RKMBs Forums .::Robegories::. Women So, you want out of the "Friend Zone"...

From Girl Friend to Girlfriend
When you look at her, you think Babe. When she looks at you, she thinks, Buddy. It’s about time she started thinking Bosom Buddy.

Maxim, March 2000
By Nancy Miller

She’s the perfect package: beautiful, brilliant, sexy, funny, and totally cool. There’s just one catch: To her you are the F-word. You’re her good friend, a real pal, a piece of the rock—not the action. How you got yourself into this excruciatingly platonic relationship is simple enough: Maybe you live next door to her. Maybe you used to work together. Or perhaps you’re in the same group of friends. Whatever the case, you two bypassed the early opportunity to date by developing a decent friendship. But now you want to convert your relationship from “one of the gang” to “Let’s go home and bang.”

You can start by appreciating the advantage you do have: You are already in her circle. And compared to her dating pool, which is teeming with slobbering dopes trying to get her in the sack, she can bank on you being a good guy. Which is why you can’t blindside her with a quick and klutzy pass. Instead beguile your pal into pursuing you without her ever knowing you’ve pulled her strings. Try a few of these techniques to get her to see you differently. Like, naked.

Make her miss you.
Every Thursday night, you buy the six-pack, she brings the cards, and you play gin while arguing quantum mechanics. Well, next Thursday you are officially busy. And while she’s shuffling for solitaire, she realizes she’s seriously missing you. “When I was in college, this guy would swing by my room every afternoon and we’d hang out, drink, and listen to music,” remembers Jillian, 34. “We became really good friends in a matter of five months. Then he came down with the flu and I didn’t see him for a week. The first day, I really missed him. But by the end of the week, I was thinking, I think I’m in love with this guy.” When they hung out the next week, she swiftly seduced him. “It took his absence to make me realize how much I wanted him around.”

Be a great boyfriend—to someone else.
Are you putting your life on major hold for this girl? Quit your pining and start dating one of your many prospects, or, if you don’t have any prospects who aren’t inflatable, make one up—then use her to play up your prime boyfriend potential. The next time you and your chick friend head to the record store, pick out a one-of-a-kind bootleg CD of, say, Jewel reciting her poetry (about as exciting as a “Sounds of Nature: Grass Growing” freebie). Your gal pal will snort, “You don’t listen to Jewel.” And you’ll smile and say, “I know, but this girl I met recently really digs her, and I know she’d love this.” She’ll be impressed by your thoughtfulness, miffed that she doesn’t score suitors like that, and wondering what this woman’s got that makes you treat her so well. Lay on two more weeks of off-the-cuff oh-I-always-do-this-kinda-stuff before admitting in a tender, unguarded moment that sometimes it’s being with the wrong person that truly makes you realize who’s right. (A quiet and meaningful look would be appropriate here.)

Tweak your looks.
You want her to look at you differently? Look different. Change something about yourself to alter her set impression of you: If you’ve got a goatee, shave it. If you’ve got long hair, cut it— anything to give your image a new angle. “For the two years I’d known him, my friend Pete had long blond hair he kept in this scraggly ponytail,” says Nicole, 25. “Then one day he came by with his hair buzzed an inch from his head, and I noticed he had these amazing blue eyes. Suddenly he was a man—not just good ol’ Pete.” Head over to her house before the pickup basketball game so she can get an eyeful of your lean machine. Or on your way to a formal dinner, drop off that book you borrowed—while you’re all dolled up in your best gear.

Make sure she sees you in your element.
Give her a window into an area of your life in which you excel (unless it’s masturbating or shaving your legs) and show off—without looking like you’re about to split your spleen trying to impress her. “Matt was this nice guy who lived in the apartment upstairs,” says Amy, 27. “I knew he was a drummer, but I had never seen him play. When Matt invited me to check out his band at a dive bar, I stopped in with a group of girlfriends. Matt was playing his heart out, like no one else was in the room, and my friends were, like, ‘That’s Matt From Upstairs? He’s so hot!’ And I thought to myself, He really is hot. And I suddenly panicked that if I didn’t land him, one of the other girls there would.” Invite her to stop by your office before you head to a movie, when you’re “making a few final touches” to a big report before passing it to your proud boss. If you’re a big boy scout, take her camping so she can see you start a fire from a porcupine quill and a piece of flint.

Treat her like a date.
If you want her to start considering you a contender, bump up the chivalry: Open doors for her, don’t ogle other women, and pick up the next burgers-and-beers tab. And after a drunken night out, when you’d normally hop in separate cabs, make it your job to see her safely to her door.

Clue her in on how great you are in bed.
The next time she complains about a stiff neck or a headache, offer her your magic hands for a harmless massage. As she melts under them, she’ll think, Wow—if he’s this good at a backrub, I bet he’s sensational in bed. And she will be thinking that because, frankly, all women think if a man’s got good hands, he’s also got a handle on how to please a girl horizontally. Just don’t let your fingers “accidentally” do the walking onto the hands-off hot spots or the whole thing will seriously, irrevocably backfire.

Now get her to jump you.
If you sense she’s interested in Super-Sizing your friendship, let her make the first move. Here are three ways to provoke that initial contact without burning the buddy bridge.

