RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc: 11/16/04

King Snarf continues on his promise to make former RDCW champions tap out of his dreaded Royal Headlock.

Former RwOers have been given a series of embarrassing tasks by GM The Doctor for them to keep their jobs. They've been drinking beer since 8:00 this morning, which is well ealier than they're ever used to getting up, to see who will be able to win a pissing contest. Both distance and duration go into determining the winner.

Women's Bikini Tag Match single choice

Cowgirl Jack/Kimi (19%, 3 Votes)

Meeko/Sneaky Bunny (81%, 13 Votes)

Total Votes: 16 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:06 PM

Former RwO Pissing Match single choice

Chewy Walrus (47%, 8 Votes)

Backwards7 (0%, 0 Votes)

Drzsmith (6%, 1 Votes)

BSAMS (35%, 6 Votes)

Dave (12%, 2 Votes)

Total Votes: 17 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:06 PM

King Snarf: Champion Assassin Series single choice

King Snarf (65%, 11 Votes)

Stareena (35%, 6 Votes)

Total Votes: 17 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:06 PM

Donkey Lovin' Tag Titles Match single choice

Captian of Outer Space/Notwedge (50%, 8 Votes)

Joe Mama/Son of Mxy (Champs) (50%, 8 Votes)

Total Votes: 16 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:06 PM

Heavyweight Cheese Title Match single choice

URG (31%, 5 Votes)

TK-069 (Champ) (69%, 11 Votes)

Total Votes: 16 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 6:06 PM

The theme from Jaws throbs ominously from the PA speakers as Chris Oakley struts down to the ring,the IC belt draped ostentatiously over his shoulder.He leaps into the ring,picks up the mike,and starts to address the loudly booing crowd.

This is a really big night for me...tonight I'm going to repay the man who helped me escape the shackles of mid-card status,who forced the world to finally acknowledge my true greatness.Holds up an object that is quickly identified as a pair of car keysA terrific manager deserves a terrific reward for success,and I'm about to give my manager that reward.Louie,come on out!

Another avalanche of boos fills the arena as Louis J. Bastardo makes his way to the ring to the strains of "California Knows How To Party".He and Chris high-five each other,then Chris resumes his commentary as Bastardo flips the bird to a fan wearing a Joe Mama T-shirt.

Louie,it's no secret that you're the most brilliant mind in RDCW--your efforts to secure me an IC title shot helped prove that.(Louie nods appreciatively)You made it possible for me to finally attain my rightful place in the ranks of the RDCW,and so I wanted to show you my gratitude by giving you something worthy of your exalted status as the greatest manager in RDCW.Here in my hand,I've got the keys to a brand-new solid gold Ferrari Testarosssa that's waiting for you in the parking lo...

Chris' words are abruptly interrupted by the thunderous beat of "We Will Rock You" and the crowd erupts in a standing ovation as Penwing emerges from the locker room and confronts Chris and Louie in the middle of the ring.Chris looks at his longtime archnemesis like something that's not even fit to be scraped off his shoe.

What the hell are you trying to pull,Penwing?!!

PenWing: Pull? Me? Oh, you probably want to know why I'm carrying the remains of a shattered Sherwood?

*PenWing looks at the stick handle in his left hand.*

PW: Yeah, they just don't make em like they used to.

*PenWing shakes his head as the cheese-o-tron comes to life, showing Bastardo's Ferrari. The windows and headlights are all but gone, with pieces of shattered glass all over the hood and ground, and the hood and roof are badly dented.*

Oakley: You son of a-

PW: Hold on, Oakers. That's not what I came out here talk to you about. I'm here to talk to you about MY title, and I'm NOT talking about the one resting over my shoulder right now.

*Huge pops from the crowd.*

PW: That's right. I'm talking about the one draped over your shoulder.

*The crows erupts in cheers, chanting PenWing! PenWing! - Oakley shakes his head as a mile comes across his face.*

Oakley: PenWing, I think you've taken one too many shots to the head, and that may be affecting your memory. I won the match last week. In fact, I won that match by cleaning your clock!

PW: You did clean my clock last week. You really did. And I'm not out here to deny that. I'm here to offer you the chance to do it again. In a double ladder match. You put your title up over that corner of the ring, and I'll put mine up over this corner. In one match, you can keep, trade, or win both titles. All you have to do is name the date. Oh, but before you do, I think you left something in the ring last week.

