RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 04/05/05

Hardcore Porn Match (non title) single choice

Wednesday (Champ) (65%, 13 Votes)

Son of Mxy (35%, 7 Votes)

Total Votes: 20 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 12:28 PM

Chokeslam Challenge single choice

El Superbeasto (65%, 13 Votes)

Urg (35%, 7 Votes)

Total Votes: 20 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 12:28 PM

Grudge Tag Match single choice

Dark Lords (71%, 12 Votes)

Howlerama (29%, 5 Votes)

Total Votes: 17 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 12:28 PM

"You Fucked Up My Car!" Match # 2 (Tire Wrap: Must secure opponent inside tires for win) single choice

James Fantastic (32%, 6 Votes)

Rex (68%, 13 Votes)

Total Votes: 19 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 12:28 PM

Donkey Lovin Tag Match (non title) single choice

PenWing/Sammitch (Champs) (50%, 10 Votes)

Hogs of War (50%, 10 Votes)

Total Votes: 20 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 12:28 PM

EuroTrash Title Asylum Rules Ladder Match single choice

Nowhereman (Champ) (79%, 15 Votes)

Charlie (21%, 4 Votes)

Total Votes: 19 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 12:28 PM

10 Man Tag-RDJL vs. Bastardo Family single choice

Spamm/Savitz/Spade/Bibbo/I-Man (26%, 5 Votes)

Snarf/JMama/JEvil/SDoog/WCreature (74%, 14 Votes)

Total Votes: 19 Voting on this poll ends: 2026-05-05 12:28 PM

Nowhereman is in the ring,and nobody seems to know how he got there! He is not wearing the Eurotrash belt

NM:"Well as most of you saw on Sunday night,I successful defended my title at Robblemania!"

Monroe:"That he did,but where is his title!"

Marcum:"Dont you know anything? He doesnt care about titles,he's said that time & time again!"

NM:"Now Charles it seems that being from "Oop North like" you dont know the meaning of keeping your word. You were the one that requested everyone be banned from ringside,yet it was you who brought help in the form of those laughable rejects,Howlerama.............errr when was it they last won a match? 1886?"

Audience laugh & chant "Howlerama!"

NM:"Anyway,tonight you have apparently asked for a rematch,god you must be a glutton for punishment!"

Marcum:"Listen,Nowheremans scared!"

NM:"Well,I got no problem with that,as I can go on beating your sorry arse time after time after time,it never gets old. But seeing as you seem to have your little...ahem.....lets just say friends and leave it at that huh,we all know you share a little something more than friendship but hey,to each their own!"

Audience laugh & chant "Charlie is gay!"

NM:"Now now people,there is no need to be so crude....heh!"

Marcum:"Now thats just not right!"

NM:"Anyway,as you have your friends,I feel its only right that I have my own little insurance policy,shall we say!"

Monroe:"Sounds like Nowhereman is gonna play by the same rules as Charlie!"

NM:"So,I'm sure all of you would like to know what my policy is,or rather who its is,so lets cut the crap & let me introduce him,or rather,let him introduce himself!"

Music erupts from the speakers!

Oh, it's so nice to see you all inside my dreamy little world
And it's so nice to be with all you lovely little boys and girls

Monroe:"Oh my god,how can it be him?"

Make yourself comfortable
My place is so divine don't you think I'm wonderful?
Say yes!
You're on my time

Out from the curtain steps what appears to be Captain Howdy

Monroe:"How can it be Captain Howdy? Nowhereman is Captain Howdy!"

Marcum:"Maybe he cloned himself!"

Stay away from Captain Howdy
Stay away from Captain Howdy


NM:"Well,I'm sure you all recognise my friend but I'm guessing you are all a little confused!"

Cap stands beside NM with a nasty smirk on his face!

NM:"Well its simple really as any of you who know your wrestling history will know!"

The crowd are obviously retards & dont know anything before last year

NM:"I will let my.........colleague.......explain!"

Cap:"Thanks Nowhereman."

Monroe:"This I wanna hear!"

Cap:"Many years ago I wrestled in a littlle known federation called Evil Cunt Wrestling before it changed its name & became more famous,I'm sure you all recognise the initials at least!"

The fans chant W-C-Dub..........frikkin idiots

Cap:"Anyway,during my time there I built up quite a reputation for hardcore porn wrestling. When Nowhereman signed up,I was interested in finally meeting him as we never crossed paths back in Britain,despite moving through a lot of the same federations."

NM nods

Cap:"One of the reasons was that most feds didnt want us both as we had similar styles,and looked so similar.....you might have noticed!"

NM looks comically shocked

Cap:"Anyway,after a few years wrestling there I decided to retire as Nowhereman was the one making all the headlines,and I suggested that it might be a good idea for him to use my name from time to time,if he ever needed a completely different mindset for a match,which I am sure you have all seen!"

Crowd chants "How-dee How-dee!"

Cap:"Now I'm back,and the RDCW is gonna know the meaning of hardcore,and you Charlie will be my first student!"

Cap slams down the mic & both he & NM walk out of the arena as Captain Howdy by Twisted Sister blasts out of the speakers again!

Monroe:"So there were two Captain Howdys?"

Marcum:"Who knew so much shit could exist?"

<"Gonna Fly Now" blasts over the speakers and the crowd roars to it's feet as SD-6 makes it's way to the ring. Captain Sammitch and PenWing, wearing the Tag Team Donkey Lovin' titles around their waists, hold the ropes open for Meeko and Nuriko to enter the ring. Two-Ton Tommy enters after them, and James Fantastic follows. Meeko is handed a mic.

Meeko: For the last few months, I have been working behind the scenes to build a new coalition based on friendship, loyalty, and trust. It came as no surprise to us when Sneaky Bunny betrayed us at No Way Out of the Closet. PenWing saw it coming. That's why he was so calm, aside from that little encounter he had with Joe Mama. And we were ready. We rolled with the punches. We let the Bastardo Family have their moment. And at Robblemania, we had ours!

<Pops from the crowd.>

Meeko: We were the underdogs, and yeah, we lost our matches, but what we gained cannot be measured in gold! And next week will feature the debut of one of the things we gained, the next Lipstick Lesbian Tag Team Champions, the TKOs!

