RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc: 2/8/2005

Ben Harper's "Faded" blasts over the speakers. As the crowd boos and howls in anger, the NEW Bastardo Family makes their way down the ramp. Louie Bastardo is at the head of the line, followed by King Snarf, Grace, and (after a few moments) Joe Mama. Louie grabs a mic from the announce table, shaking hands with Madman Marcum, while the other three enter the ring. Joe Mama is standing just in front of King Snarf and Grace. Louie joins his family and hands Joe Mama the mic, telling him "Go ahead, Champ..."

JM: You people ask me "Why?", and I respond "Why not?" You ask me "When?", and I tell you "Longer than you think". You ask "How could this happen?" and I ask you "How did you NOT know?" I mean, the hints were there if you wanted to see them. Didn't you ever wonder about the timing of Louie's arrival - just after the fall of the RwO? Didn't you find it strange that I did nothing to stop the Bastardo Family, even though I was the architect of the RwO's demise? It didn't strike any of you as odd that, given the chance to decide both the IC and Hardcore titles, I gave them to one hated foe over another instead of just dropping them in the ring and letting Oakley and Sammitch crawl to the belts? And, speaking of titles, why didn't I make any kind of move to get a Heavyweight Title shot? You people just never got it...I've been working behind the scenes on Louie's behalf for quite some time!

The crowd is booing heartily. Joe Mama nods, an arrogant look on his face. Behind him, King Snarf is making faces and moving his lips in time with Joe's speech, mocking him like a schoolboy behind a teacher. Louie, a bemused grin on his face, nudges King Snarf as if to say "knock it off". King Snarf doesn't.

JM: Let me make my position clear. I AM the Bastardo Enforcer! You want a crack at one of the Family? You best be prepared to go through all of us! Unlike the previous Family members, this Family protects their own. We may fight. We may not be best buddies, going out for beers after our matches or giving each other cookie bouquets. But we know that we can count on each other to watch each others' backs. As far as I'm concerned, King Snarf is Family. His interests are MY interests. And, if you thought I was extreme in protecting my interests before, just watch in the coming days...weeks...months!

Y'see, Chris Oakley (and the rest of you ex-Family members), you could've had this kind of support and protection. King Snarf watching your back. The mind and money of Louie Bastardo. My support behind the scenes. And the shark-like business acumen of Grace. But you let petty jealousy, shallow goals, and in-fighting ruin what could have been tickets to greatness for all of you. Chris...d'you want to know who the Bastardo Family traitor was? It was YOU!!! You destroyed your Family, Chris, with your selfishness, self-centeredness, and basic stupidity! You let a rookie like Jimmy Faboo get in your head and poison you! And what do you have to show for it now, Chris? Besides a nasty concussion and hazy memories of greatness that you destroyed for yourself? You have NOTHING! You ARE NOTHING! Live with it!!!

Oh, and by the way, Chris: cute shirt. Did you have it silk-screened at the mall all by yourself? Was your Be-Dazzler broken?

The Bastardo Family laughs at the comments, except for Grace, who is beautifully stoic.

JM: Now you've made all sorts of challenges, Chris, and I'm hard-pressed not to just laugh at you. Are you forgetting the stipulations of the Fenway Park Street Fight? The loser - you - doesn't get a sniff of the Heavyweight and Inter-cunt-Inental Titles for one year! Which means that you don't get a re-match! So what do you do? You challenge Louie Bastardo - a non-wrestler - to a match? Wow, Chris, you are one tough guy! What's next, fighting pre-schoolers for their cots at naptime? Get it through your mind: you are finished. Do everyone a favor and sink into obscurity!

And, since we're on the topic of ex-members, let's answer Nuriko. Another tough customer who threatens non-wrestlers. Nuriko, maybe it's because English ain't your first language (Hell, it's probably not your second or third, either!), but you don't get to resign from the Family. Your loser ass was fired along with your useless bodyguard, joke of a boyfriend, and Jimbo Fagtastic! And, as for a match with Grace, well, you're lucky she doesn't sue you for attempted assault with a deadly weapon. Grace is not a wrestler, she is the finest business mind going! And the Bastardo Family is not putting her in danger just to satisfy your decimated ego and honor. Think seppuku, Nuriko.

But there is one other person I want to address for a different reason. A few weeks ago, I was out of action with a Grade Three Concussion. While I was at home, healing and getting ready for my return to action, a certain someone sent me a "care package". This person sent me a card with some very...nice...thoughts, some candy, a copy of that week's Havoc on tape, and another tape of a more...personal...nature. Imagine my surprise when I saw this same person use one of my own finishers as a tribute to me. Well, in response, let me say this:

Sneaky Bunny, I get your message. And I feel the same way.

Right now, Sneaky Bunny is co-holder of the Lipstick Lesbian Tag Titles. Obviously she's a Champion-caliber wrestler in her own right. But she has no shot at the Women's Boobie Belt as long as her partner and "friend" holds it. Someone as beautiful, gifted, and talented as Sneaky Bunny deserves her shot at greatness. And the Bastardo Family wants to help her achieve just that. So, Sneaky Honey, let me make it official: we want you to join the Family. You don't have to answer now. Think about it. Think about our offer and what it means for you. Let us know when you're ready. Because, make no mistake about it, the Bastardo family takes care of their own. And we want you, Sneaky Bunny, to be one of us!

"Faded" starts up again. The Bastardo Family starts filing out of the ring and making their way to the back amid the boos of the fans. King Snarf is walking behind Joe Mama and Grace, mocking Joe Mama the whole way up. They exit the ring area, leaving everyone to wonder what Joe Mama's commenst mean for Chris Oakley, the ex-Family members, PenWing's faction, and Sneaky Bunny...