RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 12/14/04

Okay, folks, it's time for "Play-By-Play: Speed-Round". I was in New Hampshire longer than I meant to be this weekend, so I'll do this relatively quickly:

Fifteen-Man Battle Royale

The match started with only seven men in the ring. It would be discovered, after the fact, that someone blocked one of the locker-room doors with a large cabinet and an old IROC. Stupid Dogg went over the top rope when LLance decided to "make love, not war...especially with that Sexy Dogg!" URG eliminated LLance ("URG am not no faggot! URG am all man!!!") and Winged Creature, before a successful double team by Chewy Walrus and Wednesday put the caveman over the ropes and out of the match. Not happy with the results, URG climbed back into the ring and delivered a beating to the two competitors that could not be shown on Prime-Time TV.

Monroe: I have never seen a wrestler brutalize his opponents in such a gory, disgusting fashion! It'll be a miracle if those two ever wrestle again!

Madman (into trash bucket): BLEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!

Upon returning from commercials, Bibbo was ruled the winner as the only person to survive the match. The GM will have to make a ruling about Wednesday and Chewy Walrus at next week's Havoc.


Nuriko vs Ursa

The rogue Kryptonian was no match for the Bastardo Family's female member. Throughout the match, Ursa kept calling for "ZOD!!!" as Nuriko employed her martial arts prowess and high-risk maneuvers to soften Ursa up for the "Hiroshima Mamma" and the win.


Heavyweight Match (Non-Title)

What should've been a quick tune-up match for King Snarf turned out to be quite exciting for the fans. The two competitors put on a hell of a show, using both brawling and technical wrestling to gain the edge over their opponent. King Snarf locked in the headlock mid-way through the match, but Rex was able to grab the rope and break the hold. Later, King Snarf fell victim to the "Oedipus Rex" (Pedigree) and it looked like Rex would win the match. But King Snarf was able to muster up the energy to kick out of the pin.

That's when all hell broke loose.

Both the Bastardo faction AND the Oakley clan arrived ringside. A fight started outside the ring that security had to be brought in to break up. But in the chaos, both Louie Bastardo and Christine Oakley slid into the ring. Louie was caught delivering a chair shot to Rex, and Christine was caught using her "Real Cubic Zirconium Diamond Weddin' Ring" as a weapon against King Snarf. The match was declared a draw due to outside interference.

Fat Retard: I can't believe it, buh-GAWD! Whatta SLOBBERKNOCKER! Rex has definitely shown he's a Heavyweight contender!

LLawler: Y'think he and Christine would do a three-way?

Fat Retard: Government Mule!


NotWedge/COO vs ZOD/Non

These rogue Kryptonians fared no better against the Captain and NotWedge than Ursa did against Nuriko. ZOD was left alone to face off against the pair while Non stayed in his corner (and on his knees). By the end of the match, even the crowd was chanting "KNEEL!" as the Captain delivered the Space Shot for the win.


Cage Match: Tommy vs Captain Sammitch

As the cage came down, Sammitch made his way to the ring alone and stood in the center, waiting for his opponent to arrive. "Two-Ton" Tommy showed no signs of wear from his beating by Mystery Man earlier as he made his way with Nuriko to the caged ring. As the cage door closed, Sammitch unleashed a fury of punches and kicks on the man who incapacitated his tag team partner. Tommy was able to get a few punches and cheap shots in, but Sammitch was a man possessed. Somehow, he was able to lift Tommy and delivered a series of Sammitch Suplexes that slowed down the big man. Captain Sammitch climbed to the top rope and delivered a leg drop to his fallen foe. Then he locked Tommy into the Sammitch Submission and held it for a few minutes until Tommy's screams faded and he passed out.

Madman: What's Sammitch doing? You can't win a Cage Match by submission!

Monroe: He's sending a message to the Bastardo Family and Joe Mama! That's what he's doing!

Madman: Grandstanding again! What's next, is he gonna throw Tommmy out of the ring???

After making sure that Tommy was unconscious, and delivering a few kicks for good measure, Captain Sammitch walked to the cage door and demanded that it be opened. Eyes locked on Nuriko, Captain Sammitch walked out of the cage and down the ring steps, winning the match.