<More pops from the crowd.>

Marcum: TKOs? What the hell does that mean?

Monroe: Total Knock Outs!

Marcum: You must mean Totally Knocked Out!

Meeko: Ladies and Gentleman, the other half of the TKOs, and the next Women's Boobie Belt Champion, Nuriko!

<Meeko hands the mic to Nuriko as the crowd gives their approval.>

Nuriko: When I was approached by Meeko-san to join Penwing and Sammitch in their battle with the Bastardo family, I did not hesitate to say yes. Now, I finally have a manager who fully believes in me and my abilities, and is willing to help me fully in my campaign to take the women's title from that lying, treacherous bitch Sneaky Bunny!

<Pops from the crowd>

Nuriko: As the new number one contender, it is my intention to restore the honour of the women's title by re-taking the title. I have full confidence in Meeko's abilities to help me win the title, and also in her abilities as a tag team partner. She will do whatever it takes to win that title, and that is the attitude which I respect. But, now I have the honour of introducing my close personal friend and fellow former Bastardo, 'The One and Only' James Fantastic!

<Nuriko hands the mic to James Fantastic as the crowd cheers.>

James Fantastic: First of all, I'd just like to give Meeko an almighty WHOO! for getting this whole enterprise up and running. Ever since I was first approached by Meeko to join this stable, I've become convinced of one thing: The Bastardo's days are numbered!

<Major pop from the crowd>

James Fantastic: King Snarf, I'd like to remind you of something I said once some time ago. As I recall, my exact words were: One Day, You're gonna go down. And I'm gonna be there.

Well, guess what? I really am. WHOO!!

<The crowd echoes Fantastic, with a loud WHOO!>

James Fantastic: First of all, let's look at the people on this team. We got Penwing and Captain Sammitch, the boys with the tag titles, and the number one contenders for both the Big Cheese and Intercuntinental titles. Then we got Nuriko, the most dangerous girl in the corporation. And as for Tommy...I tagged with this guy. I know how dangerous he is.

<Laughs from the crowd.>

Marcum: He sure is dangerous. As a partner! Has he ever won a match?

James Fantastic: But you know the great thing? SD-6 isn't about titles, or getting revenge on people. This is a group of friends and comrades. I respect all these people and I know they respect me, and that's more important than anything else. Now, you've had enough of my yakkin', so all I've gotta do now is hand the mic to one half of the Donkey Lovin' Tag Team Champions, Captain Sammitch!

<The crowd roars as James Fantastic hands the mic to Captain Sammitch.>

Captain Sammitch: When Meeko decided to go ahead with this coalition, I reminded her of the last time she tried to expand our clique. I reminded her of Joe Mama, who only teamed with us in order to better himself in the eyes of Louie Bastardo. I reminded her of Sneaky Bunny, who decided individual glory was more important than team work. And I reminded her of Son of Mxy, who decided to work with King Snarf instead of against him at Robblemania.

<The crowd booes all three former coalition members.>

Captain Sammitch: So now, Snarf is still the Heavyweight Cheese Champ, Sneaky Bunny has her glory, and Joe Mama has renamed all of his moves after me. Joe, for a guy who hates my guts and claims I don't have a chance at defeating him, you seem to be awfully obsessed with me.

<The crowd laughs.>

Captain Sammitch: Joe, Rehash is just a few weeks away, and I want you to enjoy them. Take some time off, maybe go on vacation, or just get a room with Sneaky Bunny. Hell, I'll even pay for it if that means we don't have to see the two of you constantly groping each other in public. But when you come back for Rehash, make sure to give the Inter-Cunt-Inental title one last kiss... Goodbye.

<Huge pops from the crowd.>

Captain Sammitch: As for SD-6, I'll let the other half of the Tag Team Donkey Lovin' Champions, PenWing, tell you why we're standing here together.

<The crowd erupts as PenWing takes the mic from Captian Sammitch.>

PenWing: When Meeko went to the Doctors' office to demand a contract match, she had no idea what she was getting herself into. All she knew was that there was this young wrestler dominating a nasty feud with a larger opponent. Both of those wrestlers had no direction, and she wanted one of them. When she went to the Doctors' office, he gave her the match, but it was for the smaller guy, the underdog...me. We all know what happened. Getting into the ring with Chris Oakley at that time was nothing like getting into the ring with the technically sound Captain Sammitch. And I lost that match. Badly. Now, I thought that was the end for me. I thought my contract was going to be torn up, and I was going to be tossed out of the RDCW. Meeko told me that was the farthest thing from the truth. She told me that saw she something in me, and that all I needed was the right person to help me along. That person, was Captain Sammitch.

<Pops from the crowd.>

PenWing: Shortly after I lost the contract match, I won the Hardcore Porn Championship. Unfortunately, I never had an opportunity to defend the title.

<PenWing looks over to Two-Ton Tommy, who winks at him.>

PenWing: Now, before you all boo Tommy, let me tell you about what happened while I was recovering from my still undisclosed injury.

<This gets a laugh from the crowd.>

PenWing: Unlike the lilies King Snarf sent me at Robblemania - and by the way, I'm still standing, Snarf, how about you? - Two-Ton Tommy paid me a visit after hours at the hospital that night. He does a great job at giving off this badass attitude of his, but the truth is, he didn't really mean to put my career in jeopardy, and he told me that. We had a long talk, about a lot of things. The icebreaker, believe it or not, was hockey. I had no idea Tommy knew so much about hockey. We talked about what the game was like back in the Eighties, when Wayne Gretzky's Edmonton Oilers ruled the ice. That segued into a conversation about dominance in sports, and about dominance in the RDCW. I told Tommy that it looked like he had fallen in with the right crowd at the right time. He told me otherwise. He told me that he was ashamed of his sneak attack on me. He said it was one thing to attack someone within a personal feud, but it was another to attack someone just because they weren't a part of the Family. When Louie Bastardo told him to take care of me that night, he felt he had to, out of respect for his patriarch. I told him that he would have to pay for what he did, and that even though we seemed to be getting along out of the ring, in the ring, the gloves were going to come off. As a hockey fan, he understood this, and he promised me that he would fight with honor in all of his matches against us, and against me. With that, he left, and I went on to rehab my injury.

<PenWing pauses, and the crowd applauds Two-Ton Tommy.>

Marcum: Why are they clapping for him?

