RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW RDCW Rumble: The Undercard

Hardcore Porn Triple Threat single choice

Wednesday (Champ) (21%, 7 Votes)

Bibbo (32%, 11 Votes)

PenWing (47%, 16 Votes)

Total Votes: 34 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 10:24 PM

Olde London Street Fight single choice

Nowhereman (59%, 20 Votes)

Charlie (41%, 14 Votes)

Total Votes: 34 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 10:24 PM

Women's Booby Title single choice

Meeko (Champ) (65%, 22 Votes)

Nuriko (35%, 12 Votes)

Total Votes: 34 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 10:24 PM

Hell in a Sperm Cell (Light weight Faggot Title) single choice

Son of Mxy (Champ) (71%, 25 Votes)

James Fantastic (29%, 10 Votes)

Total Votes: 35 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 10:24 PM

Fenway Park Match (IC Title) single choice

Chris Oakley (Champ) (23%, 8 Votes)

Joe Mama (77%, 27 Votes)

Total Votes: 35 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-04 10:24 PM

Yes, the Rumble is here! I and, King Snarf, will dominate the Rumble as I have dominated the World Championship. Remember, when I win, I get to nominate my opponent for Robblemania! I have already selected who I will face, and believe me, when I make the announcement, it will rock RDCW to the core! Part of the reason for the turmoil within the Bastardo Family is that I refuse to disclose who my opponent will be!

*Evil laughter echoes through the building as the lignts go out and the words EVIL IS COMING appear on the screen, then "Won't Back Down" by Fuel starts up. When the drums and guitar kick in pyro shoots up the ramp, one explosion after another in time to the drumbeats starting at the part of the ramp closest to the ring and ending at the entrance door, ending with a bigger explosion right at the door. Red lights come on and, as the smoke clears a dark figure is standing at the top of the ramp. The words on the screen have changed to EVIL IS HERE and then they switch back and forth between that and JOHNNY EVIL. The guy walking to the ring is wearing a hood over his head, sort of like Cobra Commander and he's wearing a sort of military-style uniform with a long coat in red and black, he's carrying a microphone and a briefcase and he has a small bag over his shoulder. He makes his way to the ring. The lighting returns to normal as he climbs into the ring.*

Marcum: Finally, after all the hype we're getting our first look at Johnny Evil. I wonder if he's really as evil as they say.

Monroe: As who says?

Marcum: Shut up.

*Johnny Evil puts the briefcase down and his electronically-altered voice comes trhough the microphone.*

Evil: I'm sure some of you are wondering if I am really evil enough to call myself Johnny Evil. I will prove it to you tonight, but first, I'm a little hungry.

*Johnny Evil takes the bag off his shoulder, reaches in and pulls out a cute little kitten, holds it out for all to see and then he puts the kitten under his hood. A disgusting crunching sound can be heard in the deadly silent arena.

Monroe: My GOD! Johnny Evil has eaten a kitten! How sick can a human being get?

Evil: Now, just in case you don't believe me...

*He pulls a remote control device out of the bag and pushes one of the buttons and banners large unroll in different parts of the arena, each with a nude picture of one of the Golden Girls. People all over the arena shriek in terror at horrific sight.*

Evil: That was just the warm up. Here's the main event!

*He pushes another button and something some very, very strange people might actually call "music" starts to play. Some people actually start fleeing for the exits.*

Monroe: OH MY GOD! That sicko is playing "It's a Small World"! This must be the most twisted, evil man on the face of the Earth!

Evil: Now, I doubt any more demonstrations are needed. Let me get to business. There are a lot of people in RDCW who have a lot of ability and are wasting it because they have no killer instinct. They all have a point where they will go no further. They all think "What am I going? I can't treat another human being this way." I don't. I don't care if another person is feeling, or thinking. I see the other wrestlers here in RDCW as things to either use or overcome to reach my goals. There is one man in particular who comes to mind. Notwedge.

*The crowd cheers at the mention of his name but Johnny Evil uses his remote to turn up the volume on "It's a Small World".*

Evil: Do I have your attention? Good. Notwedge is wasting his potential. He's so worried about entertaining you morons that he hasn't even come close to reaching the level someone who has his ability is capable of. I'm going to help him. Not help him to win, or to realize his potential but to help him waste it. I will do everything in my power to make sure he NEVER becomes the World Champion. He'll be stuck in Tag Team obscurity forever. I know he's in the Rumble tonight and I'm not and the winner gets a title shot. But I've come up with a way to keep him from winning.

*He holds up the briefcase.*

Evil: In this case, I have ten thousand reasons to be the man who eliminates Notwedge tonight. I think you know what I mean. Notwedge, you will NEVER be Champion. I'm just evil enough to make sure it never happens.

*Won't Back Down starts up again and Johnny Evil leaves to thunderous boos. When he's gone, "It's a Small World" starts up again.*

Monroe: I've just gotten some terrible news from the production crew. No one knows how to stop "It's a Small World from playing. Good God, that was one evil guy.

*Back from break, "It's A Small World" has finally stopped playing over the speakers, and The Crotch is about to conduct an interview.*

The Crotch: I'm standing outside the locker room with former Hardcore Porn Champion PenWing and his manager, Women's Boobie Champion Meeko. First off, I'd like to congratulate the two of you on your win last week, and you in particular, PenWing, on your triumphant return.

PenWing: Thank you crotch.

Meeko: It was a good match.

The Crotch: Yes it was, and I'd like to ask you about that first. Does Joe Mama's interference in the match mean that your faction is back together?

PenWing: Interference? Crotch, Chris Oakley was about to attack Sneaky Bunny, after interfering in the match himself and giving me quite a headache. If anything, we owe Joe for the save on that one. As for our former faction, Joe does what he does. I have no idea what his plan is.

The Crotch: How about tonight? PenWing, you have been entered in a tripple threat match against Bibbo and the Hardcore Porn Champ, Wednesday. You are also participating in the Rumble. Do you really think you'll still be able to be eliminated from the Rumble tonight after you lose your title shot? It is a hardcore match.

PenWing: Crotch, have you ever been in a hardcore match?

The Crotch: Well, no.

PenWing: Crotch, in order to win a hardcore match, you have to be able to take a beating that would force most people to take a month off. Crotch, I took almost two months off. I took the time off not because of a hardcore match, but because I was attacked from behind, by a two-ton loser. Last week, everyone saw what happened when that particular loser got in an actual match with me. Now, I don't know if I'm going to win back the Hardcore Porn Title. What I do know, is that the clock is ticking. We are in overtime. Sudden Death rules. When Wednesday steps into that ring and hands the ref the title belt, he is no longer Hardcore Porn Champion Wednesday. He is just another player in the game. And he has a powerplay tonight, because while Bibbo may not be there to help him, he's not there to help me, either. And whatever happens in that match, I can't speak for my opponents, but I will walk out of that ring, and later tonight, I will walk back into the ring, and I will make an impact in the Rumble.

The Crotch: Yes, the Rumble. How do you plan on fighting off the collective power of the Bastardo Family?

PenWing: I won't be alone in there. The Eurotrash Champion Captain Sammitch will also be in the Rumble, and I think we showed last week that we can handle the Bastardo Family.

The Crotch: But can you, Meeko, handle the Bastardo Family? Tonight, you defend the Women's Boobie Belt against Nuriko. After the way she tossed you around last week, how do you think you can possibly win this match?

Meeko: Nuriko is fine wrestler. One of the best in the women's division, but toss me around last week? She was tapping to the Meeko-Lock, and had she been the legal woman, that would have ended the match right there.

*The Doctor is in his office watching the interview when he notices The Crotch's hand moving in pocket.*

The Doctor: Oh shit!

*The Doctor bolts out of his office hoping to intervene before it's too late, while PenWing grabs The Crotch and throws him into the wall.*

PenWing: You sick bastard! Just what do you think you're doing?

The Crotch: I don't know what you're talking about PenWing, let go of me!

*King Snarf Rules, who was watching the interview from down the hall runs to the Crotch's aid.*

KSR: Hey! You can't do that!

*PenWing releases The Crotch and holds KSR at arms length.*

PenWing: "Stay out of this, Kissass."

*The Crotch tries to sneak away when Meeko throws him back into the wall.*

Meeko: And just where do you think you're going? We're going to finish this!

*The Doctor comes running down the hall yelling-*

The Doctor: PenWing! Meeko! Just what the hell do you think you're doing! Let go of them! NOW!

PenWing: Did you see what he was doing?

The Doctor: Why do you think I came racing out here?

Meeko: I want them. In the ring. Next week. Versus PenWing and me.

