Lightweight Faggot #1 Contenders Match: Charlie vs. James Fantastic


James Fantastic rode to victory in this match, as he totally dominated Charlie to score a rematch against the man who humiliated him at the Rumble, Son of Mxy.

The pair initially seemed mismatched, as Charlie's unashamedly vicious mentality enabled him to dish a beating out to Fantastic. However, after the ref warned him over the use of closed fists, Charlie flattened the ref and continued his beating of Fantastic. At ringside, Bill Williams encouraged his protégée with applause and the occasional foreign object being thrown at fantastic.

Monroe: This is disgusting behavior! Big Business is breaking every rule in the book!

Marcum: Charlie's just being clever! He's fighting Fantastic on his own terms!

Charlie eventually dragged Fantastic to his feet and attempted to administer a Kapitalizm. However Fantastic elbowed him in the head before climbing the turnbuckle and administering the Fabacanrana. He then started to his usual pattern, knocking Charlie flat with his high-flying aerial maneuvers and in ring skill, eventually nailing a fantastic Super-Cool. However, Bill Williams entered the ring with a baseball bat, and Howlerama came down from backstage to gang up on The One and Only, and the match turned into a four-on-one handicap match as The Company pounded James Fantastic.

However, Fantastic was able to keep his resolve, eventually countering a Full Moon with a dropkick, and knocking Bill Williams out with his own baseball bat. Highwayman attempted to hit a Hi-Jack, but Fantastic dodged this and Highwayman crashed into the mat and quit the ring. This left Fantastic one-on-one with Charlie, and he instantly asserted his dominance with The Grip. Charlie refused to tap out and grabbed a rope to break the hold, but the initiative had passed to Fantastic, and he speared Charlie to the mat before climbing the turnbuckle and nailing a One-and-Only to score a pin and win the match.


Legbreakers For Hire vs Team G.O.P.

Team GOP never really stood a chance as they were attacked from behind before the bell rang. Stupid Dogg and Winged Creature were able to keep Dave The Wonder Boy out of the ring and focus their attention on the G-Man for almost the entire match, brutalizing him with a series of double-teams. Finally, the Legbreakers finished the match by Taking Out The Trash, featuring G-Man as “the trash”. Not content with the victory, Stupid Dogg and Winged Creature dragged Dave into the ring and gave him the same treatment that G-Man received.


Tag Team Mini-Rumble

Monroe: It's time for the Tag Team Mini Rumble! They'll be coming in an order determined by a drawing made earlier. The winners of last week's lottery matches have a better shot at the later slots.

Marcum: OK, enough explaining. Let's get to the severe beatings!

*Princes of the Universe plays as the Captain of Outer Space makes his entrance.*

Marcum: Ha! It looks like the champs didn't get any special treatment as far as the drawing is concerned!

Monroe: You have to remember, the Captain of Outer Space lost his lottery match to Spandex Monkey Man.

*The second to enter is Howler, but as he steps onto the ramp, he's clobbered on the back of the head. The camera pulls back to show the chair is being held by Johnny Evil!*

JE: No one's going to stop THIS message from getting through.

* Johnny Evil runs to the ring, but Cap is ready for him as he dodges two quick swings. Then, JE throws the chair toward Cap, and follows it up with a spinning hook kick, slamming the chair into Cap's face. It's unclear if Cap is conscious as Johnny Evil picks his up and hits him with Cradle To Grave and then leaves to the boos of the crowd. Howler is struggling up from the ground as Johnny Evil steps out. Just then, the timer reaches zero and the first thing through is a huge, blue boot that kicks Howler in the head, sending him sprawling once more. The owner of the boot is El Daga and he wastes no time getting to the ring and lifting up the limp form of the Captain of Outer Space over his head and then sending him crashing to the arena floor below.*

Marcum: One of the champs is the first to go!

*Howler is once again trying to get to his feet when the timer reaches zero. Things go better for him this time as the next man in is Howler's partner, Highwayman.*

Monroe: It looks like Howler is gonna get some payback with a little help from his partner!

*Howlerama puts on a coordinated attack on the bigger man, but he's too big for even the both of them to lift over the rope, then James Fantastic enters and Howlerama turns away from the beaten big man who's laying on the mat and go after the "easier" target of James Fantastic, but he proves to be more than they expected as he fights both of them off until the counter reaches zero once more and Tommy Savitz comes in.*

Marcum: It looks like someone was a little unlucky in their drawing!

Monroe: That's right, Savitz's partner, Spandex Monkey Man won his lottery match last week, but he's still among the early entrants.

*Savitz helps Fantastic fight off Howlerama and then they eliminate them at almost exactly the same time by dropkicking them over the top rope. El Daga rises slowly and ominously to his feet behind them. The timer reaches zero once more and Notwedge enters.*

Marcum: I sure don't envy NotWedge! His partner was the first to go out. He's on his own and you just know everyone in there is going to be after the champ!