Monroe: They are acknowledging their respect for him, and for his honorable actions.

Marcum: Honorable actions? He betrayed the Family! Where's the honor in that!?

PenWing: It was during my rehab that Meeko presented me options I was not aware of. She showed me a copy of the contract she signed with the Doctor, and told me I should read it. I noticed a clause that no one had mentioned at the time of the match.

<PenWing pulls out the contract.>

PenWing: "PenWing's contract will be held by Meeko until such time that PenWing wins any RDCW Championship title. At that time, Meeko will no longer have control over PenWing's right to compete in the RDCW, and he will be free to dismiss her services as his manager."

<The crowd is silent.>

Marcum: I knew it! All this time, Meeko kept PenWing around to protect herself and Captain Sammitch!

Monroe: All this time? It's been over two months since PenWing found out about the clause!

PenWing: Your silence is the same reaction I had. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to say. I was free. I had been free for weeks. Meeko didn't even try to apologize. She couldn't even bring herself to look at me. She was ashamed. All that time, she and Captain Sammitch had been teaching me the importance of friendship, loyalty, and trust, and yet there she was, admitting that she had lied to me. I asked her why she waited to tell me, why she wasn't upfront about this? I asked her if the only reason she was coming forward was because she was worried that my career was in jeopardy. Her answer...was that she had been wanting to tell me the truth ever since I won the Hardcore Porn Championship, but she was afraid that I would walk out on the team. She thought that the only thing keeping a good thing together was my thinking I had no choice. But she realized that she had no right to make me think that, and that I had to make my own decisions. She was going to leave, but I stopped her. I told her that if she really wanted me to be part of the team, all she had to do was ask.

<Penwing pauses again.>

PenWing: From that point on, I was no longer the third guy in the locker room. I was an equal. And my influence has been felt. I told Meeko about my conversation with Tommy, and when Louie fired most of the Family, I told Meeko that we had to act fast if we wanted to get ahead. Meeko met with James Fantastic, and I had another talk with Tommy, who formally introduced me to Nuriko. Then, we waited until the time was right. And at Robblemania... We made our move!

<The crowd cheers.>

PenWing: Louie Bastardo, your boys never stood a chance against us! As a team, SD-6 took out the entire Bastardo Family, including the giant luchadore, El Superbeasto! And from now on, this is how it's going to work in the RDCW! From now on, Sudden Death Rules!

<PenWing throws down the mic and targets Captian Sammitch with Sudden Death. At the same time, Nuriko gives Meeko Sudden Death, and Two-Ton Tommy dishes out a Tommybomb to James Fantastic. PenWing drops his Tag Team Donkey Lovin' title on Sammitch, and the three exit the ring together as the shocked crowd crowd booes them.>

Monroe: Buhgawb! I can't believe what I just saw! PenWing betrayed Meeko!

Marcum: I can't believe PenWing finally found the cajones(sp?) to stop being Sammitch's lapdog!

Monroe: But what does this mean for SD-6!? And what will Sammitch do about his match with the Hogs of War later tonight!? We hope to have some answers when we return!

Spamm makes his way to the ring, accompanied by all the members of the RDJL and Nuriko. Nuriko looks noticeably shaken, and both she and Tommy look anxious. Spamm gets into the ring, and grabs a mic

SMM: At Robblemania, Joe Mama hinted that there was something going on between my tag partner, Tommy Savitz, and Rosalita, my side-kick. Joe...I know.

Rosalita gasps, and buries her face in Tommy's chest. Tommy seems inscrutable, but is obviously worried

SMM: To find out that my best friend had been having an affair with my sidekick was most definitely a shock, and not something I expected. So, I have been forced to take the only course of action open to me!

A hooded figure runs down the ramp as Spamm hoists a podium into the ring. Tommy and Rosalita go to run, but the rest of the RDJL block their exit.

SMM: You're not getting out of this one!

The figure climbs into the ring, and rips off his hood to reveal... that he is a vicar. He produces a bible and sets it down on the podium, as Spamm takes his position by Tommy and The Teen Angels assume the role of Maids of Honour. Hulk and Urg break into an impromptu rendition of the wedding match

Priest: We are gathered here today to witness the wedding between between Tomas Davor Savitz and Theresa 'Rosalita' Exotique. Tomas, do you?

Tommy: I...do. Spamm, what the hell's going on?

SMM: Shush!

Priest: Theresea, do you?

R: HELL YEAH! I mean, I do.

Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Tommy and Rosalita engage in a passionate clinch, whilst Spamm speaks into his mic again

SMM: Y'see, Joe? There ain't no way of getting under this skin! SPANDEX MONKEY MAN!!!!

The crowd cheers, and the RDJL leave the ring, Tommy and Rosalita in the lead

In the SD-6 locker room, the remaining members are icing their wounds from the vicious attack by PenWing, Nuriko, and Two-Ton Tommy

Sammitch: I can't believe I trusted him! After everything we did for him, to betray us like that!?

James: Don't worry about it. Even without Penwing, we're still more than enough to take down The Bastardo's, and anyone else.

Meeko: Maybe, but what about The Hogs of War tonight?

Fantastic: We're a team, and that means we stick together. Sammitch, you're looking at your new tag partner.

Sammitch: How will you possibly be able to make it all the way from the garrage to the ring in time? Plus, you're going to be too tired. You might get hurt. I can take these guys.

James: Thanks for the concern, but they don't call me Fantastic for nothing. I'll make it, even if I have to drag myself there. I'm not gonna let anybody down.

Backstage, we see Chesty Lerou with the newly married Savitzes. The pair are the picture of married bliss

CL: I'm standing here...Donny? My face is up here, Donny! For chrissakes, I'm trying to do an interview!

The Camera refocuses on Chesty's face

CL: Thankyou. A-hem. I'm standing with Tommy Savitz and his new wife, the diva formerly known Rosalita. Now, my first question is one I'm sure is on everyone's lips: What does the marriage mean to your careers?

R: Well, The first thing I have to announce is that I intend to revert to my real name, and compete as Terri Savitz from now on. We've talked about this, and both agreed that my old gear and style is inappropriate from now on.

CL: Hey, can I borrow your old gear? It's just for a friend, you understand...