The Doctor: Are you insane? Everyone knows what the two of you will do to them in a match. If I allow this, who's going pay for the new interview team I'm going to need to hire while these two are in the hospital? Because I'm not going to go over budget for that!

PenWing: Then let them name the match. Whatever they want. Hardcore, No DQ, Lumberjack, hell, they can name a special guest referee if they want.

The Doctor: They name the stipulation? And you'll agree to it? Even if they name the special guest referee as, say, Chris Oakley?

Meeko: Even if they want Oakley to ref the match.

The Doctor: One more thing. They don't get any Bastardo Family members at ringside, and you don't get Captain Sammitch and Sneaky Bunny.

Meeko: Fine.

The Doctor: And if they can't perform their duties because of injuries they aquire in the match, the two of you will cover the cost of the new interviewers out of your own paychecks while they recover.

*Meeko and PenWing look at each other for a moment.*

Meeko: We'll be careful not to take them out of commission.

The Doctor: Damn right you will. All right. Release him, Meeko. You've got your match. The stipulation will be announed at the beginning of Havoc.

*Meeko releases The Crotch, and she and PenWing go back into the locker room to prepare for their matches.*

Finally.......an adversary willing to bring the fight to me.

Street Fighting Man plays over the sound system, and Fantastic makes his entrance. Entering the ring he grabs a microphone and speaks

JF: So, we're at the rumble at last! The time has come for me to prove my greatness by defeating Son of Mxy for the Lightweight belt!

The crowd boos, and some chant MXY! MXY!. Fantastic is visibly annoyed, and climbs out of the ring to punch one chanting fan in the face

JF: The next person I hear chanting will have both their legs broken!

the crowd's chanting grows louder, and Fantastic gets back into the ring amid jeers and cries of LOSER!

JF: Any of you who want to see Mxy win the title tonight better believe in god, cos it'll take a miracle to stop me! But that's not the only reason I'm here. The other reason I'm here is the shocking revelation of the traitor in the Bastardo's midst.

the crowd fall silent

JF: Now, I would like to say how shocked I am at the fact that Chris Oakley didn't share this knowledge with me. I don't know what you're thinking, Chris, but I must assure you that I'm not the traitor here.

I know that you're a good man, and you'll come to realise that there are other issues to be dealt with. Rest assured, however, that I agree thoroughly that the traitor, whoever they be, will be punished.

Street Fighting Man plays, and Fantastic leaves the ring. Suddenly, a video plays over the cheese-o-tron, showing Fantastic laid out unconscious, with a mexican wrestling mask beside him

*Notwedge walks into a locker room with a sign saying "Tag Team Champions" on the door. Captain of Outer Space is already inside.*

Cap: Where have you been? We need to get ready for the Rumble.

Nw: Huh? Is it really that late? I guess I lost track of time.

Cap: It's OK, you should still have enough time. It's not like you're going to be first out there, is it?

Nw: Yeah.

Cap: Did you catch what Johnny Evil said?

Nw: I missed that too? Man, I'm out of it today.

Cap: He's going to have everyone going after you. He's going to pay 10,000 dollars to whoever eliminates you.

Nw: 10,000 dollars? Will you split it with me if I let you throw me out?

Cap: This is serious.

Nw: Serious? In one of my segments? That'd be a first.

*They both look at the camera for a moment and go back to speaking "normally".*

Cap: This is a big chance for us. We're already tag team champs. If one of us gets a shot at the world title, the Princes of the Universe would be the most dominant force in RDCW.

Nw: I still don't like that name. Maybe we could be the Highlanders. We could wear kilts and everything.

Cap: We're not Scottish.

Nw: I'm a One of my grandmothers was half Scottish.

Cap: I don't think that counts.

Nw: I guess not. Can you step out for a minute. i'm going to change. We may be tag team partners, but i'm still not comfortable dropping my pants in the same room as you.

Cap: Fine.

*Cap leaves and Nw starts to hum "It's a Small World".

Nw: Crap. I hate it when that song gets stuck in my head.

GRACE: Did you think you could get away with trashing me,bitch?!!! I know you've been disrespecting me behind my back,and I'm not gonna put up with that crap anymore!!! You've been insanely jealous of me from the minute we first met--and if you think I'm gonna let you drive me out of the Bastardo Family,you're damn wrong,slut!!!!

To Grace's astonishment,Nuriko suddenly rips the mike out of her hand and smacks her across the face;the Japanese diva then flashes her a dirty look as the Bastardo Family secretary tries to keep her Gibraltar-sized bosom from popping out of her blouse.

NURIKO: I will not allow you to dishonor me with such slanderous comments!! I demand that you apologize to me immediately,or else I will be forced to exact a most severe ven--

Before Nuriko can finish her sentence,Grace spears her into the canvas;the two women then start trading punches and trying to rip each other's hair out. Grace spits several ethnic slurs at Nuriko,and Nuriko responds with some very un-ladylike Japanese epithets questioning Grace's sexual orientation. Grace fishes a pair of brass knuckles out of her skirt and is just about to smash them into Nuriko's face when "Rooster" blasts from the PA speakers as Chris Oakley charges out to the ring in the outfit he'll be wearing for his Fenway Park Street Fight against Joe Mama later that evening,and inserts himself between the combatants. Other RDCW stars emerge from the locker room and hold Grace and Nuriko back as Chris picks up the discarded mike.

CHRIS: Get a grip,you two!! Louie's supposed to be here later tonight,and if he sees you two tearing into each other like a couple of rabid dogs,he's gonna be furious!!

"Rooster" starts playing again as RDCW officials escort Grace and Nuriko to separate locker rooms. All the RDCW wrestlers except Chris also start to file out of the ring and head back to the locker room area;Chris stays behind and starts to lay out the array of weapons he'll be using when he takes on Joe Mama. Just before the camera fades out,we can see Nuriko making a not-very-ladylike gesture to Grace and Grace making that same gesture in return.

Who is this Mike that people keep picking up?

I saw him riding down the street with Oakley. They were listening to the Gypsy Kings.

Won't Get Fooled Again blares out of the speakers, and Spandex Monkey Man strides down to the ring, amdist the cheers of the crowd. Stepping into the ring he picks up a microphone and speaks

SMM: Now, one thing a lot of people have said to me since my arrival is this. "Spandex Monkey Man" they ask, "How can you be a true hero without a sidekick?" So, may I introduce my new sidekick, Rosalita!

Spinning Around plays, and Rosalita makes her way down to the ring, amids the cheers of many male members of the audience. Spandex helps her into the ring, and hands her the microphone

R: It is an honour to be here before you all as a superheroine. I, like my associate Spandex Monkey Man, wish to battle evil within this corporation, and bring honour to my title of the Human Lovebomb!

She bows, flashing her ample cleavage, and the roars of approval echo around the cheesedome. Spandex and Rosalita bow, and leave the ring to Spandex's music

Backstage, Joe Mama is getting ready for his match with Chris Oakley. King Snarf Rules approaches him for an interview.

KSR: Joe Mama, tonight you face off against Chris Oakley for his Inter-Cunt-Inental Title. At stake is that belt, the ability to challenge for the Heavyweight Title for the next year, and your entrance number in the Rumble itself. You thought?

JM: The IC belt is moot. The Rumble is moot. Future competition is moot. The only thing I'm thinking about right now is the complete decimation of Chris Oakley. Anything else is a distraction.

KSR: But the title...

JM: Is a by-product of defeating the champion. Everything you've mentioned is good and well, but none of it comes without first focusing on the here and now. Destroy Oakley, and let everything else take care of itself.

KSR: So your focus is Chris Oakley...

JM: Boy, I can't make it any clearer. Ever since I gave him the Hardcore Porno and Inter-Cunt-Inental Titles, he has done everything in his power to disgrace himself and the incredible gifts he was given. He starts feuds for no reason, only to lose more than he could gain. He looks past his opponents to future opponents, at the cost of today. And he shot his mouth off one too many times in my direction. Tonight, Chris Oakley comes face to face with the inevitability that I embody. Tonight, in the Fenway Park Street Match, he will go up against a man who has no other focus but to take away the IC Belt and put him in the IC Unit. Tonight, Chris Oakley comes to an end.

KSR: Do you think that Louie Bastardo and his Family will make their presence felt?

JM: I'm not thinking about that. Chris has made enemies within his own faction. He needs to worry about the consequesnces of his past actions, which takes away his focus. Which makes my victory inevitable. As for Louie, I'm sure he'll get involved somehow. I just don't care how - Chris Oakley is my opponent; Chris Oakley falls tonight.

