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This thread is dedicated to the memory of Brian A. Ortiz.
I remember him quite well. We actually came to these boards at the same time, after the JLR was semi-banned (but not really) from the DCMBs. Actually, I always suspected that he'd been coming here before that, but I never bothered to ask--but that's neither here nor there.
He was a great man of great dreams. He hoped to model, take over the college radio waves, and perhaps one day escape from the endless void of the Friend Zone. He was a great man of dreams.
But now, now he's gone. Sure, he pops up every so often to make a post here, a post there BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME! It's not the old Brian who used to get all huffy when you made fun of his sexuality. It's not the same (young)Nightwing who was best described as a mix between Goku and that dude from all the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" commercials and romance novel covers. Damn, that would have been much shorter to type if I could have just remembered that dude's name.
Anywho, I miss DJ Brian, the lover, the dreamer, the inspiration to us all. But now, now I truly do fear he's gone.
I, of course, blame everyone but myself.
And this thread is dedicated to the memory of Brian A. Ortiz.
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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And the pain will make you crazy, you're the victim of your crime. Too much love will kill you everytime.
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I remember the occassion when someone said 'fuck' on the DC Boards and then no one would own up to saying it and the moderators said: 'If no one owns up then we're going to ban everyone.'
Eventually Brian stood up and claimed that it was him who had said 'fuck', even though he hadn't, and then DC Comics banned him from reading any of their titles, even Aquaman for Christsakes, and he had to go the Marvel boards where he was molested by Hulk fans.
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He was never the same way after that... 
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URG am real man! 7500+ posts
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URG am real man! 7500+ posts
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So that am was oritz in that hulk/Spideypic?
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*bump* because Brian A. Ortiz is im-por-tant.
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Brian A. Ortiz may have very well been the single most important thing that has ever happened to this bo--nay!... TO THE INTERNET.
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Brian and myself were both too young to have served in 'Nam.
However, in his quieter moments, Brian often intimated to me that, had we participated in America's noble war against the evil forces of Communism, he felt that he would have saved my life, risking his own by carrying my wounded body across his shoulders to the haven of a waiting Helicopter. I in turn told him that were he to die, I would sink to my knees in front of his mangled and charred remains and cry "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" until my lungs ached.
Occassionally I still drive into the countryside at night and shout "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at the sheer unfairness of it all.
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To whom this may concern,
I remember the 60s, growing up a young girl in the mean streets of Idaho. I never knew who my mother was--she left us just before I was born--and my dad, well, he tried to raise me right, but I just wouldn't listen. I was on the fast track to drugs, sex, and studyin' law, and I liked it that way.
Then came that cold day in July. It was one of the few days I was actually in school and not playing hooky shootin' craps or playin' games in one of them fancy pantsy new r-cades. See, I'd heard we had a new principal steppin' in. He wanted to clean up the school, teach the kids they could be somebody. That's what he told the mayor, that's what he promised the city. I wanted to be the first brick wall on the quick, nasty road to breakin' that promise.
At first it went all smooth-like. Loiterin', stealin' lunch money from the rich kids, eating beans and moonin' the old, crusty nuns with audio. A good half-hour. Heh. It was all good 'till Ol' Man Ortiz caught us.
I was the only one who didn't get away.
That afternoon changed my life forever. He took me under his wing, y'know? He showed me that there was a world I'd never seen before, that I could do things I'd never done.
Now I sell my body for crack. My pimp smacks me around, but he does that to all of us. But...but I know deep down I'm his only girl.
Thanks, Mr. Ortiz.
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Brian Alexander Ortiz did, in many ways, embosy this proud and nobbly country we call the RKMBs. And so I have decided to commemorate his memory by invading the middle east for no good reason.
You wanna come along?
OOK OOK ACK EEK!
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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Sure. I could use some more oil.
"My friends have always been the best of me." -Doctor Who
"Well,whenever I'm confused,I just check my underwear. It holds most answers to life's questions." Abe Simpson
I can tell by the position of the sun in the sky, that is time for us to go. Until next time, I am Lothar of the Hill People!
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I should also mention that to commemorate Brian's brave and noble founding of the JLR we should all go and post on it right now.
OOK OOK ACK EEK!
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We "could" also invade Russia, they have oil  I'm sure Brian A. Ortiz would have wanted us to do that! Or, or, or, we could "invade" the DCMBs, THAT I'm sure he would have liked!
 Racks be to MisterJLA
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OOK OOK ACK EEK!
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Brian Ortiz is a son of a bitch!
Brian Ortiz is the father of every kid in this town!
Brian Ortiz once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
One time I was with Ortiz in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Ortiz goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Brian Ortiz! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'BrianOrtiz' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!
He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!
His poop is used as currency in Argentina.
He sweats Gatorade
He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!
I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury.
He sheds his skin once a year.
He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia.
He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Ortiz!
I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.
His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson.
He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.
Brian Ortiz was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!
Did I ever tell you about the time Ortiz took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Ortiz takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Ortiz yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'
Brian Ortiz had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese.
He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child.
They found $60 in change in his stomach.
He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie.
He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault.
Ortiz drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'
They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Ortiz talk in his sleep.
He once inhaled a seagull.
The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.
It was the sight of Ortiz's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!
You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!
He has dandruff the size of mice!
He jogged with a fridge on his back!
Brian Ortiz was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!
He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen.
He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million.
Did I ever tell you about the time Ortiz went hunting? Ortiz decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle.
