No Interference Triple Threat Tag Team Match: Dark Lords vs. Punch/Counterpunch vs. Howlerama
Punch/Counterpunch are already in the ring when "I Want It All" starts playing and Howlerama comes out to the ring. They are shortly followed by the Dark Lords. At the ring stairs, Grimm holds up his hand to stop Darth, and tells the other two tag teams to start the match. Howler starts mocking Grimm, and calling him a coward. Bibbo grabs him from behind for a Bibboplex, and the ref orders Highwayman and I-man into their corners.
Marcum: That ain't right! Bibbo shouldn't attack people from behind before the match starts!
Monroe: Someone had to start things. Folks, this is a triple threat tag match. Two wrestlers fight in the ring, and they can tag anyone in to replace them, so one team always stays on the outside.
Bibbo keeps working Howler over, and he tags in I-man. I-man throws Howler into the unmanned corner, and splashes him. Howler falls to the mat and I-man covers him, but Darth steps into the ring and kicks I-man off of Howler. The ref orders Darth back into his corner, but Darth takes his time as Highwayman sneaks into the ring and pulls Howler to his corner. Darth then steps over the ropes, and the ref turns to see Highwayman tag himself in.
Monroe: Why is Darth helping Howlerma?
Marcum: Like you said, in order to win, the Dark Lords have to be tagged in.
Highwayman heads straight for I-man and commits Highway Robbery. He goes for the pin but Bibbo starts entering the ring, and the ref goes to stop him. Highwayman goes over the Bibbo, but the ref keeps them separated, and I-man gets back to his feet. He grabs Highwayman's arm for an Irish Whip, but Highwayman reverses it and sends him into the Dark Lord's corner so hard he knocks Darth from the ring apron.
Monroe: Oh no. He didn't want to do that!
Grimm grabs I-man by the throat, tagging himself in, climbs the top turnbuckle, lifts I-man up, and delivers a Kobe Special onto the arena floor. Grimm then steps into the ring, turns around, and tags in Darth, who has stepped back onto the ring apron. Highwayman quickly smacks Bibbo and steps out of the ring. Bibbo starts going after Highwayman, but the ref orders him into the ring.
Marcum: See that? That's a good business decision!
Bibbo starts trading blows with Darth. Finally, Darth kicks Bibbo in the stomach and lifts him up into the Sabre-Stretch. Before Darth can lock in the submission, Bibbo slips out of his grasp and pulls Darth down with a neck breaker.
Monroe: Unbelievable! It's no wonder Bibbo is a member of the RDJL! Only a superhero could take down a monster!
Marcum: Don't speak too soon!
Darth gets back to his feet and grabs Bibbo, throwing him into Howlerma's corner. Darth grabs Bibbo's throat for the Sabre-Slam, but Howler tags him. The ref orders Darth to release Bibbo and return to his corner. Darth does release Bibbo, and turns towards his corner as Howler enters the ring. But Darth quickly turns around and grabs Howler by the throat, lifting him up and delivering a devastating Sabre-Slam, so hard that he sends Howler through the ring.
Monroe: Buhgawd! That may have been a Sabre-Slam, but it looked more like Darth sent Howler straight to hell!
Darth exits the ring. Bibbo shrugs and makes the cover for the pin. As the Dark Lords exit, the Paramedics race down the ramp with a stretcher. Highwayman runs up the ramp, but when the Dark Lords turn to face him, he stops and they stare each other down as Havoc goes to break.
“Poker Tables” Match: Johnny Evil vs The Hulk
Johnny Evil and Ariel make their way to the ring as “Touch Me” by Samantha Fox plays over the speakers. Before entering the ring, Johnny and Ariel walk over to each poker table (set up around the ring) and test them for weight. Seemingly satisfied with how heavy and well made they are, the pair enter the ring. Ariel hands Johnny Evil a microphone.
JE: Cut my music!
The audience, Madman Marcum, and Mike Monroe audibly sigh in relief.
JE: Now play the Hulk’s music!
The “walking away” music from the “Incredible Hulk” TV series plays. Everyone groans in pain. From the rafters (or possibly outside the Cheese Dome), the Hulk falls and slams onto the arena floor. He grabs a table and lifts it over his head.
Hulk: HULK SMASH!!!
The Hulk flings the poker table into the ring. It bounces twice, barely missing an impassive Johnny Evil, and falls out of the ring.
Hulk: HULK SMASH JOHNNY EVIL!!!
Another table in hand, the Hulk jumps into the ring. Johnny Evil looks unimpressed as the Hulk looms over him. He still has the mic in hand.
Hulk: HULK STRONGEST THERE IS!!! JOHNNY MAKE HULK LOSE LOTSA MONEY!!! NOW HULK SMASH!!!
JE: Hulk likes to bet?
Hulk: (pause) HULK BEST POKER PLAYER!!! HULK BEST GAMBLER!!! HULK WINS EVERY TIME!!!
JE: Hulk wanna bet now?
Hulk: WHAT JOHNNY’S WAGER?
JE: Johnny bets that, from the top rope, Johnny jumps higher than Hulk.
Hulk: JOHNNY ON!!! HULK WIN BET, THEN SMASH!!!
Johnny climbs to the top rope, and then jumps up as high as he can. He lands onto the mat and looks at the Hulk in a very cocky manner. The Hulk laughs.
Hulk: PUNY JOHNNY NO MATCH FOR HULK!!! HULK NOT EVEN USE TOP ROPE!!!
The Hulk, from his standing position, leaps up as high as he can. The audience loses sight of him. Johnny, while he waits for the Hulk to fall back down, sets up the heavy oak poker table that the Hulk brought into the ring. Then he takes a chair that Ariel slides in and sets it up at the table. He sits down, pulls out a deck of cards from one of the table’s drawers, and starts playing Solitaire, occasionally glancing up at the rafters. After a few hands, Johnny looks up and, seeing something, drags the table towards the ropes. The Hulk comes crashing down, smashing through the mat, and lodging himself in the ring. Though he can’t seem to move, the Hulk is still laughing.
Hulk: HULK WIN BET!!! HULK JUMP HIGHER THAN PUNY JOHNNY!!! HULK IS BEST THERE IS!!!
Monroe: It looks like the Hulk is stuck! The ref will have to call this match a draw!
Johnny walks over to Ariel, who hands him something small, black, and hinged. Then he walks back to the Hulk and leans against his huge shoulder. He unfolds the object and sets up its tiny “legs” – it’s clear by now that the object is a small Travel Poker game. He finished setting up the small table, and them slams it into the Hulk’s head, shattering the table. The bell rings and the ref quickly raises Johnny’s hand before running out of the ring and towards the back.
Monroe: I can't believe it! Johnny Evil actual put the Hulk through a table!
Marcum: Johnny Evil can do anything! That's why he's part of the Bastardo Family!
JE: Hulk may be strongest there is. Hulk may be best jumper there is. Hulk may even be best gambler there is. But…
Johnny goes nose-to-nose with the trapped Hulk.
JE: JOHNNY IS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!!!
The Hulk struggles to get free as Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler” plays and both Johnny and Ariel nonchalantly walk out of the ring area.