KSR: And what about your statements about a friend from the past, and taking things back to basics?

JM: Believe me, all will be revealed soon enough. Now get out of here! I have a massacre to prepare for...

King Snarf Rules rushes out, leaving Joe Mama alone. As he sits, staring at the lockers and mentally preparing for the match, a horrible grin grows on his lips...

As Joe Mama is starting to leave,Chris Oakley abruptly appears,carrying his cherished IC belt with him. KSR whirls and points the mike in Chris' direction.

KSR: Champ! You've just heard the challenger's comments....what's your response?
CHRIS: My response? (chortles) Well,KSR,I hope JOKE Mama brought some ham with him,because he'll need something to go with the egg that's going to be on his face after I not only beat him in the Fenway Park Street Fight,but win the 30-man Rumble match to set up my shot at the RDCW World Title at Robblemania. (starts taunting) Oh,and by the way,Joe Moron,Richard Simmons called and says he wants his manhood back.

Enraged at this blatant show of disrespect by the champion,JM turns and punches Chris in the jaw;Chris retaliates by cracking the IC belt over JM's head,and quicker than you can say "slobberknocker",the champion and challenger are locked up in a Pier 6 brawl,a street fight before the Street Fight. KSR bolts out of the backstage area like a runaway train,leaving RDCW promoters and arena security to break up the fight and restore order. As Chris is being escorted back to the Bastardo Family dressing room area,he turns to JM with a look of disdain.

CHRIS: That's just a little sneak preview of the ass-whipping I'm going to give you in the Fenway Park Street Fight match,Jerk Mama.
JM: Enjoy that belt while you can,Chokeley,because when our match is over,you won't be seeing it again for a VERY long time.

Arena security personnel escort Joe back to his dressing room while Chris mockingly waves the IC title belt in his direction,as if to say "You're never getting your hands on this belt,loser!!"

The cameras go to a badly damaged dressing room door with a sign on marked "No entry,condemned!"
A voice can be heard from the other side that sounds like Nowhereman.

NM:"Look,I've told you half a dozen times I do not wanna go back to the tag division!"

brief pause as if someone is replying

Monroe:"Who is he talking to?"


NM:"No,The Hellions are dead,let the name rest in peace fer fucksake!"

more silence

Marcum:"Maybe its Grimm,but why would Grimm try to revive the Hellions when he has only just allied himself with Darth?"

NM:"Why do you insist on going over this crap all the time? I've told you I am not interested!"

silence

NM:"Look you idiot,I have a match to prepare for,I cant stay here arguing with you over something that aint gonna happen!"

The door opens & Nowhereman pushes past the camera. The camera pans in on the open doorway but its too dark inside to really see anything other than a silhouette.

Voice:"Whatever you say man,whatever you say!"

The door slams shut!

Hardcore Porno Title: Triple Threat Match

Wednesday makes his way to the ring first, carrying a lead pipe and wearing the Hard-core Porn Championship Belt. He hands the belt over the ref who raises it up. Bibbo, with brass knuckles in both hands, then strolls down the ramp and into the ring. Without waiting for PenWing to come out, he goes straight for Wednesday. Wednesday takes a swing with his pipe, but Bibbo catches his arm with his left hand and punches him with his right. Wednesday drops the pipe, and Bibbo punches him in the stomach.

Completely focussed on Wednesday, Bibbo doesn't notice as PenWing, sans music, races down the ramp with his Sherwood. PenWing delivers a BC two-hander to Bibbo's back, shattering the stick and dropping Bibbo to one knee. PenWing's distraction gives Wednesday a chance to collect himself. He picks his pipe back up and dives with it into PenWing's left knee, taking him down. Wednesday goes for the quick cover, but Bibbo pulls him off and onto his feet for a Bibbo-Plex. PenWing rolls out of the ring and collects himself on the ring floor.

Marcum: It looks like PenWing has had enough! He's a fool for trying to fight with that knee injury!

PenWing reaches under the ring and pulls out another Sherwood.

Monroe: It looks like PenWing is just retooling.

PenWing gets back in the ring just as Bibbo covers Wednesday. Quickly, PenWing shatters his new stick on Bibbo with a second BC two-hander. He rolls Bibbo over and goes for the pin, but Wednesday pulls him off. PenWing gets back to his feet, but Wednesday grabs him and throws him into the ropes. He follows it up with a clothesline, and both wrestlers flip out of the ring to the floor.

Wednesday is the first to recover, and he sends PenWing into the ring stairs. PenWing slams his knee hard as he falls over the steps. Wednesday grabs PenWing's leg to set up a knee drop, but Bibbo reaches under the ropes and pulls him back into the ring. Wednesday gets back to his feet just in time to take another punch from Bibbo's brass knuckles.

Marcum: Wednesday is bleeding! I don't know how he's going to get back up from that, and PenWing is down on the floor! This match is about to be over!

On the other side of the ring, PenWing reaches under the ring and pulls out another Sherwood. He gets back up and slides in under the ropes.

Monroe: PenWing's got ANOTHER SHERWOOD!

PenWing raises his stick for another BC two-hander, but this time Bibbo kicks PenWing in the stomach, causing him to drop the stick. He follows it up with a punch to the head.

Monroe: Now PenWing is bleeding!

Bibbo goes for the cover. On the two-count, Wednesday, back on his feet and holding PenWing's Sherwood, shatters the stick on Bibbo's back.

Monroe: That's THREE BC two-handers on Bibbo!

Wednesday kicks Bibbo off of PenWing and goes out of the ring.

Marcum: What's he doing?! Why isn't he going for the cover?!

Wednesday grabs two folding chairs and throws them in the ring. PenWing starts to get to his feet. As Wednesday gets back in the ring, PenWing picks up one of the chairs. He turns around, right into a super-kick from Wednesday.

Monroe: SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY!

Marcum: PenWing is seeing stars now!

Wednesday picks up the other chair and gets ready to swing as Bibbo gets to his feet. Bibbo throws a punch at Wednesday, but he uses the chair as a shield, and then takes a swing of his own, sending the big brawler to the mat. Wednesday goes for the cover.

Marcum: This is it! Wednesday will keep his title!

Monroe: The ref stopped the count! Bibbo has his foot on the rope!

Marcum: Wednesday's not to happy about that!

As Wednesday argues with the ref, PenWing gets back to his feet. He walks up to Wednesday and grabs his arm, throwing him into the ropes for a-

Monroe: Super Drag 'n’ Whip!

PenWing goes for the cover, but Bibbo is back on his feet. He pulls PenWing off of Wednesday, picks him up, walks over the ropes, and throws him out of the ring.

Monroe: Buhgawd! Where did Bibbo get the energy to do that?!

Marcum: Like a true champ, he dug down deep!

Bibbo turns around to find Wednesday slowly getting back to his feet. He grabs Wednesday's arm to send him into the ropes, but Wednesday manages to reverse the Irish Whip. Bibbo grabs onto the ropes to stop himself. Wednesday quickly picks up a chair and slams it into Bibbo's head. Bibbo falls hard to the ground.

Monroe: The former champ is now a bloody mess!

Outside the ring, PenWing removes his knee brace as Wednesday sets Bibbo up for the MidWeek Crunch (pile-driver), right onto a steel chair. PenWing slides back into the ring and nails Wednesday in the head with his knee brace.

Monroe: PenWing used his knee brace as a weapon! He must have been faking the injury!

PenWing goes for the cover and the ref counts to the three. The Bell rings and the crowd erupts as the ref raises PenWing's arm and hands him the Hard-core Porn Title Belt. Back in Black blasts over the speakers as PenWing tosses his knee brace out of the ring and raises the belt high above his head.

Old London Street Match

“Ace Of Spades” blasted over the speakers as Charlie made his way to the ring, hoping to continue an impressive run of victories. Once in the ring, he stood, facing the ramp, slapping the table leg he was carrying against his open palm. Then “Creeping Death” started up and Charlie’s stance changed to one of anticipation for his opponent. But, instead on coming from the back and down the ramp, Nowhereman dropped from the rafters, grabbed Charlie with a chokehold, and delivered a Fuck Off Slam as the bell rang. Surprisingly enough, Nowhereman took a few steps back and motioned to Charlie, daring him to get up and fight. Charlie got to his feet and the two competitors threw down.

Monroe: I have a feeling that we’re not about to see any technical wrestling in this match!