Tommy raises an eyebrow, plainly not believing a word of it.

CL: Anyway, what did Spandex Monkey Man have to say about this?

TS: His precise words were 'What? Oh, right. Well, never mind, lots to do!'

CL: Riight. Tommy, how do you feel about your upcoming match against The Bastardo Family?

TS: It's a match. I'm gonna do my job and give my best, same as always. If we lose, it won't be because I give a bad performance.

Tommy and his wife leave, leaving Chesty on her own.

CL: Well, that went well. Donny? Keep the cmaera on my face, please? If you want fun, wait until after the show...

Monroe: "Well, Madman, what a night our first post-RobbleMania Havoc has been! We've seen the return of the legendary original Captain Howdy, one union seemingly destroyed as PenWing betrayed and turned his back on Captain Sammitch and Meeko, and another union consummated with the marriage of Tommy and Terri Savitz in the ring! What will happen next?"

Marcum: "I dunno, but do you think Chesty's gonna try on that old outfit of Terri's?"

Monroe: "You're hopeless."

*The CheeseDome darkens as "Return of the Living Dead" plays over the loudspeakers. Grimm enters the arena and stops on the entranceway, hitting the crucifix pose.

Monroe: "Well, Madman, at RobbleMania, Grimm finally put an end to his long standing war with Balls Nasty! Now he can concentrate on other things!"

Marcum: "What a brutal, ugly, disgusting match that was! But Balls Nasty didn't quit! He may have passed out, but he never gave up the fight!"

Reaching into his coat pocket, Grimm pulls out the Cell to Hell and holds it up for the screaming fans to see.

Monroe: "You know what that means! It's time for the Dark Lords to reach out and touch someone!"

Marcum: "I wonder what kind of payment plan they have?"

*Onscreen we see footage of Bill Williams offering Grimm money from the previous Havoc.

Monroe: "This match was made after the encounter between the Company and the Dark Lords two weeks ago!

Bill Williams: "I'll pay any price!"
Grimm: "Here's my price!" Grimm delivers the Flatliner to Williams as Howlerama jumps him. Darth runs to ringside as the brawl ensues.

Monroe: "Bill Williams was not ready for the price Grimm quoted him!"

Marcum: "Maybe not, but tonight it's the Dark Lords who'll have to pay!"

*The Imperial March begins to play as Darth rises up from the arena floor and joins Grimm on the rampway. The Dark Lords head down to the ring lockstep to await their foes.

As we come back from commercial, Ennio Morricone's "The Ecstasy Of Gold" is playing and the entire Bastardo Family is walking to the ring. Louie and Grace are taking the lead, followed by El Superbeasto (Fear And Loathing Trophy in his hands), The Legbreakers, Johnny Evil, Sneaky Bunny, Joe Mama, and King Snarf. Louie and Grace enter the ring, followed by El Superbeasto (who steps over ropes without losing his grip on the trophy). As Grace steps out to grab a microphone, the procession pauses at ringside. The Legbreakers hold the ropes open as Johnny Evil motions to Sneaky Bunny "ladies first". Joe Mama and King Snarf lift her onto the ring apron and she enters the ring. Johnny Evil is the next one to go in. Then Joe Mama and King Snarf hold the ropes open for the Legbreakers, who enter the ring. For a few moments, Joe Mama and King Snarf argue over who should enter next ("You." "No, after you."), but that's settled as Joe Mama steps through the ropes, then holds them open for King Snarf to go through.

Madman: You see that? Everyone understands their role and works towards team unity. You won't see that kind of professionalism in other groups, will you, Monroe? Certainly not in SD-6!

Monroe: Let's just get this over with!

LB: I hate to say "I told you so", but I TOLD YOU SO!!! Six matches featuring the Bastardo Family, six victories...a clean sweep! We set out to retain our titles, and we did just that! We set out to win the Women's Boobie Belt, and we succeeded! Is there any doubt now that we are the superior group in the RDCW? Better than Bond's Botch-jobs! Better than Williams' Bankruptcy! And certainly better than Meeko's weak attempt to duplicate what the Family already is! With my brains and money, Grace's scouting and strategy, and these wrestlers' God-given talents, there's nothing we can't do! No belt we can't win!

The crowd boos as Louie gives King Snarf the mic.

KS: I just wanna give a shout-out to my Snarf-a-holics and say WOOOOOOOOOO!!! Penwing and Son of Mxy, I look forward to your big resignation speeches, especially after PenWing's big on-air meltdown! What can I say? You faced off against the "Legend-Retirer", the greatest Heavyweight Champion in RDCW history and, even with every friend you could muster, you lost! I can sympathize with the frustration...maybe someday you'll un-retire and I can face you again! WOOOOOOOO!!!

Monroe: They're making a mockery of their Robblemania matches! King Snarf got himself disqualified to win!

Madman: The fact is, King Snarf won his match, even with what used to be SD-6 sticking their noses where they didn't belong!

King Snarf offers the mic to El Superbeadto, who politely declines, as do the Legbreakers. Johnny Evil takes the microphone.

JE: Always a Best Man, never a Bride, eh SPAMM? The fallen hero, who was decimated in a match that the RDCW couldn't even show for fear of making their viewers ill - and now you set up a "Shotgun Wedding" for your "good friend" Tommy and his new ball an' chain Rosaliterri! That must be great for team unity - two people in a marriage of desperation and you having to swallow a lot of pride. Well, SPAMM, if you think I've finished with you and that group of hershey-squirts you call a "faction", you couldn't be more wrong! The lessons WILL continue!

Johnny offers the mic to Sneaky Bunny, who takes it, curtsies, and ruffles Johnny Evil's hair. The Family, with spirits already high, laugh at the action.

SB: I asked for my title shot from Meeko, and she refused me at every turn! I demanded my title shot, but was waved off by her boyfriends! If I knew back then that all I had to do to get my title shot was bounce her thick skull off a turnbuckle, I would've done it months ago! You had your chance to beat me fair an' square an' show what kind of great Champion you are, and you failed! I'm the Women's Champion, Meeko, and I didn't need any man to make it happen! But look on the bright side, Meeko: SD-6 is a great name for a boy-band! I see platinum records in your future! Just don't let them wrestle...they're not very good at that! Especially now that the honeymoon is over...one question though: is PenWing Justin or Nick?

