn’t drink) and conversation.

No innocent mothers pushing prams. No gods of Olympus. No children’s play sets of doom.

Donal: awww. I thought you said this place was good, Jackie?

Honest.

A bit later between the dessert and coffee (or in the case of Stephen and Di - tea) courses…

Di: [looking slightly embarrassed] …so this is how Stephen and I met.

Stephen: [also looking slightly embarrassed] Well it wasn’t entirely like that…

Phil: You sly ol’ dog, Steve… [Phil turns to Jaclyn] So…?

Brian: [awkwardly jumping in] Why don’t you tell us about yourself Philip? [quickly regaining his composure] I would be most interested to learn about this UNUT.

Phil: Oh…

Jaclyn: Actually I’d like to hear about that too.

Phil: Oh. Alright then.

Brian: …

Phil: [slaps Brian on the back] Relax mate, you’re looking tense there. And call me Phil…

Brian: …

Phil: The United Nations Uber Taskforce is your stock standard secret multi-national peace-keeping force set-up by the UN. It’s directed by the Security Council to help out the regular peace-keepers in the “hot spots”. Our motto is “The Biggest, the Brightest and the Best!”

Stephen: It’s more than that. UNUT has a representative from each of the 195 member nations… Australia, England, Chantania, Denmark, Ethiopia, Tajikistan, Transelvania, the US, the Republic of Whoshwo…

King RM552: and Doesntreallyexistia.

Jaclyn: How come we’ve never heard of it before?

Phil: Well every government knows about us, but the public at large are another matter.

Donal: [nudging David] See told you the government knows everything.

David: Atichoo! Dat you did… Atichoo! Gob I dink I’b gedding a cold…

Phil: Well I wouldn’t say every government knows everything, Don… They just know what we tell ‘em.

King RM552: Mental note to self. Must know what UNUT are really up too…

Donal: How long’s UNUT been going?

Phil: Since the UN started mate. There were quite a few “super heroes” during the War who volunteered to set up UNUT.

Donal: That’s a looong time.

Stephen: But UNUT was not the first multi-national team of heroes. There were a couple of unofficial groups during both World Wars. And of course UNUT’s own predecessor in the 1920’s and 30’s – The League of Extraordinary Nations.

Jason: So how did you guys survive the destruction of the DCMB?

Phil: Well with a 195-strong team, we had our fair share of precognitives, time-sensitives, teleporters and boffins. Between the lot of ‘em, they were able to cobble up a machine which contacted the UNUT in this reality and transported us over.

Ha Ha, we ended up doubling up on a lot of the heroes. Took months for the UN to sort that out politically. Was a crack-up when the American Eagle discovered that his counterpart in this reality was female. But they ended up marrying - always said that bloke loved himself… Mind you, we lost a lot of good people too…

Brian: Yes. We lost quite a few as well…

Everyone:

Stephen: [charges his glass] To fallen comrades.

Everyone: [charging their glasses] To fallen comrades.

After a moments reflection for Starsky_Hutch76, Glomad Beefknickle, DJ Miker Dee, REDSOX, super chief , Pork-Butte, Buttercup and the fallen heroes of UNUT…

Phil: But com’ on. This is supposed to be a celebration! [raises his glass one more time] To the future Mr and Mrs Coppins!

Phil & JLR: To Di and Stephen! And many happy years together!

*clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *cl-Atichoo-unk* *splosh*

Everyone: Ace!

David: Dorry…

To be continued…

Stephen and Di stand together holding hands, looking up at Phil and the JLR who are already in the ute. Jaclyn is in the front passenger seat. Donal, David *Atichoo* and Jason are in the back. King Registered Member #552 and Brian are in the back tray. Brian is sitting cross-legged with his back facing the others.

Jaclyn: Are you two sure you’re OK to walk home?

Stephen: Certainly. It’s a gorgeous evening. And besides I have to walk off those profiteroles.

Di: She is right. She has to be careful, or she won’t fit in her suit for the wedding…

Stephen: He… Hey!

Di: Oh yes. He. Hee hee.

Jaclyn: Well be careful you two…

Stephen: Thanks Jaclyn, but I think Britannica and Di Bat Pho can take care of themselves…

Phil: I don’t think Jackie was talking about super villain attacks, bro!

Stephen and Di turn red, as the others laugh at Phil’s inane joke. Except…

Brian: …

Phil: OK then. Hold on everyone. [Phil reves the engine] Call me on the mobile if you need picking up on the way OK, Steve?

Stephen: Will do.

