I have many, many faults, and very few redeeming graces. I'm slowly beginning to realize that I'm a pathetic worm of a man... no, more like 25-year-old boy... who exudes none of the things a woman is looking for in a mate.
I'm in debt up to my eyeballs (think 30k), and my driving license has been revoked because of it. I have a car... but it sits in the driveway, parked indefinitely, mocking me silently.
I'm not in school. I should have graduated four years ago. I should be teaching right now. But as it is... I'm serving tables at an Outback in Centerville, Ohio.
I'm 5'5". I'm 125 lbs. I'm as pale as Conan O'Brien. I'm going bald. And I wear glasses.
I'm obsessed with pulp space opera from the 30's and 40's, and I'm obsessed with Batman. They consume most of my free time. I've always got my nose in a Jack Williamson or E. E. "Doc" Smith book, or the latest issue of BATMAN. I'm bookish, and well-read (I'm an English major), but I prefer the old pulps.
I consider myself a writer, but I don't write gradiose fiction. Once again, it's mostly pulp sci-fi or Batman scripts. I've written lots of different things in the past, but... that was in the past.
I smoke a pack a day. I smoke pot daily, too. I drink Jack straight when I go out, I can't just sip beer and have a good time. It's a double on the rocks for me, or nothing at all. So I usually end up drunk. Fortunately I'm a very nice drunk.
I'm co-dependent. I crave intimacy. I need something beyond casual friendship. "Being with family" doesn't count. I feel like, "What's the point in being happy with yourself if you have no one to share it with." Indeed? What IS the point? A world full of shiny happy people who love themselves? I love myself. Yay.
My last girlfriend was gorgeous. Now... and this is so shallow... my NEXT girlfriend has to be as gorgeous as my ex. And how many gorgeous 105 lb blondes do you know who love short skinny pale bald guys with glasses? Who like pulp space opera and Batman? Who's thirty grand in debt? Who hasn't even graduated college? None? None you say? How shocking...
I hate being single. I really, really, REALLY hate it. Fuck this "learning to love myself so I can love someone else" bullshit.
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