The Family busts out laughing at Sneaky Bunny's remarks. Joe Mama, laughing and wiping tears from his eyes, takes the microphone, which Sneaky Bunny is handing him.

JM: For months, people like PenWing, Sammitch, and Jimmy Flubbedit have been whining about the Bastardo Family celebrations to the point where they tried to have one tonight (and didn't THAT go over like a lead balloon!). They bitched and moaned and complained about the "arrogance" of the Bastardo Family! And they accused us of bragging about our accomplishments! Well, boys, I've only got one thing to say to the group of you: IT AIN'T BRAGGING IF YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Captain Sammitch, you and Meeko had the best shot at us that you were ever going to have! I set up the matches so that all you had to worry about is your opponent! No looking over your shoulder, and no attempts to plan any sneak attacks! Just a one-on-one match to show who was the better wrestler! And YOU BOTH lost! Fair and square, each in the center of the ring! Now Meeko can downplay it by saying that you were "underdogs", which only means that she never deserved her title and you never deserved a title shot! And you can use words like "obsession" when what you mean to say is "laser-like focus". But that doesn't change the fact that you and your "friends" are nothing but over-rated losers who have been handed their opportunities instead of working for them! As a matter of fact, I'm a little hurt that you choose to mock my naming some new moves after you at Robblemania - I'd think you'd be flattered that I'd make my victory special for you! The stand-off for the fans, letting you re-enter the ring, ultimately beating you with a Brain Buster that I'd temporarily named after you...I thought you'd show a little gratitude!

The Family is laughing at the fans who are chanting Captain Sammitch's name.

JM: Now it looks like SD-6 is finished before it ever started! PenWing pulled a Carrie at the prom, and chose to align himself with the cast-offs and rejects of the Bastardo Family. So much for friendship, loyalty, trust, and meetings in the ol' treehouse, eh Sammitch? Well, the Family would pity you, or at least have a great laugh, but WE DON'T CARE! Our BUSINESS is titles! We succeed like we do because we have a singular goal that we work towards! We don't make the BUSINESS of winning into something personal - we just win! Maybe you should learn something from us as you sit in your clubhouse with your friends, losing games of Spin-The-Bottle and wondering why you will always live in the Bastardo Family's shadow! Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got matches to prepare for and more celebrating to do!

"The Ecstasy Of Gold" plays as, one-by-one, the Bastardo Family members leave the ring and walk to the back. The crowd boos at them, but they're not paying them any attention.

Madman: That was great! That was just great! Words of wisdom from the greatest faction the RDCW has ever seen! You could learn a lot from them, y'know!

Monroe: I just wonder who'll stand against them now that SD-6 seems to be finished. Perhaps the RDJL will fill in the power void!

Madman: RDJL??? You mean SPAMM and his crew???

Wednesday Vs Son Of Mxy (non-title)

In a battle between the Hardcore Porn Champion and the Lightweight Faggot Title-holder, it was Son Of Mxy’s ring rust that did him in. In the early goings, Son Of Mxy was able to use his high-flying assaults to keep pace and gain the advantage over Wednesday. But Wednesday’s stamina…

Madman: If Stareena and ButterRican were my teammates, I’d have great stamina too!

Monroe: Jaysus, Marcum!

…And mat skills were able to keep him in the match. When the match got into the later minutes, Wednesday was able to turn the match in his favor to gain the upper hand and ultimately seal the win with his See You Next Tuesdays.


Chokeslam Challenge: El Superbeasto vs. Urg

This special challenge attraction pitted another RDJL member against a member of the Bastardo Family. Running into each in the hallway early on Havoc, the two behemoths got into each other's faces and refused to back down. The Doctor signed a Chokeslam Challenge match to settle them down and hopefully keep them from wrecking the backstage area of the CheeseDome.

The theme song from "Captain Caveman" played over the arena sound system, as Urg was lead down to ringside by his handlers, the vivacious Teen Angels. The crowd cheered loudly for the lovable caveman and his beautiful attendant as Urg proclaimed himself the only "real man" in RDCW.

The cheers quickly turned to jeers, however, as Del Castillo's "Back From the Grave" sounded, signaling the arrival of the Giant Luchador, El Superbeasto, accompanied by Louie Bastardo and Grace.

The two monstrous competitors stood nose to nose in mid ring as Lothar sounded for the bell and the match to start. For a few moments, the two stood attempting to out-macho the other to the delight of the fans. Finally, Urg signaled for his feared Caveman Crunch maneuver.

Wrapping his massive hand around the behemoth's throat, Urg attempted to lift his foe into the air. Once, twice, three times, the caveman attempted to lift El Superbeasto, but every time, the Giant Luchador blocked his attempts. The Teen Angels pounded on the mat and attempted to rally the fans behind their charge.

As they did so, however, Louie Bastardo and Grace consulted their trusted laptop, and Louie exchanged bizarre hand signals with El Superbeasto. Grace climbed up upon the ring apron claiming the Teen Angels were attempting to interfere and distracting Lothar's attention.

Monroe: "Not again! How many times do we have to see this?"

Marcum: "Hey, it's not Lothar's fault! Look at how beautiful Grace is!"

As Lothar was distracted, El Superbeasto immediately kicked Urg with a low blow, and struck him with a double axe handle across his back, knocking the caveman to the mat. The Teen Angels protested on the outside as Louie and Grace smiled gleefully.

The fans in the CheeseDome booed heartily as Superbeasto lifted Urg up for his feared Chokeslam to Oblivion and drove the caveman into the mat!

Lothar signalled for the bell and the end to the match as Superbeasto's music played. "Another win for the Family!" Louie Bastardo imparted to a ringside camera as he raised his protégé’s enormous arm.

Their celebration was cut short, though, as an unfamiliar voice challenged the giant. "Hola! El Superbeasto!"

All attention turned to the Cheese-O-Tron where another Luchador clad all in green stood defiantly. "I am Hombre Lagarto, and I challenge you to a true exhibition of lucha libre skills on next week's Havoc!"

The fans gasped collectively as El Superbeasto signaled for a microphone. James White presented him with the mic as Superbeasto made his response: "I accept!"


Dark Lords Vs Howlerama

"Slick" Bill Williams lead his charges down to ringside as Howler and Highwayman slid into the ring under the ropes and all four men immediately began brawling in the center of the ring!

