*Black Eyed Peas' "Let's Get it Started" blares as Cap'n Sammitch makes his way to the ring accompanied by Meeko...*
Monroe: He's carrying what looks to be a martial-arts staff of some sort. I wonder what the former Lightweight champion has in mind... although it won't make much of a difference against the raw power of the Caveman...
Madman: Are you kiddin'? Urg's gotta be able to connect if he wants to use all that 'raw power'! Sammitch isn't the biggest guy out here, but not many guys here are quicker. And he's sneaky, too!
*Focus on Monroe as he addresses the fans at home*
Monroe: Madman Marcum, insisting that you can't count underdog Captain Sammitch out of this match entirely. But even with his speed, agility, and cleverness, it would be a long shot indeed if he were to defeat the intense and merciless Urg here for the Hardcore Porn title.
*Focus on Sammitch in the ring as he hands his martial-arts staff to Meeko, who sets it on the floor just outside the ring*
Madman: But I tell you what, Mike. No matter who walks away from this one with that title, they'll have to go through a little corner of Hell to get it! Flaming tables! Woohoo!
Monroe: And I think this is Urg coming now. Sammitch! Urg! Flaming tables! Next!!!
Fat Retard: German Supplex!!!