Di and Stephen wave goodbye as the others start to drive off and watch as they leave the parking lot.

JLR: The RIGHT!!!

Phil: Oh yeah…

Skreeeech

Phil: Sorry.

The couple watch as their friends disappear into the distance. They turn to each other and kiss. They look into each other’s eyes and smile.

Stephen: You know Di. All joking aside I just want you to know that I consider myself to be one very lucky man.

Di: No. I am a lucky woman.

The couple kiss again.

Stephen: Love you.

Di: Love you too.

Stephen: Love you four.

Di: tee hee. Love you eight.

Stephen: Love you sixteen.

Di: Love you thirty-two.

Stephen: Love you forty-two.

Di: That is not right? Thirty-two times two is not forty-two?

Stephen: Ah, that’s because you are my meaning of life, the universe and everything.

They kiss once again.

Di: I still do not understand.

Stephen: It’s a Hitchhiker’s reference. Let me explain…

Stephen offers Di his arm and the two love-birds start to walk back to The Estate of Justice.

-------------------------------------------

An hour later, we find the couple communicating via their telepathic link…

Di: Steve…?

Stephen: Yes my dearest?

Di: I was speaking with Jaclyn while we were shopping earlier today…

Stephen: I’m sure you were…

Di: Why did you not give me an engagement ring?

Stephen: ah… well, the whole engagement thing was a bit rushed wasn’t it? Sorry about that… I meant to make a dash to the jewellery store, but CJ gave birth to a bomb you see…

Di: Speaking of the engagement, my parents are not happy that we did not do the engagement traditional. You are supposed to ask my parents if you can marry me and present them with gifts. My parents are very traditional you know.

Stephen: I’m sure we can still do that. We’ll pop over once we get back to Australia.

Di: But my parents live in Vietnam.

Stephen: I’ll just practice my time/space teleportation ability a bit.

Di: Would you do that for me?

Stephen: You know I’d do anything for you… [an ohnosecond later…]

Di: Sooo…..

Stephen: Ah yes. The engagement ring… … well…um… times are tough you know…

Di: Why is that?

Stephen: Well, Mr. Misinformation got that library job I applied for when we first arrived in this reality…

Di: and…?

Stephen: and the JLR butter scheme failed because CJ refused to be our “butter-girl” mascot…

Di: and…?

Stephen: and the JLR doesn’t pay very well….

Di:

Stephen: OK. OK. It doesn’t pay at all. But we’ve saved the world… a few times… I think?

Di: It will not look right if I earn more money than my future husband. My parents are very traditional…

Stephen: [under his breath] So I noticed…

Di: I heard that!

Stephen: No. No. You’re right. I should be bringing in some money... I know, perhaps I’ll set up a business called “Phone-a-friend”? I could help out contestants on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Di: Would it not be better to enter Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Stephen: I tried. They have a “no mutant” policy. Damn discriminatory if you ask me…

Di: Then you will get me a ring?

Stephen: Of course… my precious.

End of Chapter 1…

Coming next week: Chapter 2 - The One Ring

During the week Britannica and Di Bat Pho visit every jewelry store in the local area and Britannica puts his time/space teleportation ability to good use.

He finds a golden ring in the pyramids of the Aztecs… [DBP: Too chunky.]

A ring made of bone in the plains of Kenya… [DBP: Bad karma.]

He searches across North America, Europe, Australia… [DBP: To flash. Too old. Not opal.]

Brit: Have – you – seen – any – rings?

But the native penguins of Antarctica are of no help…

Even in the markets of Saudi Arabia…

Brit: I don’t want a rug… even if it does fly. Have you got any rings?

Stall Owner: Perhaps I could interest Sir in this magic lamp? It comes all the way from Baghdad…

Brit: Is it a ring?

Stall Owner: No, but…

Brit: Then Sir would not be interested! [and teleports away]

Stall Owner: [rubbing the lamp] These westerners are crazy.

Genie from the magic lamp: You can say that again…

The week passes and Britannica has had no success. It is time for he and Di Bat Pho to leave for Australia. The combined memberships of the JLR and JLR - (T)ASK Force come to farewell their friends. Even Larry, the ex-con parolee gardener stops work to farewell the couple.

As Phil loads the Di Bat Xe Motor onto the back of the ute, Britannica and Di Bat Pho finalise plans with the Team.

Brit: OK CJ, Wednesday. We’ll see you both in Sydney next month.

Wed: Sure thing, bud.

CJ: Looking forward to it.

