Hey Llance:

I lost my mother to cancer back in August. What made this difficult for me is that I NEED to call her on the phone, and I can't anymore.

So two weeks ago I did the best thing I could. I drove from Palm Beach to Hollywood to visit her memorial, taking 441, passing by places that reminded me of her. When I got to her memorial, I excpected a few decorations here and there, and a photo. I didn't expect to see a Christmas card taped there for her family. I may not have the wording remembered exactly, but here's what about half of the card said:

"So when you look into what the past used to be, or when you look into the future to see what it holds, don't forget to look inside you, because that's where I'll be."

I needed that, more than anything. Yes, I grieved, I cried, and I spoke to her a bit. It was a tough thing for me to do, but I'm glad I went. It felt somehow different after that, but in a good way.

So if it helps any, best I can say is that as you move on with your life the best you can, give yourself time to mourn her and be sad if you need to, talk to someone, anyone.

While my situation doesn't fully match yours, in the sense that I still have my father and siblings, your mother played a large part in what made you what you are now, and part of why we're glad to have you here.