Monroe: "These two teams do not like each other, Madman!"

Marcum: "That's an understatement!"

Howler and Darth fought to the outside as Grimm and Highwayman stood toe to toe in the ring. Grimm went for an Irish whip, but Highwayman reversed it and hit a Stand and Deliver on the Dark Lord. Putting his foe on the mat, Highwayman strutted a bit before going to apply a Five Leaf Clover.

Grimm managed to pull himself to the ropes and Lothar ordered the Company man to break the hold. Highwayman held on as Lothar began to count. Highwayman broke the hold at four, releasing Grimm, and tagged in Howler. Howler went for a Downsizing, but Grimm reversed it and hit a piledriver of his own.

Grimm tagged in Darth, who went for a Sabrestretch on Howler, then turned it into a modified Darkside Slam! As Darth prepared to continue punishing his foe, Highwayman entered the ring illegally and hit him with a high knee to the back!

Lothar ushered him out of the ring as Grimm tagged back in and prepared for a Kobe Special! Signaling for the move, Grimm was caught off guard as Howler kicked him off of the turnbuckles and hit a Lockdown!

Howler immediately followed up and hit a Big Business, sending Grimm down to the floor. Howler followed him out as Bill Williams readied a steel chair.

Grimm shoved Howler off as Williams hit his own charge with the chair! Grimm kicked Williams in the gut and delivered a 138, dropping him on his own chair!

In the ring, Darth hit Highwayman with a Sithspawn, taking him down. Grimm rolled Howler in the ring and the two readied their foes for. . .

Monroe: "Oh my gob. . .you don't think. . ."

Marcum: "It is! Dueling Triple 6 Bombs!"

Grimm and Darth each delivered a Triple 6 Bomb to the Company men as the crowd went to their feet! Standing in the center of the ring, Grimm and Darth both hit a crucifix pose as flashbulbs went off in the arena.

As Grimm turned and prepared to apply the Grimmlock to Howler, Charlie hit the ring and hit the Tower of London on Darth! Before Grimm could respond Charlie nailed him with a Tower of London as well!

Lothar ordered a disqualification as the Company entered the ring and tied up the Dark Lords in the ring ropes and proceeded to lay a beatdown on them!

Monroe: "This is sickening! The Company had this planned all along! It was a setup!"

Marcum: "Of course it was a setup! The Company's been looking to finish these guys for months!"

As the Company continued working over the Dark Lords, Metallica's "Creeping Death" blared over the loudspeakers. Racing out of the back and down the ramp way, Nowhereman readied his black baseball hit.

Monroe: "We might not have to wait for later! The EuroTrash title match might happen now!"

Marcum: "Nowhereman better hope not! The Company could take him out right now!"

Nowhereman hit the ring and proceeded to clean house on the Company, taking them all down with shots from his baseball bat.

As the Company cleared the ring and headed back up the ramp way, Nowhereman held his bat and the EuroTrash title aloft, to the cheers of the fans!

Turning to go, Nowhereman found Darth's hand around his throat!

Monroe: "Oh my gob! Is he gonna hit Nowhereman with a Sabreslam?"

Marcum: "No! Look, Grimm's pulling him off!"

Grimm held the Cell to Hell in front of Darth's face and shook his head "no." The Dark Lords exited the ring and headed back up the ramp way as Nowhereman's music played again.

As Grimm and Darth reached the entranceway, Nowhereman dropped down on one knee in the ring, and lifted up a hand, the back of it facing outward. He smirked and extended two fingers high into the air.

Monroe: "Is that what I think it is?"

Marcum: "It is! It's the old Hellions salute!"

Monroe: "Look!"

On the entranceway, Grimm also dropped down to one knee and lifted a hand, back facing out. He extended his middle finger high into the air.

Marcum: "Grimm's returning the Hellions salute! What the hell is going on here?!"

Monroe: "I don't know, but I'd bet it's not anything good!"

"You Fucked Up My Car!" Match # 2: James Fantastic vs. Rex

In the garage, James Fantastic and Rex are standing in a makeshift ring of tires. The corner posts are made of tires stacked six feet high.

Monroe: What fantastic match concept! To win, one of these wrestlers must place the other into one of the tire stacks!

Marcum: It will be a fantastic blunder when this match is over! Mark my words!

The match gets underway, and Fantastic takes control with the Fabacanrana. He then follows it up with the One And Only. Trying to make it a short match, Fantastic drags Rex to a corner tire stack, and lifts him up. He's about to drop Rex into the stack when he hears clapping. Fantastic turns to see PenWing, Two-Ton Tommy, and Nuriko standing next to his car. Fantastic releases Rex and starts moving towards the trio, shouting at them to get away from his car.

Monroe: This doesn't look good for Fantastic!

Marcum: It will look even worse in a minute! He's not paying attention to Rex!

Rex gets back to his feet and attacks Fantastic with Rex Quan Do. Completely in control, Rex lifts Fantastic up for the T-Rex, walks over to a tire rack, and drops Fantastic into it to win the match.

Monroe: Buhgawd! PenWing just cost Fantastic the match! How will he get back to the ring on time for the next match?

Marcum: He won't! Jimmy Faboo just bit off more than he can chew!


Donkey Lovin’ Tag Match (non title): Fantastic/Sammitch vs. Hogs of War

Captain Sammitch enters the ring alone to face the Hogs of War. He starts off against Pig Iron, and quickly takes control of the match displaying his technical prowess. However, Pig Iron fights back and guides Sammitch into his corner, where Ghost Hog is able to make a blind tag. The fresh Ghost Hog quickly takes advantage of the fatigued Sammitch and puts him the Piggy Squeal (Texas Cloverleaf).

Marcum: Sammitch has no chance in this handicap match! He should just tap out and get this over with! Better yet, he should squeal like a pig!

Sammitch looks ready to tap when James Fantastic comes barraling down the ramp.

Monroe: It's Fantastic! He made it!

Fantastic slides into the ring and breaks the hold. The ref orders Fantastic into his corner. Ghost Hog tries to reassert himself, but Sammitch trips him with a drop toe hold and crawls to tag in Fantastic. Ghost Hog gets to his own corner and tags in Pig Iron.