The pair took the brawl up the ramp and into the backstage area. Nowhereman threw Charlie across the craft services table and onto the floor. As Nowhereman tried to press the advantage and hit Charlie with a metal trash can, Charlie had the presence of mind to kick his opponent’s legs out from under him. Nowhereman fell to the floor and just barely missed hitting himself with his own weapon, but Charlie connected with an elbow drop instead. Charlie picked up Nowhereman, in hopes of delivering a suplex through the very table he’d been dragged across, but Nowhereman managed to break his grip and the pair continued to swap blows.

The brawl continued into the parking area. Nowhereman delivered a low blow, driving his boot into Charlie’s groin, and then executed a Poof-Smasher onto a parked car. He took a moment to admire his handiwork, chuckling to himself, before grabbing Charlie and draping him over his shoulder to carry him back to the ring to lock up his victory. But Charlie wriggled out of Nowhereman’s grip, dropped to the concrete, and delivered a low blow of his own with a “bear-paw” punch. Charlie grabbed the stunned Nowhereman and drove his head, again and again, into the driver’s side window, eventually shattering the glass and drawing blood.

Madman: Hey! I think that’s King Snarf’s car! They’re wrecking the Heavyweight Cheese Champion’s vehicle!!!

Monroe: I hope Grace ordered the insurance for her boss’ client!

The pair continued to brawl, trading shots and throwing each other into various cars, damaging both themselves and the vehicles. Nowhereman managed to draw blood on Charlie when he dragged his opponent’s face across the custom chrome rims of Wednesday’s Cadillac.

Madman: HAH!!! Charlie’s officially been pimped!

Monroe: Ugh…I can’t believe you said that…

The battle returned to the ring area as the pair fought their way down through the crowd and back into the ring. Charlie scored a Bulldog Brain on Nowhereman, but inexperience and fatigue took their toll and he couldn’t make the pin in time. Nowhereman got a hold of Charlie’s table leg and stunned the newcomer with a few shots to the side of his head. Nowhereman climbed to the top ropes and hit Charlie with the Flip-Off, but Charlie (almost on instinct) kicked out. Nowhereman started to lock in the Crippler Cuntface, but changed his mind, pulled Charlie to his feet, and hit him with more than a few headbutts, focusing on the open wounds in Charlie’s forehead. Charlie battled back gamely, but Nowhereman had the physical advantage. One last Poof Smasher finished off Charlie and gave Nowhereman the victory.

Women's Boobie Belt Title Match

“Strike It Up” plays over the speakers as the Women's Boobie Belt Champion makes her way to the ring, accompanied by Captain Sammitch. Sammitch helps her into the ring and she raises the belt for all of the cheering fans before handing it the ref. Then “Turning Japanese” starts playing, and Nuriko walks to the ring accompanied by her bodyguard, Two-Ton Tommy. Nuriko bows to the ref, whispers something to Tommy, and he leaves the ring.

The ref gives both men warnings about interference, and the bell sounds.

Nuriko bows to her opponent. Meeko, to continue the tone of good sportsmanship, offers her hand to shake. Nuriko takes it, and then pulls Meeko forward and tries to drive a hand into the point of Meeko's chin and end the match early. But Meeko dodges, locks Nuriko into a bear hug, and delivers a belly-to-belly Meeko-Plex.

From here, all bets are off, Nuriko switches between martial arts and straight brawling against Meeko's mat science. The two trade blows. Meeko Irish-whips Nuriko into the ropes, but her clothesline is dodged and Nuriko hits Meeko with a dropkick. Nuriko picks up Meeko and flings her into the ropes to execute a superkick, but Meeko ducks under the leg, stops short, grabs Nuriko, and the crowd is treated to a series of German Meeko-Plexes, culminating in a Pump-Handle Meeko-Plex.

Monroe: Meeko is schooling Nuriko in the art of the suplex!

Meeko goes for a cover but, as the ref counts two, Tommy jumps up and starts yelling and trying to distract the referee. Sammitch runs over, stopping behind Tommy, and pulls him down to the floor. The two start brawling outside of the ring, so the ref ejects both men, who continue their fight as they leave the ring area amid the cheers of the crowd.

Back in the ring, Nuriko takes advantage of the distraction, and takes control of the match with some suplexes of her own.

Madman: Meeko is getting schooled in how to get schooled!

Nuriko goes for the cover, but Meeko gets her foot on the ropes, and the ref stops the count. Nuriko pulls Meeko to her feet and executes a neck breaker. With Meeko down on the mat, Nuriko goes to the corner and climbs the ropes. But, before she can get set to jump, Meeko gets back to her feet. She quickly runs to the corner and climbs up. Nuriko tries to punch her, but Meeko blocks it and manages to get her legs around Nuriko's head to execute the Meeko-cane-rana, ending the match with a quick cover to retain the Women's Boobie Belt.

Lightweight Faggot Title Match: Hell In A Sperm Cell

As “Street-Fighting Man” played, James Fantastic made his way to the ring with a confident look on his face. He stood in the center of the ring, looked up and demanded the cage be brought down. However, it wasn’t until Son of Mxy’s music played and the Champion was in the ring him…her…itself…that the cage was lowered. With the structure in place, the bell sounded, and the two competitors faced off.

Son of Mxy’s ring rust showed early, as James Fantastic was able to quickly turn the match to his advantage. Using a series of amazing aerial maneuvers, not seen before, and a punishing series of submission holds (including several variants of a torso-stretch and standing crucifix), James pressed his advantage. However, frustration at the Champion’s fortitude caused James to change tactics and started using the cage itself as a weapon. Son of Mxy was slammed repeatedly into the cage before Fantastic hit a Classy Kick for a pin. But Son of Mxy had enough gas in the tank to kick out at the two-count.

Madman: Fantastic's got the match sewn up! Son of Mxy hasn't got a chance!

Monroe: I don't know what you call “sewn up”, Marcum, but this match isn’t over yet!

Son of Mxy was able to reverse a telegraphed Classy Kick into a Running Elbow Smash. After several punches to the temple to keep the Challenger stunned, Son of Mxy delivered an ankle lock that had James screaming as he clawed his way to the ropes, forcing Son of Mxy to break the hold. The Champion pressed his advantage, using well-placed fists and boots, ultimately locking in the STF. Somehow James was able to free himself and try to mount a comeback. But he missed with an ill-timed Flying Fantastic and was a victim of both the Mxyplex and a Son Of Mxyplex, allowing Son of Mxy to get the pin and retain the title.

With the match over, the tub of MisterJLA’s man chowder was brought out to ringside for the loser – James Fantastic – to be dunked in. The humiliated Fantastic initially refused to get into the bath, and actually made a break for the locker room. But LLance and Mxy himself emerged from backstage to bodily pick James Fantastic up and plunge him in the bath. “Dropping Anchor” hit the soundsystem for a second time and, after several minutes of dunking the disgraced Bastardo Family member, the pair hoisted Mxy aloft to the cheers of the crowd.

Monroe: I don’t know about you, Marcum, but these kinds of family moments just warm my heart.

Madman: I think I’m gonna be sick…!

Inter-Cunt-Inental Title - Fenway Street Fight: Joe Mama vs Chris Oakley

The ring is set up to look like Fenway Park. All around the ring are various items seen in Boston, particularly in the area around the stadium. No music plays as Joe Mama walks down the ramp, sports bag under his arm, amid cheers from the crowd. He’s wearing a Red Sox jersey (#26), with a black T-shirt underneath, blue jeans, and steel-toed boots. As he makes it ringside, he unzips the bag, pulls something out, and then slides the bag under the ring. He enters the ring, shielding the object from view, and stands (noticeably) alone.

Monroe: I didn’t see what he pulled out of the bag, Marcum…what’s he got in store for the Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion?

Madman: The better question is, “Where is this “Mystery Friend” that he was talking about? I think he lied about the whole thing! It was a bluff all along!!!

Monroe: Unless his ally in hiding in the crowd, that is…

Madman: …

“Rooster” blasts over the speakers and Chris Oakley, with Louie Bastardo in tow, steps out from the back. He’s wearing a Boston Police SWAT Team cap, a T-shirt (reading “Bastardo Family 4 Life”), blue jeans, and combat boots. Seeing his opponent standing alone, Chris Oakley takes his sweet time getting to the ring, a big smile on his face. At one point he pauses, then re-enacts Carlton Fisk’s home run swing from the 1975 World Series, using the Inter-Cunt-Inental belt as the “bat”. Joe Mama nods, then makes the “safe” sign with his arms. “Rooster” abruptly stops playing. Then, when Joe Mama makes the “out” sign with his right hand, Ben Harper’s “Faded” starts up and the crowd goes wild. Joe Mama takes off his Red Sox jersey and tosses it to the crowd – upon his black T-shirt, written in red, are the words “The Future Of Hardcore…” 3/9/2004”.