*Oakley has a puzzled look as PenWing slips his hand into his pocket.*

Oakley: What are you talking about?

PW: This-

*PenWing quickley removes his hand revealing Oakley's brass knuckles, and lunges towards him with a right, knocking Oakley to the ground. As PenWing beats on Oakley, Bastardo grabs the IC belt and makes a run at PenWing. Knowing what's coming, PenWing jumps to his feat and delivers a Spin-o-rama, kicking the IC belt into Bastardo, and knocking him out. As Oakley slowly gets back his feat, PenWing picks up the IC belt and drops it on the ground behind Oakley. This cause Oakley to turn around, and PenWing grabs his head for Sudden Death, right onto the title. PenWing then picks up his Hardcore Porn belt and raises it up to the cheering crowd as "We Will Rock You" blasts over the speakers. He then leaves a bloody Oakley and an unconscious Bastardo lying in the ring as he exits.*

Marcum: "PenWing can't do that to the champ! That's assault!"

Monroe: "What about all the times the Bastardos have assaulted other people?!"

Marcum: "What?! What are you on, Mouth? The Bastardo Family are respectable competitors! They would never stoop to such low actions!"

Monroe: "What about last week when Chris Oakley nailed PenWing with brass knuckles to win the IC title?"

Marcum: "I don't know what you're talking about! Oakley won that match fair and square!"

*Backstage, Louie Bastardo is ranting*

"And let me tell you something! If these thugs like PenWing or that Joe Mama ever. . .EVER! lay their hands on me again, I'll have them arrested! DO YOU HEAR ME!!! ARRESTED!!! I'm calling my lawyers right now! I'm a big time corporate mover and shaker, do you understand me! This is not happening again!"

Off to Louie's right, we see Chris angrily waving away EMTs. It's obvious by the look on his face he wants to get his hands on PenWing in the worst way.

I'm fine, dammit! Just give me a fistful of painkillers and let me get my hands on that bastard PenWing...

Camera fades to RDCW Arena garage, where we see Nuriko stepping out of a BMW wearing a blue velour minidress. From the passenger side front seat, we see two-ton Tommy, Nuriko's bodyguard, unzip his jacket to reveal a Bastardo Family T-shirt underneath.Tommy and Nuriko both start walking towards the locker room, not yet knowing of the ferocious beating PenWing put on Chris just moments earlier.

And King Snarf's winning streak continues! In your face, space coyote!

Meeko and Sneaky Bunny vs Cowgirl Jack and Kimi

Our first match of the night pitted two teams of RDCW Divas against each other. The competitors had barely made it into the ring before a four-way cat-fight broke out. Hair was pulled, ladies were rolling all over the place, and Madman Marcum was in Heaven.

Marcum: Woo-HOO!!! I love it! Bring some'a that sugar MY way!!!

Once order was restored, the ladies delivered a truly great opening match. Though Cowgirl Jack and Kimi had an initial advantage, due to their past teamwork, they had a hard time keeping up with Sneaky Bunny's high-flying maneuvers and Meeko's technical prowess. The former foes were able to toss Kimi out of the ring and focus on the former Women's Champion. A series of Meeko-plexes, Flying Bunny Kicks (missle drop-kicks), and old-fashioned double-teams softened Cowgirl Jack up. The match ended when Meeko used her Meeko-Bomb (running tiger-bomb) to position Cowgirl Jack for the "Bunny Hop" (flying leg drop from top ropes) and the pin.

Monroe: Amazing! These former foes worked together like seasoned pros! Is this a harbinger of things to come? Is there tag team gold in these ladies futures???


RwO Pissing Contest

The five former RwO members met the Doctor out in the cold, 40-degree RDCW parking lot for their "punishment". The rules were simple: The competitor able to whiz the longest would win, with consideration for distance. Backwards7 was immediately eliminated: Cold-induced shrinkage and performance anxiety ("I don't want to pull out my pecker in front of EVERYONE!!!") did him in. Drzsmith tried gamely to compete, but could only manage a few short bursts before being relegated to a couple of drops (which fell in his pants). Dave, who had been bragging earlier about the amount of water he'd drank ("Just watch me break the seal!"), started strong. But, when he started to falter, he desperately tried wiggling and shaking his member until BSAMS' chants of "If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it" caused him to lose his shot.

BSAMS was dominating the field of competition. His pee-rings and figure-eights had everyone convinced that he'd win. He had just finished pee-writing "RwO Rules", and was about to start writing "BSAMS is king of the wrestling world"...

