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This is something that happened to me several years ago.
I had two friends that were dating for a couple months. They both seemed happy and and everything was going fine for a while, then I found out he was cheating on her. I found out by him telling me.
What is the right thing to do in that situation? Do you tell the woman that he is cheating on her, or do you stay out of it, thinking thats its none of your business?
Discuss
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If both of them are your friends, you give the cheater the chance to admit his/her infidelity to his/her partner. If s/he doesn't then you have a responsibility as a friend to tell the victim. It's a shitty place to be but, if the victim ever found out that you knew, you'd lose both friends eventually.
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I think thats the best thing to do. Give the cheater a set amount of time to confess, or your telling them. Another thing is that when cheaters brag about cheating, they want to get caught but don't want to confront the person their dating, so they dump it on you.
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If she's continually being misled into thinking she's "the one" in his eyes when she really isn't, I'd put a stop to that deception and tell her right away. It's painful information, and she may even deny that he would do something like that, and it's DIFFICULT to break such news to a friend. However, every second she spends with this simultaneous lover is a second she'll never get back.
It's only a matter of time before the truth is discovered. It can be done so many ways. He may press the redial button on his cell phone and forget which girl he's calling, or he may get a surprise visit from one girl while he has the other one over. Personally, I wouldn't wait for someone or something else to break the news. He needs to realize that he can't make his own bed unless he intends to lie in it.
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You keep your mouth shut. It's not your buisness, and it's not your problem. Trying to intervene, no matter how good your intentions are, is just going to blow up in your face.
If karma's a bitch, it will be my bitch!
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Quote:
klinton said:
You keep your mouth shut. It's not your buisness, and it's not your problem. Trying to intervene, no matter how good your intentions are, is just going to blow up in your face.
Thats what I ended up doing. They continued dating for about a year. During that time I started to separate myself from them. I didn't want to be part of that disaster anymore. A couple years later I ran into the guy and he said that I was the most reliable friend he had ever had. I felt horribly guilty over him telling me that.
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Quote:
rex said:
[ A couple years later I ran into the guy and he said that I was the most reliable friend he had ever had. I felt horribly guilty over him telling me that.
What did you feel guilty about? Was it that you felt like you should have done more for him as a reliable friend?
I hope my above post didn't sound cold or anything. I just thought of the whole thing as something that could have been avoided by him simply telling the second woman "I'm sorry... I have a girlfriend." whenever it was that she came along, unless it was more complicated than that.
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Quote:
McGurk said:
What did you feel guilty about? Was it that you felt like you should have done more for him as a reliable friend?
I felt guilty because I protected his lie. If I was a good friend I would have told him it was wrong to cheat on his girlfriend, instead I just sat back and watched it happen.
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I would just set him straight if he was a friend.. is he a friend or an acquantance? because if he was my friend I would tell him he was a piece of shit and he better straighten up or he'd lose me first then her later cause he's an asshole... It's not your business to interfere if the two aren't really that close to you as Klinton said.
I don't like shit like that..it's one thing if they aren't vocally commited I suppose, but another if they are moving in together and shit.. The guy's just on a power trip..it's not really your place to tell her what's up, because if her eyes were open she'd know..and I'm sure will find out about at some point..
Just tell him you don't like it and if he says "fuck off" then what kind of a friend is he..more like a piece of shit...IMO.
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make my post past tense I realize you said a year ago just now...
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I haven't spoken to him since then. Mainly because I moved to Oregon.
The thing that really bothered me about it was the girl had been a friend of mine much longer than the guy. She was also a couple years younger and lost her virginity to him after I had found out about him cheating on her. I guess I'm was mare upset with myself than with him.
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That's understandable.
Hopefully, when he saw you again after a year, it's possible he had admitted to himself how wrong he was to be seeing both girls at once, and how it must have affected those closest to him. Incliding you, a concerned friend, who could have said or done more about it, but for all you know he might just not listen/ get defensive/ say "mind your own business". So, maybe he was letting you know that he doesn't hold anything against you in regards to his own dating errors.
