Rosalita, the Human Lovebomb vs. Nuriko

The first of tonight's hotties saw the more experienced Nuriko ride to victory against the more inexperienced Rosalita.

Nuriko came down to the ring accompanied by her bodyguard Tommy, but Rosalita was also accompanied by her boss's tag partner Tommy Savitz. Both men started outside the ring, though, as the hotties got down to some serious chick-fighting

Marcum: Pinch me! I'm in heaven!

Rosalita initially went ahead by scoring a Mystic east, but Nuriko wriggled her way out of the following pin and karate chopped The Human Lovebomb to the mat. Meanwhile, outside the ring the two Tommy and Savitz had got to brawling after Savitz stopped Tommy from breaking the pin. Two-Ton Tommy initially managed to nail a low blow to go ahead, but soon found himself on the end of a Release German Suplex, which knocked him out cold.

In the ring, Nuriko slammed Rosalita into a turnbuckle, but Rosalita slapped her in the face before Nuriko could hit an attempted superplex. Rosalita then grabbed Nuriko's kimono, but Nuriko ditched it and grabbed a handful of the Human Lovebomb's hair, causing Rosalita to cry in pain.

Savitz stuck to the rules and stayed out of the ring, but he did reach under the bottom rope and trip Nuriko up, enabling Rosalita to nail The Love Bomb. Unfortunately, the execution of the move caused a 'Wardrobe Malfunction'.

Marcum: That's the way women's wrestling should be fought!

Fat Retard: SLOBBERKNOCKERS!

Llawler: What's the big deal? It's only a *girl*

Rosalita immediately attempted to cover herself up, but the break allowed Nuriko to get to her feet and nail her with a Martial Arts kick. Nuriko then climbed a turnbuckle and scored a spectacular Hirshima Mama to register a victory.


Eurotrash #1 Contender’s Match

Nowhereman dominated a match that lasted less time than anyone expected. Once everyone was in the ring, the bell sounded and the match began with Backwards7 going after Rex as his tag team partner, Chewy Walrus, squared off against Nowhereman. But this strategy would work against them, as Nowhereman quickly dominated Chewy Walrus with a Fucking Cuntline and a Fuck Off Slam to get the pin and a quick elimination. Backwards7 had barely finished eliminating Rex with a Doldrum and a Hackney Chin Grip when Nowhereman leveled him with a Cunt-Fu Kick and a Flip-Off. With a Poof Smasher for good measure, Nowhereman locked up his title shot against Captain Sammitch.


Sneaky Bunny vs ButterRican

This match was a preview of the Women’s Boobie Belt Title Match at NWOOTC. ButterRican tried to end the match early with her Latina Fury, but Sneaky Bunny seemed to have the Diva perfectly scouted. Though she worked from the defensive for the early goings, it wasn’t long before Sneaky Bunny was able to turn the tables on her opponent using much of the technical wrestling that Meeko employs. Sneaky Bunny was able to hit ButterRican with a Bunny Hop, which allowed her to drag ButterRican to the ring corner for a perfectly executed Bunny Flop. Finally, Sneaky Bunny hit the Diva with a Taxidermy to lock up the win.


Cage Match: Chris Oakley vs Louie Bastardo

With no music or fanfare, Grace led Louie Bastardo to the ring. Louie had a tense look on his face as he walked down the ramp to the cage. Before entering, Louie and Grace both inspected the cage closely for any gaps or weak points. Satisfied, Louie enters the cage. Almost immediately, "Rooster" starts up and Oakley makes his way to ringside, with Ian Bond in tow, to the applause of the fans.

Monroe: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to inform you that all other members of the Bastardo Family and Bond’s Brigade have been banned from The Cheese Dome!

Madman: That’s not fair! Louie is alone with Chris AND Ian Bond??? What if Ian decides to interfere?

Oakley starts to climb into the cage, but Louie calls for the referee to handcuff him. Reluctantly, Chris backs down but requires Bond to be the one to put the cuffs on him. Bond takes the cuffs from the referee and places them around Oakley's wrists. The ref then tests the cuffs to make sure that they’re on tight enough and will not break. Once the ref motions that Chris is secure in the handcuffs, Oakley climbs into the cage, the bell sounds, and the match begins.

Though without the use of his hands, Chris advances on his former manager like a man on a mission. Louie is trying to keep away from Chris but is quickly cornered. Louie steps forward, trying to “negotiate” with Oakley, but suddenly drops to his knees and hits Chris with a low blow. As Chris falls, Louie rolls out of the way to avoid him. Louie stands, adopts a boxing stance, and starts to hit Chris with a series of rights and lefts to the head. But they obviously have little affect on him as he stands to face Louie.

Monroe: Nice, try, Louie. Looks like you’ve only made him mad!

Madman: Well, what do you expect?!? Louie’s a mind-man, not a fighter!!!

Monroe: Then he should’ve run out of the cage when he had his chance!

Chris is shouting at Louie, who is – once again – trying to stay away from Chris. Louie tries to run to the cage door, but Chris heads him off. Louie tries to run to a cage wall and start climbing, but his weight and lack of athletic ability make it slow going. Chris takes advantage of the situation with a standing drop kick that causes Louie to lose his balance and fall to the mat. Chris starts kicking at Louie as he tries again to crawl to the cage door. Chris, once again, blocks Louie’s progress with one savage kick after another. Louie stumbles back to the center of the ring where Chris is able to lock in a small package using only his legs.

Monroe: A little Greco-Roman style mat wrestling by Chris Oakley!

Madman: What’s the point of that? To win a Cage Match, you have to get out of the cage! Chris is just being sadistic!

Monroe: It’s no less than Louie Bastardo deserves! But…what’s happening under the ring apron?

From beneath the ring – within the cage – crawls Joe Mama. His hands are taped up and he is carrying…

Madman: It’s Loosie! Joe Mama is going to save his manager and send Chris Oakley a clear message for No Way Out Of The Closet!!!

Monroe: This is disgusting! The Bastardo Family is intentionally throwing this match to get Chris Oakley alone and destroy him!

Madman: That’s a great strategy! Louie’s a genius!!!

Joe Mama slides into the ring and delivers a full swing to Chris’ back that breaks the hold and sends Chris falling to the mat. The ref calls for the bell as Joe Mama yells something to Louie about “chains” and “the door”. Louie hops to the floor and pulls out a length of chain and a lock, then moves towards the cage door.

Ian Bond enters the cage and runs at Louie, but the Bastardo Patriarch drops to the mat and Ian is hit with Joe Mama’s barbed wire-wrapped bat. Louie loops the chain around the cage and locks it, preventing anyone else from entering. Then he crawls under the ring again and pulls out a 2X4. The Bastardos go to work on Ian Bond and Chris Oakley with their weapons of choice. Eventually, the pair swaps off and Joe goes to work on Ian as Louie batters Chris. Finally, Joe moves Louie aside, drapes Ian across Oakley, climbs the ropes, and hits the Brigadiers with a Flying Teabag Slam.

Monroe: This is disgusting! Someone has to do something!!!

Madman: Something has been done! Chris Oakley and Ian Bond just learned that you never cross the Bastardo Family!!!

“Faded” starts playing as Joe Mama and Louie Bastardo celebrate in the ring and Havoc fades out.