Marcum: How did Fantastic get out of that tire stack?

As if on cue, Meeko walks down the ramp.

Marcum: Me and my big mouth! I should have guessed mommy was watching over her boys!

Although Fantastic is fresh, Pig Iron manages to take control of the match and he Brands (face buster) Fantastic.

Monroe: Fantastic has been Branded! This looks to be a sure win for the Hogs of War in their debut match!

Pig Iron is about to go for the pin when MisterJLA runs down the ramp, knocking Meeko over, and heads straight to the ring. He slides under the ropes and nails Pig Iron with the DCMB championship belt. He then does the same to Ghost Hog. Sammitch enters the ring, but MisterJLA hits him too. JLA then stands over Pig Iron shouting about how he will never be half the wrestler that JLA is. The ref is forced to call the match a draw.


EuroTrash Title Match: Nowhereman vs Charlie

In one of the most extreme matches of the night Nowhereman was able to retain his title, totally obliterating his foe with a little help from new friend Captain Howdy.

Nowhereman came down to the ring first, riding his motorbike as usual. Charlie followed, accompanied by Howlerama and Bill Williams.

Monroe: Charlie's brought down The Entire Company! Surely this is a flagrant abuse of the rules?

Marcum: As I've said before, Mouth, this is Asylum Rules! Anything goes!

Charlie ordered Howlerama to attack Nowhereman, and the pair promptly did, double-teaming him with a Corporate Takeover. They then attacked him with the ladder whilst Charlie stood outside the ring and watched. However, his stable mates' attack soon went wrong as Nowhereman launched a stunning comeback, hitting Howler with a Fucking Cuntline before trapping Highwayman in the corner and slamming him repeatedly in the ribs with the ladder.

Marcum: This is disgraceful! Nowhereman should be disqualified!

Monroe: Asylum Rules, remember! There are no DQ's!

It became quite clear that Highwayman was seriously injured, and Charlie finally entered the ring to rescue him, slamming Nowhereman in the back with a steel chair. He then set up the ladder and went for the belt, but Nowhereman soon recovered and followed him up, superplexing him back onto the floor. He then hit Charlie with a Flip Off before hauling him back to his feet and pounding him with his ebony baseball bat. However, Howler came to Charlie's aid, wielding a huge dustin which he smashed Nowhereman in the face with. The pair then spent several minutes savagely attacking Nowhereman, before Captain Howdy emerged from the crowd wielding a pair of baseball bats, each wrapped in barbed wire.

Monroe: Captain Howdy looks like he's gonna lay down the law here!

Bill Williams promptly fled backstage at the sight of Howdy, but the severely injured Highwayman attempted to stop him. All the Company Man got for his trouble was beaten into unconsciousness as Howdy brutally attacked him before bodyslamming him onto the steps into the ring. Howler went for Howdy but was also brutally savaged, before Nowhereman joined Howdy to hit the Company Chief with a double legdrop. Howdy then grabbed the ladder and slammed Howler in the neck with it again and again.

Marcum: Someone get security! Howdy's already seriously injured Highwayman, and now he's attempting to put Howler out of business!

Howler was able to briefly fight back, hitting Howdy with a Lockdown before going for a Big Business. But Howdy reversed the maneuver into a cross body before grabbing his bats and cutting Howler open. However, Charlie had grabbed the steel chair and attacked Howdy with it before choke tossing him over the top rope. This set him up for a Fucking Cuntline by Nowhereman, though, who then picked up Howler and Gorilla Pressed and dropped him onto the ladder.

With both of his friends seriously injured and his manager gone, Charlie looked to have no chance of winning the match, but he fought back determinedly, and the fight spilled into the audience as he and Nowhereman brutally attacked each other, and it was not long before both were absolutely caked in blood. Meanwhile Howdy had got back into the ring and set up the ladder, readying it for Nowhereman. Charlie saw this and hit his foe with a Tower Of London before racing back to the ring, but Howdy held him off whilst Nowhereman got back to his feet and back to the ring. Nowhereman then hit The Company Pitbull with a Poof Smasher and Fuck-Off Slam before climbing the ladder and grabbing the belt, winning the match.

Ten-Man Tag Match: RDJL Vs The Bastardo Family

As “Pinball Wizard” played, the crowd went wild as the RDJL (accompanied by Rosalita) walked down the ramp. Spandex Monkey Man and the rest took their time getting to the ring, going out of their way to sign autographs and pose for pictures with their fans.

Monroe: There are gonna be a lot of happy children leaving the arena tonight. The RDJL really love the fans!

Madman: I don’t know how happy they’re gonna be, Monroe…remember who they’re facing tonight!

The RDJL finally entered the ring, still acknowledging the cheers of the crowd. Then “The Ecstasy Of Gold” started, and the mood of the crowd changed completely. They booed mercilessly as the competing members of the Bastardo Family, along with Louie Bastardo, Grace, and Sneaky Bunny stepped out from the back. The Family members turned to Grace for a few moments, nodded, and then they all walked down the ramp to the ring.

Madman: They’ve conferred for strategy, and now they’re ready to win this match! I actually feel bad for the RDJL!

Monroe: Don’t hand over the victory yet, Marcum! The RDJL looks ready to go to war!

The Bastardo Family entered the ring to the boos of the crowd, with Louie, Grace, and Sneaky Bunny on the ring floor. After a brief conference, Joe Mama stood alone to start the match as the other team members stepped through the ropes and onto the ring apron. Although both Shinobi Spade and Tommy Savitz wanted to start, it was Spandex Monkey Man who would begin the match.

The bell rang and the pair locked up. Joe Mama got the quick headlock and tried to twist Spandex Monkey Man’s mask, blinding him, but Spandex Monkey Man was able to twist the headlock into a hammerlock of his own. Joe Mama made it to the ropes but, as he broke the hold, Spandex Monkey Man took the opportunity to slap Joe Mama in the face, then backed off, daring the Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion to come at him. Joe Mama, obviously angered by the slap, complied and the competitors traded shots in the center of the ring, neither man getting the advantage until Joe Mama put a thumb in his opponent’s eye.

Monroe: That’s a cheap move!

Madman: And the face-slap was the epitome of sportsmanship, right Monroe?

