RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 01/11/05

Last week, the challenge was made by the Bastardo Family for Captain Sammitch to face them in a tag match. Sammitch reluctantly agreed, having no idea who his partner would be. No sooner had Sammitch agreed to the match when Grimm appeared on the rampway, agreeing to team with him!

They then brawled with Chris Oakley and the Bastardoes on the entranceway! After Sammitch's table match victory in last week's main event, Chris Oakley made it a six man tag! And the question remains, who will Sammitch and Grimm team with tonight on Havoc!

Hardcore Porn title single choice

Bibbo (Champ) (45%, 10 Votes)

Wednesday (55%, 12 Votes)

Total Votes: 22 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 7:59 PM

Women's Match single choice

Nuriko (19%, 4 Votes)

Sneaky Bunny (81%, 17 Votes)

Total Votes: 21 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 7:59 PM

Triple Threat Saved by the Bell challenge single choice

King Snarf (48%, 11 Votes)

Zach Morris (35%, 8 Votes)

A. C. Slater (17%, 4 Votes)

Total Votes: 23 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 7:59 PM

Hardcore Handicap Match single choice

Charlie (75%, 15 Votes)

Los Monstrous Azules (25%, 5 Votes)

Total Votes: 20 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 7:59 PM

6 Man Tag single choice

Capt. Sammitch/Grimm/Mystery Partner (77%, 17 Votes)

Chris Oakley/Tommy/James Fantastic (23%, 5 Votes)

Total Votes: 22 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 7:59 PM

"Snuff the Rooster" blasts from the PA speakers as Chris Oakley and Louie Bastardo strut down the rampway to the raucous boos of the crowd.Chris and Louie leap into the ring and high-five one another,then Louie picks up the mic to begin his commentary.

Louie:Well,gang,this is a very special night for the Bastardo Family...tonight we welcome into our privileged ranks Mexico's greatest tag team.But before that happens,Chris has a few words for Cabin Boy Sammitch.

Louie passes the mic to Chris,who glares in the direction of the locker room.

Chris:Sammitch,I'm going to kill you tonight.

Crowd boos again as Chris gives the mic back to Louie.

Louie:Now then,without further,allow me to introduce the newest members of the Bastardo Family,and your next RDCW world tag team champions...LOS MONSTROS AZULES!!

"Los Muchachos de Hoy" begins playing over the PA as Senor Perdicion and El Daga lumber down to the ring,each carrying a green-and-white mask taken as a trophy from the team they defeated back in Mexico in their final match before coming to RDCW.Senor Perdicion shakes hands with Louie,then picks up the mic and turns to address the crowd.

PERDICION:We want to thank Senor Bastardo for agreeing to serve as our manager in RDCW,and we promise him that we will destroy all the Bastardo Family's enemies one by one!Crowd boos so loud madman marcum and thedoctor can't even be heard over itWe have long been the greatest tag team in Mexico,and before long we will prove that we are also the greatest tag team in RDCW!

Perdicion hands the mic to El Daga,who flinches as a fan wearing a Joe Mama T-shirt spits at him.

DAGA:Senor Bastardo's enemies are OUR enemies...and our enemies will be punished for their disrespect!

Without warning,Daga and Perdicion jump out of the ring,grab the fan who just spat on Daga and drag him from his seat.As the crowd watches in disbelief and alarm,Los Monstros deliver El Soplete on the hapless fan right on the arena floor,leaving him practically unconscious.Louie smirks triumphantly as EMTs rush to attend to the fallen fan.

Louie:Just a little preview,folks,of what awaits Charlie and any other jobber dumb enough to get in Los Monstros' way!And Joke Mama,I hope you were watching,because you're next on their hit list!

"Snuff the Rooster" starts playing as Chris,Louie,and Los Monstros head back to the locker room.Behind them,the EMTs wheel the fan who was attacked to a waiting ambulance;at the announcers' table,a clearly disgusted madman marcum vents his fury to his broadcast partner.

Marcum:I can't believe it, Mike!! Los Monstruos Azules have been looking forward to their arrival in RDCW for so long, and then some jealous slob who's a fan of Joke Mama has to go and spoil their debut by spitting on them!! Talk about the Ugly American!

Mike "The Mouth" Monroe:You've got to be kidding me, Marcum!! You're seriously asking me to believe that a little thing like spitting justifies the horrendous assault those two blue-masked psychopaths have committed?!! I'd hate to think what would have happened to that poor guy if arena security hadn't been at ringside!!

Marcum:I,for one,applaud the way Los Monstros so quickly and decisively avenged the insult that uncouth Joke Mama fan showed them,and I'm hoping to see them do likewise to Charlie later tonight!!

Monroe: Well, wrestling fans, tonight sure looks like being am exciting night! First we have the hardcore title on the line, and we close the night with a six-man tag match, The Bastardo family vs. Grimm, Sammitch and a mystery competitor...

Marcum: Grimm and Sammitch have no chance! The Bastardos are champs!

Monroe: Maybe, maybe not. But tonight also sees a battle between some very promising newcomers. Mexican tag team Los Monstrous Azules will face up-and-coming British Star Charlie in a one on two hardcore handicap match, which Charlie himself requested!

Fat Retard: SLOBBERNOCKER!

LL: Do you think the mexicans would agree to a threesome ?

Monroe: After Charlie's surprise defeat of Nowhereman last week, he agreed to an interview with me in his home, in which he talked about his background and his plans for the future.

The interview comes up on the cheese-o-tron, and the crowd falls silent

Monroe: Charlie, thanks for agreeing to the interview

Charlie: Hey, no problem. I figure people deserve to know about my past, and what the hell, this sounds like fun.

