Senor Perdicion vs Joe Mama
“Los Muchachos de Hoy” plays as Senor Perdicion stomps to the ring alone. He enters the ring and stands in its center, waiting for his opponent to arrive. A few moments later, “Faded” plays and Joe Mama – Inter-Cunt-Inental belt around his waist – makes his way to the ring amid the boos of the crowd. He rolls into the ring, goes nose-to-nose with the big Luchador and, after a few moments of trash-talking each other, walks away from him to hand his belt to the timekeeper. When he turns around, his eyes go wide as he sees James Fantastic and Chris Oakley march to the ring He rolls out of the ring as the pair enter.
Monroe: Looks like Joe Mama doesn’t like those odds!
Madman: Of course he doesn’t! Why are they even butting into this match? Joe Mama didn’t interfere with them! It’s obvious the former Bastardos are jealous of the Champ and know that Senor Sie…Perdicion can’t beat him!
Referee: Get in this ring, Champ! Let’s get this match started!
JM: Fuck you, ref! Get those two outta there! This is a one-on-one match, not a handicap match! Either clear the trash out of the ring, or call the match and name me winner!
The ref instructs Chris Oakley and James Fantastic to leave the ring area and not come back for the duration of the match. The pair argues momentarily, then start to leave. Chris is shouting, “I’ll get you, dammit! I’ll kill you!!!” while James is shouting, “You and I’ll dance soon enough, Chump!” Joe Mama ignores Chris and calls to James, “Sooner than you think, pussy! Go take a cum bath!!!” Then, once the two wrestlers are gone, re-enters the ring.
The wrestlers lock up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Senor Perdicion manages to get a headlock and uses his height and weight advantage to force Joe Mama to the mat, then drops a few elbows onto his back. With Joe Mama on the mat, Senor Perdicion starts kicking him in the ribs and on the back. After a few moments of this, Senor Perdicion picks Joe Mama up and Irish whips him into the ropes. But Joe Mama ducks the clothesline, bounces off the opposite ropes, and delivers a clothesline of his own to the Luchador. Not satisfied to rest for a moment, Joe Mama goes to work on Perdicion. Grabbing him by the front of his mask, Joe Mama hammers him with closed fists to the head. The ref stops him from using the illegal punches, so Joe Mama pulls Senor Perdicion to his feet, flings him into the ropes, and drives the big man into the mat with an Enforcer.
Joe Mama stands for a moment to admire his work. As the fans boo him, he shouts to them, “This is how the Family deals with their enemies!” He turns to the ramps and yells, “Are you watching Oakley? James? This is what the Family has in store for you!!!” Then he drapes his opponent over the ropes and plants his knees behind the Luchador’s neck in a blatantly illegal choke. The ref counts to four before Joe Mama breaks the hold, running back to the opposite ropes, then hitting Senor Perdicion with a cross-body as he lays over the rope. The ref starts yelling at Joe Mama about illegal moves, so Joe Mama pulls Senor Perdicion away from the ropes and executes a suplex, using the ropes to slingshot the big man’s legs. There’s a loud THUD! as Senor Perdicion hits the mat. Joe Mama stands smiling, then climbs to the top rope and hits Senor Perdicion with a Flying Tea Bag Slam. But, rather than pin his opponent, he stands up and looks around for a second.
Monroe: What’s he doing? Pin the man! Haven’t you done enough???
Madman: He’s considering his options, Monroe! He’s not done sending a message to Chris Oakley, James Fantastic and the rest of them!
Joe Mama climbs to the top rope, turns, and delivers a moonsault onto Senor Perdicion.
Madman: Taxidermy!!! Joe Mama’s returning the props that Sneaky Bunny gave him!!!
Joe Mama turns back to the ramp and yells, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Sneaky Bunny!” then blows a kiss out to the ramp area and drops to pin Senor Perdicion. The ref counts three and “Faded” plays again. As he walks up the ramp, a cameraman following him, he looks into the camera and says, “I’m dedicating that match to Sneaky Bunny! To show her how the Family deals with their foes, and her foes are our foes!!!”
Madman: I don’t know about you, Monroe, but I think Joe Mama just made a strong push to have Sneaky Bunny join the Bastardo Family!
Monroe: Why would she turn her back on her friends, though? Why turn away from a Champion-caliber team?
Madman: You saw what he did to Senor Siesta! That’s how the Bastardo Family deals with their opponents! Obviously, if they’re offering her a chance to join them, they think very highly of her!