Madman: Oh, no. No, no, no. This is not good!

Monroe: Joe Mama has truly gone back to his roots! He’s just flipped the Champion off and is now daring him to get into the ring!

Madman: This match cannot happen! Louie Bastardo and Chris Oakley were tricked into this match! Someone call it off!!!

Monroe: Dammit, Marcum, this is the match that Chris and Louie made! This is THEIR match!

Madman: Oh God…I know what Joe’s got behind him! And I know who his “Mystery Friend” is! Someone get Chris out of this arena! Get Security!!!

Chris’ face is a mask of fury at having his thunder stolen and being mocked by the challenger. Louie tries to hold him back and give him directions, but Chris tears away from him, runs into the ring, and gets nose-to-nose with Joe Mama. Chris shouts, spittle flying, in Joe Mama’s face. Joe reacts calmly, repeating, “We don’t throw at .260 hitters”. Then, all of a sudden, Joe’s left hand, encased in a catcher’s mitt, flies out from behind him and the mitt slams into the Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion’s face. Joe half-pushes, half-throws Chris to the ground, falling on him, as the bell rings. Immediately the brawl from last week’s Havoc is picked up, with the two trading punches and trying to get the upper hand.

Monroe: Shades of Varitek and A-Rod in the match’s opening!

Marcum: Joe may have the element of surprise in the beginning, but Chris is the Champ! And he’s got Louie Bastardo’s genius to back him up! I’m feeling better about this match already!!!

The pair falls out of the ring. Chris Oakley is the first to his feet, Boston Sunday Globe in his hands. As Joe Mama stands, he takes the thick weekend edition square in the jaw. He stumbles back, only to be forced to the floor again by a clothesline from Chris. Chris hits Joe again and again in the back of the head with the newspaper, then tosses it aside in favor of his bare knuckles. The Champion gets the Challenger to his feet, then tries to Irish-whip him into a ring-post, but Joe Mama reverses it, sends Chris Oakley into the metal pole, and then chop-blocks Chris’ knees as he bounces off the corner.

Madman: That’s not fair! Chop-blocks are illegal! The ref should call this match immediately in favor of the Champion!!!

Monroe: No chance! This is a Hardcore Rules Match…anything goes!

After landing several punches to Chris Oakley’s head and chest, Joe Mama drags his opponent to the ramp. Searching for something as he goes. His eyes settle on a single red, wooden chair, which he grabs and hits Chris across the back with. The crowd chants “Number Nine” at each shot until the chair shatters across the Champion’s back. Joe grabs Chris Oakley, but Chris delivers a low blow that drops Joe. Chris kicks Joe Mama in the head a few times, then runs to ringside, reaches under the apron, and draws out a rake.

Madman: Brilliant! I think I’m seeing shades of Bob Stanley here, with Joe Mama playing the part of the fans’ beach ball! Brilliant move by Chris Oakley!

Monroe: Folks, much as I hate to admit it, I think we’re about to see first blood, courtesy of the Bastardo Family!!!

Sure enough, Chris runs back, pulls the back of Joe’s shirt over his head, and drags the rake down his bare back. After several runs, the welts on Joe Mama’s back start bleeding, so Chris turns his attention to cutting open his opponent’s forehead. After getting the proper blood flow from his head Chris slaps the rake against Joe’s back wounds, eliciting screams from the Challenger. Chris Oakley drops the rake and drags Joe Mama up to an Italian Sausage stand, into which he slams Joe. The Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion lays his foe across the top of it, with his upper torso hanging down, then walks over to a hot dog cart and starts pushing it towards the sausage stand and the Challenger draped over it.

Monroe: My God! He’s going to slam the hot dog cart into Joe Mama! Chris is trying to end his opponent’s career!!!

Madman: Hardcore rules, Monroe! Anything goes!!!

As the hotdog cart thunders towards Joe Mama, Joe manages to move into a squat on top of the stand. Chris Oakley slams the hotdog cart into the sausage stand as Joe Mama executes a Flying Clothesline on him. The pair falls to the ramp. Joe starts grabbing random items to hit Chris with: a Boston Police bullhorn, a fungo bat, a batting helmet…after a few rounds with each, Joe Mama stands up, grabs a cup of Sam Adams beer from a fan, and pours it over Chris Oakley’s head. Joe makes his way up the ramp and to the back, a horrible grin on his face. Chris slowly gets to his feet. Louie Bastardo runs to his side, shouting instructions in his wrestler’s ear. The pair looks up the ramp as Joe Mama comes from the backstage area, carrying a replica of the 2004 World Series Trophy over his head. Chris and Louie run back to the ring, Joe (his face a grim mask of glee) at their heels. Chris slides into the ring and braces for Joe’s attack as Louie heads for the announcers’ table. Joe drops the trophy as he gets in the ring and the pair lock up.

Monroe: We may finally see this gore fest start resembling an actual match, folks.

Madman: Don’t bet on it, Monroe. Joe’s “Mystery Friend” has yet to reveal him…or, should I say, “HER”self!!!

A gut shot allows Chris to turn Joe Mama around and use his Full Metal Jacket on the Challenger. Chris Oakley turns to Louie Bastardo and screams “Get it! Get the trophy!” to him. Louie makes his way to where it was dropped as Chris climbs the ropes to set up either the Kill ‘Em All or WMD. As Joe Mama gets to his feet, Chris chooses the WMD. Unfortunately, Joe Mama turns it into a nasty DDT, using Chris’ own momentum to drive his head to the mat with a THUD!!! that echoes to the back of the Cheese-Dome. Joe tips-up to his feet, turns to look at Louie, who isn’t moving, and slides out of the ring. Joe Mama reaches under the ring and pulls out his sports bag, which he opens, roots through and pulls out…

Monroe: Oh NO! The Challenger has truly returned to his roots!

Madman: I knew it! Dammit, I KNEW it! He’s unleashed Loosie! His “Mystery Friend” is 33-inches and 30-ounces of barbed wire-wrapped Kentucky Ash!!! Someone save the Champion! LOUIE, DO SOMETHING!!!

Joe re-enters the ring, taking practice swings with the bat as he steps towards the fallen Champion, who is slowing getting to his hands and knees. Joe then pulls Chris’ shirt over his head and responds to the earlier attack, repeatedly hitting Chris’ bare back with Loosie. The blood comes quicker, and Joe starts dragging the barrel of the bat across Chris Oakley’s face, opening up his forehead and letting the blood flow. Joe steps back to admire his work, tossing Loosie aside, as Chris desperately crawls to the ropes and his manager. But Louie’s expression has changed from fear to excitement and, as Chris tries to pull himself out of the ring…

Madman: Holy shit! What has Louie Bastardo done to his wrestler?!?

Monroe: You saw it! Louie Bastardo just hit Chris Oakley with that World Series Trophy! Louie has turned on the man he considered “like a son”! Joe Mama has joined the Bastardo Family!

Madman: But…but…but…

Monroe: This is disgusting! How long has this been in the works? And what will this mean for the Rumble and the RDCW???

Madman: Louie Bastardo. Is. A GENIUS!!! He’s completely changed the face of his Family and this whole damn promotion!

Louie gets in the ring as the crowd howls in rage. He and Joe Mama stand facing each other, smiling, then shake hands. Louie points to the unconscious Chris Oakley and Joe Mama nods, reaching for Loosie and handing it to Louie. Louie hits Chris again and again, screaming, “You were like a son to me! We could’ve made you a legend! You forced this on us! You made your decision, you traitor!!!” Finally, Joe Mama stops his manager and takes the bat out of his hands. Then he picks Chris Oakley up off the rope, sets him up, and delivers the East Coast Hammer, driving Chris’ head into the mat again. This time, Chris leaves a wet, red mark. Joe admires his handiwork for a second, amid the boos and jeers from the crowd, and then climbs to the top ropes and hits a Flying Tea Bag Slam on the unconscious Champion. Louie motions to the ref to make the count and Joe Mama is the new Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion!!!

Monroe: Listen to the crowd! No one’s ever been hated this much! Joe Mama’s turned his back on these fans, his friends, and this whole damn promotion!

Madman: Not at all, Monroe! He’s just following the mind and the money! It’s obvious that this has been in the works for some time!

Monroe: Chris Oakley didn’t deserve this! Even with the in fighting between him and King Snarf, he deserved better than this!

Madman: Bullshit! Louie’s right – Chris was given a choice! He made his decision. This is how the Bastardo Family deals with traitors!