Monroe: So, how'd you get started out in wrestling.

Charlie: Well, it's a long story. Over in England wrestling never really caught on like it did in the states, and there's not very many big promotions. I started out on the only big one there was north of London, Northern Championship Wrestling.

Monroe: Sounds like a big deal.

Charlie: Not really. The promoter was a guy named Mike Small, and he didn't really know much about wrestling. He signed me not long after I dropped out of sixth form, on the basis of some good grades in physical sciences. Anyway, I hooked up with these two sisters who'd been wrestling for a while as the Ruby Twins. They'd actually held the NCW tag title for a while, so they were a pretty big deal. I became their little brother Gem.

Monroe: Must've been fun.

Charlie: It was, for a while. But Mike went bust, and he had to sell NCW. Went to this big Japanese businessman. He ploughed a lot of money into it, but the atmos wasn't the same, so me and the girls moved on.

Monroe: From what you said earlier, it doesn't sound there were many places for to go.

Charlie: Not up north, but one of the girls had got an offer from a big promotion in London called International Extreme Wrestling. Originally it had just been for her, but she managed to talk the promoter into signing us up as well.

Monroe: Wasn't the IEW run by Jerry McPryde?

Charlie: (grinning) Yeah, it was. Not a lot of americans know this, but Jerru McPryde is probably the biggest english promoter/wrestler there's ever been. He was good to us.

Monroe: So, did you keep wrestling with the Ruby twins?

Charlie, Nah, we dropped that. The senior girl, who called herself Emerald, she wanted to keep on with that, but me and the younger one were bored with that, so the team split. Emerald kept going the same, but I changed pretty much into what I am today. The younger girl started calling herself the Extreme Queen, and we continued tagging up.

Monroe: I imagine the fights were pretty rough.

Charlie: (laughs) well, it wasn't called Extreme for nothing, was it? Nah, the fights weren't too bad. That was really when I got into hardcore matches though, 'cos the money was better. In IEW, the hardcore title was pretty much the most prestigious one, though there weren't many belts to choose from.

Monroe: Did you ever get your hands on the title?

Charlie: I bagged the British Champion title twice, and me and the queen held the tag title for months, but I never managed to bag the hardcore title. After a while I got frustrated about that, and me and the Queen split up. She started managing some rookies, among whom was one Jimmy Marks, better know as James Fantastic!

Monroe: No way! Your ex tag partner managed James Fantastic?

Charlie: I kid you not. Back then he was called 'Mr. Intelligence' cos he was still in college, but he was pretty lethal. As for me, I fell in with a veteran called Howler. He had this whole 'werewolf' thing going on, and he'd formed this team of guys around him. We were sorta heels, but that was never a big part of the team's identity.


Monroe: Sounds like it was quite the team.

Charlie: Oh it was, it was. As well as me and Howler, there was this one guy called The Highwayman, who was probably the biggest heel of the lot. Then there was Mad Dog and Glory, they were tag partners from Scotland, and this chines guy called the Orsonville Dragon. Me and him partnered up for a while, and we won the hardcore tag champions' belt. Those were great times.

Monroe: What happened?

Charlie: McPryde had been forming this rival team to us called the Crusade, sort of the goodies to our baddies. We faced off against them in a huge 12 man tornado tag match, and we lost. Part of that deal was that the team had to split, so we went our separate ways. Mad Dog and Glory reinvented themselves as big-league Faces, and the Dragon went back to Japan to wrestle there. I stuck around for a while, but it didn't feel right, so McPryde helped me to get a job wrestling over here with a promotion called West Coast Superwrestling. I was there for about a year, and that was really when I switched sides and became a good guy. Then The Doc signed me to RDCW.

Monroe: Have you kept in contact with any of your old compatriots?

Charlie: Well, Emerald had been in WCS for a while when I got there, so we hung out for a while, but I lost track of most of Howler's gang. Last I heard, The Dragon was in chop sockey movies.

Monroe: Well, Charlie, thanks for the interview and goodbye!

the chees-o-tron fades to black

*Deep within the bowels of the Cheesedome, down past the boiler room, Grimm sits, taping his wrists and hands with black tape. His tshirt bears a Gunfighters In Hell logo. Sammitch walks up, a little nervous.

"I'm not quite sure about all this. . ." He says. "Louie Bastardo got this turned into a six man real fast. Who can we get to team with us on such short notice?"

Grimm looks up as if just now noticing him. "I got it covered."

Sammitch's eyes light up. "Is it Nowhereman? Oh,man this is gonna kick ass! The Hellions are gonna tear up some shit tonight!"

Grimm goes back to taping his wrists. "Nowhereman's doing his own thing right now. It's not him."

"Oh," Sammitch glances at the EuroTrash title on his shoulder. "Is it. . ." he looks around a bit, not wanting to bring up the name. "Is it Joe Mama?"

Grimm stops taping his wrists for a moment and briefly looks up at Sammitch. "No."

"Then who is it? Seriously, I need to know, because otherwise I'll never be able to concentrate on the match. Those luchadores that Oakley brought in just clobbered a fan. Assholes don't deserve to work here!"

Grimm finishes taping his hands and reaches into one of his pockets. He pulls out a small black cell phone with 666 emblazoned across the top. "Let's just say that while I was dealing with personal business I picked up a little insurance policy."

*Sammitch looks at the phone, now completely confused. "Ohhhkay, well, I'm gonna find Meeko and finish getting ready for the match. . ."

*Fade out.

As the EMT's carry out the fan, a series of multi-tracked wolf-howls sound over the arena, and a tall hairy man strides down the ramp. With him is a slightly less heavy-set but still tall individual. The two climb into the ring, and the hairier man grabs a microphone.