*Marcum seems wrong at first, as El Daga goes after Savitz. Savitz seems completely overmatched as the huge man lifts him off the ground, but he manages to use his weight against him as Daga goes for the elimination and both men go tumbling out. Since they really don't have anything else to do, Notwedge and James Fantastic start fighting each other.*

Monroe: I expect this level of technical skill from James Fantastic, but somehow Notwedge is keeping up with him!

*The Timer reaches zero.*

Marcum: Not for much longer! Look who's here!

*James Fantastic's ally in the Bond Brigade, Senor Perdicion, is the next in. Notwedge quickly goes after Fantastic, trying to take him out of the fight before Perdicion finishes making his slow way to the ring. Notwedge Irish whips Fantastic toward Perdicion as he starts climbing in and they're both momentarily stunned. The timer reaches zero once more and...*

SPANDEX MONKEY MAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!

*Spamm runs down to the ring as Notwedge fights the two Bond Brigade members. Fantastic turns around right into a Spandex Superkick that sends him to the mat, at the same time, Notwedge kicks Perdicion in the gut and, in an impressive feat of strength (for him), he hits him with the Reverse Monkey Death Drop.

Spamm: SPANDEX MONKEY MAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!

*That cry directs the crowd's attention to the top rope just before Spamm takes off for the Might of the Monkey. It hits solidly, but James fantastic has recovered and he takes advantage of Spamm's weakened condition to eliminate him.

PenWing enters next and goes after the weakened Perdicion while Notwedge and Fantastic go at it once more. Perdicion fights his way back to his feet at the timer again finishes counting down and the Imperial March plays. Perdicion pushes PenWing away and Darth shoves Fantastic half way across the ting as he comes after him, then he grabs Perdicion and power bombs him.*

Fat Retard: SLOBBERKNOCKER!

*Then he power bombs Notwedge.*

Fat Retard: SLOBBERKNOCKER!

*and he power bombs PenWing.*

Fat Retard: SLOBBERKNOCKER!

*Fantastic too...*

Fat Retard: SLOBBERKNOCKER!

*Then Darth picks up Perdicion and eliminates him.*

Fat Retard: SLOBBERKNOCK...er...Drop toe hold?

*Chris Oakley is the next to come in. He is understandably reluctant to get into the ring after that display as Darth stands at the ropes and taunts him. He doesn't notice that Notwedge and PenWing are back on their feet and they attack Darth from behind. They manage to grab a hold of him as Fantastic gets back up and Oakley climbs in. The four of them go after Darth, finally starting to wear him down then Sammitch is the next in and he joins in as well. Then the last guy they want to come in starts down the ramp.*

Monroe: With Grimm's arrival, the Dark Lords are at full strength!

Marcum and we know who the last two in will be! The team of King Snarf and Joe Mama!

*They all turn against Grimm but he rips into them, slamming them to the mat one after another. PenWing is the last to come after him and Grimm catches his attempted kick and then he picks PenWing up and tosses him out of the ring, then he turns to the fallen bodies, he picks up Oakley as Joe Mama becomes the second to last person to enter. He motions to Grimm that he'd like a shot at Oakley just as Darth gets up and grabs Joe from behind. Grimm casually tosses Oakley away and starts in on Joe Mama.*

Marcum: You don't want to tell the Dark Lords what to do!

*Darth gets Joe in position for a pile-driver and Grimm jumps off the second rope to spike it.*

Monroe: Bugawd! The Dark Lords just sent Joe Mama straight to hell!

*The Dark Lords go in search of more victims. Grim picks up Notwedge and Darth picks up Captain Sammitch and toss them at the ropes. They end up on the apron next to each other. Darth charges after them as Grimm picks up Joe Mama and eliminates him. He doesn't see Notwedge and Sammitch duck down, grabbing the top rope. Darth flies over them and out of the ring. Notwedge and Sammitch start to fight each other on the apron. The final countdown finishes and King Snarf steps onto the ramp. Then Johnny Evil's music comes on. Notwedge looks around to see where he's coming from, but it ends up not really mattering as Sammitch pushes him off the apron. Notwedge manages to grab onto Sammitch as he falls and they both land on the floor, with Notwedge hitting the ground just before Sammitch does. King Snarf steps into the ring.*

Monroe: We're down to the last three men!

*All three men start fighting each other with no two ganging up on the other. King Snarf is knocked to the side as Grimm gets the upper hand and tosses Oakley over the top rope. King Snarf Dropkicks Grimm from behind while he's off balance and eliminates him.*

The winners of the Tag Team Mini Rumble are King Snarf and Joe Mama