Monroe: But what does this mean for the rest of the Bastardo Family? How does this revelation affect their spot in Louie’s Family???

As the RDCW fans jeer and throw garbage into the ring, Joe Mama and Louie Bastardo stand, looking triumphant. Joe holds up the IC title belt defiantly. Mike Monroe climbs into the ring with a microphone.

Monroe: This has to be the most disgusting thing I've ever seen! How could you do this to your own wrestler? A guy who you built up into a champion? Who you claimed was like a son to you?

Bastardo: Gimme that microphone, you loser! You see, Chris was like a son to me. And when he went against my wishes and continued this rift, it hurt me. It hurt me deeply. I didn't want to believe he would attempt to destroy the Bastardo Family in this way. So in a last ditch attempt, a few weeks ago on Havoc, I gave Chris Oakley a choice. I gave everyone in the Bastardo Family locker room a choice. They could stop this foolishness right now, or they could continue blaming Snarf and following that little punk James Fantastic. Well, they made their choice, and I made mine!

Crowd chants “ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!” but Louie speaks louder, talking over them.

Bastardo: Chris, I'm gonna say this directly to you. My father always used to tell me something when I was a kid. He said, "Son, if you're standing in a room full of players and you can't figure out who the sucker is, then you're the sucker." Well, Chris, you had a chance to be a player, and you threw it all down the drain like a sucker. Ptui!

Louie spits on the unconscious Chris Oakley.

Bastardo: You see, I promised that at the Rumble, the weakness that was poisoning the Bastardo Family would be cut out like a tumor. And I am a man of my word. So let me just finish by saying this: Chris, James, and anyone who wants to side with them in all this. . .YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!

*Following the Fenway Park Match, the RDCW Rumble takes a forty minute intermission to clean up the ring and arena. Twenty minutes into the intermission, ring announcer James White attempts to perform to the . . .enjoyment. . .no, that's not it. . .disgust. . .yeah, disgust of the audience.

After the intermission, James White returns to the ring to announce the beginning of the Rumble. “Thank you, thank you, and I’d just like to remind you all that I have cds for sale at our merchandise booth. . .”

*Crowd booes at the mention of James White’s terrible music.

“It is now time for the RDCW Rumble. First off, the contestant who has the unfortunate experience of being the #1 entry. . .”

“Yeahhhh, they come to snuff the rooster. . .” blares out over the speakers in the Cheesedome.

“. . .Chris Oakley!”

“. . .but you know he ain’t gonna dieee!!!!” On the last note, Oakley walks through the curtain and out onto the rampway. Battered, bruised, and holding his ribs. Most of the crowd booes him, some laugh at his misfortune earlier in the night, while still others applaud his determination to continue on and to fight in the Rumble.

Monroe: "Chris Oakley looks beaten half to death, Madman!"

Marcum: "Yeah, and if he goes through with this, someone may send him the rest of the way there!"

Monroe: "You have to respect him for continuing to fight after what Joe Mama and Louie Bastardo did to him earlier!"

Marcum: "Well, he always did have more guts than brains."

Defiantly, Oakley steps into the ring to await the #2 entry. . .Bibbo! Bibbo storms the ring and the two former Hardcore Porn champs begin pounding away at each other, trading lefts and rights. Bibbo, however, has had more time to rest and soon takes the advantage, stomping away at the former IC champ in a corner. The countdown begins as the crowd counts along to the next entrant. . .Wednesday! Wednesday hits the ring and it’s a three way brawl as Wednesday and Bibbo pick up where they left off earlier in the night, while Oakley lays in the corner.

As Wednesday and Bibbo continue to battle in the ring, the countdown hits again and Senior Perdicion enters. Oakley smiles as the fresh Perdicion works over the two battered
hardcore warriors. Oakley recovers and he and Perdicion stomp away at Bibbo and Wednesday. The countdown hits again and a familiar howling reverberates through the arena as Howler blasts through the curtain and into the ring, aimed straight for Senior Perdicion.

Howler and Perdicion brawl around the ring and Howler whips Perdicion into the ropes and sends him flying up and over with a thunderous clothesline. The massive luchadore manages to wrap his legs around Howler’s head, however and yanks him out of the ring as well with a huracanrana to the floor! Both men eliminated, they brawl down the rampway as the countdown starts again. The next contestant actually jumps the count and the Hulk rips the curtain down to batter Howler and Perdicion with it on the floor.

Officials finally manage to wrangle the Hulk into the ring, where he begins tossing Oakley, Bibbo, and Wednesday around at his leisure. The next contestant in. . .PJP! The returning PJP immediately jumps on the Hulk's back, attempting to lock in a sleeper hold. The Hulk shrugs PJP off and prepares to throw him out when the countdown finishes.

Everclear’s “When it All Goes Wrong Again” starts and the Hulk drops PJP in the middle of the ring and smiles evilly. King Snarf walks out onto the rampway, holding the RDCW World
Heavyweight Cheese Title aloft with both hands as the crowd booes him heartily.

Monroe: "The World Heavyweight Cheese Champion is about to enter the Rumble!"

Marcum: "He's my pick to win it!"

Monroe: "Why do you say that?"

Marcum: "Cuz he's the champ! Duh!"

Snarf, realizing the Hulk is in the ring waiting for him, takes his time getting into the ring. He walks around the arena, brandishing the title, and mocking various fans. The Hulk reaches over the top rope, and grabs Snarf by the head. As the RDCW champ squirms in the creature’s grip, PJP, Oakley, Bibbo, and Wednesday rush the behemoth in an attempt
to work together to eliminate him. The Hulk is fighting on two fronts, as he tries to pull Snarf into the ring, and to keep from being eliminated himself.

Finally, he has to release Snarf to fight off the competitors attempting to throw him out. Snarf turns and whacks the beast in the head with the title, knocking him senseless, and allowing him to be tossed out. Oakley backs up and bounces off the ropes, slamming into Bibbo and Wednesday and knocking them out on top of the Hulk as well. Snarf slides into the ring under the bottom rope, and also clobbers PJP with the belt, and eliminates him.

Marcum: "What a brilliant competitor our Champion is!"

Snarf turns, still holding the belt high, and comes face to bloody face with a smiling Chris Oakley. Snarf backs away, begging off Chris, as Oakley rubs his hands together gleefully.

Monroe: "Oakley's gonna take his revenge on the Bastardos right now!"

Marcum: "That's not right! Snarf is innocent!"

Monroe: "How can you say that? He was probably in on it all from the start!"

Both men fail to notice the countdown has ended until Metallica’s “Creeping Death” rattles the speakers in the Cheesedome. Snarf and Oakley temporarily forget each other as they turn towards the rafters to await Nowhereman.

To their surprise, Nowhereman slides out from beneath the ring behind them and quickly bashes both competitors with his black baseball bat. Nowhereman takes particular relish in attacking King Snarf, as they fight around the ring, forgetting Oakley.

As Nowhereman attempts to eliminate Snarf, Charlie enters the ring and goes right after Nowhereman, continuing their conflict from earlier in the night. Brandishing his table leg,
he hits a Tower of London on the former GM, knocking him silly. Charlie and Snarf dump Nowhereman over the top rope just as the Black Eyed Peas “Let’s Get It Started” starts up as the EuroTrash Champion Captain Sammitch heads to the ring, Meeko in tow. Nowhereman takes a shot at Snarf from the outside of the ring before heading to the back.

Sammitch joins Charlie in pounding away on Snarf as the two each take a side and punch the Big Cheese Champ back and forth between the two of them. The fans howl in delight at Snarf’s predicament as he backs away from the two before falling flat on his face! Sammitch motions to the fans for a Sammitch Slam just as a crazed Chris Oakley jumps on
him from behind and begins pummeling him. Charlie attempts to pull Oakley off only to get an elbow to the jaw.

The countdown finishes again and the caveman Urg makes his way into the ring, stepping over the top rope. Like the Hulk before him, Urg immediately goes after everyone in the
ring, tossing competitors aside at will. Oakley takes a Caveman Crunch and goes down on the mat. Sammitch eats a Prehistoric Clothesline. Snarf and Charlie also get tossed
around the ring.

Monroe: "Urg's destroying everyone!"

Marcum: "He's my pick to win!"

Monroe: "I thought Snarf was your pick?"

Marcum: "He is!"

#13 enters the ring as Chewy Walrus steps in behind Urg and awaits the Caveman to turn around. Urg turns and Chewy blasts full force into the behemoth with a Walrus Tusk Attack (Spear). Chewy and Sammitch work together on the caveman hitting a combined Walrus/Sammitch Slam on the monster.