Howler: Hello, RDCW!

the crowd fall silent, unsure about how to react to these new faces

Howler:Those of you who watched Charlie's interview will have heard of me and my friend here. My name is Howler, and this is my good friend The Highwayman!

The crowd boo, remembering their status as heels from the IEW

Howler: Now that's not very nice, is it? In fact, I think there's been a misunderstanding.

Highwayman tales the mic from Howler

Highwayman: We here to make things chnage.

Howler: That's right. Los Monstrous Asuzel's attack on a fan earlier tonight sickened and disgusted me. These people have come to watch us and have a good time, and you beat them up.

Highwayman: You sir, are a cad!

Howler: You deserve to be fired from the RDCW, and never to wrestle again. And if I have my way, sir, you will be.

Street Fighting Man plays over the sound system, and James Fantastic strides down the ramp. The crowd boos him, and Fantastic flips them the two-fingered salute

JF: Hello, and kiss my ass!

More boos

JF: I'd just like to welcome the new members of the Bastardo Family, and congratulate them on their...brilliant performance earlier tonight.

the crowd's booing intensifies, and several members of the crowd start chanting obscenities at him

JF: Well done to them on their actions, and I can promise you that you're going to see a lot worse in the coming weeks.

the crowd rise to their feet yelling obscenities at Fantastic. Seeveral members of the crowd attempt to get at Fantastic to attack him, and security struggle to conatin them. Fantastic smirks and runs backstage. As he collapses against a wall, hootinh with laughter, Howler and Highwayman come out of nowhere, pounding on him with various hardcore items.

Howler: This, Mr. Fantastic, is a message to all the Bastard Family. You can tell them that Howlerama are on the warpath, and their next on the list!

Howler hurls his head back and howls, whilst Highwayman picks Fantastic up and slams him into a wall

We return from commercial to find Joe Mama standing in the ring. The reception is lukewarm. No entrance music, just a man and a mic.

JM: I expected to come back here last week, but it seems that the doctors in these parts, as well as The Doctor himself, take a Grade Three concussion a bit seriously. So I was forced to take in Havoc from a hospital bed while under observation. Long story short, I have two bits of business to take care of.

First off, Captain Sammitch.

The audience cheers at the mere mention of the new Eurotrash Champion.

JM: You're offering to just hand over the Eurotrash Title to me? And all I have to do is "forget our rivalry"? Is that it? Let me make my position on that perfectly clear: If you ever...EVER...offer to hand that title to me, or anyone for that matter, I will personally make you roadkill. I held that title for about six months. I put my ass on the line for it more times than I care to count, and kicked a damned good amount. You won the title. How you did it means very little to me, whether it was a clean win, or outside interference. But don't you EVER cheapen that belt by offering to hand it over. Are we clear? Offer rejected.

Rest assured, Sammitch: you and I will face off again. Whether it's for the Eurotrash Title, or another title, means very little to me. Our match at ARMA-GADDA-DA-VIDDA (try to pronounce it!) didn't end the way either one of us wanted it. A rematch is inevitable.

But not tonight. And not any time before the Rumble. Which brings me to my second business item...Chris.

The crowd is warming up to Joe Mama.

JM: Chris, I have to remember sometimes that you haven't been in the spotlight all that long. All the pressure of being a champion is new to you, so OF COURSE you're going to do stupid things. You trashed my rental car at Arma-Gadda-Da-Vidda, and now you're buying that company a new car. Dumb. You introduce a couple of Luchadores as members of the Bastardo Family, who then attack a fan, opening up one HELL of a lawsuit. Dumber.

But, Chris, the dumbest thing you have done is run your mouth off about me, about Captain Sammitch, about Bibbo, and everyone else who breathes the same air as you. Because it's clear, at least to me, that you have absolutely NO focus! Even before you defended your titles, you were challenging me to a match at the following month's pay-per-view. And what happened? You lost one of the titles. Now you're facing off against me and running your mouth about Sammitch and Meeko and title matches that don't even involve you. You're looking past me, and that'll cost you. It's the mistake King Snarf made when he was after me and my Eurotrash Title. And it's the mistake that is gonna cost you the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title.

Now, for me, the title is just gravy. I'm not thinking about it. I'm not worried about where I enter the Rumble. I'm not even thinking about going after Nowhereman or Captain Sammitch right now. Because my only focus - the only thing I spend any time thinking about - is our match at the Rumble. The Fenway Park Street Match. And, Chris, believe me when I say this: I am going to put a world of hurt on you. I am going to introduce you to a whole new reality of pain that you never thought existed. When our match is over, you'll be lucky if you have the ability to walk, much less compete in the actual Rumble. Look at me, Chris. I have no titles. I have nothing to lose. And, in three weeks, when we face off in our match, I will have gone back to basics. I'll be taking things back to the beginning. No baseball jerseys...no gimmicks...no distractions. Just you, me, and PAIN.

But I will say this: an old friend of mine will be making an appearance. An old running mate of mine that was by my side in the beginning, but that I allowed myself to lose touch with. She'll be making an appearance, Chris. Count on it.

Forget the Rumble, Chris, and where you'll be entered. Forget the title - it's a distraction. Forget Captain Sammitch and Meeko and everyone you've allowed into your head. Focus on me. Focus on our match. Because the minute you start looking past me, that's where I'll getcha! Three weeks, Chris...you have three weeks to pull your shit together and get ready for our Fenway Park Street Fight. Because I guarantee you, destroying you is the only thing on my mind...

