quote:Originally posted by Brian A. Ortiz: ...NO. I HELP DUDES GET THE WOMEN THEY WOULDN'T ORDINARILY BE ABLE TO GET.
How the hell can you help guys get girls when you've never had one?
I think I've got it figured out. You pretend to be Cyrano De Bergerac for these guys by giving them advice and so forth. But when they get cut down by the chicks and are made to feel depressed, lonely, and unwanted, you slip in to make them feel better. Next thing they know, they're waking up with a hangover and in your loving embrace.
No, Doc. By no means is that the answer. But before I explain, I wanna clear the air from last night. It's not easy being a virgin, let alone a virgin who's never had a girlfriend. Add to that long days and a short temper and I tend to become a bit caustic. BSAMS, sorry about calling you an ignoramus. I was very much on edge, and I haven't completely calmed down.
Now to answer Doc's question. I'm an analytical thinker, and I'm an adamant believer that there's far more to a woman than her boobies. (for the guys who want to keep their mindset of women on a physical level, think of it this way: All that supple skin provides a sensual covering for all her exquisitely sculpted curves, from her cheekbones all the way down to her ankles. Women are, bar none, a living sculpture with no parallel) When I utilize both skills in tandem, I'm able to
A. Help guys whose relationships have hit a rocky point get back on good terms with their girlfriends
B. Help introverted guys win the women they'd ordinarily be to intimidated to talk to
In other words, I hook people up for free. It's a public service that requires I talk to lots of goregeous women (every job has its perks), but if they're attracted to me, they rarely ever admit it (another reason I don't use my abilities for personal gain: it's pointless). So I help out the guy who'd ordinarily be spending his weekends alone by getting him the girl who catches his eye...and then I take his place (by spending my weekends alone). That's the first downside of the job. The second one is when I try inquiring as to which ladies are attracted to me, they constantly make jokes along the lines of "Get a list of all the students from the Office of Residence Life and check off all the female names. That's who likes you." Just once, I'd like the name of a beautiful female to be the answer...preferrably one I'm not trying to help a friend win over.
I'll remember this when I give my new girlfriend multiple orgasms after the Cipher Sounds party tonight. I'll remember this...and then we'll both laugh at you. Then, to rub it in, she'll probably join and post to tell you how good I was.
quote:Originally posted by Brian A. Ortiz: I'll remember this when I give my new girlfriend multiple orgasms after the Cipher Sounds party tonight. I'll remember this...and then we'll both laugh at you. Then, to rub it in, she'll probably join and post to tell you how good I was.
It'll be a special occasion. Brian A. Ortiz is going to make his first alt. ID. I'll bring the booze.
quote:Originally posted by Letrienne Jones: hey brian.........u seem like a really nice guy! Id like to meet u, maybe i can help u with that virignity problem......what do u say?
Bobo, please stop hitting on Brian like this. It shows a lack of class.
quote:Originally posted in a very gay way by Brian A. Ortiz: I'm
KEEPING
MY
VIRGINITY
you
IGNORAMUS.
I'm letting go of the dream.
No women for me.
Ever.
quote:Originally ridiculously posted by Brian A. Ortiz: I'll remember this when I give my new girlfriend multiple orgasms after the Cipher Sounds party tonight. I'll remember this...and then we'll both laugh at you. Then, to rub it in, she'll probably join and post to tell you how good I was.
Hmmmmmm,no women for you huh,then suddenly you have a girlfriend that you think will be given multiple orgasms by a VIRGIN!
Theres no need to lie to us Brian,be proud of who you are,its not a crime to be gay!
Getting back on topic for a sec: Men are fascinated by breasts because we are "hard wired" (no pun intended) to be.
In our collective sub-conscious women's breasts are associated with fertility and/or the ability to feed our infant children, thereby carrying our genes on to the next generation.
quote:Originally posted by the G-man: Getting back on topic for a sec: Men are fascinated by breasts because we are "hard wired" (no pun intended) to be.
In our collective sub-conscious women's breasts are associated with fertility and/or the ability to feed our infant children, thereby carrying our genes on to the next generation.
quote:Originally posted by Brian A. Ortiz: Doc, please tell me I'm not insane by admitting I'm a 21 year old heterosexual virgin on the verge of sexual repression...
Once you come to terms with your own lifestyle, everything will be alright. I'm sure all you have to do is ask one of the dudes you've got a crush on and they'll admit that they like you too. Grow up and accept yourself. Be a man, even if it is a gay man.
Doc.Mid-Nite, I'm disgusted at you. This is no laughing matter. Obviously Brian has trouble accepting his own sexuality. We should show compasion and not laugh at his misfortune.
Yes, he is so very gay; and, as BSAMS said, it's definite that Brian loves the cock. All of us know this, but Brian himself doesn't know it. The clues are as plain as day, yet he still desires to be heterosexual because that's the way society has always told him he should be.
So let us not mock Brian A. Ortiz. Let us help him. Let us help him break out of his shell and accept the flaming homosexual within. If need be, we'll get him a man-whore from Rob's own personal collection.
![[eh?]](images/icons/confused.gif){kind=icon}
![[humina humina]](graemlins/love.gif)
(every job has its perks), but if they're attracted to me, they rarely ever admit it (another reason I don't use my abilities for personal gain: it's pointless). So I help out the guy who'd ordinarily be spending his weekends alone by getting him the girl who catches his eye...and then I take his place (by spending my weekends alone). That's the first downside of the job. The second one is when I try inquiring as to which ladies are attracted to me, they constantly make jokes along the lines of "Get a list of all the students from the Office of Residence Life and check off all the female names. That's who likes you." Just once, I'd like the name of a beautiful female to be the answer...preferrably one I'm not trying to help a friend win over.
![[biiiig grin]](images/icons/grin.gif){kind=icon}