Chewy and Sammitch whip Urg into the ropes and attempt to double team him again, but the cavemen hits both of them with a Prehistoric Clothesline, just as the countdown finishes again. Highwayman enters the ring and goes right for Urg, belting him with huge right hands. He presses Urg against the ropes, but Urg seizes the biker in a chokehold and picks him up, chokeslamming him to the arena floor.

Monroe: "What a monster!"

Highwayman pounds on the ring apron and kicks the stairs in disgust as he walks to the back. Urg next grabs Chewy Walrus and sends him flying over the ropes. Charlie attempts to hit a Tower of London on the beast, but Urg also sends him flying over the top and out of the ring. Urg roars in defiance at the remaining competitors, Snarf, Oakley, and Sammitch.

“Heeeeeeeerrrrrrreeeee we are. . .born to be kings. . .we’re the Princes of the Universe. . .” #15, the Captain of Outer Space, drives out to the ring in his UFO shaped golf cart.

Monroe: "Number fifteen, Madman, we're halfway to the end, and Chris Oakley is still in there fighting!"

Marcum: "So is King Snarf still in there fighting!"

Monroe: "Well, you're right. . ."

Discarding his Donkey Lovin Tag Title, he jumps into the ring and hits Urg from behind with a low blow. The crowd goes insane as the four men unite and dump the cavemen out of the ring, eliminating him from the Rumble! Captain Sammitch sees an opening and tosses Captain of Outer Space out directly behind the giant. The tag champ drives his golf cart back to the back.

Monroe: "Well, easy come, easy go."

Marcum: "Canceled! Just like Enterprise!"

The fans join in counting down as #16, Winged Creature, enters the Rumble. The Legbreakerer considers a target for a moment, before going after the EuroTrash Champ. Creature and Sammitch square off, while Oakley attempts to stalk Snarf around the ring.

As the four men go at it, the countdown begins again and Stupid Dogg is the next man in the Rumble! Dogg helps his tag partner as the Legbreakererses work over Sammitch in the
corner. Dogg then turns and kicks Creature in the groin and dumps him over the top rope. “Every man for himself, tonight, buddy.” he says, before returning to Sammitch.

“Princes of the Universe” starts up again, as Notwedge heads to ringside. The crowd goes wild as Notwedge enters the ring. Just as he does so, Johnny Evil appears on the
Cheese-O-Tron screaming “Remember, you fools! $10,000 to the man who eliminates Notwedge from the Rumble! Get him!”

Monroe: “As if they needed any extra incentive to win! Notwedge is a marked man!”

Marcum: “Notwedge is a crazy freak! Johnny Evil’s brilliant! Almost as brilliant as Louie Bastardo!”

Stupid Dogg decides to go after the bounty and charges Notwedge with a clothesline. NW ducks and drops the Legbreakerer into the ropes with a drop toehold!

Fat Retard: “DROP TOEHOLD!”

Monroe: “Oh, lord, who woke him up?”

Marcum: “Not me. . .”

The countdown begins again and “Street Fighting Man” plays as James Fantastic heads out to the ring, still attempting to wipe away bits of MisterJLA’s sperm. Fantastic
attempts to go after the bounty and Notwedge, but ends up running into Stupid Dogg. Dazed, Dogg wanders backwards into Notwedge’s grip, as the Donkey Lovin Tag Champ suplexes the Legbreakerer out of the ring and onto the floor.

In another ring corner, King Snarf is pounding away on Chris Oakley, and Fantastic immediately hits Snarf from behind with a low blow. Snarf crumbles to the canvas as Fantastic gloats and attempts to help Oakley up. Both men are knocked down however, as Notwedge and Sammitch hit them with simultaneous dropkicks!

The two shake hands and look at each other for a moment, before attempting to toss each other out of the ring.

Marcum: “What idiots! They should work together to throw out the Bastardos!”

Monroe: “It’s every man for himself! Besides, who even knows who’s a member of the Bastardos anymore? Louie publicly fired Oakley and James Fantastic tonight!”

The countdown finishes again as we discover #20 is Lightweight Faggot Champ, Son of Mxy.

Monroe: “We’re two thirds of the way into the Rumble, and the number one entry, Chris Oakley, is still in there!”

Marcum: “He’s lasted a lot longer than I thought he would, that’s for sure. But also, #8 King Snarf, the Champ is still in there, too!”

SoM enters the ring to thunderous applause and is immediately targeted by James Fantastic. As Fantastic readies for a Classy Kick, Notwedge and Sammitch grab him and dump him over the top rope.

Monroe: “Is that what you had in mind, Marcum?”

Marcum: “Shut up. This is terrible. They should be going after Notwedge and the money!”

Sammitch, SoM, and Notwedge begin working together to eliminate Oakley and Snarf. “Badd Company” starts up over the loudspeakers as Balls Nasty slowly walks into the
Rumble with a smirk on his face.

Balls Nasty steps into the ring and takes a shot at every one of the faces with brutal, forearm smashes. King Snarf offers a hand to shake and Nasty grabs it, and kicks Snarf in
the midsection.

Marcum: “That’s fucked up. That ain’t right.”

El Daga hits the ring and goes right for the fresh Balls Nasty. Nasty ducks a clothesline from Daga and hits the monstrous luchadore with a kick to the gut followed by a
Kentucky Waterfall. Nasty dumps the luchadore over the top rope, dusting his hands off and flipping his mullet afterward.

Balls goes after Notwedge, pounding away at the tag champs forehead. He tries to dump Notwedge out, but NW is saved by Captain Sammitch.

Marcum: “That was dumb! They could’ve dumped Notwedge out and split the money!”

Monroe: “Sammitch is too much of a good guy to care about things like that!”

Marcum: “Too much of a dummy, you mean.”

“SPAAAAANNDEEX MOOOOONNKEEEEY MAAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!” is heard throughout the arena followed by "Won't Get Fooled Again" as Spamm and Rosalita head towards the ring. Snarf and NW are in
corner, Oakley and Sammitch in another, and SoM is being pounded down by Balls Nasty in another. Spamm immediately attacks Balls Nasty in true superhero fashion!

The brawls continue as the arena lights dim, then go red as the “Imperial March” plays.

Monroe: “Uh oh, you know what that means. . .”

Marcum: “Yeah, that means Grimm’s afraid to face Balls Nasty and he sent his boy to do his dirty work!”

Monroe: “He is not afraid!”

Darth climbs into the ring and competitors walk over to attempt to weaken the monster from below. Darth hits Sammitch with a Sithspawn, followed by one on Oakley, and one for Notwedge. Balls Nasty delivers a boot to the face of the robed monster, knocking him off of his feet. Balls attempts to dump Darth over the top rope, but Darth holds on as the countdown starts again.

“When there’s no more room down there in Hell anymore. . .Old Man Lucifer’s gonna laugh and slam the door. . .leavin’ us to walk the Earth when we die. . .make this place a living Hell for those left alive. . .” Grimm’s music hits and he walks slowly out onto the rampway as the fans go crazy.

Monroe: “I told you he wasn’t afraid!”

Marcum: “Then why is he taking so long?”

Grimm pauses on the rampway, looking directly at Balls Nasty. Grimm points towards Balls as the other competitors move silently away from the RDCW newcomer. As Grimm
stalks down to the ringside area, Balls backs away and steps over the top rope on the other side of the ring, hopping down to the floor just as Grimm enters the Rumble.

“I told you it wasn’t gonna happen like this, Grimmonowski. It’s gonna be on my terms, not yours. My terms.” Balls says, backing down the rampway to the locker room, as the fighting resumes.

Monroe: “It looks like Balls Nasty is the one who’s afraid, Madman!”

Marcum: “He’s just playing mind games.”

Grimm turns back to the match and begins to help Darth pound Spandex Monkey Man as Rosalita pounds on the ring apron excitedly. Chris Oakley somehow fights off Notwedge
and Son of Mxy’s attempt to eliminate him. Snarf and Capt. Sammitch battle each other, as Meeko exhorts the EuroTrash Champ to fight on.

The countdown finishes again as backwards7 steadfastly walks to ringside, lead by his manager, Brian Owlmouth. Brian looks at Rosalita’s skimpy outfit and enquires where he
can purchase one in his size. Rosalita looks confused.

Darth holds Spamm up as Grimm bounces off the ropes for a clothesline, but Spamm wriggles free of Darth’s grip and Grimm hits his partner, sending him up and over the rope! “Shit!” Grimm exclaims as Spamm plays to the approving crowd.