The fans are mostly cheering as Joe Mama makes his way to the back. At the head of the ramp, he holds up his hands. With his right hand, he holds up three fingers, which stay up while his left hand flashes three fingers, then form a fist, then three fingers, then a fist, then one more set of three before he turns and leaves the ring area completely.

Monroe: Strong words from Joe Mama. But what was he doing with his hands? What was the three fingers and nine fingers about? What is three-nine???

Madman: More importantly, who's he bringing to the Royal Rumble? An ex-girlfriend? His manager from when he wrestled the Independent Circuit in Massachusetts? Who is his mystery friend, and what does it mean for Chris Oakley???

As Joe Mama is triumphantly strolling back to the locker room,he runs into Chris Oakley,who stands in the hallway wearing what resembles Vietnam-era jungle fatigues and looking at the former IC champion like he was a cockroach scuttling across the floor.Joe gives Chris the same look in return.

JM:What do you want,asshole?
Chris:What else,JOKE Mama?To beat you to a pulp.

Before JM can make a move to retreat or counterattack,Chris grabs him and slams him against the wall;he tries to set JM up for a Full Metal Jacket,but Joe escapes and bodyslams him onto the concrete floor.Smirking,JM grabs the IC belt from Chris and gets ready to bash him over the head with it;just as he starts to lift it up,however,Los Monstros Azules burst out of an adjacent locker room and attack him from behind.At a signal from Chris,Senor Perdicion and El Daga nail JM with El Soplete,leaving Joe looking like he just got run over by a semi.Taking his belt back from JM,Chris spits on him in disdain.

Chris:The only guy here who's made a mistake is YOU,Jerk Mama.At the Fenway Park street fight I'll wreck what's left of your career,and as for your little friend...if she gets in my face,we'll rearrange hers.

Senor Perdicion kicks JM in the ribs,and with that Chris and Los Monstros strut back to the Bastardo Family dressing room.

*The lights go out and ominous music plays as the words "EVIL IS COMING TO RDCW" flash up on the screen. Then things go back to normal.

Mike Monroe: "What was that?"

Madman Marcum: "I dunno, but it was cool! Almost as cool as the beatdown Oakley and Los Monstros just put on Joke Mama!"

Monroe: "Fans, last week we showed you part one of my exclusive interview with Grimm. . ."

Marcum: "You mean Larry Grimmonowski, the White Trash Kidd!"

Monroe: "Whatever. " "And now here's the second part of this interview.

*The Cheese-O-tron lights back up, and we resume the videotape footage from last week.

Monroe: "So, by this point, your career's taken off. You're working with a bunch of your peers and making names for yourselves and it's time to leave the first big place you've had success. How did that feel?"

Grimm: "Well, we were a little worried at first, you know, because we thought we'd pissed somebody off and they were trying to get rid of us. But it wasn't like that at all. In fact, they told us after a time, we could return, when the fanbase had forgotten we'd lost the loser leaves match. And like I said, the promoter got us bookings in other places."

Monroe: "So you toured around."

Grimm: "Yeah, we went all over the country. Up into Canada, and then down into Mexico for a while. We had some great trios matches with the original Chile Pepper brothers."

Monroe: "Mxy and his family."

Grimm: "Yeah, that was a lot of fun and a completely different style. Eventually we toured Europe and Japan as well. We made a lot of money and were living our dream."

Monroe: "So when did you get the call?"

Grimm: "About late '97 or so. Az gets the message on his phone that Rob wants us for RDCW. So we're all excited. They wanna bring us in with the whole Asylum gimmick and do the Asylum matches, the works, basically. It was the best news we'd gotten. We were on top of the world."

Monroe: "But that isn't what happened is it?"

Grimm: "Not quite, no. About a week after the call, and after our first couple of meetings with Rob and the board, Azrael gets into this bad car wreck. He got hurt pretty bad and wasn't gonna be able to wrestle. It screwed us all up. We went to see him in the hospital and he tells us to go ahead and go anyway. So, to honor his wishes, we did just that."

Monroe: "But early on, things didn't quite click did they?"

Grimm: "They were clicking in the ring. We came in and did some six man tags. Remember, we still had three wrestlers and our manager, Boss Hawg. I should point out that this time, that Rob and the board didn't like the Boss Hawg gimmick and repackaged Donny into another character."

Monroe: "Was this the birth of the Doctor?"

Grimm: (nodding) "Yes, it was. It was actually something a little closer to his own persona. So now you understand when I say he didn't have to go digging into my past. He already knew it."

Monroe: "So what happened with the Asylum? Why didn't it work in the RDCW?"

Grimm: "Well, it was working. It would've continued to work, but Blackwulf's wife left him a few months into things. We hadn't even made our tv debut then. He flipped out, went berserk and smashed up a locker room. It was crazy. Rob fired him on the spot. Vengeance left with him and they went back to Japan and did tag matches over there. They did real well, they won the belts a few times."

Monroe: "So it was down to you and the Doc now. What happened there?"

Grimm: "Well, we eventually made our debut with him as my manager and things went along for a bit. He eventually managed other guys, Lothar was one, I think. And somebody had the notion of tagging me up with Nowhereman."

Monroe: "And the Hellions were born."

Grimm: "Yeah, just instant chemistry. We clicked in the ring. And the fans hated us. They hated everything we did. Early on, Doc was our manager, but eventually they moved us off on our own because we didn't need him. We were so obnoxious and so bad and so overwhelming to our opponents we didn't need anything else to add to it. We were a complete package."

Monroe: "How did you like the Hellions reunion last year?"

Grimm: "I enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun. We came back in and we dominated like old times. In fact, you might see another Hellions reunion one of these days."

Monroe: (laughing) "I don't know if the fans could take it!"

Grimm: "Probably not. Heh."