...when, from ten yards away, Chewy Walrus peed on him. Without moving an inch from his spot, Chewy "Wazz-rus" (as he was calling himself) was able to chase down, corner, and drench his final opponent. He was clearly, and decisively, the victor (though no one would touch him or raise his hand to confirm it).

Marcum: I guess BSAMS is proof that it's better to be pissed-off than pissed-on!"

Monroe: Classy, Marcum. Really classy!


King Snarf vs Stareena

Fan-favorite, Stareena, was the first to the ring. Then, after a couple botched intros, King Snarf and Louie Bastardo decided to make their way to the ring.

Marcum: That's right, paisan! Let 'em wait! You guys come to the ring on your own time!

The match started and Stareena was able to hold her own. Throughout the match, Stareena relied on her technical prowess to keep her one step ahead of King Snarf. Louie seemed more focused on watching the lady wrestler than the match itself. However, when King Snarf Irish-whipped her into the ropes, Louie was there to trip her up. She fell face-first to the mat and King Snarf locked in the Royal Headlock for the win.

Monroe: That's disgusting! Louie Bastardo is a no-good crook who has to cheat so his guys can win!

Marcum: You don't know what you're talking about, Mouth! King Snarf won that match with a headlock, plain and simple!

Tag-Team Title Match: Captain of Outer Space/Notwedge vs Joe Mama/Son of Mxy

Son of Mxy and the Captain started this match. They both relied on their speed and technical skills to gain an advantage. However, Son of Mxy was able to gain control and a series of fast tags and brutal moves and double-teams put the match at advantage: champions. They were able to isolate the Captain of Outer Space in their half of the ring and work him over.

And then King Snarf and Chris Oakley came to ring-side.

Monroe: What the Hell are they doing there? What business do they have?

The distraction allowed the Captain to tag in his partner. Notwedge, who hadn't been in an RDCW ring in some time, showed only a little ring-rust as he used some old-fashioned brawling techniques to get a head up on the champions. While Chris Oakley distracted the ref, Notwedge threw Joe Mama into the ropes, where a waiting King Snarf tripped him and dragged him to the floor. King Snarf threw a few punches at Joe Mama, then tossed him back into the ring just before Son of Mxy could get involved.

Notwedge worked Joe Mama over some more and seemed to have the victory locked up until his rustiness came through and he made a mistake. He tried to throw Joe Mama into the ropes again, but it was reversed and Notwedge fell to the Enforcer. Joe Mama crawled to his corner where a fresh, and impatient, Son of Mxy made the tag. The second generation superstar was cleaning house, but Chris Oakley and King Snarf jumped BOTH him and the Captain of Outer Space. They tossed the Captain out of the ring and started working on the tag champions, but Captain Sammitch and PenWing ran to the ring and it became an eight-man free-for-all. The match was called a "no-contest" and security had to come in to break up the melee.


Heavyweight Cheese Title: URG vs TK-069

This was a match of contrasts. The giant, brawling caveman against the technical expertise of the champion (and lady's man). The match went back and forth, with neither man able to gain a clear advantage.

Monroe: This is truly the champion's most dangerous challenge yet!

Marcum: Whattaya talkin' about, Mouth? URG's a joke! A choke-artist! A big, GAY BABY!!!

Urg seemed to hear the Madman's comments, because he flew into a rage. URG blindly battered past TK-069's defenses and, once the caveman got a hand on the champ, used the turnbuckles to his advantage. TK was thrown into the corners, then URG ran full-speed into him. After the fourth assault, URG threw the limp body of TK-069 into the center of the ring. A pin, a kick-out! Another pin, another kick-out. A frustrated URG then stood and was about to pick up TK-069 for the "Mammoth Slam" (powerslam off the top rope), when a barely conscious TK whispered something to him. URG quickly dropped his foes, climbed out of the ring, and started frantically searching for something.

Marcum: What's URG doing? Why didn't he cover the champ?

Monroe: The better question is, "What did the champ say to URG?"

URG: Where am naked Betty? URG am want to have sex with hot cavegirl!!!

TK-069 had just enough time to recover when URG, catching on to the trick, made his way to the ring. TK used a flurry of punches and kicks to keep ahead of his foe, and his speed to keep away from his blows. Seeing the opening, TK-069 used the Orchepocalypse to plant URG in the center of the ring. A Flying Negra allowed TK-069 to get the pin and retain his title.