Lightweight Faggot Title Match: Hell In A Sperm Cell
As “Street-Fighting Man” played, James Fantastic made his way to the ring with a confident look on his face. He stood in the center of the ring, looked up and demanded the cage be brought down. However, it wasn’t until Son of Mxy’s music played and the Champion was in the ring him…her…itself…that the cage was lowered. With the structure in place, the bell sounded, and the two competitors faced off.
Son of Mxy’s ring rust showed early, as James Fantastic was able to quickly turn the match to his advantage. Using a series of amazing aerial maneuvers, not seen before, and a punishing series of submission holds (including several variants of a torso-stretch and standing crucifix), James pressed his advantage. However, frustration at the Champion’s fortitude caused James to change tactics and started using the cage itself as a weapon. Son of Mxy was slammed repeatedly into the cage before Fantastic hit a Classy Kick for a pin. But Son of Mxy had enough gas in the tank to kick out at the two-count.
Madman: Fantastic's got the match sewn up! Son of Mxy hasn't got a chance!
Monroe: I don't know what you call “sewn up”, Marcum, but this match isn’t over yet!
Son of Mxy was able to reverse a telegraphed Classy Kick into a Running Elbow Smash. After several punches to the temple to keep the Challenger stunned, Son of Mxy delivered an ankle lock that had James screaming as he clawed his way to the ropes, forcing Son of Mxy to break the hold. The Champion pressed his advantage, using well-placed fists and boots, ultimately locking in the STF. Somehow James was able to free himself and try to mount a comeback. But he missed with an ill-timed Flying Fantastic and was a victim of both the Mxyplex and a Son Of Mxyplex, allowing Son of Mxy to get the pin and retain the title.
With the match over, the tub of MisterJLA’s man chowder was brought out to ringside for the loser – James Fantastic – to be dunked in. The humiliated Fantastic initially refused to get into the bath, and actually made a break for the locker room. But LLance and Mxy himself emerged from backstage to bodily pick James Fantastic up and plunge him in the bath. “Dropping Anchor” hit the soundsystem for a second time and, after several minutes of dunking the disgraced Bastardo Family member, the pair hoisted Mxy aloft to the cheers of the crowd.
Monroe: I don’t know about you, Marcum, but these kinds of family moments just warm my heart.
Madman: I think I’m gonna be sick…!
