RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts Ha! You missed it!

I just did a streak across the RKMBs, but since it’s so bloody quiet no one saw my nekkid arse!

It’s your own bloody fault!

Hello everybody, this is your action news reporter
With all the news that is news across the nation
On the scene at the super market
There seems to have been some disturbance here
Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?
Yeh, I did...I was standing over there by the tomatoes
And here he come
Running thru the pole beans, thru the fruits and vegetables
Naked as a jay-bird
And I hollered over at Ethel...Isaid don't look Ethel
It was too late, she'd already been incensed...

Chorus

Here he comes, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
There he goes, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
And he ain't wearin' no clothes
Oh yes, they call him the streak
Fastest thing on two feet
He's just as proud as he can be
Of his anatomy
He's gonna give us a peek
Oh yes, they call him the streak
He likes to show off his physique
If there's an audience to be found
He'll be streakin' around
Invitin' public critique...


This is your action news reporter once again
And we're here at the gas station
Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?
Yeh, I did...I was just in here gettin' my tires checked
And he just appeared out of the traffic
Come streakin' around the grease rack there
Didn't have nothing on but a smile
I looked in there and Ethel was gettin' her a cold drink
I hollered...Don't look Ethel
It was too late...She'd already been mooned
Flashed her right there in front of the shock absorbers


Chorus

He ain't rude, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
He ain't lewd, boogie-dy, boogie-dy
He's just in the mood to run in the nude

Oh yes, they call him the streak
He likes to turn the other cheek
He's always making the news
Wearin' just his tennis shoes
Guess you could call him unique...


Once again, your action news reporter in the booth at the gym
Covering the disturbance at the basketball playoffs
Pardon me sir, did you see what happened?
Yeh, I did...half-time, I was just going down there
To get Ethel a snow cone
Here he come right our of the cheap seats
Dribblin'...right down the middle of the court
Didn't have on nothin' but his PF's
Made a hook shot and got out thru the concession stand
I hollered up at Ethel, I said don't look Ethel
It was too late...She'd already got a free shot
Grandstanded...Right there in front of the home team


Here he comes...look...who's that with him?
Ethel, is that you, Ethel?
What do you think you're doing?
You get your clothes on!


Ethel, where you going?
Ethel, you shameless hussy
Say it isn't so Ethel
Ethel..................

caught on cameraa!

gross. hot people should streak so fat normal people don't have to.

io

Fast vibrations make a high sound, and slow vibrations make a low sound.

A milf wife insisted that her husband took her to a disco. He explained that it was a stupid idea and he was not interested. She insisted until at some point he didn't endure and gave in. They went and enter the discotheque...
- Good morning, Mr Henry! - a porter greets them.
The milf wife is slightly surprised. They enter the room. A waiter runs up immediately to them.
- For Mr the table as usually?
The milf wife is even more surprised. The husband explains her that they probably confuse him with someone. The waiter asks:
- For Mr the drink as usually? And for a lady?
The milf wife is almost furious. In the background is the show. A stripper aims to take off the last part of her clothing and asks who will help her.
- Henry! Henry! - people in the room chant.
The furious milf wife runs out of the pub. The husband runs out too. They call a taxi and go home. She reproaches the husband all the way. At some point a taxi driver turns his head and says:
- Mr Henry, we haven't had so cheeky yet!

The Jackson 5 (also spelled The Jackson Five, or The Jackson 5ive), later known as The Jacksons, are an American popular music family group from Gary, Indiana. Founding group members Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon and Michael formed the group after performing in an early incarnation called The Jackson Brothers, which originally consisted of a trio of the three older brothers. Active from 1964 to 1990, the Jacksons played from a repertoire of R&B, soul, pop and later disco. During their six-and-a-half-year Motown tenure, The Jackson 5 were one of the biggest pop-music phenomena of the 1970s, and the band served as the launching pad for the solo careers of their lead singers Jermaine and Michael, the latter brother later transforming his early Motown solo fame into greater success as an adult artist.

1176

More discipline means less freedom. 


Low Freedom/Low Discipline... High crime areas where you fear for your life. 
 High Freedom/Low Discipline... South Sea Islands. Little gets accomplished. 
c. Low Freedom/High Discipline... Prisons, Autocratic Government. 
 High Freedom/High Discipline... Self Discipline is imposed.
We set goals; we set strategy; we impose order. We make the most of our time and energy. We work less and accomplish more.