Monroe: "So after the original Hellions run, what happened?"

Grimm: "Well, actually I'd been looking to get into singles again and go for some higher titles, but my body was just real broken down. I'd had a lot of hardcore matches and some brutal tag matches with Bibbo and I Man, and I just needed some rest. So I took a few years off."

Monroe: "And became the bane of my existence."

Grimm: "Hahaha! Calling the shows with you was fun. I enjoyed that and it gave me time to heal until I could get back in the ring full time."

Monroe: "Why do you think the Doctor has decided now to send his mystery opponent after you?"

Grimm: "He's playing mind games. The rWo is gone, and I'm on my own right now. He's pissed about me leaving the Power Trip and about how it fell apart when I did leave (which I knew it would.) He doens't have anything. It's a ruse. He's trying to get into my head. It ain't happening."

Monroe: "What do you think he's got in store for you?"

Grimm: "There's no telling. But I think he's still involved with Snarf and I think this Bastardo Family is something he's involved with in some way. He's protecting these guys. He knows I can take them out like that, so he's trying to keep me away from them with this bullshit mystery opponent. Well, I have a few surprises of my own, and that's all I'm gonna say about that."

Monroe: "Grimm, I thank you for your time, and I wish you luck."

Grimm: "Thank you, Mike."

*As the Cheese-O-Tron fades out, the arena lights go down and Ghoultown's Return of the Living Dead hits. Grimm appears in the entranceway, and makes his way down to the ring. He's wearing a long, black duster coat over his Gunfighters In Hell tshirt and blue jeans. Once inside the ring, he pulls a microphone out of one of his coat pockets.

"Ever since I got here this week, everyone I've seen has been asking me who the mystery partner in our main event tag match is gonna be. I haven't been able to get a moment's peace. But I've been waiting until the time was right. Well, now it's the right time, so. . ."

*Grimm is cut off as Snuff the Rooster hits and Chris Oakley, Los Monstrous Azules, Tommy, and Louie Bastardo head down to the ring. They head into the ring and Oakley has his own mic.

Oakley: "You tell us now, dammit! Tell us who your mystery partner is or we'll leave you laying like we just left Joke Mama laying in the back!

*Grimm looks around at the Bastardo Family members surrounding the ring and shrugs. "Okay." He reaches into his other coat pocket and pulls out the black cell phone we saw him with backstage earlier.

Oakley: "Yeah, that's it! 666! We know what that means! Go ahead and call Nowhereman! We know it's the Hellions again!"

*Grimm laughs at this a bit. "Heh. Whatever, Chris. Here, I'm dialing the number now. In fact, listen to this."

*Grimm holds the phone up and Oakley cautiously approaches it. He puts his ear next to the phone and hears something. Oakley's jaw drops and his face turns white as music again blares from the Cheesedome speakers. . .

*It's the Imperial March, blasting over the speakers as smoke envelops the stage and the lights go out in the Cheesedome. A red glow can be seen coming out of the floor as a black cloaked figure rises from beneath the stage. The glow highlights him as he walks towards the ring.*

Monroe: Baw Gawd! The Monster has a monster!

Marcum: The monster is going to have hell to pay when The Doctor finds out about this!

Monroe: Forget what The Doctor is going to do! The only hell to be paid is by the Bastardo Family! They're still in the ring!

*Darth enters the ring the ring and the lights come back on.

Louie Bastardo, now outside the ring, hands Tommy a chair, which he tries to use on Darth. Darth kicks the chair into Tommy, grabs his head from behind, and executes a Sithspawn! (Reverse DDT)

When Darth returns to his feat, Los Monstros Azules grab Darth's arms and send him into the ropes. Darth turns around to bounce off the ropes on his back, and then grabs both of Los Monstros Azules' throats, executing a double Sabre-slam! (Chokeslam)

Darth then turns to face Oakley, who tries to execute the WMD. Darth catches him in the air and lays him out across his shoulders into the Sabre-stretch! (Torture Rack) When Oakley can't take it anymore, Darth executes the Darkside Slam! (F-5, victim lands face first onto mat)

With the Bastardo Family crawling away from the ring, Darth then turns to Grimm. They stare at each other for a minute, and it looks like Darth is going to take him out. Instead, Darth bows his head and kneels before his master, Grimm.

Grimm laughs as Ghoultown's "Return of the Living Dead" blasts over the speakers and Havoc goes to a commercial break.*

Above the ring we once again see a mass of wires leading to a jury rigged monitor showing the recent events.
The camera pans left to see a face lit only by the monitors glow.
A smirk is seen on Nowheremans face.
He just nods his head enjoying the craziness down below!


Monroe:"Did you just see that Marcum?"

Marcum:"Of course I did you idiot,I'm not blind!"

Monroe:"That guy is just getting weirder & weirder,I'll be interested in what Grimm thinks of whats going on in his old partners head!"

Marcum:"Who cares?"

Backstage, the Crotch is interviewing the Big Cheese Champ!

The Crotch: King Snarf, what is your reaction to what we've seen so far?

King Snarf: Who cares! The fact is, Havoc should revolve around the World Champ, and that's me, baby! I'm the greatest champ ever!

Crotch: Well, I'm not sure about that....

KS: Listen, buddy. I am the greatest! I beat TK-069 so badly he left RDCW forever! It's also no coincidence that I also haven't defended my title yet in any actual matches, either. The Doctor's afraid of me retiring more Superstars! But enough about all of that! Tonight, I face Saved by the Bell's Zach and Slater to determine who gets to take Kelly to the prom! And I'm gonna win! And that's just a preview of what'll happen at the Rumble, when I beat 29 other guys so I can name my own opponent at Robblemania!

