Captain Sammitch/PenWing vs. Spandex Monkey Man/Tommy Savitz
"Let's Get It Started" plays over the speakers as the Tag Team Donkey Lovin’ Champions make their way to the ring. As they raise their titles to the crowd, a cry of 'SPANDEX MONKEY MAN!!!' followed by an instrumental version of "Pinball Wizard" is heard, and Spamm, Tommy Savitz and Rosalita the Human Lovebomb walk down the ramp. Spamm seems oblivious to the glances shared between Savitz and Rosalita. Once they’re in the ring, Rosalita suggests that Savitz start the match, and Sammitch stays in the ring to face off against him. The bell rings, and the two immediately become entangled in a series of holds and roll ups, with neither wrestler getting more than a one count. Finally, Savitz is able to hand out an Anaesthetic to Sammitch, but Sammitch is able to break the hold on impact, and roll to his corner to tag in PenWing.
Monroe: That's some veteran savvy right there by Sammitch!
Marcum: It looked more like sushi to me.
Savitz quickly goes to his own corner to tag in Spamm, who quickly climbs the ropes and catches PenWing with a Flying Banana Chop. Not done, Spamm goes for a Monkey Drop, but PenWing roles out of the way. Back on his feet, PenWing waits for Spamm to get up, and then nails him with a Spin-o-rama. He quickly goes for the cover, but Rosalita distracts the ref.
Monroe: That's not right! I thought these guys were about justice!
Marcum: It would be unjust to ignore a woman of Rosalita's stature!
Tired of waiting, PenWing helps Spamm back to his feet, and tags in Sammitch. Sammitch takes Spamm and begins executing a series of Sammitch Suplexes while the crowd counts.
Crowd: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six!
Marcum: Has the ref lost his hearing! There's a match going on!
Monroe: He's righteously paying attention to a woman of great stature!
Marcum: He can't do that right now! He's supposed to watching the match! Where's the justice?!?
Still flirting, the ref doesn't notice Savitz enter the ring, grab Sammitch after the final suplex, and begin administering a series of Anaesthetics of his own. The crowd counts.
Crowd: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six!
Monroe: I can't believe the ref is still flirting with Rosalita!
Marcum: It's his duty as an official of this company to pay attention to all aspects of the match, inside and out of the ring!
PenWing then enters the ring and grabs Savitz's arm, whipping him into the ropes and finishing off a Drag 'n Whip. Spamm finally gets back to his feet, grabs PenWing, whips him into the ropes, and clotheslines him out of the ring. As PenWing gets back to his feet, Spamm leaps of the top rope with another Flying Banana Chop.
Spamm then climbs the corner turnbuckle and cries out: SPANDEX MONKEY MAN!
He then demonstrates The Might of the Monkey on PenWing outside the ring. The ref finally turns away from Rosalita to see Sammitch get back to his feet and execute one final Sammitch Suplex for the pin. Spamm gets back in the ring too late to break it, and starts jumping up and down in anger. Rosalita runs to Savitz and helps him to his feet. The champs celebrate on the ramp.
Marcum: They were robbed! Sammitch wasn't the legal man! Why wasn't the ref paying attention?!?
Monroe: Of course the ref was paying attention, that's why the match finally ended!
Johnny Evil vs Bibbo
Bibbo is already in the ring waiting when the lights go out and "Lying From You" by Linkin Park starts up. The words EVIL IS COMING appear on the screen. The crowd knows who's about to come out so they're already booing. As the song reaches the line, "lying my way from you". The lights snap back on and pyro shoots off in sequence up the edges of the ramp. The words on the screen switch to EVIL IS HERE and Johnny Evil is standing on the stage with Ariel. He seems to enjoy the boos as he walks down to the ring. Along the way, he sees a kid in an "I'm #4" t-shirt who's holding up a sign that says, "Say it ain't so, Notwedge!" Johnny Evil takes great pleasure in grabbing the sign and tearing it up as Ariel laughs. Johnny Evil climbs into the ring as Ariel heads over to the announce table.
Monroe: It looks like we're being joined for our commentary for this match.
Ariel: Hello. How are you doing?
Marcum: much better now that I'm sitting next to you instead of him. I just loved the way you and Johnny Evil shocked the world.
Ariel: It took a lot of planning, but I'm glad he finally gets to be the real him here in RDCW. I'm here right now to help everyone adjust to the "new" him.
The match starts out with some fairly typical wrestling, JE breaks away and snaps off a quick roundhouse kick and launches into a sequence of Tae Kwon Do moves.
Monroe: I must admit, that's an impressive display of martial arts ability by Johnny Evil.
Ariel: He's studied Tae Kwon Do since the fifth grade; he's been a black belt for over a decade.
JE climbs to the top rope and chops Bibbo on the top of the head.
Marcum: Ha! He got him with Death Chop 2000!
Ariel: Actually that move is now named Surprise In The Sky. Johnny loves Disney World and has named all of his moves after former ride names.
Monroe: Disney? That doesn't seem so evil...
Ariel: You forget that Disney is run by Michael Eisner, one of the world's most evil men!
Marcum: Of course! It all makes sense!
Johnny Evil attacks Bibbo with an Asai moonsault.
Ariel: He calls that one Mission To Mars.
JE picks up Bibbo and...
Monroe: I don't suppose that move is still the Reverse Monkey Death Drop.
Ariel: No, it's the WEDway Peoplemover.
JE climbs to the top rope and delivers a half twisting moonsault legdrop.
Marcum: And the Cobra Roll is now...
Ariel: The Skyway To Tomorrowland
Monroe: You two are just chatting away while Johnny Evil is torturing Bibbo!
Ariel: He's just providing a demonstration, and sending a message to Spandex Monkey Man. I think Captain EO will help him do that...
JE performs the move formerly known as the Deadly Knee Drop...of Death!
Monroe: Only the most twisted, evil of men would name a move after a 3-D movie starring Michael Jackson! The kind of man who would eat a kitten!
Ariel: He actually didn't. That kitten was in on the whole deception.
Monroe: In on it?!?
Ariel: Yeah, it was an evil kitten.
Monroe: An evil kitten...what next?
Cradle to Grave is next...
Ariel: Cradle to Grave is now called Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
Marcum: God, it bugged me when they closed that one.
Monroe: This is one of the few times I'll agree with you.
Finally, JE makes Bibbo submit with a bridging Indian Death Lock/Facelock combination.
Ariel: He calls that one Countdown To Extinction. It's now named after the worst CG movie of all time, Dinosaur. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to make some Flubber.
Monroe: Make some...
Marcum: I know what's next!
In the ring, Johnny is coming after the fallen Bibbo with a chair; the ref tries to warn him off. Johnny drops the chair behind himself and acts like he's turning to leave. He suddenly lashes out with a spinning hook kick, the ref dodges to the side and JE's foot strikes the chair Ariel is now holding up, smashing it into Bibbo's face.
Marcum: Johnny Evil's most feared move! The Making Of Flubber!
JE and Ariel celebrate in the ring.
Monroe: I'm afraid no one can stop the Bastardos! Not with a man that unpredictably evil on their side!