1192

I hope Santa brings me that mistletoe belt I asked for!
I

1213

Snowman Joke 29
Who doesn’t like to sit in front of the fire? A Snowman.

Snowman Joke 30
Why was the snowman’s dog called Frost? Because Frost bites.

Santa Claus is Watching You -
Babydoll, Sweetie-pie, Sugarplum, Honey-bun, Angel Face Version
Ray Stevens



Now babydoll, sweetie-pie, sugarplum, honey-bun, angel face,
You know you better be good
Actin' like a true fine lover should.
Be careful what you say and do
'Cause Santa Claus is watchin' you.
(He's everywhere! He's everywhere!)

You'd better kiss and hold me tight.
An' give me good lovin' every night.
'Cause you'll be sorry if ya make me blue.
'Cause Santa Claus is watchin' you.
(He's everywhere! He's everywhere!)

Well you may think you can sneak around and get away with something
But there ain't no way,
'Cause Santa's no fool, he's really super cool.
He's the secret head of the CIA.
Eesh, iish, crime don't pay.
(You can't do nothin' cause you're never alone
He's even got a wire tap on your phone.)

So baby if you ever do me wrong.
Break my heart and leave me alone.
When Christmas comes, you'll be crying too.
'Cause Santa Claus is watching you.
(He's everywhere! He's everywhere!)

[Scattin']

Well, every Christmas season, he climb on his sled full of toys,
With fuel exhaust and side mirrors, the foxtails, the mudflaps, the leopard-skin seats covers
And spreads Christmas cheer to all good little girls and boys.
And he say on Dashera and Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen,
and Bruce, Marvin, and Leon, Cletus and George and Bill and Slick,
and Do-right, Fred and Ace and Clyde and Blackie and Queenie and Prince and Spot and Rover.
(So where's Rudolph? He's on a stakeout at your house.)
You can run, you can hide, but you can't get away
Got binoculars focused on you everyday.

So baby if you ever do me wrong.
Break my heart and leave me alone.
When Christmas comes, you be crying too.
'Cause Santa Claus is watching you.
(He's everywhere! He's everywhere!)

Yeah Santa Claus is watching you
(He's everywhere! Lord have mercy!)
Santa Claus has got his eyes all over you, baby
It's over for you
You better watch out
Oh!
Look out there's Santa Claus now peepin' around the corner at chu.
You in deep trouble.
You know that?
Yes, it's all over for your kind.
You go sneakin' around evr'ywhere, you ain't gonna get away with it.
Ya understand?
I mean you gotta be true blue, through and through.
'Cause Santa's gonna get chu.

Spirit of Christmas Present: So! Is your heart still unmoved towards us, then?

Ebenezer: I'm too old and beyond hope! Go and redeem some younger, more promising creature, and leave me to keep Christmas in my own way!

Spirit of Christmas Present: Mortal! We Spirits of Christmas do not live only one day of our year. We live the whole three-hundred and sixty-five. So is it true of the Child born in Bethlehem. He does not live in men's hearts one day of the year, but in all days of the year. You have chosen not to seek Him in your heart. Therefore, you will come with me and seek Him in the hearts of men of good will.

52% of truck-occupant-fatalities in large trucks involve a rollover. Rollover in a large truck increases the likelihood of fatality by 30 times. In a rollover, a truck driver is 80% less likely to die when wearing a safety belt.

RESOLUTION #4:

2002: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.
2003: I will not leave Marge.
2004: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.
2005: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.

UNCLE KRACKER
Memphis Soul Song


Lookin' back on everything
And all the things that stay
I can count on memories
Cuz they don't go away
Good times were hard to hold
Until she came along
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

I'm not always there I know
But she don't mind at all
As pretty as a picture that hangs on my own wall
She's like Mississippi

When the sun comes up at dawn
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

With an angel on my lefty side and the devil on my right
She's the one who saves me from them dark unholy nights
Of all the ones who've left me it's a wonder she's not gone
She moves me like a Memphis soul song
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

She don't care what the game is
She's always down to play
My world without her seems a million miles away
She don't have to worry
I know where I belong
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

I've been dealt some aces
And I've played them all the same
But she's the only one that keeps me in the game
No fame or fortune could ever keep me gone
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

With an angel on my lefty side and the devil on my right
She's the one who saves me from them dark unholy nights
Of all the ones who've left me it's a wonder she's not gone
She moves me like a Memphis soul song
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

[BRIDGE]
There's a magic down in Memphis
That never seems to fade
Even now them voices carry
Like a lonely serenade
It's the memories that still and always will be on my mind
They move me every time

She see's the good in everything there is to see
Sometimes I wonder what she ever see's in me
I'm not always right you know
But she's never led me wrong
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

In all my travels I've never found a way
To find the words that say the things I'd like to say
I've sang some melodies but she's my favorite one
She moves me like a Memphis soul song
With an angel on my lefty side and the devil on my right

She's the one who saves me from them dark unholy nights
Of all the ones who've left me it's a wonder she's not gone
She moves me like a Memphis soul song
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

Uncle Remus: [about Johnny] Miss Doshy, what us gonna do 'bout that child?