We once had a bachelor party for Ortiz. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Ortiz once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart.
Ortiz once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.
Ortiz's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.
Ortiz ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool.
Did I ever tell you about the time Ortiz was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Ortiz chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
He breastfeeds John Madden.
Ortiz named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Ortiz's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'
Ortiz directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.
All the 'Yes' album covers are Ortiz family photos.
Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Ortiz said it would've happened sometime.
Ortiz still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
He thinks that Iron Man is gay.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Ortiz - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men.
He gave a handjob to a manta ray.
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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I tried to warn him. I told him, I told him "Brian, be careful. Be careful with the assmonkeys, Brian. They're out to get you. Please be careful, Brian." But did he listen? No. And the assmonkeys got him. They got him.
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YOU PUT SOUP IN IT!
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URG am real man! 7500+ posts
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URG am real man! 7500+ posts
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YOU PUT SOUP IN IT!
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Quote:
Registered Member #552 said:
Brian Ortiz is a son of a bitch!
Brian Ortiz is the father of every kid in this town!
Brian Ortiz once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
One time I was with Ortiz in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Ortiz goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Brian Ortiz! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'BrianOrtiz' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!
He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!
His poop is used as currency in Argentina.
He sweats Gatorade
He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!
I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury.
He sheds his skin once a year.
He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia.
He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Ortiz!
I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.
His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson.
He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.
Brian Ortiz was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!
Did I ever tell you about the time Ortiz took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Ortiz takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Ortiz yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'
Brian Ortiz had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese.
He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child.
They found $60 in change in his stomach.
He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie.
He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault.
Ortiz drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'
They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Ortiz talk in his sleep.
He once inhaled a seagull.
The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.
It was the sight of Ortiz's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!
You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!
He has dandruff the size of mice!
He jogged with a fridge on his back!
Brian Ortiz was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!
He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen.
He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million.
Did I ever tell you about the time Ortiz went hunting? Ortiz decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle.
We once had a bachelor party for Ortiz. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Ortiz once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart.
Ortiz once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.
Ortiz's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.
Ortiz ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool.
Did I ever tell you about the time Ortiz was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Ortiz chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
He breastfeeds John Madden.
Ortiz named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Ortiz's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'
Ortiz directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.
All the 'Yes' album covers are Ortiz family photos.
Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Ortiz said it would've happened sometime.
Ortiz still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
He thinks that Iron Man is gay.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Ortiz - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men.
He gave a handjob to a manta ray.
but besides from that...
Racks be to MisterJLA
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The conscience of the rkmbs! 15000+ posts
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The conscience of the rkmbs! 15000+ posts
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Posts: 30,833 Likes: 7 |
Quote:
Franta said:
The first two from the left look like they're having a few......Problems.
The last two from the right though are off the HOOK!
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Quote:
I'm Not Mister Mxypltk said:
I tried to warn him. I told him, I told him "Brian, be careful. Be careful with the assmonkeys, Brian. They're out to get you. Please be careful, Brian." But did he listen? No. And the assmonkeys got him. They got him.
We all tried to warn him that fateful day, Mxy. All we can say is that we did our best, man. We did our best. 
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We all tried to warn him that fateful day, Mxy. All we can say is that we did our best, man. We did our best.
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We all tried to warn COPYCAT that fateful day, Mxy. All we can say is that we did our best, man. We did our best.
-----once over and twice twisted---------
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URG am real man! 7500+ posts
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URG am real man! 7500+ posts
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Mr Brian Ortiz was a great man and we should all do our best to honour his dying wish to change the face of Anerican Politics, hopefully for the better.
Yes, we must vote Homer Simpson into presidency
OOK OOK ACK EEK!
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 8,971
URG am real man! 7500+ posts
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URG am real man! 7500+ posts
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"Internet! Is that thing still around?"
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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I said to him, "Brian, listen to me. Watch out for the assmonkeys, Brian. Listen to me, Brian. Stop looking at that man's buttocks and listen to me. This is importan, Brian, no time to be homosexual. They're out to get you, Brian. The assmonkeys, they're out to get you. They're gonna assmonkey you, Brian."
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brain is in cosmo for you guys to see him once again! its the issue with sarah michelle gellar on the front and matt damon on the back! he's mr. new jersey!!
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It's Pinky and the Brain! Yes, Pinky and the Brain!
He fixes the cable?
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I though Brian went on tour.
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I thought I was Brian Ortiz?
November 6th, 2012: Americas new Independence Day.
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rex is currently touring Rob's ass.
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I guess it's time for the old "I guess that's why rex smells like shit" line.
Or I guess you could spin it as "rex LIVES in rob's ass can't you smell that?".
Or maybe a remark like "much like a penis does." and turn it on rob.
I think I will go with:
Well, that rex sure likes it in rob's ass.
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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Quote:
Son of Mxy said:
rex is currently touring Rob's ass.
Your turn is next.
"My friends have always been the best of me." -Doctor Who
"Well,whenever I'm confused,I just check my underwear. It holds most answers to life's questions." Abe Simpson
I can tell by the position of the sun in the sky, that is time for us to go. Until next time, I am Lothar of the Hill People!
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The alt 15000+ posts
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1Cr 13:4 Charity suffereth long, [and] is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
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[insert non-dated reference here] 10000+ posts
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[insert non-dated reference here] 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 13,392 |
1 Corinthians 13:4
Eugene Peterson's The MessageLove never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head...
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