Crotch: That brings up another question, Snarf? If you won, who would you name as your opponent?

KS: Well, I'd tell you but that would ruin the surprise! However I will say this; I'm sure my detractors are thinking I'd name so ham-and-egger so I could squash them at Robblemania. This is not so! The superstar I have chosen is quite possibly a legend, known to many here at the Cheesedome. A man who the fans haven't seen in a while. Rest assured, when I announce who it is, RDCW will be uzzing for some time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a match to ready for! Kelly, sweet Kelly, soon you'll be mine!

King Snarf is just about to make his way to the ring when a dazed and VERY upset Chris Oakley confronts him in the hallway.

Snarf:Chris,are you all...

Before Snarf can finish his sentence,Chris grabs him by the throat,hauls him off the floor,and drills him into the concrete with the Red Alert.His eyes are gleaming with rage as he opens his mouth to address the RDCW world champion.

Chris:YOU LET US DOWN,YOU STUPID JACKASS!WHEN WE NEEDED YOU THE MOST YOU WEREN'T THERE!IF IT'S THE LAST DAMN THING I EVER DO,I'LL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT THAT YOU'RE KICKED OUT OF THE BASTARDO FAMILY!!!

With those words,Chris storms off back to his dressing room to ponder how he'll even the score with Darth.

FR:Buhgawd,Queen,it looks like the Bastardo Family may be already starting to fall apart!
Llawler:We can't let that happen,FR!Louie worked too long and too hard to put that great team together!
FR:If Chris Oakley wasn't full of rage already he certainly would be now!We could be in for a real slobberknocker at this year's Rumble....Madman and Mike,back to you!

Back at ringside,Madman Marcum and Mike "The Mouth" Monroe stare at each other in total amazement.

Monroe:I don't know what to say.
Madman:Neither do I,brother....this could change everything in RDCW.
Monroe:It certainly changes the complexion of his triple threat match later tonight.

He's the Diet Coke of Evil......just 1 calorie......not evil enough.

Ha ha! I won! And next week, the Prom comes to Havoc, because the Cheesedome will host my date with Kelly Kapowski!

After a short commercial break and a teaser for "No Way Out of the Closet",camera fades in to a close-up of the Crotch with an excited grin on his face.

Folks,I've got big news!The IC champion,Chris Oakley,has agreed to an exclusive interview with me on next week's "Havoc" to talk about his situation with King Snarf and the rest of the Bastardo Family as well as his plans for the RDCW Rumble and his Fenway Park Street Fight with Joe Mama!Marcum and Monroe,back to you!

Camera cuts back to madman marcum and Mike "The Mouth" Monroe

Snarf is walking backstage after his fight when he comes across Fantastic lounging against a door.

JF: Nice fight...champ.

Snarf: I thought so.

Fantastic sneers at Snarf, showing his contempt for the match

JF: My money was on Morris for a second.

Snarf is angry, but keeps his cool and walks away.

JF: You're gonna go down, Snarf. And I'm gonna be there

Snarf loses his cool and turns...straight into a cricket bat to the face. Fantastic hits him again, then runs off

Hardcore Porn Title

It was Bibbo's dockside brawling versus Wednesday's technical skills in this week's opening bout. The Hardcore Champion didn't wait for the bell or foe his opponent to enter the ring, favoring an attack on the ramp. Wednesday took a brutal series of left and right fists before Bibbo gorilla-pressed and threw him into the ring. Bibbo immediately went for his Bibbo-Bomb (power-bomb), but Wednesday kicked out at the two count. The Champ continued to bludgeon Wednesday, then picked up his opponent for a gorilla-press slam. But Wednesday had the presence of mind to wriggle and kick, causing Bibbo to lose the press. Wednesday hit the mat, then sprung forward, chop-blocking Bibbo's knee and giving himself some breathing room. Wednesday capitalized on the weakened knee with a series of kicks to the injured leg, keeping Bibbo off-balance. Though the Champion struggled to fight back, Wednesday's "kick-and-move" approach was effective, wearing down Bibbo and keeping him off his vertical base. A cross-body off the top rope gained Wednesday a two-count against Bibbo, which he followed up with a "See You Next Tuesday" to pick up the win. Wednesday is the new Hardcore Porn Champion!

Nuriko vs Sneaky Bunny

Nuriko, looking to maintain her momentum leading up to her match against Meeko at the Royal Rumble, came to the ring first. She entered the ring, bowed to the ring announcer, the announce tables, and the ref. Then she stood in her corner as Sneaky Bunny entered the ring solo. Sneaky had a fire in her eyes as she prepared to face off against her teammate's foe. The bell rang and the match began.

Nuriko tried to establish a methodical match tone, but Sneaky Bunny wasn't having it. Taking a page from Meeko's playbook, she attacked Nuriko with punches and holds designed to wear down her opponent. Once she had Nuriko completely off-balance, Sneaky Bunny went with her high-flying attacks, knocking her foe out of the ring with a Bunny Hop followed by Taxidermy to the ring floor. After rolling Nuriko back into the ring, Sneaky Bunny further weakened her opponent with a series of leg drops, then Irish-whipped her into the corner. Sneaky bunny, seeing victory within her grasp, helped Nuriko to the top rope, then delivered the Bunny Flop. Sneaky Bunny got the cover, the pin, and the win. For good measure, she locked Nuriko in what looked to be a Joe Mama-Lock for a few seconds before letting her go and posing for the fans' pictures. Then she made her way to the back, glowing with her victory.

Marcum: That was unnecessary! The ref should've reversed his decision for antics like that! Nuriko did nothing but show respect and fight a good, clean match!!!