Grandmother: I wish I knew. A grandmother doesn't account for much these days.

Uncle Remus: Yes, 'm, it's a pity, too.

Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?

Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?

10) The Islamic concept of God is that He is loving, merciful, and compassionate. But Islam also teaches that He is just and swift in punishment. Nevertheless, Allah once said to Prophet Muhammad, "My mercy prevails over my wrath." Islam teaches a balance between fear and hope, protecting one from both complacency and despair.

11) Muslims believe that God has revealed 99 of His names (or attributes) in the Holy Qur'an. It is through these names that one can come to know the Creator. A few of these names are: the All-Merciful, the All-Knower, the Protector, the Provider, the Near, the First, the Last, the Hidden, and the Source of Peace.

12) Muslims believe in and acknowledge all the prophets of old, from Adam to Jesus. Muslims believe that they brought the message of peace and submission (islam) to different peoples at different times. Muslims also believe that these prophets were "muslims" because they submitted their wills to God.

4. Islam oppresses women
Most of the ill-treatment that women receive in the Muslim world is based on local culture and traditions, without any basis in the faith of Islam. In fact, practices such as forced marriage, spousal abuse, and restricted movement directly contradict Islamic law governing family behavior and personal freedom.

5. Muslims are violent, terrorist extremists
Terrorism cannot be justified under any valid interpretation of the Islamic faith. The entire Qur'an, taken as a complete text, gives a message of hope, faith, and peace to a faith community of one billion people. The overwhelming message is that peace is to be found through faith in God, and justice among fellow human beings. Muslim leaders and scholars do speak out against terrorism in all its forms, and offer explanations of misinterpreted or twisted teachings.

6. Islam is intolerant of other faiths
Throughout the Qur'an, Muslims are reminded that they are not the only ones who worship God. Jews and Christians are called "People of the Book," meaning people who have received previous revelations from the One Almighty God that we all worship. The Qur'an also commands Muslims to protect from harm not only mosques, but also monasteries, synagogues, and churches -- because "God is worshipped therein."

7. Islam promotes "jihad" to spread Islam by the sword and kill all unbelievers
The word Jihad stems from an Arabic word which means "to strive." Other related words include "effort," "labor," and "fatigue." Essentially Jihad is an effort to practice religion in the face of oppression and persecution. The effort may come in fighting the evil in your own heart, or in standing up to a dictator. Military effort is included as an option, but as a last resort and not "to spread Islam by the sword."

8. The Quran was written by Muhammad and copied from Christian and Jewish sources
The Qur'an was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad over a period of two decades, calling people to worship One Almighty God and to live their lives according to this faith. The Qur'an contains stories of Biblical prophets, because these prophets also preached the message of God. Stories are not merely copied, but the oral traditions are referred to in a way that focuses on the examples and teachings that we can learn from them.

9. Islamic prayer is just a ritualized performance with no heartfelt meaning
Prayer is a time to stand before God and express faith, give thanks for blessings, and seek guidance and forgiveness. During Islamic prayer, one is modest, submissive and respectful to God. By bowing and prostrating ourselves to the ground, we express our utmost humility before the Almighty.

10. The crescent moon is a universal symbol of Islam
The early Muslim community did not really have a symbol. During the time of the Prophet Muhammad, Islamic caravans and armies flew simple solid-colored flags (generally black, green, or white) for identification purposes. The crescent moon and star symbol actually pre-dates Islam by several thousand years, and wasn't affiliated with Islam at all until the Ottoman Empire placed it on their flag.

t Doesn't Matter If It Is Leaking!

A ferry boat was once crossing a river. Suddenly the boat struck a rock and water relentlessly poured into the cabin. The passengers were frightened out of their wits. Only one man sat calmly as if nothing had happened and even laughed at the way the others were so alarmed.

"Don't worry! It's not our problem," the man said. "It doesn't matter if it's leaking because it's not our boat."