Marcum: “I told you! Grimm’s not thinking right! Balls Nasty is in his head!”

Backwards goes after Sammitch, attempting to lock the EuroTrash Champion in the dreaded Hackney Chin Grip, but Sammitch manages to avoid him, wrestling out of the
maneuver. Backwards and Sammitch begin a series of chain wrestling counters in the middle of the Rumble brawl.

Monroe: “Who would expect a wrestling match in the middle of all this?”

Marcum: “Too bad it ain’t Meeko and Rosalita!”

“Turning Japanese” hits and Two-Ton Tommy makes his way down to the ring, accompanied by Nuriko.

Monroe: “He’s #27, Madman, only three more men left!”

Marcum: “And we know who #30 is, Joe Mama!”

Monroe: “#1, Chris Oakley, and #8, King Snarf, are still in the match!”

Sammitch looks up from one of backwards’ counter holds just in time to see Tommy punch him right in the face. Tommy backs the EuroTrash Champ into a corner as
backwards goes in search of other prey. . .and finds it in King Snarf!

Monroe: “The ring is really starting to fill up here near the end!”

The fans count down again as Rex joins the Rumble, walking right into a WMD from Chris Oakley!

Monroe: “Oakley’s still fighting! Unbelievable!”

Once again, to be continued. . .

Oakley gloats over Rex before turning and immediately getting hit with a Flying Banana Chop from Spandex Monkey Man! Outside the ring, Rosalita jumps for joy. As Spamm
stands up, Tommy nails him with a forearm smash. Tommy gets caught with a Sammitch Spin. Sammitch is caught in a Wildsault from King Snarf. As Snarf gets to his knees,
Grimm hits him with a Crapping Wizard! Grimm gets hit with a Subject-Verb Agreement from SoM! SoM is hit with a Reverse Monkey Death Drop from Notwedge! Notwedge
gets a Doldrum from backwards as Brian Owlmouth cheers his protege on. Backwards is hit with a Rex Kwan Do Attack from Rex, just as the countdown finishes again.

Monroe: “There are bodies all over the ring, Madman!”

Marcum: “It’s crazy! Who knows what will happen next?!”

Rex stands over the fallen bodies and pulls a small wad of paper out of his tights. He attempts to read some of his poetry, but is cut off as AC/DC’s Back in Black comes from
the speakers and PenWing strolls into the arena. In one hand, he carries one of his trusty Sherwoods. In the other, he lifts up his newly won Hardcore Porn title!

Monroe: “PenWing is the 29th man! What a lucky draw!”

Marcum: “Maybe not so lucky! Remember who #30 is!”

Rex attempts to rush PenWing, but gets nailed with the Sherwood! Pennie turns and blasts Tommy with the stick, cracking it over the head of the former Bastardo enforcer!
PenWing grabs Tommy and hurls him out of the ring!

Rex recovers and hits a T-Rex Bomb on backwards and tosses him to the floor! As Rex turns around, Grimm plants him with a DDT and tosses him out of the ring! SoM attempts
a cross bodyblock, but Grimm catches him. . .her. . .whatever and begins Gorilla Pressing the Lightweight Faggot champ multiple times before tossing him. . .her. . .whatever into the crowd! The crowd catches SoM and bodysurfs the favorite around the arena. SoM
disappears somewhere in the crowd and is not seen for the rest of the night!

Grimm does the crucifix pose and is hit by a Spandex Superkick! Chris Oakley hits a Full Metal Jacket on Sammitch, to Meeko’s horror. PenWing nails his longtime nemesis with a Gordie Howe! Rosalita jumps up on the ring apron to cheer on Spamm, but serves as a distraction as Grimm recovers from the superkick to toss Spamm out from behind!

The countdown ends for the final time as Ben Harper’s “Faded” cues up and the crowd booes heartily. The in-ring action stops once again as the competitors look towards the entranceway where Joe Mama appears, IC title in hand, and Louie Bastardo in tow.

“I’ll kill both of you!” Oakley screams just before Snarf locks him in a Headlock. The fight picks back up as Notwedge comes off the middle rope with a Flying Death Chop 2000
onto Grimm! As JM climbs into the ring, the new IC champ is attacked by his former allies, Captain Sammitch and PenWing!

Once again, Johnny Evil appears on the Cheese-O-Tron, pleading with the competitors to eliminate Notwedge and remember the money. Grimm picks Notwedge up in an attempt for a Kobe Special, but Notwedge escapes and dropkicks him into the ropes and out of the ring! PenWing and Sammitch attempt a doubleclothesline on Joe Mama, but Joe ducks under and nails PenWing with an Enforcer, then hits Sammitch with an East Coast Hammer! Joe dumps the EuroTrash Champ out of the ring with a laugh and a promise of
“I’ll get that belt back, too!” before PenWing catches him with a Drag ‘n Whip! The Hardcore Porn Champ tosses the IC Champ out to the floor!

Monroe: “This is it, Madman! The final four!Oakley! Snarf! Notwedge! and PenWing! ”

Marcum: “Johnny Evil can’t be happy that Notwedge is still in there! King Snarf’s gonna win! I can feel it!”

As if on cue, Snarf catches Notwedge with a Bastard Bomb and hurls him from the ring! The crowd booes the Big Cheese Champion heartily, as he smiles to himself, he’s just become $10,000 richer. And he’s still in the Rumble.

Marcum: "That's how a Champion does it!"

Or he was, before being hit with a Full Metal Jacket, followed by a WMD from Chris Oakley. In a fit of rage, Oakley tosses the World Champ to the floor, emitting a guttural
scream as he does so!

Marcum: "That's not fair! Snarf wasn't ready!"

The last two men in the Rumble. . .Chris Oakley and PenWing. . .longtime enemies. . .once again at odds. . .

Monroe: “IT’S OAKLEY AND PENWING!! OAKLEY AND PENWING!! THE LAST TWO MEN!!”

Oakley explodes and rushes PenWing, attempting for a Lock and Load, but PenWing reverses into a Sudden Death! PenWing dumps Oakley over the top rope, directly on top
of King Snarf! PenWing is the last man in the ring! He drops to his knees as “Back in Black” plays over the sound system and James White declares him the winner of the 2005 RDCW Rumble!

Buhgawd,its now time for the first annual RDCW awards:

BEST PROMO:
It was a close run thing with it going to a tie break vote between Nowhereman,Grimm,thedoctor & Joe Mama.

Nominees were:
Son Of Mxy
Notwedge
Chris Oakley
Penwing
Joe Mama

And the winner is:
Notwedge

BEST FEUD:
There was no doubt about the winner of this one.

Nominees were:
RwO vs RDCW
Chris Oakley vs Penwing
Joe Mama vs Chris Oakley

And the winner is:
RwO vs RDCW


BEST MANAGER:
Another walkover.

Nominees were:
Meeko
Louie Bastardo

And the winner is:
Louie Bastardo

BEST PPV:
This one went to vote decider as well.

Nominees were:
Conniver series
Arma-gadda-davida
Summerscam

And the winner is:
Arma-gadda-davida

BEST MATCH:
Another vote decider:

Nominees were:
Triple set vs Nowhereman/Aussie scumbags table match
Urg vs Drzsmith vs TK-069 (Anathema Wednesday)
RwO vs RDCW survivor match
Joe Mama vs Capt Sammich (Arma-gadda-davida)
Oakley vs Bibbo vs Wednesday

And the winner is:
Triple set vs Nowhereman/Aussie scumbags

BEST ANNOUNCER:
No love for Monroe or LLawler!

Nominees were:
Madman Marcum
Fat retard

And the winner is:
Fat Retard

BEST STABLE:
No surprise in this category

Nominees were:
The Bastardo family

And the winner is:
The Bastardo family

BEST HOTTIE:
Another vote decider.

Nominees were:
Stareena
Sneaky Bunny
Meeko
Nuriko
Cowgirl Jack

And the winner is:
Sneaky Bunny

BEST TAG TEAM:

Nominees were:
Leg breakerers for hire
Princes of the universe
The Hellions

And the winner is:
The Hellions

BEST HEEL

Nominees were:
Nowhereman
King Snarf

And the winner is:
King Snarf

BEST FACE:

Nominees were:
Son Of Mxy
Captain Sammich

And the winner is:
Captain Sammich

BEST WRESTLER:

Nominees were:
Joe Mama
TK-069

And the winner is:
Joe Mama

Drop toe hold!

Two awards! Yay me! Best match and best heel! Who's da greatest baby!

Well its actually three awards if you count best feud,but then again I got four awards so surely that makes me the best!