Monroe: The question is, why use the finisher of one of her teammates' enemies? What message was she trying to send?

Triple Threat "Saved By The Bell" Match

This match was set up to determine just who would be Kelly Kapowski's date to the prom. Kelly sat at ringside with Lisa and Jessie, waiting in anticipation for the match to begin. Zach and A.C. entered the ring together with Screech, wearing a coach's uniform and blowing a whistle non-stop, in tow. They did their patented "handshake-into-a-snap", then got ready for the arrival of the Heavyweight Cheese Champ. King Snarf then walked down to the ring with Louie Bastardo.

King Snarf entered the ring and immediately went after A.C Slater.

Marcum: Great move! Go after the Greco-Roman wrestler first and eliminate the strongest opponent! Then tear that preppie limb from limb! That's why King Snarf is Heavyweight Champion and Louie is the genius he is!

Monroe: Not for nothing, Madman, but I watched that show. Slater wouldn't know the difference between a cross-face and a grapevine! Talk about fake, crummy wrestling!

Marcum: We know entirely too much about this TV show...

King Snarf executed his plan to perfection in the early goings. After bodyslamming Slater, or drop-kicking him, or working any move, he'd turn and dare Zach to fight him. But Zach stayed in his corner. Slater took the brunt of the abuse until the Champion finally slapped a headlock on him, forcing Bayside's State Champion to tap out - A.C. Slater was eliminated!

King Snarf: C'mon preppie, let's finish this! I'll try not to mess up your hair too bad!!!

Zach Morris: No chance, jerk. Everone knows Kelly loves me! Win or lose, she's going to the prom with me!

Screech: Besides, Zach, you've already had both Kelly AND Lisa! The only chick you haven't broken in is Jessie! You oughta take her to the prom and get some feminist stank on your hang-low!

Zach: Darn it, you goof! You weren't supposed to say anything!

Kelly: WHAT?!?

Narrator: I know too much about this show...

When Kelly came to the ring corner and started yelling at man-whore Zach, King Snarf used the distraction to his advantage. He ran over, clocking Screech off the ring apron, then locked in the headlock, ruffling up Zach's hair for good measure. Zach tapped out, then all three Bayside Babes came into the ring and helped the Heavyweight Cheese Champion out of the ring.

Marcum: Looks like King Snarf is gonna get himself some sweet teen lovin'!

Monroe: Can we just move on to the next match?

Narrator: Good idea...

Hardcore Handicap Match

"Ace Of Spades" played as Charlie ran to the ring, table leg in hand. He stood in the center, brandishing his weapon and screaming, "Bring 'em on! Bring 'em BOTH on!!!"

The newest members of the Bastardo Family came out, and it was evident that they were looking forward to the match. They took their sweet time getting to the ring, grins visible on their masked faces. They stared at Charlie, pointing at him and catcalling in Spanish.

And they never saw Joe Mama coming.

Bandages around his chest and ribs, steel chair in hand, Joe Mama sprinted down the ramp and hit Senor Perdition in the back as hard as he could. As he went down from the shot, Joe Mama stepped on him and spun to deliver the same shot to El Daga's face. The two Luchadores lay prone, and Joe Mama took a few moments to whack them again. Then he pulled Senor Perdition to his feet and rolled his into the ring, motioning to Charlie to have his fun.

Marcum: Joe Mama can't do that! Those are two of the greatest champions to come out of Mexico! Why didn't he be a man and set up a match like Suicide Boy Charlie did? Disgusting!

Monroe: I'd call it fair play for their attack earlier!

Marcum: You would, Mouth. You would...

As Joe Mama took the time to work over El Daga, Charlie set to work on Senor Perdition. After deliver one brutal kick to the head after another, Charlie flung his opponent into the corner and delivered a Bulldog Brain, then another, to Perdition's gut. He placed the table leg down at Perdition's feet, then took a few steps back and delivered the British Bulldog. When Senor Perdition stumbled out of the ring corner, Charlie grabbed the table leg and hit him with a running Tower of London. His foe was an easy 1-2-3 pin.

As the bell rang, Joe Mama rolled El Daga into the ring and pushed him next to his tag team partner. He looked at Charlie, made a motion, and the pair went to the ring corners and executed dual flying elbows. Charlie went to take off the fallen Luchadores' masks, but Joe Mama stopped him. He pulled out a black Sharpie pen and, as Charlie hyped up the crowd, wrote "OAK" in large letters on Perdition's mask and "LEY" on Daga's mask. Then he raised Charlie's hand in victory and the pair exited the ring area amid cheers from the crowd.

Main Event: Six-Man Tag Match

As the Bastardo faction walked to the ring, it was clear that Chris Oakley was in a blind rage. They entered the ring and Chris started screaming orders at his teammates. James Fantastic tried to calm the Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion down, but Chris was unconsolable, screaming things about "that damned Sith" and "Joe Freakin' Mama" and "Craptain Sammitch". Tommy stood in the corner, unsure of what to do.

"Let's Get It Started" blasted over the speakers and, as the audience went wild, Captain Sammitch walked out onto the ramp, Eurotrash Title around his waist. He stopped and motioned for his music to be stopped. Then he made another motion and Ghoultown's "Return Of The Living Dead" drove the crowd into a near-frenzy. Darth stepped out onto the ramp, then turned and bowed as his master, Grimm, walked out to stand before his student. Then he turned to their foes, smiled, and motioned for Darth to rise. They walked to the ring, entered, and stood motionless, staring at the Bastardos. Chris screamed "Attack!!!" and the three ran at the fan favorites, but Grimm merely gestured and Darth locked a hand on Tommy's trachea and delivered a Sabre-Slam, sending Tommy to the floor.

