Shinobi Spade vs Howler
The match started with Bill Williams at ringside for Howler, and Spandex Monkey Man accompanying Shinobi Spade to ensure that there would be no cheating by the company. Unfortunately, this didn't quite work, as Howler produced a length of steel chain from his suit and proceeded to whip Spade with it.
Marcum: Ha ha! Take that, you hokey loser!
Monroe: You're sick, Marcum! Spade could get seriously injured!
Fortunately the ref was able to force Howler to stop his brutal assault, and confiscated his weapon. This enabled Spade to take the match to Howler, hitting him with a series of karate chops and judo holds. However, Bill Williams distracted the ref, and Charlie came charging down to the ring to break the hold. Grabbing Spade, he nailed him with a Big Business before scoring a Zeitgeist. Howler then went for a Wolfman Slam, and pin, but Spade kicked out on two.
Meanwhile, Spandex wrenched Bill Williams off the ring apron in order to restore some order to proceedings. He hit Bill with a Spandex Superkick, before entering the ring to take on Charlie. When the ref attempted to restore some order to proceedings by ordering Charlie and Spamm out of the ring, Charlie nailed him with a Tower of London. The Company and the RDJL proceeded to engage in a brutal brawl, which ended when Shinobi Spade hit Howler with a Full House and Spandex hit Charlie with a Flying Banana Chop and Monkey Drop. Spade then went for a pin, but with the ref still out there was no count. Charlie then hoisted himself to his feet and attack Spandex from behind, hitting him with a double axe handle before spinning him round and hitting him with a Big Business. Spade then hit him with a Deuces Wild, knocking Charlie face first into the mat.
Howler had got to his feet behind Spade, and went for another Wolfman Slam, but Spade reversed that into an Irish whip and Martial Arts Kick before hitting Howler with a Royal Flush. A now revived ref performed a three count to give Spade his first victory, and the jubilant wrestler celebrated in the ring with a still slightly out of it Spandex, as the crowd cheered.
Chris Oakley/Los Monstros Azules vs Joe Mama/Legbreakers
“Rooster” started as both Chris Oakley and Los Monstros Azules made their way to ringside. As they entered the ring, they acknowledged the cheers from the crowd. Those cheers turned to boos as “Sabotage” kicked in and the Legbreakers (no longer for hire) walked down the ramp, stopping at its base. Then “Faded” blasted over the speakers and, as Joe Mama joined his allies, the crowd became hostile. The big Luchadores held the ropes open for their foes as Chris Oakley dared them to enter the ring, but Joe Mama put a hand on each Legbreaker’s shoulder and held them back. Then he pointed to the ref and demanded that he move the Brigadiers back while they entered the ring. With Ian Bond’s men in a neutral corner, the Bastardo Family representatives entered the ring.
Chris Oakley was set to start versus the Bastardo Family but, upon seeing that Winged Creature was starting the match for his team, demanded that Joe Mama be tagged in.
Madman: What does it matter who starts? Let’s get this bloodbath going!
Monroe: Chris Oakley has a score to settle with Joe Mama. Why isn’t he starting the match?
Madman: It’s obviously a plan set up by Louie and Grace to psyche out their opponents. And it’s obviously working – look at Chris! He can barely contain himself!
The bell rang and Winged Creature and Chris Oakley locked up. Chris got the quick advantage with a front face-lock that he used to get behind his opponent and execute a German Suplex. But Wings was able to use the momentum to roll to his feet, duck Chris Oakley’s clothesline, and use Oakley’s momentum off the ropes to execute a Drop Toe Hold that allowed him to stand up and walk across Chris Oakley’s back. Winged Creature then tagged in Stupid Doog.
Madman: More psychological warfare by the Bastardo family!
Monroe: Why tag in Stupid Doog? Why not bring in the Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion? It’s obvious he wants a crack at Chris?
Madman: Joe Mama’s giving his new teammates a chance to get some work in! He wants to help them get rid of the ring rust that’d been plaguing them. Joe Mama is a great ring General!