Joe Mama took advantage of his opponent’s temporary blindness to use a series of forearms across the back of Spandex Monkey Man’s neck to secure the advantage. He Irish whipped the RDCW’s superhero into the ropes and used a power slam to drive him into the mat. As Spandex Monkey Man writhed in pain, Joe Mama turned to his corner and offered his hand for tagging. King Snarf immediately tagged in and ran over to Spandex Monkey Man, securing the headlock on the RDJL’s captain. Spandex Monkey Man struggled against the Heavyweight Cheese Champion’s finisher, trying to get to the ropes or to his team’s corner, but King Snarf dug his heels into the mat, stopping Spandex Monkey Man’s progress.

Madman: And before this match has even really started, it’s over!

Monroe: Don’t be so sure, Marcum!

Tommy Savitz ran into the ring and drove a boot into King Snarf’s face, breaking the hold. Louie and Grace hopped onto the ring apron to protest the interference, allowing King Snarf to shake off the cobwebs and make a move to his corner. The ref managed to get Tommy back to his corner and turned in time to see King Snarf tag in Johnny Evil. But Spandex Monkey Man made it to his corner and tagged in Shinobi Spade. The two fresh men entered the ring and traded chops. The RDJL’s ninja got the upper hand and turned the hand-to-hand fight into a martial arts clinic, using fast kicks and shots to Johnny Evil’s pressure points to steal the advantage. An Irish whip into a high kick to the back of Johnny Evil’s head led to a two-count, broken up by King Snarf driving an elbow into Shinobi Spade’s spine. The ref forced King Snarf back into his corner as Shinobi Spade drove a few elbows into Johnny Evil’s back and then tagged in Tommy Savitz, who couldn’t get in fast enough.

Monroe: Tommy Savitz is looking for revenge against Johnny Evil for what he did to Rosalita a few weeks ago…I think the tide is about to turn in the RDJL’s favor!

Madman: What did Johnny even do to her? Do you know? I heard he just made her listen to a bunch of the Bible Babes’ sermons! Or watch old Scooby Doo episodes in a loop!

Tommy pulled Johnny up and delivered a series of blows to Johnny’s head, then Irish whipped him into the ropes. Johnny Evil ricocheted off the ropes and into an Anaesthetist. Instead of pinning Johnny Evil, though, Tommy pulled him up and executed the Amputation. But, before he could get Johnny to tap out, the Legbreakers interfered by Taking Out The Trash. Bibbo and I-Man ran into the ring, but Rosalita slid in as well and hit Winged Creature with a dropkick to his left knee as Punch/Counterpunch double-teamed Stupid Doog. King Snarf ran in, dragged Tommy to his own corner and dropped him in time to counter a chop from Shinobi Spade with a closed fist of his own. Joe Mama was conspicuous in the way he held back from the chaos!

Monroe: We’ve got chaos in the ring! The ref has gotta regain control! But why is Joe Mama staying out of the fight?

Madman: There’s gotta be a plan in place! Joe Mama’s not the type of competitor who lets others fight his battles!

Monroe: I think Joe’s scared, Marcum! He’s a damned coward!

In the chaos, Johnny Evil made it to his corner and tagged Joe Mama into the match. At the same time, Tommy tagged in Spandex Monkey Man. As Spandex Monkey Man surveyed the match, trying to find the Family’s legal man, Joe Mama stayed back, allowing the Legbreakers and Punch/Counterpunch to take their fight to the ring floor. King Snarf sent Shinobi Spade to the floor, and followed it with a Wildsault onto the ninja. Rosalita and Sneaky Bunny traded blows on the ramp. Joe Mama quickly turned and flashed Louie and Grace a signal, who grabbed his and King Snarf’s title belts.

Madman: The plan’s been set into motion!

Monroe: What plan? It looks like the Bastardo Family’s gonna head for the hills!

Seeing that Joe Mama was his opponent, Spandex Monkey Man ran at him, but Joe Mama caught him and used his Enforcer to regain the advantage. The Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion started bludgeoning him with closed fists as the ref tried to maintain order in and out of the ring. Outside the ring, Tommy pulled King Snarf off of Shinobi Spade and he and Rosalita double-teamed him.

Monroe: I think that’s a new move for Rosalita!

Sneaky Bunny alternated between making sure Shinobi Spade was down and fighting alongside King Snarf. Punch/Counterpunch and the Legbreakers were about even until Grace and Louie used the title belts to chop blocked the RDJL’s tag team’s knees. Then Johnny Evil joined his teammates, manager, and strategist in keeping Punch/Counterpunch occupied. Back inside the ring, Joe Mama was pressing the Bastardo Family’s advantage with a running Bulldog and a series of elbows to the back of Spandex Monkey Man’s neck. Then he called to Johnny Evil and the Legbreakers. The three Family members broke off from the chaos outside the ring, headed to three of the ring corners, and perched at the top turnbuckles as Joe Mama lifted Spandex Monkey Man up into suplex position and drove him, head-first, into the center of the ring.

Madman: Brain Buster! Brain Buster!!!

Joe Mama tagged Johnny Evil, pointed at Spandex Monkey Man, and watched as his three teammates executed, simultaneously:

Stupid Doog – The Big Bark, flying headbutt

Johnny Evil - The EVILSAULT

Winged Creature – Alabama Slam to Spandex Monkey Man’s knees

The ref counted the pin, and the Family members in the ring stood and raised their arms in victory. The bell rang and the refrain from Our Lady Peace’s “Superman’s Dead” started to play. The other members of the RDJL rushed to the ring as Joe Mama, Johnny Evil, and the Legbreakers left to join their teammates. As the Bastardo Family celebrated their way up the ramp, Rosalita and Tommy knelt beside Spandex Monkey Man to check on his condition. EMTs rushed to the ring. The crowd booed the Bastardo Family mercilessly. And the Family continued to celebrate as “Superman’s Dead” kept playing.

Monroe: This is truly an awful display! What were the Bastardos hoping to prove?

Madman: They just wiped out the rest of the competition! Now that the RDJL has been destroyed, and SD-6 is no more, who can stand against the greatest faction in the RDCW? WHO???

Monroe: I don’t know…I truly don’t know…

Close-up on the RDJL and the EMTs checking on Spandex Monkey Man, then to the victorious Bastardo Family, then fade out…