DBP: As are we. Thank you Jaclyn for all your help.

CJ: Hey. Us girls have to stick together you know…

The two heroines of the JLR hug.

Phil: Oi! You two. Ready to go?

Everyone makes they’re final farewells. Even the animals of JLR – (T)ASK Force look sad to see Blue leave.

Di Bat Pho and Britannica climb into the back seat (mainly because Blue is already sitting in the front passenger seat). Everyone waves as Phil pulls out of the driveway…

Brit: Thanks for the lift Phil, but I could have teleported us to the Database. Or used the bathroom sink cupboard…

Phil: Yeah, I know. But you know I prefer to drive. Besides, how would’ve ya gotten those dozen crates of books we’re carting back with ya?

Brit: That’s true… Um… Phil…

Phil: Oh. Right!

Skreeeeech

Phil: Heh. Sorry ‘bout that.

To be continued…

Exactly 2.34652 minutes later…

Brit: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

DBP: [looking worridly at the sleeping Britannica] Steve is very tired and has been working very hard. Maybe I should not have asked her to find a ring for me?

Phil: [looking back through the rear-vision mirror] Nah. Wouldn’t worry ‘bout that. Steve’s always fallen asleep during car trips. Why dontcha just sit back and relax? We’ll have a break when we hit Mexico…

The next day while travelling through Colombia, the travellers receive a distress call from the local UNUT member de Cafetero, who needs assistance in breaking up a drug trafficking racket that is operating in the country.

de Cafetero Si Amigo! I called Miss Venezuela, but she has to deal with some rioting at a beauty pagant in Caracas…

Phil: Not again!?!

de Cafetero UNUT H.Q. advised you were in the area. Over.

Phil: Roger. Hang on a tick, mate… [after getting the OK with Brit and DBP] OK we’re on our way Juan. Over.

de Cafetero: We? Over.

Phil: I’ve got my brother and future sister-in-law from the JLR with me. Over.

de Cafetero: Si! Marvelous! The more the merrier. Over and out.

DBP: de Cafetero… the Coffee Farmer?

Phil: Yeah, he gains his powers of increased alertness, strength, speed and stamina after drinking his special secret blend of Colombian coffee.

Brit: What’s the story with this Miss Venezuela?

Phil: Miss Venezuela has empathic abilities. She can basically control any male’s emotions.

Brit: She can’t be very effective, if she can’t control a riot at a beauty pagent?

Phil: No, she controls them all right. In fact she’s the one who gets the blokes to start the riots.

DBP: What? Why?

Phil: Let’s just say she likes to get physical from time to time…

Brit & DBP:

Later that afternoon, Britannica, Di Bat Pho, the Southern Cross, de Cafetero and Blue have rounded up all the smugglers and destroyed the drug racket.

de Cafetero: Gracias Senorita and Senor. [shaking hands with Britannica] I am most grateful for your help today.

Brit: Glad that we could be of assistance. But we must really be on our way…

de Cafetero: Nonsense Amigo! You have seen the ugly side of my country. I insist that I have the chance to show you the beautiful…

Brit: Well that’s very kind…

de Cafetero: …and help me collect the 1-million peso reward for capturing these hombres.

Brit: We’d be delighted to stay. Wouldn’t we dear?

DBP:

Di Bat Pho, Britannica, Phil and Blue spend a very pleasant 24-hours with de Cafetero. They take in the sights of the countryside. The sample the local food, listen to the local music, catch a local soccer match, but politely decline the local coffee. They travel to the capital, Santafe de Bogota to collect the 1-million peso reward.

de Cafetero Si Amego, we hunt down member countries most wanted criminals. Half of the reward money goes to humanitarian aid. The rest goes back into UNUT.

Brit: Well if that’s the case, perhaps we shouldn’t…

de Cafetero Nonsense. I am happy to recommend that half the money go to you and the lovely Senorita Di Bat Pho. Think of it as a wedding present from me to you, for your help yesterday.

Phil: But the money’s got to be declared with the UN first. Go through the usual red-tape.

DBP: I too work for a world government. I understand how these things work.

de Cafetero: In the mean time, please accept a packet of my special secret Colombian coffee blend.

Brit: [accepting the package] Why thank you. You shouldn’t have… really.

Three days later the heroes arrive in Australia.

Brit: Um Phil…

Phil: Yeah Steve?

Brit: We’re back in Australia…

Phil: Oh crap!

Skreeech

Phil swerves the car back to the left-hand side of the road.

Phil: got bloody used to driving in the Americas…

To be continued…