Monroe: Whatever you say…
Stupid Doog wasted no time, Irish-whipping Chris into a neutral corner and punching him repeatedly.
Madman: Chris Oakley is getting Rabies!
Monroe: Come on, ref! Get them out of the corner!
The ref finally pulled Stupid Doog out of the corner, which gave Chris some breathing time. He tried to crawl to his corner to tag either of the fresh Luchadores, but Stupid Doog grabbed his ankle and dragged him back to the center of the ring. Then he walked to Chris’ corner and spat that both Monstros. As the ref rushed over to keep them out of the ring, Winged Creature helped Stupid Doog double-team Chris Oakley, culminating in the Legbreakers Taking Out The Trash.
Monroe: This is disgusting! The ref obviously can’t keep control! There’s no need for a double-team at this point in the match!
Madman: Why not? Los Monstros would do the same thing if given the chance! I think this is a great way for the Legbreakers to gain some of the Bastardo confidence! They’re working better and more efficiently than they have in weeks!
The ref finally got the Luchadores back in their ring corner and turned to get Winged Creature back in his corner when, suddenly, El Superbeasto ran down the ramp and attacked Senor Perdicion, chopping his knee out from under him and causing him to drop to the floor. The ref turned to yell at the Bastardo’s own Luchador, so Winged Creature ran across the ring to hit the distracted El Daga with an elbow, sending him to the ring floor as well. Stupid Doog tagged in Joe Mama and, as the Legbreakers grabbed Chris Oakleys arms and legs…
Monroe: They’re trying to draw and quarter Chris Oakley!!!
…Joe Mama hit Chris with a Flying Tea Bag Slam. Winged Creature and Stupid Doog turn the ref around to count the pin and the Legbreakers left the ring to assist El Superbeasto with dragging Los Monstros Azules out to the back and continuing the beatings. Meanwhile, as “Faded” played, Joe Mama grabbed a mic and addressed Chris Oakley and the crowd.
JM: Are you satisfied, Chris? Has it finally been driven into your head that you will NEVER defeat the Bastardo Family? Is this what it took, Chris? Did you need to be utterly annihilated while Los Monstros Negros Y Azules could only watch? And your good buddy and protégé, James Fantastic, has finally gotten the hint and left you to face your downfall alone! What a good friend he is! You must be proud!
Joe Mama spits on Chris Oakley.
JM: Understand right now, Chris: we’re done. I’ve beaten you for the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title. I’ve humiliated you in front of these fans. And I’ve stolen away every ounce of pride you’ve ever had. You’re a beaten, broken man and the best thing you can do is retire. But, since you’re so stubborn, let me drive the point home one last time.
Joe Mama lifts Chris’ legs and locks in the Joe Mama-Lock. As the crowd boos, Joe Mama basks in their hatred. He’s so busy gloating at the fans that he doesn’t notice that they’ve started cheering. Captain Sammitch runs down the ramp, slides into the ring and swings his Bo staff, baseball bat-style, at the back of Joe Mama’s head. Joe Mama’s eyes roll back into his head and he slumps to the mat unconscious, breaking the hold on Chris Oakley. Then Captain Sammitch rolls Chris out of the ring and grabs the mic off the mat.
CS: Joe, Joe, Joe. We needed your help all those times, and you turned your back on us. I gave you plenty of chances to make up for stabbing me in the back, and you jumped ship on us for a conniving cheater and his wannabe lackey. Well, Joe, even my patience has limits.
I know you think you're the real deal, and that I'm just a hopeless little wannabe who hides behind my manager and our allies. Well, here's your chance to prove it. I dare you to defend your Inter-Cunt-Inental Title belt against me at Robblemania XXI. Turn me down if you want, but either way, you and I and all the fans will know what you're really made of.
Sammitch landed a parting shot across the back of Joe Mama's head, dropped the mic, and slid out of the ring. 'Let's Get It Started 'blaredthrough the speakers as Sammitch exited to the cheers of the crowd.