And if I'm right about this, he's better than those who never learn, including the genetic misfit females whom I fell for back in my... "less squeamish" years.
Take care,
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To be honest, I really don't care that much anymore. I see it as a "learning from your mistakes" thing now.
But to keep things going, what would you guys do in a similiar situation? And what if you were being cheated on? How would you want to find out, from the cheater or a friend?
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I would tell the girl, then try and nail her while she's emotionally vulnerable...
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*slaps Snarfs* oh no you wouldn't! You'd be the nice guy I know you are and tell her she's making a huge mistake and let her cry on your shoulder.
That said, WARN THE GIRL! I mean what would you lose in the long run? A guy who has no idea of loyalty, decency, or morality anyways has no business being a good friend of yours.
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Aaaaaahhh, but is it better to let her learn her mistake on her own, or is it better to save her from her own inabilities? To let her learn the lesson on her own miht save her future troubles in the same area...
The Sith would say that mercy to the weak is foolishness... Anyway, to save someone from a 99% non-fatal errorin judgement to which they already gave up the booty seems silly because a lesson learned though crying and heartache is generally better than one learned when some one tells you because you are too stupid to realize what's going on...
At best I would be cryptic and might give some nudges that in no way could make me seem like a savior ot something..hey, where's John tonight sally?? Oh, I thought he was with you because I saw him at the mall... some such shit...
he was at the mall he told me he was going to dairy queen... I don't know maybe he was buying a movie or video game???
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Quote:
Pig Iron said:
Aaaaaahhh, but is it better to let her learn her mistake on her own, or is it better to save her from her own inabilities? To let her learn the lesson on her own miht save her future troubles in the same area...
The Sith would say that mercy to the weak is foolishness... Anyway, to save someone from a 99% non-fatal errorin judgement to which they already gave up the booty seems silly because a lesson learned though crying and heartache is generally better than one learned when some one tells you because you are too stupid to realize what's going on...
At best I would be cryptic and might give some nudges that in no way could make me seem like a savior ot something..hey, where's John tonight sally?? Oh, I thought he was with you because I saw him at the mall... some such shit...
he was at the mall he told me he was going to dairy queen... I don't know maybe he was buying a movie or video game???
I take it you were drunk again when you wrote that, corect?
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No, that's how I feel....
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i only just started drinking although I need to remember to reply or quote because the quick post isn't letting me backspace to edit...
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Yeah Pigs made a valid, logical argument! Much better than I did...like calling her attention to where her boyfriend is at certain times.
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But not playing the savior role..the savior role is for suckers....
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Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Quote:
rex said:
This is something that happened to me several years ago.
I had two friends that were dating for a couple months. They both seemed happy and and everything was going fine for a while, then I found out he was cheating on her. I found out by him telling me.
What is the right thing to do in that situation? Do you tell the woman that he is cheating on her, or do you stay out of it, thinking thats its none of your business?
Discuss
It really depends. Does she look like, say, Halle Berry or Britney Spears?
Then she's fair game! And it's your duty to help her get even!
"You kind of get tired giving the other team credit. At some point you've got to look in the mirror and say 'I sucked.'"
Alex Rodriguez, after the NY Yankees were eliminated from the 2006 ALDS by the Detroit Tigers.
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Uhhhnnnnnnnnn, no you are a sucker ..  jesus has nothing to do with what i'm talking about other than a weak attempt at conveying the emotions tied to a person trying to salvage another person's dignity when they are doing a good enough job ruining and slaughtering it themselves...and playing the hero/savior type person.. Jesus was a different kind of savior that i can't be as a weak sinning male...
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Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Dude, I know it's RKMBS...
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Quote:
rex said:
And what if you were being cheated on? How would you want to find out, from the cheater or a friend?
