Does anyone have access to the FULL ass penny scene, where the dude tells his brother he's been sticking pennies up his ass as a form of revenge against others?

This is a funny skit and I want to perform it with a buddy of mine for theater. I'm trying to find a script or something, but all I could find on google was this single paragraph:

"I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years! That's 3,000 pennies a day; 21,000 pennies a week; 1,092,000 pennies a year! To date that's 12,012,000 pennies, 8 times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies everyday. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with."

Anyone help?


I got soul but I'm not a soldier.