Grimm stepped in front of James Fantastic and threw what looked to be the Flatliner, knocking the young Bastardo to the mat. Then Grimm picked him up and tossed him out of the ring.

Chris, now in a blind fury, threw himself at Captain Sammitch, sending a volley of wild punches, kicks, and headbutts at the Eurotrash Champion. Sammitch blocked most of them and side-stepped the rest before catching Chris' fist and putting on an arm-bar, effectively slowing down the match. Grimm and his protegee moved to a neutral corner and watched as Sammitch used his technical prowess to keep the pace slow while maintaining his advantage over the Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion. Oakley's teammates slowly made their way to their corner.

Captain Sammitch Irish-whipped Chris Oakley into the ropes and tried to deliver a drop-kick, but Chris locked his arms around the ropes and, as Sammitch landed flat on his back, pulled himself to his corner to tag someone - ANYONE - in. James Fantastic slapped Oakley's hand, jumped in the ring, and ran to the fallen Captain Sammitch. He delivered a drop-kick to the back of Captain Sammitch's head, then ran to a corner to successfully execute an elbow-drop, but only got a two-count when Sammitch kicked out. As Captain Sammitch tried to get to his feet and get to his corner to tag in a teammate, James Fantastic rushed to his corner and tagged in Two-Ton Tommy, then ran back and grabbed Captain Sammitch's leg, slowing down his progress.

But Tommy was slow getting into the ring, due to his size and the fact that he was still feeling the effects of the Sith's chokeslam. As he half-stepped, half-stumbled into the ring, Captain Sammitch was able to kick James Fantastic off his leg and tag in GRIMM. The former GM stepped into the ring, took a few steps forward, and stopped. Tommy paused for a moment, then ran at Grimm, who side-stepped the Bastardo Giant and executed a drop-toe hold into his patented Grimmlock. Tommy screamed in pain and it looked like he was going to tap out, but Darth stepped into the ring, forcing the ref to try and get him back to his corner and ignore Tommy's mat-slapping.

With the ref distracted, Chris Oakley, figuring that this was his opening, ran into the ring to attack Grimm. Grimm saw him and dropped Tommy's legs, standing and waiting for the attack. This stopped the Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion in his tracks, so Grimm turned his back on his opponent, walked to his corner, and tagged Captain Sammitch back in. As Sammitch and Oakley locked up to continue their match, student and mentor went after the other two Bastardos outside the ring.

Chris had the aggression, but Sammitch had the focus and clear mind. Captain Sammitch easily took control of the match, flung Chris Oakley into the ropes and connected with a Sammitch Spin to Oakley's chin. Chris was flat on his back, so Captain Sammitch locked him up in the Sammitch Submission. Oakley screamed for his lieutenants, but they were tied up being brutalized by Grimm and Darth. Chris oakley had no choice but to finally tap out. Captain Sammitch let Chris Oakley go once the bell rang and, as the show ended, was celebrating in the ring while Grimm and Darth backed their way up the ramp, silently nodding and clapping.

In the lower right corner of the screen, we see the caption AFTER THE SHOW as the camera fades in to the Bastardo Family's collective locker room. Seated on wooden benches, from left to right, are a tearful Nuriko, an infuriated Senor Perdicion and El Daga, a nervous Louie Bastardo, a stoic Two-Ton Tommy, and a deviously grinning James Fantastic, who is proudly cradling his cherished cricket bat. Camera abruptly pans toward the locker room doorway as Chris Oakley strides into the locker room.

CHRIS: Okay, folks, I think you all know why I called this little soiree. King Snarf is no longer suited to lead the Bastardo Family--especially after what happened tonight in the Six-Man Tag Match.
LOUIE (grins weakly): Uh, heh heh, champ, don't you think you're being a little hasty?

Los Monstruos Azules both angrily jump to their feet.

SENOR PERDICION: Senor Oakley is right! Senor Snarf no longer deserves the honor of being the leader of our team!!
EL DAGA: Senor Bastardo, we said that your enemies were our enemies...and Senor Snarf has proven himself to be your greatest enemy of all by the disrespectful way he has treated Senor Fantastic!!
JAMES FANTASTIC: Bloody damn right!! Snarf's a total bleedin' wanker! And he ought to be kicked out on his arse!!! When me and me mates Oakley and Two-Ton Tommy needed his help, where the bleedin' hell was he?!! BLEEDIN' NOWHERE, THAT'S WHERE!!!!

Louie starts to answer Fantastic, but Nuriko, in an uncharacteristic burst of defiance, cuts him off in mid-sentence.

NURIKO: Bastardo-san, surely you cannot let Snarf-san's rude and insolent behavior go unpunished! He has brought shame and dishonor to us all! And if he is not made to see the error of his ways soon, our great organization will never be taken seriously again!!

Louie stares at Nuriko in total disbelief;before he can think of a suitable response, Two-Ton Tommy whips off his sunglasses and gives the manager a frosty, Undertaker-like glare.

TOMMY: You gotta make a choice, Louie. Either you stand up for our crew and send Snarf packing, or we find ourselves a new manager.
CHRIS: We don't want to fire you, Louie, we really don't. But there comes a time when the team leader faces the test of will and he's asked to step up and meet it if he wants to have anyone's respect....and the truth is, Snarf has failed that test miserably. If you don't have the guts to deal with him, we'll find somebody who does.

With that, Chris and his fellow Bastardo Family members turn around and walk off;Louie stands there as if frozen to the spot, eyes wide open and jaw hanging slack as he struggles to figure out what to do next about the situation. Camera fades to black.

After all I've done for you. . .all of you! You want my response. . .you'll get it on the next Havoc!