I'd want to find out immediately, be it from the cheater or a friend of either of us. Although, a cheater isn't likely to be the one to confess on their own, otherwise they wouldn't have the audacity to be a simultaneous lover it in the first place. The excuses are usually something like "I wanted to see if what I feel for him was better than what I feel for you." or "I never meant to do it; it was an ACCIDENT" {Duh, I slipped and I fell and my spilled blood looked like the words 'let's go on a date and not tell anybody about it' and he read it exactly as it appeared and I thought he was asking me out, oh and my voice went numb in a weird way so I couldn't say anything containing the letters "n" and "o"} that make as much sense as a screen door in a submarine.
*ahem*
Well see, suppose you believe that there's but one woman meant for each of us men, one perfect angel for whom we are put on this earth.
ONE winsome tulip we ceaselessly yearn for throughout our dreary work-a-day lives.
If and when you believe in your deepest heart and mind that you have found the one, and that the other feels the same way, how does being with someone else come into the equation? Does it not ruin the rest of your day if you two get into a measly fight over who ate most of the chee-tos? Do you not see their delicate face everywhere you look? Do you not hear their voice whenever you listen? Do you not feel their presence in the room, even though they've just stepped outside to get something they left in their car?
If the other person is misleading you into thinking these thoughts and isn't being at least similarly true to you, chances are they have no intention of confessing anything until they're trapped into it.
So, I'd expect a friend to make the confession.
If I may add this question that a co-worker once asked me: If you found out you were cheated on, would you continue to see them?
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McGurk..what the fuck ae you rambling about.... nearly 75% Of the women I know deal with and date continuosly..cheating men. Apparently they get off on it. I myself..do not do such things and have no clue whether I'm capable or not..although I highly doubt it...
Anyway, most men get off on anything they can sack for a night, and especially enjoy 2 or 3 at the same time .. I have no experience with such thingsand cannot fathom it, but what the fuck..women are just as screwed up as men are.. the 25% which apparently most RKMBS women are..are great and dateable..the other 75% of the crazy ass ones just aren't unless I'm drunk..
I have no fantasies of rosy, sweet marriages and love and soul mates, but I believe if two people love each other, have common sense, are attracted to one another, and communicate, they can have afunctional and lasting..and yes, even fun marriage and relationship.. everything requires work and commitment...even soul mate crap...
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ramble. verb. To wander aimlessly; roam.
noun. a leisurely stroll.
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Quote:
Pig Iron said:
McGurk..what the fuck ae you rambling about.... nearly 75% Of the women I know deal with and date continuosly..cheating men. Apparently they get off on it. I myself..do not do such things and have no clue whether I'm capable or not..although I highly doubt it...
The same behavior that makes men cheat is the same behavior that makes them exciting to women. Women are naturally attracted to the "exciting" men until they learn better.
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Thank you...this from rex.....
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Women like assholes. End of story. Nice guys like me are out of luck. 
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There's also the notion that being too nice doesn't work, because it makes the other person think "Is this person really really nice to everyone all the time, or is he/she making a special effort on my account? How do I know if I'm special to him/her."
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Whaaaaatttttttttttt?????? no, you are so wrong....
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No, that is not the psychological reason they don't like nice guys....
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Quote:
King Snarf said:
Women like assholes. End of story. Nice guys like me are out of luck.
Goddamn it. Don't turn this into another "king snarf is a fucking loser thread". You already have at least four of those.
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Quote:
McGurk said:
There's also the notion that being too nice doesn't work, because it makes the other person think "Is this person really really nice to everyone all the time, or is he/she making a special effort on my account? How do I know if I'm special to him/her."
Women do not like nice guys. Women like good guys, once their done with the cheaters and their type.
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thank you.....again with the Rex...
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Quote:
Pig Iron said:
No, that is not the psychological reason they don't like nice guys....
Oh... well, I was thinking mainly as someone who turned down a woman who was "too nice" towards me, to put it one way.
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