Option #1: Go out and get drunk together.
Risk factor: low (like riding a one-speed with training wheels). A little alcohol can shake her inhibitions and encourage her to seize the day. Drink until she gets giggly, giving her a chance to confess that, you know, she’s always thought you were cute. Don’t let her get Betty Ford blasted or she’ll blow the whole thing off as a drunken debacle and you’ll be back to zero.

Option #2: Tell her she’s got dirt on her face.
Risk factor: medium (like eating a couple of those weird green chilies at a Mexican restaurant). At the next close-enough encounter, say, “Wait, I think you’ve got a smudge of something…” and gently touch her face, making sure that your eyes go from examining the bogus speck to looking her directly into hers; then pause a moment, giving her the chance to either lean in and kiss you or downshift into asking “Is it gone?” Stay cool: You saved face.

Option #3: Speak your mind.
Risk factor: high. (Ever tried to land a 747?) If you absolutely, positively cannot bear another moment with your feelings wadded up like an old Kleenex, take a deep breath and say, “You are so beautiful. Can I kiss you?” If she smiles and says “OK,” congratulations! If she looks at you in sick shock, sucker-poke her in the ribs and say, “Just kidding!” Then change the subject. The worst that could happen is that you remain good friends.
And then you get rich and famous and marry a supermodel. That’ll show her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

DOES SHE DIG YOU YET?

A few simple cues that show she’s ready to grant you your hard-earned promotion.

She calls you before going to bed. It’s a pretty intimate thing, talking to someone when you’re lying cozy in your jammies. You’re so wanted, you may as well be sharing a pillow. Don’t drool.

She doesn’t ask you to set her up with anyone. If she’s not bugging you to hook her up with one of your single buds, you may be her point of interest (or you may just have loser friends). Ditto when you hang out in public together: If she doesn’t notice the bartender’s faded-denim ass, you can wager she wants you.

She’s stopped saying “I have the perfect girl for you.” She does have the perfect girl for you. It’s her. So consider it a compliment if she suddenly declares her girlfriends non grata.

She touches you more—or less—than she used to. If she tends to wrap her arm around your shoulder or let those good-bye hugs linger a little longer than she used to, she wants more and she’s not afraid to show it. A drop in her friendly PDA, though, is also a good indicator: If she becomes shy when you go to kiss her cheek, she may be worried that her lust is showing.

When you come over, she looks like she’s fixed herself up a little. You could have sworn when you called she said she was just hanging out, watching the tube. So why (when you stop by a half-hour later) does she look like she’s fresh from the shower and smell so darn good? And wait, is that lipstick? Sounds like she’s sprucing up before the guy she likes comes over.

She gets weird when you talk about other women. When you start giving the details about your date with the dancer you met last week, she’s busy turning her cocktail napkin into an origami swan. And when you tell her you think the blonde bartender is pretty damn cute, she says, “Really? Wow. I didn’t realize you were so into the manly type.” That’s jealous behavior, pal. Run with it.

honestly, the only really good way i've found to escape the friendzone is by making the girl jealous -- even if you're lying.

but even that can have horrible drawbacks.

a way out that works in one scenario might be the worst thing in another.

there's no hope

"Why don't we get drunk and screw...."

Everybody!!!

My only problem is that the "beef up the chivalry" suggestion(i.e don't go after other women) conflicts with the "make her jealous" suggestion, so you can't really do both.

And I don't really think calling someone up when you're in your "jammies" is a sign they want you...unless just about every girl I've ever known personally wanted me(which isn't very likely).

Whee!

hm

I believe the term is "hurm".

I stand corrected.

As you should be! No slouching!

There must be an alcohol-free version of this master plan!

heh.

*burp*

Seriously, there should be an alcohol free alternative available.

I don't think so. Cuz if we were sober and screwing these guys we may have to make appointments at Franta's clinic! Theres something cold about reality.

Reality sucks. That's why we're killing it one bottle at a time.

The spilling-your-guts tactic only worked in Chasing Amy - and even then he lost the girl later!

The sad thing is, you guys are right. Especially Kenya. I know I've posted this four times already, but the only girl who's ever kissed me did so after she had a drink or two. I don't know whether or not her thinking I'm sexy when she's sober (though it's been a couple of weeks since she's called me that) makes things worse.

I bet she's putting out for someone else right now too.

You are a true friend.

Yes, I am.

No, no, Brian, he's right.

First time I got a chick to kiss me, we were drunk. (Yay Bacardi!) Well, after another round of drinking, and a lot more... uh... the next morning, she gave me the friend speech.

A while later, I found out from her roommate she was fucking at least three other guys at the same time she was turning me into an unshaven, bitter, misogynistic lush.

I've given up on women. Gone into my late-Era Beatles look. Always did like Paul's hermit beard.

I haven't gotten the friend speech, though. Plus she still flirts with me.

So one day I'll be tricked into marriage?

He said one day, not right now! Give him some time, he'll be tricked sooner or later!

I already know what the trick is:

They're all gonna leave me at the altar!

That's pretty damn funny if you look at it from a cynical point of view.

Why would you HAVE a Dawson's Creek box set?

I don't have a Dawson's Creek boxed set.
Come to think of it, I don't have any boxed sets.

My only boxed sets are Transformers episodes.

Why am I still single?

You answered your own question.

This coming from a Clone Trooper?

You got a problem with Clones?

Look at it this way: he might have a problem with clonetroopers, but wenchie doesn't.